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Kazuya stared at the foyer of their apartment. It’s all quiet and dull. Even though he should feel restless, he couldn’t much so take a rest.
He watched as Eijun puts in his shoes before going out. A lump had stuck on his throat, and Kazuya had to swallow before opening his mouth.
“I’m sorry,” He stared at Eijun’s broad back. Even though they’ve been together for five years, Kazuya still couldn’t believe that Eijun grew up from a scrawny little middle schooler to a full-grown man built on muscles.
Eijun continued tying his shoelaces. When Kazuya reached for him, Eijun stood up and huffed.
“I’m going now!”
“Okay. Be careful on your way out,” Kazuya clenched his fists.
They rarely fight. But when they did, Eijun always apologized. When they both know it was Kazuya’s fault, all he can do is hug and kiss Eijun until he forgets all about it. It always worked.
But this time, Kazuya thinks, hugging and kissing won’t do enough justice.
He had fucked up and everyone knows it.
Ever since their silly misunderstanding, Eijun had been going out frequently, worrying Kazuya.
He tried following Eijun, but all that guy did was completely ignore him. He tried hugging, caressing his cheeks, yelling at him, but to no avail. Eijun always frowned when Kazuya faced him. And it was the last thing Kazuya ever wanted. And in the end, he just waits for Eijun to go back home.
He knew he should give Eijun some space.
They did talk when Eijun goes back but that’s just about it. They’d share the usual, “I’m home!” “Welcome home” “I’ll go now!” “Take care, you idiot” conversation. At first, Kazuya thought he’d get through Eijun. But nowadays, Eijun cooked only for himself and Kazuya scowled at him.
The nerve of his boyfriend.
But Kazuya shouldn’t blame Eijun for all of this.
Another day, another attempt to make amends.
Kazuya woke up at the break of dawn. Surprisingly, he feels lighter than usual. With this in mind, he was positive today was the day for Eijun to forgive him.
He had prepared everything for it. He made a whole long ass sappy poem that even he couldn’t believe he’d do it. Kuramochi would laugh at him if he saw his best friend making a complete full of himself for his boyfriend to forgive him. He’d also practice his apology in front of the mirror.
Oh, the things Kazuya would do for Eijun.
He quietly opened their bedroom door and found Eijun sleeping on his side of the bed, all tucked up with his pajamas as well.
Kazuya’s heart fluttered with happiness. Eijun was just some kid he knew back in high school. He was loud (and goodness even until now), boisterous and unpredictable. And because of that unpredictability, Kazuya got dragged along in wherever Eijun wanted him to be.
In Eijun’s heart.
Eijun was someone he never knew he needed. And he wanted Eijun to be in his future as well.
His body clenched in pain. He never wanted that misunderstanding to happen.
He kneeled in front of Eijun, reached out for him, and lowered his head to Eijun’s.
“I’m sorry, Eijun,” he whispered.
He whispered his sweet apology, telling Eijun his sappy poem over and over again. Kazuya promised himself that when Eijun woke up, he would do it all over again.
Kazuya finally had the chance to join with Eijun this afternoon. He and Eijun never talked since this morning. Kazuya, however, kept in doing his thing as planned. During breakfast, Eijun was stubborn as a rock, and Kazuya just let it be and continued memorizing his poem in front of him. It’s embarrassing, but he saw Eijun staring at him when he did. It looked like he cried again.
Kazuya followed behind him. Seeing Eijun in a suit always riled Kazuya. And he cursed under his breath because Eijun knew Kazuya liked it.
Today’s a special day for both of them.
It’s their anniversary, after all.
“You really love to surprise me, huh?” Kazuya said. He could hear Eijun sighing, and he grins. Anniversaries weren’t his thing, but after dating Eijun, he realized that these kinds of things matter for Eijun. They’d take turns on surprising the other a few weeks before the actual date of their anniversary, and Kazuya, once again, would do anything for Eijun.
They reached their first destination: the local park.
Kazuya laughed.
“Right! I found this in your stuff, after all!” Eijun beamed. “You really made a list on what to do for today, Kazuya.”
“Idiot. Who permitted you to check my personal belongings, huh?” Kazuya shakes his head.
He followed Eijun to the swing and when Eijun sat on it, he pushed him. Eijun laughed like the sun. And even when kids and their mothers were staring, they both didn’t care. They’re trapped in their own little world, after all.
In their second destination, they went to the sports store.
“You always wanted new laces for your gloves,” Eijun whispered. “And since you like to spoil me, this time, I’ll spoil you!”
Eijun was always like this. So honest, so loving.
“Be careful not to buy the cheap ones, at least.” Kazuya teased and they both entered the store.
Eijun was loud in the store, thinking out loud which color was better and Kazuya would end up laughing when the clerk was staring at Eijun judgingly. In the end, Eijun chose the expensive yellow ones. Kazuya’s (to Eijun’s surprise) favorite color.
They both stayed a bit in the store when Eijun walked past the gloves and stared at the catcher’s mitt. He grabbed one and felt its texture.
“My mitt is better,” Kazuya commented, frowning. His old mitt was a gift from his old man, and he took care of it. He’d always fixed up the holes and even when his teammates had told him to buy a new mitt, he’d give them his annoying smile and they end up not asking it again. “C’mon, Eijun. There are still some places we need to go on my list, right?”
Eijun shook his head, and a smile followed. “Kazuya’s mitt is better.”
In their third destination, it’s in an amusement park. Kazuya knew this was one of Eijun’s favorites.
Eijun got in and out from each ride. Kazuya watched him. Eijun was smiling but his eyes weren’t.
Eijun bought cotton candy for them to share. Kazuya wasn’t a fan of eating sweets, so he lets Eijun eat the cotton candy all by himself. He liked watching him gobbling up the pink cloud, though. People were staring, and was it weird to see two grown-ass men in a suit eating cotton candy?
Eijun wore his heart in his sleeves. Kazuya knew that. But at the back of his mind, Kazuya knew Eijun was still mad at him. Knowing Eijun, they were finally going to talk once this was all over.
In their fourth destination, they went to the beach.
It would take a long time to go there using a car, so they ended up taking the train. Kazuya slept on Eijun’s shoulders during the ride. No one bothered to stare at them, and even if they were, they both didn’t care. Eijun was quiet during the trip.
When they arrived, only them and a few kids were playing on the sand. The sound of the waves was calm and relaxing, and they both stood watching out the horizon.
“Who knew you’d plan this sort of thing, Kazuya,” Eijun’s eyes were glassy and fiery.
“What can I say? I, too, like to be unpredictable,” Kazuya tucked his hands in his pocket.
The sound of waves made them feel at peace. If Kazuya had the power of Time, he’d stop it right now. He wanted this moment with Eijun stuck in his mind forever.
“I don’t know if I will forgive you for what you did,” Eijun admitted, and Kazuya turned to him. Eijun’s tears were flowing, and there was nothing Kazuya could do. “But I will try.”
Yes, if only Kazuya has the power of Time.
“I’m sorry, Eijun,” Was all Kazuya could say.
Before heading to their last destination, Eijun went to the convenience store to buy certain things. Kazuya waited outside. When Eijun got out, he kissed Eijun on the forehead, and they both walked.
The final one was the cemetery.
It was an odd last anniversary trip, but Kazuya always wanted Eijun to meet with his mother. Kazuya had met Eijun’s parents last year when the former secretly asked for Eijun’s hand in marriage. He wanted to surprise Eijun after this. It wouldn’t be fair if Kazuya were the only one who met Eijun’s side of the family.
They walked in careful steps on the stone staircase. Incense lit up to their respective graves, and with the proximity of the Miyuki grave, Kazuya’s heart beats louder.
When they arrived, Eijun bowed respectfully and put some incense. His eyes were half-lidded, and Kazuya had to hug him tight. He never wanted him to look like that.
“I’m back again, Kazuya,” Eijun greeted hollowly. “I got a bit side-tracked. You made those lists, and they’re all in different places!”
Eijun beamed at the grave in front.
Kazuya looks hesitantly. He reads his mother’s name, Miyuki Kasumi, and just beside it, he reads his name. Miyuki Kazuya.
Kazuya never wanted for this all to happen. There’s nothing he could do but just apologize.
“I heard you were planning to marry me, Miyuki Kazuya!” Eijun rummaged through the plastic, took out two cups, and placed them on the graves. “I would’ve said yes back then. Why the heck do you have to make me wait? But oh well, you’d always like to plan things ever since before.”
Kazuya held his breath. His feet felt lighter.
“Oh yeah, Kuramochi-senpai gives his regard! And Tetsu-san! And Furuya! And Chris-senpai! You know what, everyone gives their regards. You sure are well-loved, Kazuya. Even Narumiya-san called me.”
Yes. He knew because he was there right beside Eijun when they did.
“I hope your mother likes orange juice!” Eijun grinned and poured it on one of the empty cups. “And since you’re such a fancy guy, I bought this sparkling water for you to enjoy.”
Kazuya glances from behind and nods. He goes behind Eijun and rests his head on his back. He misses how warm Eijun’s back was.
“I’m sorry.”
Eijun placed the laces in front of Kazuya’s grave and some snacks Kazuya always liked.
“I know I can be a handful, but ever since I met you, I knew I wanted you. I never knew why back then. I thought it was just me as a pitcher, but I knew it was more than that when you and the senpais retired. The day you told me I was your partner was when everything made sense. You will always be my partner, Kazuya. And I’ll be the best pitcher you always wanted me to be, so you better watch me, you idiot Tanuki!”
Kazuya had always watched Eijun grow into one of the best pitchers this nation had ever known. His form and his repertoire of pitches were nothing to laugh at, and every pro team wanted Eijun to be theirs but Eijun always wanted to be where Kazuya was. Eijun grew to be a monster to be reckoned with, and every batter had to watch out for every pitch Eijun had to throw. To Kazuya, it was exhilarating to catch for him.
If he could catch for Eijun for an eternity, he could.
Eijun stayed there for a few more minutes. Kazuya expected him to cry his eyes out just like he did on the beach, but Eijun remained as quirky as he usually is.
Throughout, all Kazuya did was put his arms around Eijun’s waist and feel his presence even though he felt nothing but emptiness.
Eijun clapped and bowed once again, right after he finished cleaning up their graves.
“He’s a good kid,” a voice so gentle, something that Kazuya had almost forgotten, speaks.
“He is,” Kazuya turns to his mother, all dressed in a flowery dress and her hair pulled down on her shoulders. She looked beautiful as Kazuya had remembered. “that’s why I wanted you to meet him, mom.”
“Will you finally join with me?” his mom asked gently, even if she knew the answer.
“There’s something I still need to see after this, mom,” Kazuya said.
“Very well.”
“He’s going to be here, soon, by the way,” Kazuya gave his mother his playful grin.
She returns it. “I know.”
He hugged his mother before following Eijun. When they were halfway from the Miyuki grave, Toku arrived with his working clothes still. He and Eijun bowed and shared some pleasantries, with Eijun reassured Toku that he also gave Kasumi his share of snacks, and Toku chuckled.
Toku had told Kazuya that Eijun reminded him of his late wife when they visited him a few months ago. Life in the Miyuki household was never the same when Kazuya’s mother passed but when Eijun appeared, it lit up once again.
Kazuya looked over his shoulder when his father went to their graves and found his mother nestling herself onto his father’s tired shoulders.
It’s quiet in the elevator. Kazuya leans onto the walls as Eijun looks tired from everything that had happened today.
Inside their apartment, Eijun once again greeted the quiet apartment with glee and with Kazuya greeting back.
“I’m home!”
“Welcome home.”
Eijun didn’t change and headed straight to the kitchen. He opened up his phone to search for recipes and when he finally found what he was looking for, Eijun started to work his way to the kitchen. Kazuya watched and flinched every time Eijun reached for the knife. Eijun’s skills in the kitchen aren’t mediocre, but he can be a bit clumsy if he gets distracted.
Finally, everything was all set up on the table. It’s a recipe that Kazuya had always wanted to surprise Eijun on their anniversary. Eijun takes out the fancy table wares reserved for special occasions and plates the food carefully. He took the wine from the tabletop and poured some on his glass. To Kazuya’s surprise, Eijun prepared a meal for two, and Kazuya’s stomach went upside down.
He always wanted this but not like this.
Eijun quickly ran to the bedroom and returned with a picture frame in his hand. He placed it across his table and Kazuya tilted his head.
It’s a portrait of Kazuya smiling wholeheartedly. He never remembered posing for this.
“Kuramochi-senpai took this two months ago in our reunion,” Eijun said, talking to the portrait. It’s like he knows Kazuya was with him. “He said he took it when I was talking to you. I was busy staring at your face when it happened. He gave me your photo after it happened, and well. I’m glad he gave me this.”
Kazuya stared at his portrait. He was alive, he was in love, and he was Eijun’s everything.
He sat on the chair right across Eijun. If Eijun could hear him right now, he could imagine Kazuya’s numerous complaints about how the meat was overcooked and how it needed a bit more salt. Eijun, however, ate quietly. And when he stared at the portrait, his brows furrow together, and he slowed down.
He puts his chopsticks down, and puts his elbows on the table, and rests his face on his hands.
“I miss you, Kazuya,” He said with broken tears.
Kazuya stands up from his chair and kneels beside Eijun. All he could do was apologize. For walking in the pedestrian lane in the heavy rain. For not paying attention to the truck coming right at him, for not waking up when Eijun begged him to open his eyes in the hospital bed. For not asking Eijun to marry him with his own mouth. It’s all his fault.
Eijun didn’t finish his dinner. He packed them all in the fridge, took a long and hot bath, wore Kazuya’s jersey in going to bed, and slept at his side of the bed once again. Kazuya hated this, and he always went outside every time. But perhaps, today’s an exception. He crawled on the bed beside Eijun and reached an arm over Eijun’s neck.
It saddens him to leave Eijun like this. He should’ve known better. That night, he heard Eijun crying again, and all he did was whisper his apology and memorize his poem all over again.
Eijun was cleaning Kazuya’s shrine when he heard someone knocking on the door.
“Special delivery from Miyuki Kazuya!” The delivery man smiled when the door opened and handed Eijun a bouquet of red tulips. “Enjoy your lovely gift from your lover, Sawamura-san!”
“Ah, Uhm, thank you.” Eijun reluctantly bowed.
Kazuya watched him from the living room as Eijun made his way on the couch. He placed the bouquet on the coffee table and stares at it. Inside, there’s a letter tucked in and a small box, and Eijun opened it.
‘To my ace, my everything.
Will you do the honor of being the diamond of my heart and future?’
Eijun’s eyes widened to reveal a gorgeous ring. Its design was simple, and the gemstone in the middle of the ring was emerald.
Eijun puts it on, and it fits like an old glove. Over the years of being together, Kazuya memorized everything about Eijun. His favorite drink, his smell, the weight of his feet when they kiss, and the size of his hands and fingers every time they intertwined with his. To Eijun, Kazuya knows him more than he knows himself.
Eijun examines it all over. He took out the box from its package and something fell and when he looked down, another ring was there. He reaches for it and sees a similar ring Eijun has, except its stone was made out of citrine. Like his eyes.
This was Kazuya’s last gift.
“I’ll wait for you,” Kazuya said as he stood right in front of him. “And I will expect to have you return that ring for me someday.”
Light clouds started to circle Kazuya, and he was floating.
His time was up.
“I don’t want to leave you just yet,” Kazuya admitted, staring down at Eijun while the latter broke down in tears. “But it seems like those guys are giving me too much leeway. This was my only chance.”
Eijun clenched the rings on his chest. It was as though he could feel Kazuya was here with him, and so he said,
“You idiot tanuki! Just you wait! I’ll hold on to these and prove to you how this Sawamura Eijun would become the best in all of Japan.”
Kazuya tears down, his presence in the physical world was fading. He wanted to reach back to Eijun, but he kept on ascending. He wanted to go back. He never wished for this to happen. He looked up and saw his mother on the other side and hugged her.
He breaks down.
Baseball Bats-Off News:
The Hanshin Tigers and baseball fans all over the country had gathered in today’s memorated event for the passing of one of Japan’s best catchers, Miyuki Kazuya. Sixty years ago, Miyuki Kazuya (22) had been in an unfortunate car accident after making his way from a flower shop. It was raining nonstop back then, and the truck's brakes came undone, thus leading to the young man’s passing. His teammates were all devasted, and it was one of the most unforgettable times in baseball history. In commemoration of his friend’s death, we have the legendary ace pitcher, Sawamura Eijun (82), throw his one last pitch for the fans. This is a historic event for Sawamura-san was hailed to be Japan’s number one pitcher in his days with the Tigers. He was Miyuki-san’s partner and battery-mate.
Kazuya sat on the white feathery couch outside the waiting area in the Gates, fidgeting his hands since he arrived an hour ago.
He bit his fingernails, a terrible habit really, but he couldn’t help it. He was waiting for this. He was waiting for 70 years for this.
One of the Gates’ guards stared at him with amusement. Time in this place was unimportant, but Kazuya had been counting since he arrived. And now, he knew it was almost time.
The sound of bells indicates a newcomer and Kazuya stood up as a result.
Ray of lights emerged and the Gates opened for the newcomer.
Like a fog, the newcomer appeared slowly, orbs forming around him. A blink, a sound, and a smile formed a person.
Kazuya’s heart clenched.
Eijun was wrinkly and was wearing hospital robes. But when he saw Kazuya, his back straightened, and he returned to his youth and was now wearing his Hanshin Tigers uniform, just like Kazuya was right now. His appearance made Kazuya feel something warm once again. A burst of Eijun's laughter started emerging and it was like sunshine itself was right in front of him.
Kazuya couldn’t believe it. He’s here. He’s finally here.
Eijun took something from his pocket and revealed two rings. He then smiled at Kazuya.
“I believe,” Eijun started, throwing one of the rings to Kazuya and he caught it in reflex. Both grinned. “you have something you wanted to say to me.”
Kazuya held the emerald ring onto his chest.
The Gates’ guards shared their smiles when Kazuya dropped down to one of his knees and revealed the widest smile they’ve ever seen from him since he arrived here.
“I’m home!” Eijun cackled, revealing his teeth.
Kazuya pulls him to an embrace. For 70 years, he’s waited for this.
For 70 years, he always wanted to say these words to Eijun once again.
“Welcome home, Eijun.”