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New Year’s Eve…
That was the last time I saw you smiling so brightly with someone, it felt so weird and yet-
I don’t feel miserable about it. I always knew you deserve someone so much better than me. That someone you’re with right now is honestly everyone’s favorite, the campus crush, the so-called “Man of your Dreams.”
I was just minding my business, thinking about leaving this party, but then I saw you talking with your friends, that’s when those feelings started to come back to me.
We used to study in the university library until 6 in the evening, visit the playground where we used to go since we were kids and just have the time of our lives. Your lovely smile looked so pretty under the moonlight that, until now, I can still see it clearly. The time when we sprinted back to my apartment while it was raining, only to hang out and wait for the rain to settle down.
You would usually go on and on about how your friends won’t stop teasing you about your crush and how you look like you want to ask him out, but feel afraid that he’s into someone else.
You came to ask me for advice, your old best friend.
Of course, how could I say no to that face of yours? I can recall you confessed to him the night where our friend Donghyuck held a party after our exams, the way he kisses you gently catching you by surprise; God you looked so adorable.
The way he told you that he loved you with sincerity in his eyes, the way you wrapped your arms around his neck to kiss him more.
I remember it all, those memories are permanently stuck to my mind as I watch you become distant.
And now, seeing you at the same place where we first met made me feel bittersweet. That adorable cheeky grin on your face never failed to make me happy. Honestly, it really is a shame that we don’t hang out like we used to but I’m fine with that.
As long as you’re happy, then that’s all that matters to me…
The clock struck 12 and everyone cheered for the new year while you nuzzled on his neck. The same thing that I wish you would do to me.
If only we had more time, if only I wasn’t such a coward to say these words that I kept inside for the past 3 years.
Before I left the house, I lied to Donghyuck that I would be leaving early to spend time with my family. He seemed to understand what I actually meant and nodded, he patted my back and gave me a comforting smile.
I looked back at you and painfully smiled, I really hope I could see you again. Not now but perhaps a different time.
“Mark Lee, take good care of him for me, won’t you?” I mumbled under my breath, closing the door behind me slowly.
I’m okay with this, I’ll get over this; But if I’m actually okay, why am I crying? I quickly wiped my tears and walked home as the thoughts of you continue to linger in my head.
I’m terribly sorry that I’m leaving you like this.
Thank you for the memories, Na Jaemin. I hope you’ll continue to smile like the brightest star in the sky.
Forever Yours,
Jeno Lee