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Published:
2021-12-31
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Crabby

Summary:

Hello, fellow Peanuts fans. Here's a short one-shot in which I use You're The Greatest, Charlie Brown as my starting point to speculate over how the world's unluckiest boy could turn around his lot in life. So yeah, one chapter and that's it. Enjoy, please.

Notes:

Disclaimer: The Peanuts characters belong to Peanuts Worldwide and remain the hallowed creations of Charles Monroe Schulz, even in the wake of his passing.

Work Text:

Round the bend, final hundred meters. Go, go, go!

Charlie Brown felt the fire in his lungs and the lead in his legs building up, willing him to stop, pleading for him to stop. He ignored everything; he had to push on.

Fifty meters. Coach waving him on, stopwatch in hand. Ultimately, the finishing line. Keeping to the running mantra, Charlie Brown didn't stop at the line, but somewhere past it. Time to stop, time to catch his breath. Time to watch the rest of the training squad complete the 1500 meter time trial.

He was still gasping when he approached the coach and asked: "What's the time, Coach? What's the time?"

Twelve-year-old Charlie Brown's anticipation was on clear display, so the coach decided to milk it for a while. "I'm not so sure, Brown," she replied. "I think this stopwatch may even be broken."

"AAARGH!" vocalized Charlie Brown.

"Nah, just messing with you," she reassured. " Four twenty-two thirty-five."

"What?" Charlie Brown was incredulous over the revelation.

"What do you mean, 'what'?" the coach countered. "Brown, that's a new personal best! And the rest of you!" – she turned to his teammates – "he ran such a fast pace that you all took five seconds off your personal bests trying to keep up with him! Five seconds, minimum!"

In the ensuing hoopla, Charlie Brown had to keep his dissatisfaction to himself. None of the back-patting from his squad, nor the coach's continued commendations were ameliorating him. Four twenty-two, new personal best. Big deal! He was aiming for a sub-twenty. The run today was perfect for it. Good start, perfect pacing, final kick timed just right. Still, close but no cigar.

Word had reached him about how Freddie Fabulous had gone under four twenty over in Freemont the other day. Charlie Brown's disappointment kept clouding him throughout the remaining practice session, the toweling off and the walk home.

xxXXXxx

"Charlie Brown, Charlie Brown!"

Before he knew it, Lucy had grabbed his attention from out of nowhere and had joined him in his walk. "Something eating at you?" she asked, having noticed his ambivalent expression. "Or are you being good ol' Charlie Brown again? What happened? You impressed your coach and team at practice today, but for some reason you don't fully want to bask in the glory?"

And there was Lucy again, lethal at thirty paces with her personal insight and the laser-guided delivery thereof.

Sensing no further point in withholding the truth, Charlie Brown explained how Freddie Fabulous had motivated the afternoon's practice.

"Oh, good grief!" Lucy exclaimed afterward in exasperation. "Not this old chestnut again!"

The majority of local sporting pundits were both familiar and fascinated by 'this old chestnut'. It all started with the decathlon at the Junior Olympics four years ago. Despite Charlie Brown's blunder in the 1500 meters, he had impressed his school's coaching staff so much that they practically begged him to join the track team. In the wake of the respect and adulation he'd received for his distance running capabilities, his temporary bad sense of direction notwithstanding. So he quit the baseball team, leaving Linus to captain it as he knew he always should have done. The team went on to bigger and better achievements, including the occasional victory over Peppermint Patty's Pelicans when they didn't run them very close.

Charlie Brown, in turn would over the years make a name for himself as a 1500 meter specialist, which brought him frequently at odds with Freddie Fabulous, for the 1500 meters was also his specialty. The duels between these athletes brought about by their intense rivalry soon became the stuff of legend, attracting increasing numbers of fans cheering for their preferred runner. In fact, some fans were said to attend only the meets where these two were participating, and even then they were gone once the race was done. Over time, Freddie Fabulous had accumulated more victories than Charlie Brown, though a result at any given meeting was far from guaranteed.

Regardless of results and circumstances, Charlie Brown was lapping up the (positive) attention and recognition, feeling that all his efforts were finally coming to a happy fruition.

But there was one constant in his life to survive the changing circumstances.

"Phooey!" Lucy harrumphed. "Still the same ol' wishy-washy Charlie Brown despite everything!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Charlie Brown responded with an indignant tone.

"It means," Lucy began explaining, "that despite all the changes and improvements in your life, you've never given up chasing unicorns."

"You're delusional!" Charlie Brown continued protesting. "In case you've failed to notice, I've quit the baseball team. I don't mind that Linus has led them to glory!"

"And what of the other glory?" Lucy continued challenging. "How he and Heather became an item shortly thereafter too. I'll bet that had to hurt!"

To be fair, it did…for quite a while. Still, time and athletics proved at first to be great distractions and, ultimately, better healers. With time and excellence, past disappointments were soon forgotten. Charlie Brown conveyed as much to Lucy, though she remained unconvinced.

"And yet…here you are, still chasing after unattainable goals."

"It's not unattainable! It's just a matter of time!" he insisted. "Before you know it, I'll also be there under four twenty!"

"Whatever you say, Charlie Brown…" Lucy responded non-committedly, the better to convey how unconvinced she remained.

"And besides," Charlie Brown added, "I look forward to seeing you get all crabby when I succeed!"

Lucy paused in response, which came as no big surprise to Charlie Brown. Since putting baseball and Heather behind him, his general outlook on life had changed mostly for the better. Some of the more positive spin-offs included less willingness to suffer Lucy's barbs, with even the occasional counter and parry thrown back her way. Surprisingly though, the mood between them didn't sour or become tenser; if anything, they had become more at ease with each other. So at ease that such turns that their conversation had currently taken could continue without threats of physical violence.

"That's hardly fair!" Lucy rebutted, though she couldn't substantiate her claim.

Whether or not she could, Charlie Brown wasn't having it. "Once upon a time…I recall this girl who reveled in my failures. So much so that she'd otherwise be crabby all day long."

"Hey now…" Lucy attempted another counter, only to be cut off.

"But then again, crabby was always your trademark. Only you can pull off that look."

"Hey!" an offended Lucy finally got out. "You know I don't like being called crabby!"

"Yet I hear your brothers calling you that," Charlie Brown pointed out.

"Only when they know they have witnesses," clarified Lucy as she surveyed the immediate surroundings. When she was done, she continued ominously with: "Of which you currently have none."

"Oh, so the crabby girl's going to beat the tar out of me?" taunted Charlie Brown.

"She will if you continue along that path!"

"Crabby," Charlie Brown continued taunting. "Crabby. Crabby. Crabby."

He delivered the words slowly and deliberately, all the while getting closer and ever more smirkily in her face. Her reaction to the words was of escalating aggravation.

"That's it, Charlie Brown!" Lucy exploded. "Say it one more time! Let's see how willing you are to tempt fate one more time! I dare you! I double dare y—"

And then she went silent as Charlie Brown was now cupping her cheeks and kissing her flush on her mouth. It was to be a protracted kiss in which she too became a willing participant. When the kiss had run its course, Lucy returned to her crabby state with: "Wait! All that brouhaha just because you wanted to kiss me? You know all you had to do was ask!"

Her mood melted as she grabbed both his collars and closed in for a kiss of her own, solely to emphasize her point. Charlie Brown met her halfway in this kiss and it too became a bit protracted.

He was all smiles when they broke off the second kiss and he could plead his case. "And where would the fun be in that? You're still dangerous, you're still temperamental, and it's fun to tempt fate once in a while."

"Oh, you!" Lucy scolded back at him.

"How about a milkshake on our way home?" Charlie Brown offered. "My treat."

"I don't know, Charlie Brown," Lucy responded skeptically. "Wouldn't this set back your progress to catch up with Freddie?"

"Nah, I'll catch up to him. I always do."

"And there's that naïve Charlie Brown self-belief that I miss from time to time!" exalted Lucy, punctuating her statement with a sly peck to his cheek. "So shall we be on our way?"

"I don't see why not."