Work Text:
It is eight in the evening on a Wednesday when Sangyeon confirms that all of Jaehyun’s ideas—past, present, and future—are garbage.
Really, he’s not sure what he’d expected. First had been the brilliant read only every other page of your textbook when cramming for an exam (horrible), then just leave the door to the apartment unlocked so that we won’t ever have to forget our keys (terrifying), and finally, if we put both of our salaries this month towards an air fryer, we’ll never have to worry about food ever again (horrible and terrifying). And now…
“Sorry, can you repeat that?” He snaps the cash register shut, and the tinny ding! that answers is strangely in line with Jaehyun’s mischievous grin.
“I said what I said! You should ask him to practice dating you, and then everything will follow.” Jaehyun’s cart of books is wobbling precariously as he shelves secondhand romance novels with one hand, and Sangyeon is torn between wanting to warn him and the urge to watch him fail. “You get to spend more time with him, he falls in love with your magnificent bone structure despite the lack of an interesting personality—”
The little bell attached to the bookstore’s entrance chimes in the distance. What did Sangyeon do in his past life to deserve this? Was he a thief? A murderer who preyed exclusively on roommates who gave terrible life advice? “Juyeon would never agree to that. He’s too…”
“Boring? Naive? In desperate need of a thrilling fling with a handsome upperclassman?”
“ Normal . Not that you can relate.” Jaehyun sticks out his tongue at him, and Sangyeon returns the courtesy.
It’s nothing but the truth, though: for all intents and purposes, Juyeon is wonderfully, lovably normal. He’s a year below both Sangyeon and Jaehyun, takes classes in the college of science and does dance in his free time. Their friend groups overlap because of Jacob’s basketball club responsibilities, and Sangyeon’s been dragged along to their games more than once (usually so that Jaehyun can very discreetly ogle Jacob-Bae-in-a-sweaty-jersey) and found himself seated next to Juyeon at the customary post-match dinner.
Sweet, friendly, normal Juyeon, who frequents the bookstore Sangyeon works at and does nothing on Instagram except follow cat accounts. Juyeon, who’d bought Sangyeon a birthday coffee earlier that semester despite the three-and-a-half sentences they’d probably shared. And that might be the simple fact of it, honestly—Juyeon doesn’t have to be anything aside from himself to be utterly endearing.
God. Sangyeon needs to get a grip.
“I’m still sticking to my proposal. You should ask him.” Jaehyun starts shelving the last stack of books in his cart, and Sangyeon sighs.
“You know, I’m almost desperate enough to consider it.” He tilts his head back and lets out an aborted groan, and the store fortunately appears to be empty. “I really like him, but I doubt I’ve got a chance. All this is going to do is make my crush worse.”
Jaehyun’s face softens a bit. “Hey, don’t say that. You’ve got a lot going for you, and even your personality isn’t that boring.” He leans over the counter to pat Sangyeon’s head. “I’m sure Juyeon will—”
“Sure I’ll what?” Sangyeon blanches, and then Juyeon is emerging from between two shelves of cookbooks, hair plastered to his forehead from the heat. His shoulders are a tad too broad for the shelves, and he knocks into them as he steps up to the counter. It’s adorable. “Hi.”
Something wicked and wretched floods Jaehyun’s features, and he is speaking before Sangyeon can stop him. “Juyeon! Perfect timing, we were just talking about how Sangyeon was definitely going to ask you about something—” Then he is briskly wheeling the near-empty bookcart further into the store for what seems to be no reason at all, leaving the two of them at the counter.
“Oh, uh.” He tries for a smile, and Juyeon returns it, eyes crinkling into crescents. He’s wearing a soft varsity jacket that is slightly too long for his torso, and the fabric flows gently as he moves. “About that, Jaehyun was just—”
“By the way, the only key to our apartment is with me, and it’s your turn to lock up the shop today!” Jaehyun’s head peeks over a shelf in the distance, and he grins. “Just wanted to remind you.”
Juyeon just blinks at the statement, apparently oblivious to the threat of eviction currently dangling over Sangyeon’s head, and turns his attention back to him. “Is it anything I can help with?” He blushes a little, and Sangyeon wants to throw himself out a window. “I know we aren’t really close, but I’d be happy to, whatever it is.”
He takes a deep breath. “I was actually wondering if we could…date?” Juyeon turns an even deeper shade of pink, and Sangyeon splutters. “Not for real! Just like…for practice.” Nothing about this situation is remotely logical, and he hopes that Jaehyun has made peace with eating takeout for the next three months.
“Isn’t that sort of like…a romance book thing?” Sangyeon chokes a little bit, and Juyeon immediately leans across the counter in concern. “Not that that’s bad, though! I’d be happy to help, no judgment! I will be the best practice-boyfriend you’ll ever have, if you decide to get another one in the future completely on your own terms—”
Amidst Juyeon’s rambling, Sangyeon blearily registers that Jaehyun had been shelving romance novels when he’d suggested the idea. “Something like that, yeah.”
Some of the scarlet fades from Juyeon’s cheeks, and he gives Sangyeon a small smile. “What do you have in mind, then?”
Oh god, this is really happening. Jaehyun better make good use of his head start home. “I was thinking that we could maybe go out for dinner tomorrow, if that’s okay? My treat, of course.”
“That sounds good.” Juyeon thumbs at a loose splinter on the counter. “You have my number, right? Jacob gave it to you a while back, I think.”
Sangyeon quickly checks his phone. There it is, Lee Juyeon , with zero messages under their chat history. He quickly shoots him a quick smiley face, and Juyeon’s phone dings in response. “That’s you?”
His eyes fold up into half-moons again, and Sangyeon has to take a deep breath at the sight. “Yeah! Just text me whenever?”
He gives him a wavering thumbs-up, and Juyeon beams. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then!” There is a brief moment of awkward shuffling as Juyeon tries to shove his hands into the too-small decorative pockets of his varsity jacket, before giving up and waving at Sangyeon before ducking back behind the bookshelf. The store’s entrance bell rings not long after.
God. What the hell.
Sangyeon inhales, counts slowly to three. “I’m going to give you a fifteen-minute head start while I lock up, then I’m heading for the apartment.”
Jaehyun breezes past him, belongings already packed and changed. “Way ahead of you. Remember my role in your romantic success before you try to strangle me!”
Later that evening, after he’s banished Jaehyun from the apartment for the night, Juyeon shoots him a text in response to the smiley face he’d sent. It’s a picture of a sleeping cat, and for a moment, Sangyeon considers that this might actually be worth it.
🐱🐶
In the spirit of things thus far, of course the restaurant Sangyeon picked is closed when he gets there. Juyeon arrives five minutes later, scarf around his neck and cheeks ruddy, and finds him sitting on the curb in front of the darkened cafe.
“I’m so sorry, they were closed when I got here.” He says by way of greeting, and Juyeon sinks down next to him on the sidewalk.
“Don’t apologize, you couldn’t have possibly known that—” Juyeon squints at the hastily scribbled sign tacked to the cafe’s front door. “Their head chef had a bad case of dysentery?”
“Maybe we could eat at the cafeteria?” Then he reconsiders his words and shudders. “Actually, we might get dysentery if we do.”
Juyeon laughs and makes a face. “You’re probably right. I think their bacon is radioactive.” He gets to his feet and offers Sangyeon a warm hand. “There’s a McDonald’s not far from here, if that’s okay with you?”
He takes Juyeon’s hand and finds himself being pulled to his feet in a single, smooth motion. Sangyeon files the moment away for later examination. “McDonald’s?”
A scarlet tint spreads across Juyeon’s cheekbones, and he grins sheepishly. “I really like their cream soup.”
The admission pulls a laugh from his chest, and he realizes with a start that their hands are still intertwined. “Lead the way!” He tries to gently untangle their fingers, but Juyeon only tightens his grip and grins, before beginning to walk across the street.
Twenty minutes later, they’re seated by a window, the warmth of the restaurant seeping through Sangyeon’s shirt. Juyeon is fumbling with the flimsy paper receipt as they wait for their food, and cheery holiday music from the shops outside is bleeding into the booth.
“So…uh—”
Juyeon smiles softly, and god , that eye smile! “You don’t have to be so awkward around me, you know. We’re friends, even with this whole…” He makes a small waving motion. “Practice-dating thing.”
A sigh escapes past Sangyeon’s lips. “Sorry, I guess you can see why I need dating practice now.” He shrugs, and Juyeon giggles. “Besides, I only really know you because of Cobie’s basketball club thing.”
“Then let’s talk about that!” He leans closer. “How come you’ve never joined us for a game before?”
Sangyeon snorts “Well, you have Jaehyun to blame for that. Apparently the view is better from the audience—”
“The view being Jacob, yeah.” Juyeon intones flatly, and Sangyeon makes a noise between a laugh and a gasp. “What? It’s not like he isn’t obvious about it. And for the record, Jacob makes it a point to get him the best seats.”
"Right? They need to just talk already—” Juyeon bursts into a hiccuping laugh, and Sangyeon feels his chest stutter. Damn Jaehyun for goading him into this when he can’t even look Jacob in the eye.
“How about you, though? Since you don’t play basketball, is there anything else you do in your free time?” A server brings over their orders, and Sangyeon swears that she swoons when Juyeon smiles at her in gratitude. At least he isn’t the only one.
“I’m in theater club, actually.” He scratches at the back of his neck. A shadow crosses Juyeon’s face, a spoon of cream soup halfway to his mouth.
“Theater club? You mean the people who’ve been stealing the auditorium from the dance team every weekend even with the upcoming recital?”
Sangyeon makes a strangled noise. “In our defense, we have a production coming up—”
“So do we!”
He hides his face in his hands. “I am so sorry, you don’t know how scary Chanhee can be—”
Juyeon laughs again, and then his hands are warm around Sangyeon’s wrists, gently tugging his palms away from his face. “I’m joking, it’s okay.” Then he grimaces. “I should introduce Chanhee to Changmin. They can settle it at… their level .”
Now it’s Sangyeon’s turn to laugh. “Speaking of the recital, how are practices going?” He’s sure he’s blushing as Juyeon reorients their hands on the table, and he studies his fingernails. “I know you’re a great dancer.”
A pleased smile tugs at the edges of Juyeon’s lips, a pretty, upturned shape. “They’re going okay.” He sighs softly and squeezes Sangyeon’s palm, and he’s still getting used to how tactile a person Juyeon is. “I’m just a bit nervous since it’s my first time starting the program, and I don’t want to let anyone down—”
“I’m sure you’ll do amazing” He squeezes Juyeon’s hand in return, and Juyeon flushes despite the warmth, gives him a grateful smile. “Like I said, I know you’re a great dancer.” Sangyeon pauses, and Juyeon watches his lips purse, simply waits for him to continue. It’s an understanding that he appreciates, the patience between them. “If it’s okay, I’d like to watch the recital, actually. Consider it an act of peace between the dance team and the theater club.”
Juyeon chuckles, rubs his thumb over the skin of Sangyeon’s knuckles. “Then I’ll save you the best seats too.” He pushes Sangyeon’s burger towards him. “Eat up! Your food is going to get cold.”
He grins. “How am I supposed to eat when you’re still holding my hand?”
Juyeon makes a face at him and doesn’t let go. The silence that follows is nothing but comfortable.
🐱🐶
Jaehyun is on the couch when Sangyeon gets back from the convenience store, scrolling idly through his phone as he drops a bag of snacks onto the table. “Is it okay if Juyeon comes over in a little bit?”
He sits up at Juyeon’s name, eyes widening almost comically as he attempts to waggles his eyebrows. “Are you going to—”
“No.” Sangyeon makes a face, sits down on their living room rug as he unpacks the various bags of potato chips. “And ew, this is pretend-dating, remember? We were planning to watch a movie.”
Jaehyun makes a clicking noise with his tongue, goes back to liking one of Jacob’s Instagram posts (at this point, Sangyeon is around ninety percent convinced that this whole Juyeon thing had been fabricated by Jaehyun as a source of distraction from his withering love life), and Sangyeon sits himself down on the rug by their living room table to unpack the various bags of potato chips. “Well, if you want me to leave, just say so.”
“Actually, it would be nice if you could leave, maybe just until 11 PM?” His voice is small as he makes the request, and Jaehyun sends him a shit-eating grin.
“Whipped.”
Sangyeon groans and tips backwards, spilling himself onto the hardwood floor. “I completely blame you. This is horrible.”
Jaehyun whistles lowly. “But you like it, though, right?”
“No!” A snort from the couch. “Okay, yes. He’s just so nice, and he makes me feel…I don’t know.” Sangyeon sits up, thinks about Juyeon draining half a bowl of cream soup in one long gulp and laughing at his shocked face. Thinks about him sending him random cat photos before finally settling on any chip flavor is fine, as long as i’m sharing with you! when Sangyeon had texted him from the convenience store. “He makes me so happy, it almost scares me.”
Jaehyun shuffles over and drapes his arms over Sangyeon’s shoulders, squeezes him tight. “Then let yourself be happy. You don’t have to be afraid of your feelings, even if you know they’re growing stronger.” He gets up off the couch and slips on his shoes, pauses to ruffle Sangyeon’s hair before heading for the door. “Give in a little, you know?”
Then Jaehyun is out the door, and Sangyeon sighs.
Juyeon gets to his apartment twenty minutes later, near-empty cup of coffee in hand and a tote bag full of textbooks over his shoulder. He’s in a rumpled button-up that looks like it’s been through war, and he’s wearing glasses for once, a chunky-framed, black pair that sits nicely on the bridge of his nose.
Sangyeon coughs when he answers the door. “Wow, you’re…”
He winces in response as he steps into the apartment. “That bad?”
“That’s not what I meant!” It sort of had been, but Sangyeon’s not going to admit that anytime soon. Juyeon is still devastatingly cute like this, a little bit weathered and soft around the edges. “I meant…nearsighted. Since you’re…you know. Wearing glasses.”
It’s a messy save (he’d caught Juyeon squinting at the McDonald’s menu more than once), but Juyeon laughs and lets it slide, flops onto the couch in what seems like a surrender as Sangyeon sets up the TV. “I don’t normally need them, but I had classes back-to-back today and figured that I’d be better off.”
“You know, I still don’t actually know what you’re studying.” He settles back onto the couch, and Juyeon inches towards him, so close that Sangyeon can feel the warmth of his leg against his own.
“Pre-med.” Juyeon says it like it’s an insult, and Sangyeon laughs. “Public health, to be exact. It’s a lot of work but…I think I like it.”
“STEM.” He pantomimes a shudder as he says it, and Juyeon nods solemnly.
“Indeed.” The word gets cut off by a big yawn, and he blinks sleepily as the movie starts to play. “I’m sorry for being so tired, by the way. Rehearsals have been picking up these past few weeks, and today, classes were especially bad.”
Sangyeon nudges him lightly with his shoulder, and Juyeon leans into the touch. “It’s completely fine, you just being here is great already.”
Juyeon squints a little and rubs at his cheek. “Doesn’t that make me a bad pretend-boyfriend, though? I promised I’d be an amazing one.”
He’s so sweet that Sangyeon feels the urge to take a walk around campus until the heat recedes from his cheeks. If not for Jaehyun’s insistence on having zero ambient lighting, Juyeon would probably be able to see the blush spreading across his entire face. “Don’t be silly. You’re more than amazing.”
The drowsy smile he gets in response is beyond explanation, and Juyeon shuffles closer, presses his forearm into Sangyeon’s elbow. “Thanks.”
Around forty minutes in, Juyeon gently rests his head on Sangyeon’s shoulder, and he freezes. Despite the long day, he smells a bit like jasmine and fabric conditioner. “Is this okay?”
“Yeah.” Juyeon gives him a grateful smile, and Sangyeon rests his head on his, gently pulls him closer with his free arm. Not long after, Juyeon is asleep, breath warm through the fabric of Sangyeon’s sweater.
And oh , it is a dream to be like this, warmth tucked into the side of his torso, hair tickling Sangyeon’s cheek as Juyeon adjusts a little bit after a flash on screen, presses himself to the line of Sangyeon’s shoulder and neck as he sleeps. Perhaps Jaehyun is right then, despite the absurdity of it all, despite the wanting and feeling, and there is nothing that compares to Juyeon’s hand, gently resting against his own. For just a little bit, Sangyeon lets himself give in.
Then the movie is coming to an end, and Juyeon is rubbing at his eyes as Sangyeon turns off the TV. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just a little bit tired.” He looks somewhere between crestfallen and sleepy, and Sangyeon beats him to the punch before he can continue.
“No apologizing for falling asleep.” Juyeon gapes at him, and he laughs softly, helps him sit a bit more upright on the couch. “Like I said, I enjoyed spending time with you.” He hands Juyeon his tote bag, doesn’t miss the gentle squeeze that Juyeon leaves on his wrist as he takes the bag.
Sangyeon walks him to the entrance of their apartment complex, and Juyeon pauses once they’re outside. “Thank you for tonight, and for letting me crash on your couch.” He pauses, pursing his lips. “I hope I didn’t disturb you or Jaehyun too much either.”
“Don’t worry, you were doing me a favor.” Juyeon’s laugh echoes through the empty lobby, and Sangyeon smiles back at him, heart full. “I had a great time.”
Juyeon steps towards him tentatively, fumbles with the straps of his tote bag. “Can I…give you a hug?” He rushes through the tail end of the sentence, and Sangyeon sort of wants to yell into the night. What the hell.
He opens his arms, and Juyeon steps into the embrace, presses his forehead into Sangyeon’s shoulder. Then he pulls away quickly, cheeks tinted pink, and puts his bag over one shoulder. “I’ll see you around, then?” Sangyeon nods at him, and Juyeon beams before disappearing down the steps. The evening air is cold and sweet, and everything seems lovely.
Later, Jaehyun walks into the apartment and finds him facedown on the sofa, yelling into a pillow. He laughs and doesn’t press the issue.
🐱🐶
Lee Juyeon: can you bring me home after dance practice ( =｀ω´= ) bf style
Sangyeon: sure!
Sangyeon: wait dont you literally have carpool with haknyeon
Sangyeon: juyeon i dont have a car
Lee Juyeon: (ﾐゝᆽ☆ﾟﾐ)
Juyeon is waiting for him on the front steps of the auditorium when Sangyeon arrives, the strong lines of his arms bare in a t-shirt that is just a bit too small. His skin is golden under the fading light of the too-old streetlamp above their heads, and he grins as Sangyeon rounds the corner. He’s also shivering, because it’s the middle of December and he’s standing in the cold, beautiful in just a t-shirt .
“Why aren’t you wearing a jacket? Wait, no.” Sangyeon pauses, and Juyeon looks like he’s trying to keep a straight face. “Why aren’t you with Haknyeon’s carpool?” He pauses again. “Don’t you know that I don’t own a car?”
Nothing about the situation makes sense, and Juyeon laughs, the sound ringing through the empty street. “I took my jacket off during practice because it was hot, and Changmin accidentally locked it inside the back room when he left before me.”
“That doesn’t answer the carpool question!” Sangyeon reaches into his pocket; he’s pretty sure that he’d gotten Haknyeon’s number at some point when Jaehyun had been mentoring him for orgwork (it had been an…interesting period).
Before he can pull the phone out, Juyeon’s fingers are on his, warm despite the chill and pushing the phone back into his pocket. “It’s okay! Haknyeon’s probably home by now, and I don’t want him to have to come back for me.” He grins, teeth on display with a poorly concealed chatter. “I don’t live far anyway, so we can just walk.”
Sangyeon can’t help himself. He reaches up (Juyeon is unfairly tall), slaps at the back of Juyeon’s head with a palm.
“Ow!” His eyes go wide, mouth curving into an O-shape. “What was that for?”
“For thinking that I’m going to let you walk all the way home in this weather, in a t-shirt!” He unzips his windbreaker and shrugs out of it, before going to drape it over Juyeon’s shoulders. Sangyeon barely registers the action, but then Juyeon is tugging the jacket on, the loose fit perfect on his shoulders. It plants a warmth in his cheeks, seeing him so comfortable in Sangyeon’s windbreaker.
“Wait,” Juyeon’s brow furrows, the windbreaker zipped halfway up. “But now you’re cold!”
“I’m wearing a sweater, and I’m not sweaty from dance practice.” He goes in to zip the jacket up to Juyeon’s chin.
“Still, you might get sick.” Sangyeon begins to descend the steps, turns towards Jacob and Juyeon’s shared apartment, and Juyeon awkwardly patters down after him. “I don’t want you to get sick!”
“I can afford to get sick more than you can!” He glances over his shoulder to see Juyeon catching up to him, feet light on the broken pavement. “Your recital is tomorrow, and you need all the energy you can get.”
Juyeon’s footsteps peter out, and Sangyeon stops in surprise. When he turns, Juyeon is staring at him, eyes soft in a way unique to him only. “You remembered that?”
“What? Of course I did. Act of peace, remember?” He tries for a joke, but Juyeon is looking at him , lips slightly parted, and the witty remark almost fizzles out.
“I don’t know, I just thought—” Juyeon steps up to his side, shoulder to shoulder, and they begin to walk slowly. “It was nice to know that you cared enough to remember.”
Now it is Sangyeon’s turn to stop, and Juyeon bumps into his leg when he halts. “Hey.” Juyeon turns to look at him, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Are you okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re…” He tries to look for the right words, and instead he finds a crack in Juyeon’s features, a fragmented opening. It is in how his eyes dart away when Sangyeon tries to meet his gaze, how he’s been shuffling in place since their meeting on the steps of the auditorium. It is an uneasiness that seems to have sunken deep into his bones, weighed him down. “You seem heavier.”
His shoulders sag the slightest bit, and he doesn’t meet Sangyeon’s gaze. “Well, it’s not normally this bad.” He pauses, clasps Sangyeon’s wrist and tugs at him to continue walking. “I’m usually nervous before performances, and that’s fine. It’s natural—”
“But now you’re opening the recital?”
Juyeon doesn’t respond for a bit, and his face is cast in shadow, his hair just a bit too long. “I really didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but now I’m practicing until eight the night before the performance.”
Suddenly, it makes more sense now, how Changmin of all people had left before Juyeon had, why he’d missed Haknyeon’s carpool. Sangyeon thinks of Juyeon alone in the auditorium, running through the same steps over and over again, shirt soaked in sweat and muscles sore. Sitting on the steps in the cold and waiting for Sangyeon to come pick him up, chest throbbing.
“And I know it doesn’t really make sense for someone to work themselves to death the night before what they’re actually practicing for, but I just…couldn’t stop thinking about it.” They stop at an intersection to let the cars pass, and Juyeon lets out a long breath, visible in the cool air. “I can’t help being afraid that I’ll mess up something this big.”
The pedestrian light goes green, and they cross. Juyeon’s hand is still warm around Sangyeon’s wrist, and he slides his arm up to intertwine their fingers, does not miss the twinge of nerves that makes its way through Juyeon’s arm as he does. “I don’t think being afraid is a bad thing. It just means that you care, right?” They step onto the opposite sidewalk, and the light goes red over Juyeon’s head, highlights the waves of his hair. “And caring about something is brave in itself.”
“You’re right, it’s just…I won’t really know until I’m up on stage.” Juyeon’s apartment is on the end of the block, and they continue towards it. “That might be what scares me the most. Wondering if all the waiting I’m doing for this one moment that could be great is all for nothing.”
Sangyeon takes a deep breath, and maybe it does scare him a little, how strongly he feels for Juyeon. Maybe that’s what makes it matter all the more, Juyeon’s hand in his, their feet aligned on the pavement in front of Juyeon’s apartment building. “For what it’s worth, I can’t wait to see it. Even if we both won’t know until tomorrow.”
Juyeon ducks his head and fails to consider that Sangyeon can see how red his ears are (Sangyeon is but a weak gay man in the middle of a cold road in December, and life seems both infinite and cruel in this moment). “Thanks. That’s worth a lot more than you might think.”
They’ve been standing in the cold outside Juyeon’s building for almost five minutes now, and Sangyeon coughs awkwardly as Juyeon looks up and realizes. “So I’ll…see you tomorrow at the recital?”
Juyeon lightens up a bit at that, smiles at him softly. “Thanks for walking me home.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of Sangyeon’s windbreaker, a perfect fit, takes a instinctive step closer, and—
Ah . There’s less than six inches of space between them, and he can almost feel Juyeon’s breath against his upper lip as Juyeon’s eyes flutter, open and shut, open and shut. If Sangyeon tips forward just a little, he’ll be able to feel the fringes of Juyeon’s hair against his forehead, the warmth of his flushed skin. His lips—
They both jerk backwards, and Juyeon promptly whirls on his heel and jogs a short distance away, head dipped to expose a flushed neck from under the collar of Sangyeon’s windbreaker. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” It comes out a yell, and Sangyeon can’t even laugh over how breathless Juyeon sounds, over how flustered he feels.
Juyeon disappears past the building’s entrance, still in Sangyeon’s windbreaker, and he isn’t cold at all.
🐱🐶
When Sangyeon makes his way to their seats in the auditorium, he discovers that Jaehyun has brought a friend.
“Sangyeon, hi!” Jacob is sitting next to Jaehyun, and he smiles as Sangyeon drops into the seat in front of them, soft spoken as ever. “I hope it’s okay if I join you guys? Jaehyun said that Juyeon saved you good seats.”
“Sure! You’re his roommate, it’s only fair.” Sangyeon glances at Jaehyun hastily for an explanation, but all he does is wiggle his arm desperately, sending a tremor up Jacob’s shoulder where their hands are intertwined on the chair’s armrest. Ah . He makes sure that Jaehyun sees his knowing grin before turning back around, and he’s rewarded by the sound of coughing and Jacob softly asking if Jaehyun is okay.
As the lights in the auditorium begin to dim, Jacob leans on the back of Sangyeon’s chair, taps his shoulder gently to get his attention. “To be honest, I didn’t know you and Juyeon were friends before recently.”
“Weren’t you the one who introduced us?” He whispers back, and Jacob laughs under his breath. “After one of your basketball club games?”
“Well, yes, but not in the way you both are now.” Jacob frowns momentarily. “And definitely not in the practice-dating way, whatever that’s about. Apparently he’s your ‘practice boyfriend?’”
The end of the sentence drips with implication, and Sangyeon flushes in the dark. “You have Jaehyun to blame for that, really—”
“To thank, you mean.” Jaehyun interjects, and Jacob takes a moment to look at him fondly. Sangyeon ignores them.
“I should kick you out of the apartment more often.”
“Maybe I’ll end up with more boyfriends, because the last time you did, I ended up with Jacob and we—”
“ Either way ,” Jacob cuts in, a thinly concealed layer of panic under his tone. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
Sangyeon tucks away any suspicions about Jaehyun and Jacob’s post eviction activities for later. “What for?”
“Juyeon was really wound up about the recital all the way up until last night, but after you walked him home…” He smiles at Sangyeon in the dark. “I don’t know what happened, but he seemed a lot happier. You make him happy that way, I think.”
Happy? “Just fake boyfriend duties, par for the course.” It doesn’t come out as smoothly as he’d like though, because he’d made Juyeon happy ? He knows they’ve grown a lot closer as friends, but what about something more? Sangyeon knows Jaehyun is watching him, sees him purse his lips out of the corner of his eye.
“It’s more than just that, though.” He drums his fingernails against the back of Sangyeon’s chair, thoughtful. “I think he really—” Jacob is cut off by the music as it begins to play, and they both settle back into their seats. He really what?
Before he can dwell on the thought, the stage lights are at full power and Juyeon is on stage. His hair is pushed back over his forehead, the strands that had seemed too long and soft under lamplight perfectly styled into place, and he’s wearing a flowy white top cinched at the waist that moves as he does. There are hints of makeup here and there: a soft pink sheen over his lips, eyeshadow done in a careful hand, blush scattered along the tops of his cheekbones, and Sangyeon can barely breathe. He looks untouchable.
Then, in the lull before the music begins to play, he catches Sangyeon’s eye. Allows the carefully practiced mask of solemnity to slip just a little bit as his lips curve up, his eyes crinkling at the edges.
And it is that moment that tells Sangyeon that he is too far gone, that he’d been right all along and this had been a pointless exercise in falling even harder. He’s seen Juyeon under the harsh fluorescents of a fast food booth, cast in the flickering light of a romantic comedy played in the dark, beneath the soft yellow glow of street lamps guiding them home, and now he is watching him get into position under a spotlight, skin glistening under the heat and pressure. Yet beneath the layers of lighting and atmosphere, between movies and closed restaurants, Juyeon has always been himself .
Unbearably kind and thoughtful, so warm to be with that Sangyeon feels like he might burst at times. Passionate to the point of overwork about his dancing, diligent enough to practice into the night and brave enough to not regret it. Gentle and patient in the quietest moments, even when Sangyeon doesn’t quite know what to say. On stage, Juyeon is moving to the underlying rhythm of a contemporary piece, hard edges and finesse that Sangyeon has never seen before, but it is the look in his eyes, flow of his body, that small smile that he’d given him , that grounds him in Sangyeon’s memory. These are all the sides of Juyeon that he has fallen in love with.
He thinks about Jaehyun’s advice, about not being afraid, about giving in. He thinks of Juyeon practicing into the night because of fear, continuing to practice in spite of it. And now, as the lines of Juyeon’s body flex and fold to the climax of the music, curving and shaping and telling of emotion that Sangyeon cannot place, he thinks that he is beginning to understand what bravery might feel like, what giving in might ask of him.
Right now, it seems almost impossible not to let himself fall.
The piece finishes and Juyeon holds his ending pose, legs trembling and chest heaving. There is silence, and then there is applause as the audience begins to clap and cheer, uncertainty fading. You are so brave , Sangyeon thinks, and as Juyeon leaves the stage, now it is my turn.
🐱🐶
He’s making his way to the back room after the recital when someone wearing a windbreaker— his windbreaker? —rushes past him in a blur, heading towards the doors of the auditorium and onto the front steps. Then another boy passes him, smaller and lean with bright eyes, and Sangyeon catches their arm as they run.
“Was that—”
“Yes, that was Juyeon.” The boy, who Sangyeon now places as Changmin after he’d given a closing speech after the recital, tugs his arm free with surprising strength. He looks like he’s about to go after Juyeon again when Sangyeon grabs his wrist, and he whirls to look him in the eyes. “What?”
He resists the urge to wince at Changmin’s strong gaze. “Can you let me go after him? Please? There’s something I need to tell him.”
At the admission, Changmin expression softens, and he loosens Sangyeon’s grip in a much gentler fashion. “You’re Sangyeon, aren’t you? Juyeon’s friend.”
He waves awkwardly with his free hand. “Uh, hi.”
“I don’t know what happened to Juyeon,” Changmin meets Sangyeon’s gaze head on, neutral but thoughtful. “But something tells me you’re responsible and somehow the only person that can fix it.” He raises his eyebrows at the end of the sentence, and Sangyeon averts his eyes.
“Even I don’t know, to be honest.”
Changmin gives him a soft shove towards the door, voice soft as he does. “Then go find out. I know he cares about you.” His voice suddenly drips sweet, like an afterthought. “But if you hurt him, you’ll be the one to tell Chanhee that we’re never messing around with Sunwoo again, drunk or otherwise.”
Sangyeon gulps, nods at him, and Changmin shoos him out the double doors.
Juyeon is sitting on the steps of the auditorium when Sangyeon sees him, styled hair collapsing in a mess over his forehead. He sinks down beside him on the top most step, nudges at his dress shoe with a sneaker. “Is anything on your mind?”
He softly nudges back at Sangyeon with a shoulder, inches a tiny bit closer into the warmth. It’s chilly tonight, and beyond Sangyeon’s windbreaker, Juyeon isn’t wearing much by way of protection. “Yeah.”
“If it’s okay for me to ask, what’s it about?”
Juyeon doesn’t respond at first, then takes a deep breath. Turns to meet Sangyeon’s gaze. “I like you.” A soft smile spreads across his lips, smaller than Sangyeon has ever seen. “Probably have for a while now, actually.”
Sangyeon blinks at him, rubs at his eyes. “What?”
“And at first, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, because I barely knew you before…all of this.” He waves his hand weakly to punctuate the sentence, laughs a little. “Besides, it wouldn’t be very practice-boyfriend-like of me to fall in love with you if all you were looking for was practice, right?”
Sangyeon blinks at him again. “Practice…boyfriend-like?” They’d been practicing. Then he’d fallen harder for Juyeon. Then Juyeon had fallen for him too. What? Was that still practice? Sangyeon feels like a mosquito on the windshield of Jaehyun’s shitty car.
“It was so many things too, at first.” He tries to purse his lips, breaks their gaze, but then it doesn’t seem like he can stop. “Going to have dinner, then texting you, then watching movies together, then picking me up from dance practice even though you didn’t have to, and then you were watching the recital in the audience and I saw you and just—”
“Juyeon.”
Juyeon keeps talking, and something unbearably fond and almost painful bubbles up in Sangyeon’s chest. It feels like giving in, like happiness and all the things in between. “—seeing you in the audience made me realize, realize a lot.”
“Juyeon, I’m going to kiss you now.”
He’s being ignored again, and Sangyeon doesn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or just go ahead with it and cup Juyeon’s cheek with his hand. “And I might have spent all this time being afraid of what might happen if I told you what I’d begun to feel, right?” Juyeon licks his lips. “But if there’s anything I’ve learned from opening the show, from what you’ve told me—”
He finally turns back to Sangyeon, looks at him with so much honesty and bravery that he feels like breaking. “It’s that I’m only afraid if I care about something, right? And I think you’re worth being brave for.”
Sangyeon kisses him. Runs a hand through his styled hair, tugs him close by the fabric of Sangyeon’s own windbreaker, and Juyeon’s surprise melts into the slow ebb of happiness as his eyes flutter shut, the skin of his cheek warm against Sangyeon’s own. And perhaps this is a new light that he has yet to see Juyeon in, one that he will always remember: the glow of an open lobby behind him, a soft warmth under Juyeon’s skin as he deepens the kiss.
Then they are pulling apart, and Juyeon gapes at him as he laughs, lighter than ever. “I like you too. I would have never asked you to practice date if I hadn’t already.” He wrinkles his nose. “Seriously, was that not a giveaway? I thought you were playing along.”
Juyeon pouts at him, cheeks still flushed. “I didn’t want to be rude and assume things! Maybe you just really wanted to practice—”
Sangyeon tries to push down his laughter. “But I barely knew you? Why would I have practiced with you?”
“I don’t know, maybe because Jaehyun suggested it! And I just happened to be there and you thought it would be fun—”
Sangyeon kisses him again, quick and sweet, and Juyeon stops talking to press his forehead to Sangyeon’s. “I like you more than you know. Beyond just practice.”
Juyeon intertwines their fingers, and there it is, the eye-smile and the warmth of his skin and all the beautiful, little things that have made Sangyeon braver than he could have imagined. “Can we start for real then?” It almost makes his chest hurt, how happy he is, how happy Juyeon looks.
Maybe, just maybe, Sangyeon will let Jaehyun have this one victory: not all of his ideas are garbage.