Work Text:
The strings of colored lights blink behind him, casting strange shadows on the walls. Ten storeys below, the cars look like more fairy lights, reflected on the wet pavement.
He stands in the cold air, wearing only sweatpants and a t-shirt, barefoot on the cold tiles of the balcony floor. He shivers and tightens his grip on the steaming mug in his hands.
December. He has always hated the holidays, since he was a kid. They made him feel lonely and sad, even though he never quite understood why, and growing up that feeling had only deepened.
He leans against the railing and takes a sip of his tea, looking down at the busy street below. The people hurrying to buy presents look small and distant from where he is. He feels a pang of nostalgia watching the families crowding the sidewalks, the children bundled up in hats and scarves.
The air smells like snow. That's one thing he likes about winter. The scent in the air when the temperature drops, going to bed knowing that when he wakes up, the world will be silent, still and white. And that he will get to be silent and still as well, for a while.
He takes another sip of his tea. He spots a familiar figure walking towards the building, and his face opens in a smile. He heads back inside, sliding the glass door closed behind him.
"I'm home."
Kai's voice breaks the silence of the apartment and Miwa instantly feels warm.
"Welcome home," he calls back, knowing that Kai will follow his voice.
Kai takes off his jacket and joins him in the main room. He smells like outside. He walks up to him and places a quick kiss on his lips.
"You're cold," Kai tells him, frowning.
"I was on the balcony," is the honest reply, and Kai's frown deepens.
"Without a jacket?" Then he looks down at Miwa's feet and his voice rises an octave.
"Without shoes?" he asks, and Miwa can't help but laugh. Kai smiles too, but he still looks mildly shocked.
"You know I don't get cold," Miwa tells him softly, shrugging. "Don't worry about me."
"Tough," Kai replies, before kissing him again, on his cheek this time.
"You decorated," Kai says when he looks around. Strings of colored lights blink from the windows, and mistletoe hangs from the ceiling light in the centre of the room.
Miwa smiles, slightly embarrassed.
"Yeah, I had a bit of free time and I was waiting for you. We don't have a tree, though, and I didn't know if you…" he trails off.
"Miwa?"
"I didn't know if you wanted one. It's our first winter together, we never talked about it, and I don't want to -"
"I didn't know either," Kai tells him, with a soft smile. "We used to make one when I was little, then stopped after…" he sighs. "But now I think I want to decorate a tree with you, Miwa Taishi."
Miwa looks at Kai, and the look in his eyes reminds him of why he fell in love with Kai Toshiki so many years ago. He smiles.
"Ok then. Tomorrow, we'll go tree shopping."
---
Miwa wakes up to an empty bed and a ray of sunlight shining through the blinds right in his eyes. He squints and gets up, picking his t-shirt up from the floor and pulling it on without looking. The air smells like coffee and he follows the scent, eyes still half-closed, to the kitchen, where Kai greets him with a smile.
"Good morning," he mumbles, sitting on one of the stools at the counter and propping his head in his hands.
Kai places a steaming mug of coffee in front of him and a kiss on the top of his head, then backs away. He knows it's useless to talk to him for the first half hour after he gets out of bed.
He drinks his coffee in silence, watching Kai as he cooks. He's always loved watching him dedicate himself to his passions. He's driven and focused in everything he does, and Miwa finds it beautiful. The way he moves in the kitchen, like he's dancing, every move calculated, every step carefully rehearsed, it's like looking at a work of art.
Kai turns off the stove and a few seconds later a plate of pancakes appears in front of Miwa, already topped with sugar and strawberries, just as he likes them.
"You spoil me," he tells Kai, who's filling his own plate. Kai hums but doesn't respond, instead he sits at the counter beside Miwa and spins his stool so that they're face to face. He smiles sweetly. "Eat, or they'll get cold", he says.
They leave the house soon after breakfast. It's a crisp, sunny winter morning, complete with bright blue sky and perfectly clear air. The cold air bites their skin.
“So uh… Do you have any idea where we could find a pine tree?” Miwa asks after a while, as they are walking hand in hand down the busy street.
“I thought you knew,” is Kai’s honest reply, and Miwa laughs.
“Ok. Well, we have the whole day and it’s the middle of December, I’m sure we’ll find one.”
He tightens his grip on Kai’s hand and puts them both in his coat pocket. Kai smiles at the gesture.
They walk in silence for a while, enjoying the clear sky and each other’s company. Miwa glances at Kai from time to time, and when Kai catches him he smiles and squeezes his hand. It’s perfect, and Miwa can’t believe his luck when they enter a park and are met with an ice-skating rink. It’s almost too cliché, he feels like he’s just been dropped into one of those Christmas movies he sometimes watched with his mom as a kid.
He stops and pulls Kai to a stop beside him. Kai looks at him alarmedly, then follows his gaze and pales when he sees what Miwa is looking at.
“No way.”
“Come on, Kai…!”
“Absolutely not.”
Miwa pouts. Kai sighs. Five minutes later, they are lacing up their skates.
It's been a while since the last time he went ice skating, but he can still hold himself upright, and after a few minutes of adjustment, he's confident enough to try a few simple tricks.
Kai, on the other hand, moves like he was born on skates. Miwa watches, mesmerized, as he gracefully circles the rink, his hands behind his back, then spins and skates backwards, looking at him with the same determined expression he has whenever he's doing something that requires skill.
“You never told me you could skate,” he tells Kai after catching up with him, a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“You never asked.” Kai shrugs. “I learned when I was little. I had roller skates, and I spent days going up and down the sidewalk outside my house. Ice skating isn’t much different.”
“You’re full of surprises.”
Kai chuckles softly and slows to a stop, while Miwa stops much less gracefully beside him. Around them, skaters glide past. The speakers play cheesy holiday music. Kai’s cheeks are flustered by the cold and effort, his eyes sparkle reflecting the sun. Miwa stares at him, his heart beating fast in his chest.
“I can see your brain working. What are you thinking about?” Kai asks after a few seconds.
“I’m thinking about hot chocolate, whipped cream and sprinkles.” He laughs.
“Miwa…” Kai’s voice is mockingly stern.
“Listen, I’m going to make the most out of this day, and you’re not gonna spoil it for me.”
Kai tilts his head to the side and studies him, a half smile forming on his lips.
“Fine."
“You know, I was hoping you couldn’t skate, so I could do the whole ‘let me teach you’ scene like in the movies. Catch you when you fell, all that stuff,” Miwa says, once they’re back on actual ground and heading towards a hot drink stand.
“Sorry to disappoint.”
Miwa chuckles.
“I’ve imagined doing these things with you for such a long time, that you can say I have high expectations.”
“Imagined?” Kai sounds sincerely surprised.
“Yeah, I’ve been crushing on you since we were kids, you know that. I’ve had plenty of time to imagine all sorts of cheesy, out-of-a-romance-novel things like ice skating, and stargazing, and late night walks on a beach…” he trails off.
“I never knew that.”
“It’s not like I was going to come up to you and go ‘by the way, Kai-kun, I’m in love with you and I would like to walk under the cherry trees holding your hand’.”
“Well, you could have. Who knows what could have happened."
"I was hopeless, back then," Miwa tells him, shaking his head.
"You're still hopeless," Kai replies, then laughs openly when Miwa makes an affronted face and tries to playfully punch his shoulder.
"Come, let's get you some hot chocolate," he says, taking Miwa's hand and pulling him towards the stand.
They resume their walk side by side, holding their paper cups in their hands. The heat seeping through the cup warms Miwa's hands. They sit on a bench to drink their chocolate, watching the people walk past.
Kai drapes an arm around Miwa's shoulders, casually, like it's the most natural thing in the world, and Miwa rests his head on Kai's shoulder.
"We could still do that, you know?" Kai says after a while, in a soft voice, like he’s thinking out loud.
"What?"
"All the things that you wanted to do. Stargazing, the beach, cherry trees… We could still do them."
"Kai…"
"I'm serious. We've already marked ice skating off the list, right?"
Miwa smiles and nods, and Kai places a delicate kiss on the top of his head.
"Speaking of marking things off, let's find a tree and some ornaments, shall we?"
He stands and outstretches his hand. When Miwa takes it, he pulls him on his feet, then heads back with him towards the crowd without letting go.
Miwa smiles.
"We have plenty of time for the rest of the list."