Work Text:
“Is it true?”
“You’ll have to be more specific than that.”
“You’re having another brat?”
She’s been tempted many times over the years to delete and block her brother’s number. Today might just be the day.
“If this is your way of asking is whether you’ll have another niece or nephew soon, then yes.”
“You really sure you can handle this many?”
“Going back on-air now.”
Bradley catches the thirty-second countdown from Gayle and sends a silent thanks to the TV gods she won’t have to continue this conversation for now. She hands the phone to RJ, who over the years has mastered the art of deciphering her fake smiles almost as much as Laura has.
Taking it, he says, “I’ll have hot chamomile tea waiting in your dressing room when you’re off for the day.”
“Thanks, RJ. You’re the best.”
The producers count them down, and Bradley Jackson of the Morning Show is back in a heartbeat, delivering whatever fluff story they are airing today in between hard news segments. The show has evolved its format tremendously over the last eight years, Mia and Stella delivering a product no other network can quite compete with. No matter how she got her start at UBA, she’s still proud of the work they do here.
“And that’s a wrap. Great job everyone.” When Mia moves to the front of the studio to give her usual end of the week speech, Bradley’s mind returns to the brief text exchange with her brother.
“Are you okay?” Her co-anchor stage whispers as they make their way off-set, knowing their producers will give them any notes sometime before Monday’s show.
“What? Yeah, yeah. Just tired. For some reason, I feel a lot more exhausted with this one.”
“Might that have something to do with the other three you’re running after?”
“You could be onto something, Levy. Maybe you should become a reporter.”
“Watch it, Jackson.”
“Peterson. Off the air, I’m a Peterson.” The sentiment still makes Bradley smile even after all these years. It had been an easy decision to take Laura’s name; she’s proud of it, of the legacy they are building for their kids. She knows most people think they’re crazy to add another one, but they know there’s still one person missing from their table somehow. It’s hard to put into words.
“Really though, you’re okay?” Alex continues, having seen the brief look of hurt and irritation on Bradley’s face during one of the breaks.
“Yeah – just had a message from Hal earlier between segments. I should know better than to check it during the show, but Laura took the twins for haircuts and I’m dying to hear how it went.”
Alex Levy, seasoned news anchor and altogether dignified person, actually snorts at that, glad they were relatively alone in the hallway.
“I’m sure Annie was an angel,” she says chuckling.
“As she always is,” Bradley replies, a dreamy smile painting her face. She’s the biggest softie when it comes to her kids, a fact all three take regular advantage of. Laura isn’t much better equipped to handle their pouts and “pretty-please” faces, but out of the two of them, she is the one more apt to tell them no.
Bradley knows their family histories factor into their parenting, she’s not an idiot. Usually, she lands on the side of them wanting a childhood they remember fondly, a stable home filled with love and acceptance, rather than discipline. Most days, she succeeds and even though it’s exhausting as fuck, she wouldn’t change it.
Some days though, she still retreats into herself and goes through the motions because she can’t quite believe this life is hers. She can’t quite accept Bradley from the tiny backwards West Virginia town who’d made all the wrong decisions when she was young gets to have the life she secretly dreamed of and dared not share with anyone.
Only Laura can tell the difference between good and bad days. Laura, who was such a rock early in their relationship, even when Bradley tried to push her away from the chaos her life was then. Laura, who didn’t move an inch because she was sure Bradley was it for her, no doubts in her mind. Laura, who knew Bradley had so much more to give than she was letting on. Laura, who told her hard truths no one ever had because she loved her, not despite it. Laura, who she loves more today than on their wedding day, which she thought impossible. Laura, who she has shared a million mundane moments with to make a life. Laura, Laura, Laura. Suddenly the need to see her wife is almost overwhelming.
“I’ve got to get going.”
“Hey, before you take off - Laura mentioned you might need some time alone?” Alex begins, but Bradley interrupts with a chuckle.
“Ha, can we ever. Why do you ask?”
“Well, I kind of volunteered to babysit?” She’d been very agreeable after two bottles of very good wine and Laura admitting she is part of their family, but Bradley probably doesn’t need to know those details.
“Alex, we have a nanny. I know you adore them, but there’s no need. We get date nights in regularly.”
Sighing, Alex shakes her head. She would have words with Laura – why does she always do this?
“Bradley – I think you need to talk to your wife. She asked me when we were out in Chicago covering the election in November. I think she’s planning something…”
“Oh…” Bradley stops with her hand on the door, a confused look on her face as she searches her memory. Her brain has been more meddled with this pregnancy than the others, but she’s sure she would remember this conversation.
“And I think I just ruined a really nice surprise she has in mind. I’m sorry.”
“Hey – no worries. I’ll talk to her later today. But Alex – please don’t feel obligated to watch them. You already do so much.”
“It’s not an obligation, Peterson. Just let me help, will you?” Alex shouts as they finally walk into their respective dressing rooms.
Bradley is always glad for the peace this room provides her with. It’s been her sanctuary for years now, a refuge from the demands of the job and sometimes even a nursery when the kids were really little.
The tea RJ promised is on her desk, the phone next to it. She grabs it out of habit and sees Hal has sent several more texts.
Ignoring them for now, she instead calls her wife as she does every day once at this time. She’s greeted with a chorus of, “HI MAMA” so loud she has to hold the phone from her ear for a second before she replies.
“Hi guys, how was your morning?”
“It was bad,” Alex instantly replies just as loud, and Bradley can practically see the look Laura is giving him through the mirror.
“No, it wasn’t,” Annie tells him, still yelling.
“Yes, it was!”
“No, it wasn’t!”
Laura takes the phone off Bluetooth so she can hear herself think while talking to her wife.
“Hi, love. My morning’s been splendid and utterly refreshing. How was the show?”
“Great, glad it’s the weekend though. Remind me to tell you about a text from Hal later. Now, Alex mentioned something about babysitting…”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah, babe, what’s that all about?”
“Something I was planning for Christmas but then Harper had the flu and then the weeks got away from me. But honey, it’s been a lot for a long time. We need a break. So, I might have asked Alex if she would take them to Maine for a week.”
“A week? Even the great Alex Levy can’t survive them for a week!”
“It’s all arranged – well not the final date. But Lizzy’s going to join them to help, you know how she adores Harper. And Alex and Alex keep each other in check. And Annie basically takes care of all of us already,” Laura finishes with a fond look at her daughter, who is still arguing with her brother about their morning adventures. She will always remember the night they were born with a clarity that will never shake, the fear permeating her very being, her not knowing if her children or wife would leave the hospital with her.
“Hey - you still with me?”
“Sorry, just distracted by your wonderful children.”
Bradley can still hear the argument and replies laughing, “Okay, well I’ll have to hear more about these plans of yours. I’ll be home soon.”
“We’ll talk at home. Do you want to pick up Harper or should I plan on it?”
“Could you? I’m really exhausted.”
“Of course, love. I’ll take them all for Friday afternoon ice-cream.” Ever since Harper started pre-school, Friday afternoons were reserved for special treats, and she can hear the twins cheering now.
“It’s January!”
“So, you’re saying you want one pint of mint chocolate chip instead of two?”
“Laura Peterson! Must you always mock me?”
“All out of love.”
“And yes, just one this week,” she grudgingly admits, gathering her personal belongings for the weekend.
“Let me change and get out of here. Be home in a bit.”
“Ok. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“Too. The word is too. You’re a journalist – I thought you were good with words, Bradley.”
Hanging up, the blonde laughs at the corny joke they tell each other at least once a week. They really have become that couple.
Quickly texting her driver and changing into comfortable clothes, she’s out of the studio before most of the crew. Her team has a well-established routine now and unless there is a nationally breaking story, they don’t bother each other until Sunday evening, when both her and Laura prep for the upcoming week.
She successfully ignores Hal until her phone pings again once she’s in car, but some habits are still ingrained in her and she can’t ignore her little brother too long.
“I’m sure it’s not like us growing up. You probably have an army of nannies. Have to do something with all that money.”
“And how old is your girlfriend? Can she keep up?”
“Do you even see them or are they just accessories? Looks good on TV, right?”
Bradley’s blood is boiling by the time she gets to the last text from Hal, any semblance of rational thought leaving her mind. Her therapist told her more times than she cares to remember she doesn’t owe her family any explanations, or even updates on the children if she doesn’t want them to know. She has healthy boundaries for herself and family in place, and when Hal or their mom cross them, she normally stops investing herself into whatever drama they want to draw her into.
And yet – this she cannot let go unanswered. This time he has gone too far.
“What is actually wrong with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you mean to insult my family, or does it just come naturally to you?”
“Oh whatever. Mom says you’re still going through a phase. I agree.”
She’s 44 years old – she hasn’t gone through a phase since college. Yes, it took her a while to be honest with herself about Laura, but she is settled in a way now she’s never been before.
“First, Laura’s my WIFE. We’ve been married for almost as long as I’ve been in NYC.”
“Second, we do have ONE nanny, and we only use them on date nights or when we both have to be at the studio at the same time.”
“Third, do you even know how much we love our kids? How hard we work to give them love and stability you and I couldn’t even imagine growing up? They make me so much better every day. They are my world – a world you have a chance to be a part of still. But I can’t waste energy on you if all you do is insult us. Call me when you’re ready to have a conversation like an adult.”
Rather than waiting for a reply, she powers the phone off and buries it in her bag. Speaking her piece to her brother isn’t easy, the need to take care of him embedded in her from years of being the only person he could rely on. She now knows no kid should have had to shoulder the responsibilities she did. As hard as it was at the time, having her own children gave her the perspective she desperately needed to push Hal out of the center of her life. They, and Laura, would always be her priority.
Many hours later, the kids are finally tucked into their beds for the night and Bradley sits in their cozy living room enjoying her ice cream, a fire roaring and casting the room in a golden glow. She loves this quiet, peaceful time of their days, when they get a few hours to themselves to connect. Parenting is challenging on so many levels, but their marriage has only grown stronger through the years. Their love gets only better with time.
If someone had told her ten years ago she’d be ridiculously happy being this domestic, she would have called them crazy.
Her mind wanders back to her brother. Had she been too harsh earlier? Why couldn’t she just hold it together and ignore how he made her feel? Ignore the doubts his or her mother’s comments always bring to the surface.
Because the truth is, deep inside she wonders sometimes what she is doing? How is she qualified to impart any wisdom into her kids? Is she crazy for wanting one more? For feeling as if she has more love to give? Is she too old and too self-involved?
Laura plops down heavily next to her, closing her eyes and letting out long sigh. Bradley watches her wife carefully. She’s seen every expression possible on Laura face – frustrated, satisfied, blissfully happy, curious, confused, elated, scared, relieved. The way her mouth is slightly curved, and the almost-smile reaches her eyes, even closed, tells Bradley her wife is truly content. Tired, which seems to be their perpetual state these days, but content. Bradley takes her hand, squeezes it tight before settling it on her protruding belly, which seems to grow daily. Laura leans into her side and they both smile when they feel little feet kick.
“Don’t encourage them. Been practicing soccer skills for the last hour.”
Like the earlier pregnancies, they chose not to find out the gender, much to the dismay of the older siblings, who had begged for weeks. The surprise was part of it, but by now all five Petersons are on pins and needles to meet this new little one.
The only one holding out is little Alex, who is hoarding a pile of toys he wants to ensure the baby won’t play with. Bradley still laughs at the very serious conversation she had with him about the baby not really needing toys for a while, but he needed to share regardless.
Sometimes it really seems as if little Alex has inherited some of big Alex’s mannerisms, stubbornness being chief among them.
Laura ignores her wife and moves her hand with the kicks but observes Bradley’s taut face keenly. She looks more exhausted than usual tonight, has been distracted all evening as they went through their routine. Maybe she’ll have to kick her plans into gear and take her out of the city sooner than later.
“We don’t have to talk now, but you wanted me to remind you about Hal,” she starts carefully, her hand not leaving Bradley’s belly, beyond thankful this pregnancy has seen no complication thus far. She’s not really interested in discussing Bradley’s brother more than they have to, avoiding anything which could stress her wife more than necessary.
“I can hear your brain moving, you know. I’m not that fragile.” Bradley instantly regrets the snappy tone. Setting her dessert aside, she fully turns to Laura, who has long learned to let Bradley organize her thoughts before any sort of emotional discussion.
“Sorry, babe. It’s been a long week.”
Laura just smiles as she continues to chase little feet across her wife’s stomach. She really can’t wait to meet this one.
“Tell me.”
And Bradley tells Laura, leaves nothing out. Tells her how inadequate Hal’s words can still make her feel, how ashamed she is he still has this sort of power over her. Tells her she knows she is loved and wanted and yet she still has doubts some days. That she works so hard to make sure the kids they are loved and wanted by their parents, something she never thought possible.
Laura’s listening patiently, not surprised by any of it. Her and Bradley have been working through their family baggage for a long time and very early on decided they would be present and steady in their kids’ lives.
“I just don’t know why it still bothers me. It’s been so long.”
“He’s your brother. You love him. Just like Harper will always love Alex, or Annie. And they will love her. You chose to walk away and put up boundaries, and most days we are healthy and grounded. But some days will be hard, love. Maybe not as hard as that one day when he came to the studio, and we ended up in your dressing room. But hard, nonetheless. But I can promise you one thing.”
She finally takes her hand off Bradley’s belly, the baby seeming to have tired of their little game for now. Strokes her face, just as did all those years ago in Bradley’s dressing room, when they had barely been a couple. Now, all their history and commitment come with the touch.
“No one in this family doubts you love them. We couldn’t ever.” She hesitates to say more, tears filling her eyes. And she’s not the one pregnant and hormonal.
“I think about the night the twins were born so often, Brad. Not knowing if they or you, would be okay. Those were the darkest days of my life. And I promise you, we will always love you. I will always want you, always be here. I’m the luckiest woman in the world to be able to call you my wife. Please know, you will always, always be my priority. You don’t always have to be the strong one. Not anymore, love.”
Bradley knows she’s a snotty mess when Laura embraces her. The magic of their marriage seems to be her wife always knows what to say.
It takes a long while for Bradley to calm completely, the baby in her belly sensing her uneasiness and taking up its soccer practice again. Laura feels a particular hard kick against her own stomach and winces on behalf of the slighter woman in her arms. She’s so proud of her and she’ll always remind her, no matter how many times she needs to.
“Now, what do you say, we take this ruined pint to the kitchen and get the other one I got you?”
Bradley wipes her eyes and laughs through her tears. Because of course, Laura hadn’t listened to her.
“God, I love you.”