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it's different when it's him.

Summary:

He gazed at the eyes, cobbling words repeatedly together until they finally managed to form something that could express the muddle of emotions within him.
... It’s different when it’s him.
It's just different when it's him.

Even then, the sentence was still far too inadequate to carry the depth of his feelings.
Although the past him would never have described his life as drab, now, he felt that it was the only way to describe it.
Or maybe the colour now illuminating it was simply so vivid that everything paled in comparison.

He believed, prayed that the feelings in those eyes would never disappear.
But he knew, even if his fears were to eventually come true—
I can’t bear to hold on any less tightly to him.

Absence hurts precisely because what’s gone was so precious.
And he had never been one to give up because of fear.
Besides, I’m already too entwined to let go.

Notes:

you can find me at @kohikuriko on insta/twitter, please feel free to DM me to chat about anything <3
I have basically no irl friends so I appreciate everyone :')
I also love comments!!! like seriously love them I really want to know people's feelings hehehe... so if you have stuff to scream/say please do

IMPORTANT NOTE: this fic is not being updated because it is being rewritten (new version here), only the new version will continue on from where this ends

Chapter 1: “I know I’m quite a catch, but there’s no need to be shy about taking my hand, gege.”

Summary:

meeting shoujo manga style~
martem begins!! how exciting!! i love these two they are the lights of my life

Song: Fiction (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKHGAuNaGuA)

Notes:

if you don't know what gege means please go read tian guan ci fu aka heaven official's blessing
but anyway gege means "older brother" but people also call guys older than them who they are close to gege (which is the context that Marius is using it in)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

His eyes hurt. 

Blinking, Artem swiped down to reduce the brightness of his phone. The large "0300 Monday" on his screen reminded him that he should have been sleeping long ago.

Yet, the top lawyer called an "emotionless robot" by the media, the person who normally fully dedicated himself to his work: 

He did not sleep.

Instead, he scrolled through messages, a small smile tugging at his lips.

 


A Marius: gege, today I…


A Marius: gege, want to go to… 


A Marius: gege, are you going to be here soon…


 

He finally paused at a particular series of messages.

 


A Marius: gege, tomorrow at your place?

 

Artem: Okay.

 

A Marius: ( ˘ ³˘) ♥

are you cooking or should I order something

 

Artem: I’ll make your favourite sweet and sour pork.

 

A Marius: (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

looking forward even more to seeing you hehe

 

Artem: I look forward to seeing you too.

You should sleep soon, it’s getting late. Goodnight.

 

A Marius: goodnight gege~


 

The blue eyes softened involuntarily.

Goodnight, Marius.

Goodnight.

Mouthing that silent goodbye, Artem closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

 


 

In the past, whenever he had stayed up late, it was always due to work, some huge complicated case that left him powered only on caffeine and stress.

People spend at least some of their youth's sleepless nights worrying about relationships. Artem spent all of his worrying over the next case commentary to read, the next paper to write, the next case to win.

He didn't have the time for relationships. 

Was that sad? 

Perhaps to a regular 18 year old, it was, maybe even one of the largest possible tragedies in life.

But Artem Wing was no regular 18 year old. 

He didn't care that he didn't have the time for them, because he didn't need them.

 

So, he grew. 

He grew from being a teenager to a nearly 30 year old man. He grew from being the valedictorian to the youngest senior attorney. He grew from being the student with the model thesis to the lawyer with the 99% winning rate. 

He grew, losing many things, but never his place at the top.

And to Artem, that was all that mattered. 

Hobbies? At least his car and new set of kitchen knives were being used well.

Friendships? He had Neil, Celestine, Rosa, and… Well, having 3 friends was good enough.

Romance? He barely managed to care for his own feelings, let alone another person's.

Artem's first love was a toxic one, one that consumed his time, his thoughts, even his emotions. 

It was work. 

And after more than a decade of dedicating himself to it, he was little more than a coldly logical machine.

But he was fine with that. He might have felt lonely at times, but there was always another case he could engross himself in. His belief that relationships were unnecessary never wavered---

Until the year when he turned 29.

And in that year, Artem Wing, the legal genius of Stellis, realised he was nothing more than a fool.

 


 

Feeling the vibration of his phone, Artem pulled it out as he continued to walk towards his favourite lunch spot. 

“Vyn Richter: Psychologist or Psychopath?

That’s Life: Dear Miss Hina, I’m dying in 3 years. Should I still confess?

The real-life What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim?? Ship or Skip: Marius von Hagen and Vincent Kim”

The elegant brows furrowed. 

What app is showing me this rubbish? Time to uninstall--- “Ah!”

Stumbling, he tripped over the edge of the sidewalk and landed heavily on the ground.

“Ugh…”

A hand reached out to him.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Looking up, his blue eyes met violet ones. 

“Ah…”

Seeing his lack of response, the young man with midnight blue hair took his hand and tugged him up. Though Artem flinched slightly, the unaccustomed touch wasn’t all that bad. In fact… it was rather pleasantly warm and soft.

“I know I’m quite a catch, but there’s no need to be shy about taking my hand, gege.” 

“...” Artem had just been about to thank the man, but now he decided that he didn’t need any thanks. If anything, he should be apologising to him.

Seeing his slight glare, the violet eyes twinkled. “Haha, sorry, I’m just kidding. Anyway, are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, thank you. Sorry for bumping into y---”

Artem’s eyes narrowed. He realised that there were a few beads of sweat on the man’s forehead, and the chain of his dog tag necklace was tangled.

“Wait… you were running? So you ran into me, not the other way round!”

“Ah… and I thought I’d get away with it.”

“...”

“Sorry, sorry, gege! Please don’t give me that terrifying stare. Okay, as an apology, can I treat you to lunch?”

“...”

“You’re going to Shiwu, right? I’m going there too, so why don’t we just eat together?”

The blue eyes shot him a suspicious look. “... How do you know I’m going there?”

“It’s one of my favourite restaurants, so I eat there pretty often. And whenever I’m there for lunch, I always see you there too. So, I concluded that you eat there often too, and since you’re walking in its direction, you’re probably going there for lunch right now.” He grinned. “Am I right?”

“... You’re wrong.”

“Ehh? What part is wrong?”

“I eat there every weekday.”

The blue-haired man laughed. “Gege, you’re so funny. Okay, regardless of how many times you eat at Shiwu, can I come along with you to eat this time?”

“... Do whatever you want. Also, why do you keep calling me gege?”

“I was taught to respect my elders.”

Artem’s brows furrowed.

“Haha, sorry. Don’t worry, gege doesn’t look that old.”

“... So I still do look old.”

“I mean, I’m only 20, so most people are older than me.”

“... Fair enough.”

The man smiled, his lively manner making Artem feel like there was a bee buzzing gaily around him. Though it was vaguely irritating, somehow, he didn’t really feel like chasing it away.

“How old are you, gege?”

“I don’t even know who you are. Why should I tell you my age?”

"That's easily remedied. I'm Marius von Hagen. And you are?"

"Artem Wing. I'm 28."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr Wing. Or do you prefer gege after all?"

"...  Whatever you want." Artem preferred death to admitting that being called gege made him slightly (just very slightly) happy.

Despite his frigid air, Marius remained blissfully unfazed.

"I'll call you gege then! Mr Wing is so formal, and I already have far too much of that for the majority of my day. Anyway, if we're going to be friends, we should be more casual with each other."

"... Why do you think we'll be friends?" 

"Well… we like the same restaurant, so it's a good start!"

"Are you friends with all the regular patrons of Shiwu?"

"I didn't bump into any other regular patrons of Shiwu like a scene out of a manga!"

"... Let's just go before it gets too late."

Marius grinned. "Whatever you say, gege."

 

Artem sighed inwardly as he noticed yet another person turning their head back to glance at them.

Is it really that fun to stare at people? And to think that I thought the amount of looks I got when I was walking by myself was bad… Well, at least it makes marginally more sense now. 

Surreptitiously, he peeked at the man walking next to him.

He looks like he’s just walked off a fashion runway, and his face makes that even more likely. The only thing that I could possibly have going for me is my height, but he’s even taller than me. 

I don’t really have an opinion, but objectively, I suppose he is conventionally attractive…

 “Enjoying the view, gege?”

He choked. 

“I-I’m not looking at you!”

The teasing smile widened. “Oh, are you saying I’m the view? I’m flattered.”

Artem was suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to bury himself in the ground. He settled for turning away and shielding his face partially with a hand.

“Hehe, I’m just teasing. Unless you actually mean it, then---”

“I don’t!”

Marius raised his hands appeasingly. “Okay, okay. Are you so vehement because you’re dating someone?”

“... I’m not telling you.”

“Ehh, why not? Alright, I’ll take that as a no. Then, do you like someone?”

“... Again, I’m not telling you.”

“Are you still hung up on a previous or unrequited love?”

“...” Artem gave him his most deadpan stare.

“Aww, come on. If the answers are all no, I’m going to be sad that you rejected me so forcefully.”

“They’re all no.”

“... Whatever, I’m not hurt. You strike me as someone who’d act cold, but secretly like the person a lot inside.” 

Marius grinned. “So, do you like me, gege?”

“No.”

Mouth drooping, his violet eyes shone pitifully. “Really?”

“...” 

Rebuffing him was the logical option. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, Artem couldn’t bring himself to do so.  

“I’ll like you more if you bother to consider your words before you speak.”

“But I only speak quality conten---” Seeing the forbidding glare, Marius stopped. “Okay, I get it. Silence is golden, right?”

“Mm.”

 

True to the taller man’s word, they passed the rest of the walk to the restaurant in silence. Nevertheless, to Artem’s (faintly pleasant) surprise, the silence wasn’t oppressive or awkward. If anything, it was… vaguely comfortable? 

I guess even though it's less efficient, eating lunch with someone else occasionally isn't bad.

Entering the restaurant, they ordered their food and sat down at a table. 

Marius smiled brightly. "What do you do for work, gege?" 

"I'm a lawyer."

"Oh… Wait. Are you the youngest senior attorney with a 99% win rate, that Artem Wing?"

"Yes." 

I wonder if he'll say something like "I wish I were as smart as you" or "it must be nice to be a genius".

Inwardly, Artem gave a small sigh.

Of course I don't feel upset about being praised for my intelligence, but… it would be nice if my achievements weren't attributed to only it. I wish that besides just Celestine and Rosa, someone else would say---

"Wow, you must have worked really hard."

His eyes widened slightly.

"Heh, you look happy? Why, is it because I complimented you?"

"... Of course not." (That wasn't exactly true, but Artem didn't think there was a need to tell him that.) "I was just surprised."

"That I commented on your work ethic instead of your intelligence?"

"... Yes." 

It was vaguely disconcerting how Marius had read his mind twice in a row.

Leaning back on his chair, the midnight blue-haired man grinned. "Well, I said that because I understand how irritating it can be when people chalk up all your success to your intelligence, luck, or family background. I mean, sure, maybe you have an edge, but you still need to put in the effort to make use of it and actually succeed."

Artem raised his eyebrows slightly.

Seeing his surprised and mildly approving expression, Marius' grin grew wider. "See, gege, I told you I only speak quality content. Aren't you impressed by my perspicacity?"

"... I'm more impressed that you even know that word."

"Ehh, gege's being mean again." 

Avoiding meeting the puppy-dog eyes, Artem cleared his throat.

"Anyway, how about you? What do you do?"

"I'm a graduate art student.” His expression turned thoughtful. “But recently, I’ve been wondering if I should just keep art as a hobby and focus on helping my father with his company instead. After all, it’s probably more important to ensure that the company is managed well. I can always just paint when I have free time.”

… That’s surprisingly mature of him. But… 

“I think your passion is important too." 

Recalling the past, Artem's eyes looked somewhat wistful.

"It's easy to think, "oh, this would be a more lucrative career, I should focus on that instead", but your interest should have a value too.

Sometimes, though you might not be as stereotypically successful, pursuing your dream can be far more fulfilling."

The violet eyes gazed interestedly at him.

"Gege sounds like he's talking from experience."

"Ah, well… I was interested in doing drama." He gave a wry smile. "It's probably better that I decided to study law though."

"Eh, why?"

"I'm not that good at expressing my own emotions, let alone a character's."

"Really? I think you're fine though. You don't seem wooden at all."

That was true. Somehow, despite the man practically being a stranger, he felt oddly at ease. 

Artem frowned slightly but dismissed it.

It's probably because of his overly-friendly actions. Or… 

"Is it because I'm special?"

He immediately shot the bright grin a fierce glare. "Of course not."

"Ehh? Gege, you don't think I'm especially friendly?"

"..." It's all the weird things he said earlier that made me misunderstand him. It's not my fault.

Seeing his deadpan expression, Marius pouted petulantly. 

"I'm hurt. I'm being extra nice to you, you know?"

"... Why?"

"Hm… because you seem fun?"

The blue eyes stared at him dubiously.

"That's one of the worst lies I've ever heard, and I've cross-examined hundreds of people."

"Nono, really! You're here practically every day, always ordering the same few dishes, and always eating alone. After seeing you so many times, how can I not be interested in getting to know you?"

"..." 

A small part of Artem wondered if this whole occurrence was secretly part of a candid camera show. Otherwise, how could someone like this exist?

“Are you not happy that we got to know each other, gege?”

He would have just flatly disagreed if not for those mournfully quivering violet eyes. Really , he would have.

“... I’d be fine either way.”

Completely undaunted, Marius beamed at him.

“Heh, I know that’s your way of saying you’re happy.”

“...”

A shrill ringtone suddenly sounded.

“Ah, sorry, let me take this call.” Swiping on his phone, Marius walked out of the restaurant. 

“Yes? What’s the issue…”

Watching him, Artem smiled slightly as he recalled memories from his junior days.

I thought that he was just a frivolous, playful kid from a rich family, but he seems quite responsible. Though, his teasing still… He shook his head resignedly. Maybe this is just how extroverts are. Celestine also likes to tease me about my lack of social and romantic life.

The faintest chuckle escaped from his mouth.

Well, at least now she won’t keep badgering me about “getting to know people rather than just being a recluse”. 

 

After several minutes, the blue-haired man walked back to their table.

“Sorry gege, I’ve got to run. There’s some issue, and…” He huffed irritatedly. “Anyway, I’ve paid for the food, so just enjoy the rest of your meal. I had fun today, call me if you want to eat together again, yeah?”

Placing a slip of paper on the table, he hurried away.

Artem stared blankly at the disappearing figure. 

… I didn’t even have the time to say anything. 

He shrugged. Well, I’m actually done eating already, so I might as well leave too.

Just as he stood up, he spotted something on the chair opposite him and picked it up.

Oh, he left his student ID behind. 

He squinted at the name on the card. “ Marius von Hagen”. Sounds familiar…

After a few moments, he sighed and gave up. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t so terrible at remembering names.

Taking the slip of paper, he walked out of the restaurant. It surprised me, but I guess it’s a good thing he left his number after all. I’ll message him later about his ID. 

 

“Artem~”

“... Yes, Celestine?”

He gave the purple-haired woman who entered his room a dubious look.

Her knowing smile widened.

“Did you eat lunch with someone today?”

“...” His gaze grew more suspicious. “How did you know?”

“Well, you always take exactly 45 minutes to eat lunch, but today you took slightly more than an hour, so something, or more likely someone, must have delayed you.”

“... It’s terrifying how you know when even I didn’t realise that.”

“It’s more terrifying how you’re even subconsciously as regular as clockwork.”

“...”

“Anyway, that’s not my point! Who did you eat with? Don’t even bother trying to pass them off as a client, I know you don’t have any meetings scheduled for today.”

Seriously, even my own parents aren’t as inquisitive as her.

 “I just bumped into someone.”

“Oh~? So, are they nice? Are they pretty? Did you have a good time?”

“... The person is a guy.”

“And your point is?”

“...”

“Really, Artem. Guys can be pretty too, and you’ve never dated anyone before, so how would you know your preferences?”

“........”

She smiled innocently at his deadpan stare. “Yes?”

Deciding it was pointless to argue, Artem sighed. “It was just fine. And he only invited me to apologise for knocking into me.”

“Oh, he invited you, hm?”

“... You really do have selective hearing. Whatever you’re imagining right now is a delusion. We ate together, and that’s all.” Shooting her a disapproving look, he turned back to his computer. “I’m going back to work now. I don’t have the time to discuss such frivolous things.”

She shook her head. “Good grief, you’re as boring as always. Can you at least tell me what his name was?”

“Fine. Marius von Hagen.”

The exceedingly rare sight of a speechless Celestine surprised Artem.

“What? Who is he? His name sounds familiar, but I can’t remember. Is he some celebrity or special person?”

“... Artem, he’s Marius von Hagen . He isn’t just a celebrity or special person. He’s the heir to Pax.”

The blue eyes widened slightly.

“Pax? That Pax?”

“Yes, that Pax.”

“... I thought he’d be chauffeured around everywhere and only exercise in a personal gym, why was he running outside…”

“He was running outside?”

“Yes. He knocked into me, making me trip, so he helped me up and invited me to lunch as an apology.”

“He helped you up?? So you took his hand and he pulled you up??”

“... Yes. What, you think he hoisted me off the floor by my shoulders?”

Celestine gasped dramatically. “Artem, you’ve lived the dream of numerous women in Stellis!”

“... It wasn’t remotely dream-like. Falling on the floor was unhygienic.”

She ignored him. 

“Bumping into Marius von Hagen as you’re just walking along the street, holding his proffered hand and being helped up with one strong but gentle pull, then eating lunch with him… definitely the dream of even some celebrities!”

“... So that’s one of your dreams?”

“No, not at all. Firstly, I’m very happily engaged. Secondly, if anyone is doing the helping up, it’s going to be me.”

That does seem more like something Celestine would do.

“Well, it’s not my dream either, so I didn’t feel happy in the slightest.”

“Tsk. Then again, I shouldn’t have expected any more from you. But, did anything else happen?”

“No.”

She beamed at him. “You’re a terrible liar, you know? I can see a card and a piece of paper on your table. All your receipts are digital, so that paper probably has Marius’ number on it. As for the card, it’s obviously not yours because you’d have put it in your wallet. Perhaps he left it behind?”

“... It’s not that I’m bad at lying, it’s that you’re far too perceptive.”

“Ah, so I am right!” 

Seeing her smirk, Artem rolled his eyes inwardly. 

“I wonder why he left his number~”

“Celestine.”

“You know, the net says he’s a heartless man who is greedy for only women and riches.”

“Exactly! I’m not wealthier than him, and I’m definitely not a woman. So why would you think that he’s interested in me?”

He had never seen such a patronising smile before, let alone one directed at him.

“Aww, it’s okay. Until you understand that love doesn’t have any fixed rules, jiejie will help you out.”

“... I do not need your help at all.”

“All the more why I should help you out. You don’t even know that you need help.”

“......”

“Alright, I’ll leave you to your work. If you need help composing the message to him about his lost card, just tell me, okay~?”

His withering glare was like water off a duck’s back to her.

 

Finally, some peace and quiet. So much for her bothering me less. If anything, it’s gotten even worse.

Artem narrowed his eyes at the card.

Marius von Hagen… No wonder he said those things about having an edge from your family background. Wait… So when he talked about deciding between art and taking over his father’s business, he was talking about Pax?! 

He groaned.

Whatever, I guess what I said still applies, no matter how big the company is… More importantly, it’s even more suspicious that he was so friendly! … I don’t think I’m interesting at all, but I also can’t comprehend what kind of ulterior motive he could have… 

Forget it. I don’t need to consider his motives, because I’m just going to message him, give him back his card, and end this. 

Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to the document on his screen.

I don’t understand why people say that the law is the hardest and most complicated thing to deal with. People are obviously far worse.

 

Artem: Hello. I’m Artem Wing. We met earlier at Shiwu.

 

Marius: hello!

 

A reply popped up just milliseconds later, leaving Artem vaguely shocked. He really is very fast at everything, isn’t he.

 

Marius: contacting me so soon, gege? I guess you enjoyed my company too, hm~

 

Artem: I am merely contacting you so I can return your student ID to you.

 

Marius: my student id? 

I didn’t even realise I left it behind

thanks for helping me~

 

Artem: No problem. How would you like to collect it? I can leave it with the receptionist at my law firm, and you can just drop by when you’re free.

 

Marius: ehh, so boring

 

… What’s with people and calling me boring?

 

Marius: since this happened, it must be fate that we meet again

 

Artem: I don’t believe in fate.

 

Marius: 

not the point, gege.

 

It was very evidently a crucial point, but Artem decided to be magnanimous and not argue.

 

Artem: Fine. When and where do you want to meet then?

 

Marius: hmm

I'll need my id back by friday, so how about dinner tomorrow? any preferences?

 

Artem: No.

 

Marius: then, there’s a nice sushi place quite near your office, are you okay with that?

https://gogo.com/maps/@1.3483099,103.680946,17z/

 

Artem: Alright.

 

At least he's not a boring person to talk to, so I guess it won’t be terrible.

 

Marius: 

wait

you have my student id

 

Artem: Yes.

 

Isn't that the cause of this whole conversation?

 

Marius: so… you know who I am?

 

Artem: Yes. You're Marius von Hagen, the heir to the Pax Group.

 

Marius: 

hehe, I got found out far too easily… 

 

Artem: You never needed to hide it in the first place. Even if I were incentivised to sue you for knocking me down due to your wealth, the courts won't award me more damages just because of your financial situation. They have to follow precedent, and the amount will precisely commensurate with the injury suffered, neither more nor less.

 

Marius: uh… sure, gege, but money isn't the issue for me.

 

Artem: Then, what is?

 

Marius: well

it's just nice to have someone whose behaviour is definitely not influenced at all by my status, you know?

 

Artem: I'm not influenced even after knowing. You're not my superior, and I'm financially stable, so it doesn't matter.

 

Marius: HAHAHAH

okay, I underestimated you, gege

im glad I got to meet you

 

A few moments of silence passed.

 

Marius: gege… aren’t you going to say something like “im glad I met you too!” back…

 

… Fine, but I’m just doing this to not hurt his feelings. 

 

Artem: I am not discontent at having met you.

 

Marius: …

never mind, tsunderes will be tsunderes… 

anyway, at least one of us is happy to be eating together tomorrow

see you there, gege~

 

Artem: See you.

 

A minuscule part of him felt that maybe, just maybe, more than one of them were feeling happy about tomorrow’s dinner. But of course, being Artem Wing, he immediately extinguished all traces of that thought.

… Ludicrous. Celestine must be getting to me. 

Notes:

1. I don’t think Marius’ hair is midnight blue (maybe more purplish blue) but that’s how Mihoyo described it so fine I’ll follow canon

2. Shiwu is 食物 aka food in Chinese

3. Artem’s most deadpan stare: https://media.giphy.com/media/BY8ORoRpnJDXeBNwxg/giphy.gif

4. The line "he’s a heartless man who is greedy for only women and riches" is from Marius' Lost Gold card (I died from laughter when I read that)

5. At the beginning, Marius' name when messaging is shown as "A Marius" because that's the name Artem saved him as (will be explained later if you don't already know hehe). Later, his name is shown as "Marius" because Artem didn't specially save his contact, so his name just appears as his display name (which Marius set). Artem's name is shown as his own display name because the conversation is shown from his POV. (Later, when it's from Marius' POV, it'll be shown as the contact name Marius saved him as.)