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Every once in a while, Joseph would find himself waking up in the same garden in his dreams. He would feel the sun’s warmth, smell the sweet flowers, and feel the cool summer breeze. He would proceed to sit up and wonder why he was there, but then he would see a glimmer of movement in his peripheral view - long enough to get his attention, but short enough to peak his interest to investigate. As he got up, he would catch another glimpse of the figure, this time, disappearing into the tall grass. Just like always, witnessing the figure get further away would trigger a sense of dread. and just like always, he was lured to follow it.
As he swatted the plants away from his face while running to catch up, Joseph would see the backside of the person he was following. A few metres in front of him, there was a young man whose golden hair shone in the sunlight - and resting snugly around his head was a long, thin, triangular patterned bandana. Each triangle alternated between coral and purple. Joseph would also come to notice the feather accessories the man wore on both the left and right side of his head.
Angel, Joseph thought. He resembled an angel.
And with that word, Joseph would instantly recognize who this was, just as the man disappeared further into the grass again. His adrenaline surged as he picked up the pace, desperately trying to see his face to confirm that it was really him.
It was here that he would chase the flowing bandana in the wind for what seemed like an eternity, but he could never catch it. The times that he did manage to grab onto it, the thin fabric would slip from his fingers after a few seconds. It wasn’t like the man in front of him was running, so why was it so hard to catch up? Joseph couldn’t make sense of it, but the best he could compare the visual to was like chasing the end of a rainbow; so close, yet so far.
It wasn’t until the man spoke that Joseph conjured up an idea of what was going on.
“JoJo.”
At the sound of the familiar voice saying his name, he gained a newfound determination to catch up, no matter what. Joseph called out, hoping that would make the man stop going further and further away from him.
“Caesar…!”
“It’s been a while. Surely you are not slacking off on Hamon training, hmm?”
Ugh. Joseph wasn’t sure why he even bothered to chase the blond only to get pestered. Although, in contrast to his memories of hating that cocky tone, he couldn’t help but feel his heart swell upon hearing it once again.
“Stop nagging me and come here, jackass!”
Caesar laughed softly, making Joseph’s rapid thought process stutter for a little. He would rather die than have admitted it back then, but he always found his training partner’s voice calming, especially with the Italian accent. However, something about the way he spoke alarmed the younger man – the tone of his voice sounded as if he was about to explain a difficult topic to a child with sugar coated words.
“Non capisci, JoJo? I can’t.”
Don’t you understand? Caesar tried to say. Joseph had picked up some Italian from hanging around him so much. He knew what it meant, but his head already ached from longing to see the face of his old friend. He didn’t want to add to the ache by dealing with the reality of that sentence.
…
At least, not right away.
“What do you mean by that, asshole? You’re just not trying hard enough!”
“I miss spending time with you too, stolto.” Caesar whispered in a low voice, showing emotion but never once losing his composure.
It’s funny how he always knew what the brunet wanted to say.
“But now,” Caesar continued, “you have a wife and an incoming daughter who love and depend on you very much. It would be selfish of me to continue to linger in your thoughts.”
As Joseph continued to run, he noticed that he could no longer grab hold of Caesar’s bandana. No matter how fast his legs carried him, he couldn’t catch up anymore. Panicking, he wished with all his might for Caesar to stay, hoping there was some higher power that could grant him this one single wish in exchange for all he’s been through.
“Please…” Joseph slowed down, his energy beginning to drain and his mind starting to admit defeat.
“Don’t cry, JoJo.”
…Cry? Was he crying…? He wiped his face with his hands frantically and discovered the presence of hot, frustrated tears. That wasn’t important at the moment.
“Then don’t leave, Caesar! I— You’re…”
“You’re all I think about.”
Where were his words when he needed them? Why was it so hard to say what he wanted to say? His chest was tight, and he feared that if he tried to speak anymore, he would break down completely.
Even though Caesar was far ahead of him now, Joseph saw the blond turn around. His face was usually a little blurry whenever Joseph thought about him - was it due to his brain wanting so desperately to forget the tragic experience? He didn’t know. However, as he saw Caesar purse his lips with a concerned (and borderline annoyed) expression, he almost recalled every little detail of his face.
“Please understand. I sacrificed myself so you could have a chance at a normal life— ”
“Nobody,” Joseph interrupted with gritted teeth, “needed to sacrifice themselves!”
“I was doomed from the beginning anyway. To die for a Joestar…” Caesar paused for a minute, seemingly hesitant on whether he truly believed in the cause of his fate. “It’s a family tradition, after all.”
Joseph’s jaw clenched, sadness partially being replaced with anger. “Fuck your ‘family tradition!’ Your grandfather sacrificing himself for mine has nothing to do with this. If your stubborn, vengeful ass had waited, we could’ve jumped in and helped you, or at least pushed you out of the way…!”
He trailed off when he remembered who exactly was the stubborn one that refused to understand Caesar's reasoning that day on the balcony, and pushed his buttons too far in the first place.
…Right. this was his fault. Not Caesar’s.
“JoJo?”
Joseph didn’t realize he had been avoiding Caesar’s gaze. He didn’t want to look up and face the consequences of his actions anymore.
“What happened to me back then wasn’t your fault, JoJo. Please don’t hold it against yourself anymore—”
“Easy for the dead one to say.”
…
…
Dead… yes, that’s right. Caesar died a few years ago. The person he was conversing with was just the materialization of his guilt, trying to convince him to forgive himself.
…
…
How could silence be so loud? so accusing? Maybe it’s what he gets for the demise he’s caused.
When he finally gained the courage to look up, He only saw—
…Oh.
Not even a shadow of his old partner was left behind. Caesar was gone, and the endless field of grass replaced him as the focus of Joseph’s vision.
Suddenly, Joseph found his mind wandering to Caesar’s last moments; he was already thinking about his death, anyway. The blood trickling down his face and his ripped clothing and his dirtied feathers and his smile as he kneeled—
…That bastard. Leaving him behind like this.
Once again, Caesar had left him without the chance to resolve their argument.
And once again, Joseph was left to deal with his guilt as the sound of an alarm clock going off started to invade his senses.