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“Momiji… Mama might not make it. But they said she might get better if she forgets about you. It’ll probably be extremely painful for you, but I will love you that much more to make up for it.”
He knew the weight of his Papa’s words, felt the loss that his Papa was at, saw the tears that his Papa shed for his beloved.
If… If Momiji had a choice, he would beg for Mama to remember.
But standing there, with the emergency room light still a bright red, with Papa clutching onto hope for dear life, with his Mama in pain…His beloved Mama was hurting because of him.
What else was he supposed to do but accept the fact that forgetting him would be the best for her?
Papa tried. He really did.
He spoke German with Momiji whenever he asked. He rarely got mad when Momiji got home late from playing or when he wanted to wear cute clothing. He made time to come to Momiji’s violin recitals. He even told him about Mama after lots of asking.
He tried his best.
Momiji knew this.
That’s why he didn’t say anything when he ate dinner alone.
That’s why he said he understood when Papa didn’t show up to Parents’ Days in school.
That’s why he kept smiling and smiling.
He knew that his Papa was trying hard to keep him and his mother happy.
Just…
On the nights when he felt especially lonely, he still wished that his Mama would’ve fought to be with him, that she would’ve kept her memories of him. That way Papa wouldn’t have to try so hard.
But it was a selfish wish that would never be realized.
“We’re having a girl.”
It was rare when he went out to eat with Papa. He should’ve known that this was more than a simple catch-up dinner. Especially with Papa’s solemn expression that kept flickering in as Momiji was talking about school and violin lessons.
The first emotion he felt was joy.
“Really? I’m going to have a little sister?” How wonderful! He’s always wanted a little sibling! “Have you decided on her name yet? If you want help, I can think of some!”
The older man clenched his hands a little, “Your mother liked the name Momo.”
The smile remained frozen on Momiji’s face, “...Is that so?”
How ironic that their names are so similar, but they can’t be close. He won’t be there when she’s born. He won’t get to play with her or read stories to her. He won’t get to hug her. If he’s lucky then he’ll see her grow in passing.
He hopes he can be that lucky.
But it’s ok.
All of the members of the Zodiac are already born. She won’t have to suffer. Mama won’t have to be in pain again. She can live with Papa and Momo and be happy.
He just needs to do his best to keep a distance. To watch their happiness and not be a part of it. He doesn’t have to be happy, he just wants those closest to him to be happy.
“Papa.” He gave him an encouraging smile. “I hope you can meet her soon.”
As long as that happens, he can still stand and face the world.