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He noticed it when they were twelve.
It was their last year together before Crisostomo would leave for Europe. They had gone on their usual evening hang out on the grassy hill that overlooked San Diego. It was sunset that time. The fireflies were dancing around, as if guiding them through the darkness. Elias held the boy's hand tighter, never wanting to let go. Crisostomo squeezed back, giving him a reassuring smile. Almost as if they were planning it, the fireflies all appeared the moment the two sat down on their usual spot. It was truly breathtaking. And what made it even more special was dazzling sight at Elias' side. Crisostomo sat there, staring at the fireflies in awe. But what really caught Elias' attention were his eyes. Eyes that shimmered in the light of the glowing insects.
He stopped writing to him when he was fifteen.
Crisostomo had just gotten used to life in a foreign continent. He was well off, and he was doing okay with his studies. Europe was fine altogether, but nothing could ever replace the happiness that he would feel whenever he would open a letter from Elias. At first it was hard trying to get used to the fact that he wasn't around anymore. Ah, how he had gotten used to the young man's presence. His messages to him were one of the only things that kept him sane. So he was confused and disheartened when he found out that Elias had stopped writing to him. At first, Crisostomo thought that ah, maybe he's in hard times right now. He shouldn't bother him. But weeks turned to months, and months became years. Everyday was torture for poor Crisostomo, who had become lost in his wallowing. Soon enough, he had completely forgotten why he had been despairing in the first place. Elias now was nothing more than a forgotten memory to him.
He had decided when he was seventeen.
He was a lost cause, and he was fully aware of it. Elias had lost everything; his home, his family, even his own identity. He was lost, and he didn't want to be guided back. He remembered Crisostomo, the many times they spent dreaming about what would've been. Those were nothing but fantasies to him now. He knew he can never be happy, not with the fate that had befallen on him and his heritage. But Crisostomo had a chance. He was rich, he had everything, he can do anything he wanted. He didn't deserve a someone like Elias. He deserved better, perhaps someone like Maria Clara. Anyone but him. He was dead weight, and he hated himself for that. So when he found out that Crisostomo no longer mentioned him in any of his letters to Maria, he was relieved. That's right. Crisostomo should just forget about him. Things were better that way. At least for once, Elias was content.
Liar.
He knew that they were supposed to know each other.
The moment Crisostomo first laid eyes on the boatman, he felt a strong wave of déja vu hit him. Almost as if his memories had been unboxed, yet not quite fully. He wanted to know, yet he couldn't. But why? Why can't he–
His thoughts were cut short at the sound of splashing water. The boatman was nowhere to be seen. Before he knew it, he jumped after him, and he never knew why he did so.
He liked things this way.
With Crisostomo completely clueless about who Elias truly was, things were going the way he wanted them to. It was for his own good, after all. He was nothing more than a friend to the revered man. A comrade, a fellow. Elias had complete control of the situation.
That is, until the man decided it was a good idea to kiss him while they were boating on the misty lake. It was nothing more than a small, chaste kiss, mimicking that of a child's. He nearly lost it then. The lingering nostalgic taste of Crisostomo's lips on his left him wanting for more. To be honest, he missed this feeling. He had been alone for so long that he hadn't noticed how much he had missed. He missed the little acts of affection they had shown to each other when they were children. However, his goal of being completely forgotten by him failed. He didn't want them to be involved with each other in that way. It was for his sake. He wanted the man to live a happy life.
But when Crisostomo looked at him expectedly, he wasted no time granting him payback. Elias pulled him closer and just poured all of his love that was bottled up for so long into Crisostomo. And when he kissed back, he didn't care anymore. He didn't care that his efforts went to waste. All he cared about was Crisostomo and Crisostomo alone. But when Elias pulled back, nostalgia struck him once more as he awed at a sight he hadn't seen in so long. In front of him was a flustered, wide-eyed Crisostomo, marvelling at the fireflies that had appeared. He looked at those wonderful, unchanging eyes of his, and just revelled at those eyes that had always shimmered in the light of the glowing insects.
"I remember now."