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My bad habits lead to late nights, endin' alone
Conversations with a stranger I barely know
Swearin' this will be the last, but it probably won't
I got nothin' left to lose, or use, or do
My bad habits lead to wide eyes stare into space
And I know I'll lose control of the things that I say
Yeah, I was lookin' for a way out, now I can't escape
Nothin' happens after two, it's true, it's true
My bad habits lead to you
My Bad Habits Lead To You
Actually, he hadn’t been his type. He definitely hadn’t been his type at all, but still Lando couldn’t forget about him and their shared night together.
It had been a Saturday night, like already so many before. Lando had been out clubbing together with his best friends George and Alex. And even though he had been in that club already so many times, he had never seen that guy before.
Or maybe he had been here before here, but Lando had just never noticed him, because like he had already said, he really wasn’t his type. At least not the type he usually preferred and also choose for such nights.
And he probably also wouldn’t have noticed him this time, if he wouldn’t have felt the man’s eyes on him the entire time, while he was having a good time with his friends together. First, Lando had thought that the man had recognized him. For him, it was already normal that strangers recognized him and stared at him, asking themselves if it was really him.
Admittedly, he wasn’t that famous, but he was famous enough with his Twitch channel, that at least some did always notice him when he was going out. So he was actually already used to the attention and people’s looks, them staring at him, even checking him out, but something told him that this guy looked at him because of a different reason.
Lando didn’t know why, but he got the feeling that the man actually didn’t have a clue about who he was and what he was doing. He also always looked quickly away, whenever Lando had caught him staring at him over the room, pretending like he hadn’t done so already the entire evening long and he also didn’t seem to make the impression that he will come over to his side anytime soon and start a conversation that will lead to something more later, like already so many times before.
If Lando was serious, he usually didn’t mind. He was young, he was single, he wanted to have fun and being a Twitch star or at least some kind of star, helped him to get his fun. It had never turned into something more, something serious, only one-night stands, because those guys were willing to spend their nights with someone famous. And Lando had always been okay with that, because he wasn’t looking for a relationship neither.
But even though that guy kept on staring at him, he still kept standing still like where he was. And actually also Lando hadn’t planned to get over to him and offer himself more or less to that guy, because yeah – he wasn’t his type. Still, their ways crossed at one point during the night, when they were suddenly standing next to each other at the bar.
Usually, Lando wasn’t the one to start the conversation, because usually they always wanted something from him and not the other way around. They wanted to find out if it was really him and maybe get the possibility to talk to someone famous, maybe they were even fans of him.
But after he had felt the man’s eyes on him for already so long and also now while they were standing next to each other, he thought that the older one was probably just too shy to talk to him. But this time Lando just couldn’t resist any more and said a quick, sweet hello into his direction.
The man greeted him all shyly, but not less polite back, but he also didn’t take his chance to start a conversation with the younger one, why it had been Lando once again who took the initiative and began to talk with him.
For the next two hours, the two of them were talking to each other. Actually, it was only Lando, who was talking the entire time, while the man was listening to him all closely and he really seemed to be interested into the nonsense he was telling him constantly in his already lightly drunk state. Or at least the man was a good actor and only pretended like he was really interested. But something told Lando that he meant it serious, that he was really interested and wasn’t just playing a game with him like already so many before him did.
The man, whose name was Carlos, really didn’t seem to have a clue about who he was and even though it was the first time that this happened, Lando still had to admit that he liked the thought that the man was all clueless about his identity. The Spaniard did listen to him talking in his already a little tipsy way, because he wanted to, not because he knew who he was.
Lando didn’t know why, but it did something to him. Because usually he could tell those guys whatever he wanted, they did believe him all and tried so hard to show interest and attention, even though Lando was exactly aware about that it was only a show, only a play from them, because they just wanted to get him into bed and spend a night together with a famous streamer and show off with that by their friends later.
But actually, it was Lando who was playing with them, who was controlling the game without them even noticing it. Because in the end, Lando didn’t bother about the reason someone wanted to have sex with him, he didn’t bother about it at all, he just wanted to have some fun.
But Carlos seemed to be different. There had to be another reason why he was listening to him the entire time long, but still he hadn’t found out about the real reason. And even though Lando knew now that Carlos really had no clue about who he was, he could also tell with that, that he didn’t only want that one thing from him, even though he did still invite him to some drinks. It really seemed like Carlos just wanted someone to talk to, or maybe just someone he could listen to.
Because usually those guys only paid for his drinks to get him drunk enough and get him so following into bed or maybe just in a dark corner of the club. But by Carlos it felt more like a gentlemen move to pay for the drinks, it felt different once again.
When Lando finally felt drunk enough, after the drinks he had got invited to, he took Carlos’ hand into his and did lead him over onto the dance floor. And even though the Spaniard didn’t seem to feel comfortable here, he still stayed right next to his side and even tried to dance with Lando together, to do the younger one a favour.
Only when they got thirsty, they finally left the dance floor again for some more drinks. Latest after their dance session, Lando could tell that Carlos was a pretty touchy person, but without any ulterior motives. Surprisingly, Lando liked those touches and the attention he got from the older one all the time, even or maybe especially because Carlos didn’t want to seduce him or talk him into something.
Also the compliments he was giving him and maybe because all that wasn’t with any ulterior motives at all, Lando still played with the thought to give the Spaniard exactly that, even though he actually wasn’t the usual type of guy he did spend the night with. But Carlos’ behaviour and the sweet way he treated him, really let him play with that thought, even thought Carlos himself would have probably never dared to ask him so.
Maybe it was already the amount of alcohol inside his veins that let him forget about his usual type of man, while he checked Carlos out. Normally, Lando preferred blondies or men with light brown hair, but the Spaniard’s thick, shiny mane was pitch dark and he also had a pretty nice, neat haircut.
And usually, any body hair was a no-go for him, but that dark, curly chest hair he could spot and also the dark body hair on his lower arms, somehow turned him on. Turned him on really badly, if he was serious.
Lando himself didn’t know what was wrong with him, why his heart did suddenly beat twice as fast while looking at Carlos, but he also couldn’t stop himself from doing so or keeping his eyes away from him. The Spaniard really didn’t fit in his usual prey scheme, especially also with those clothes he was wearing.
Normally he went home with guys who did wear sweatpants, over-sized hoodies and a printed shirt underneath, together with some sneakers. But Carlos did wear tight jeans, a white bottom shirt, he had tucked into his jeans right underneath his belt and which sleeves he had rolled up his arms, so he could have that pretty view on his hairy arms and especially, he didn’t wear a cap, which would have been a pity anyway.
Carlos’ kindness, his confidence, patience and calmness did things to him. It made the Spaniard only even more attractive and overall the man was matured and he was pretty bulky and didn’t have anything in common with the usual boyish, young guys Lando normally chose to spend the night with.
Because Carlos wasn’t boyish at all, he was a real man and even though just a few hours ago Lando wouldn’t have believed it, but that fact did turn him on so bad that he became all hot and shaky, while he was still taking in the man opposite him.
And additionally, Carlos was way older than his usual choices and actually also way older than himself, but still. And even though it still felt so different compared to usual, it also felt so right at the same time. And it also did still seem to end the same way as usual, even though the Spaniard actually hadn’t shown his interest like those guys normally did, but Lando could still see it in his eyes and the careful way he had dared to check him out as well during the night.
He could see the words and questions in Carlos’ eyes, he would have never found the courage to ask him to and maybe that was another reason, why Lando was willing to give the man what he actually wanted so badly deep inside himself, but would have never dared to ask him to.
Because all that didn’t hold Lando up from taking the Spaniard’s hand into his once again to lead him outside into the night, after he had whispered into his ear, that he wanted to show him something.
Carlos looked like he was really expecting Lando to show him something, when they had finally made it outside and the younger one had dragged him around the next lonely corner to have some privacy.
And even though the Spaniard was way older, it was still cute how innocent he could be, while he was looking all expectant around himself, that he had really believed that Lando just wanted to show him something outside here.
Actually, Lando did indeed want to show him something. He wanted to show him how perfectly his lips did fit against his plump ones. The younger one had taken him obviously by surprise, but after Carlos had finally realized what was going on, his stiffened lips softened and his frozen body slowly but sure came back to life, when he wrapped his arms around the boy’s slim upper body and pulled him closer against the warmth and safety of his bigger body.
Usually, Lando did spend those one-night stands at the stranger’s place, so he could slip out of their bed or wherever they had some fun together, in the middle of the night to be gone before they did wake up again, but since he had already thrown his usual methods overboard for tonight anyway, he also didn’t mind any more, when he invited Carlos over to his own place.
And even though he had already expected something different from the older one, something different to happen tonight than usual, he still would have never expected their night to turn out this way. Never before he had experienced something like that and Lando really already had much fun and had experienced a lot in his young age. But even though it was definitely something new to him, he still loved it all the way.
Carlos’ look and the way he treated him weren’t the only two things that were different to those guys Lando usually had sex with. Also the sex itself was more than just different compared to what he had already experienced.
From the start to the end, the Spaniard treated him like he was his most precious treasure, like some fragile china he only dared to touch with white velvet gloves. If Lando hadn't known it better, he would say Carlos did actually make love to him. But however this was called, what the older one did to him that night, it turned out to be the best one-night stand of his life.
Maybe not the funniest and the most awesome sex he ever had, but at the same time, it still was the best sexual experience he had ever made in his life so far. Maybe because it was so different to all those times before, because it was breathtaking, causing goosebumps on his bare skin, being so intimate and also very enjoyable to get spoiled like that all night long.
Carlos was touching him with so much tenderness and carefulness, like he could break him, if he would hold him too tight. And for one quick moment, Lando began to shake and he also swallowed thickly, when he got it that Carlos could break him indeed, if he wanted. That he could hurt him so easily with those big, strong hands of his.
But even though he could have done that, he could have actually done to Lando whatever he wanted, those hands were still oh so gentle and careful with him, giving him no reason at all to worry or get scared.
Because Carlos treated him with those big, strong hands softer and more tender than all those guys before together. Never before Lando had got touched like that, to get literally kissed out of his clothes, without him even really noticing it during the pleasure he received.
And usually, those boys he kissed were freshly shaved or didn’t have a real beard yet just like him. But the Spaniard wasn’t shaved, actually nowhere on his body. Kissing someone with a three-day-beard was different and took some time for Lando to get used to, but Carlos looked just too good with it and getting kissed onto his neck, shoulders and at the sweet spot behind his ears with stubbles, actually felt amazing.
And finally seeing Carlos like God had made him right in front of him, caused Lando to drool, but also to smile to himself, because he was really so different. The older one’s shoulders were so broad, him being so much bulkier in general and his entire body was covered in dark, curly body hair and he also wasn’t that thin and unmuscular like his usual takings.
It wasn’t like Carlos was all well-trained with a massive six-pack, no. He was actually almost a little chubby, but Lando liked it so much to run his fingertips over his belly, to finally touch something else than just bones. But he could still tell that Carlos was strong, that he indeed had muscles, especially those arms had got blessed. He was just bulkier in general, but Lando really had to admit to his own surprise that he actually liked that way more than all those skeletons he was usually touching.
Normally, the foreplay did never last long, if there was one anyway, but Carlos seemed to be the inventor of all the foreplay, because he let himself all the time of the world, while he was covering Lando’s entire body with his touches and soft kisses. He didn’t seem to want to rush anything, he wanted to take himself time and do everything properly, so he could please him the most pleasurable way.
To spoil Lando and make him feel good. To give him everything he seemed to need at the moment, to tell him how beautiful he was, how great he did feel, how good he did smell and taste even better. Almost like the older one did worship him with everything he had. But he definitely wanted to make him happy and overall satisfied.
Carlos did spoil the younger one all the way, doing whatever made him feel good with pleasure and Lando could feel himself come every now and then, to feel the pre-cum leaking out of him because the older one made him feel so good.
He also couldn’t remember if by any of his one-night stands before, they had ever done it missionary, but it felt more than just right and also way too good, when Carlos finally positioned himself above him and between his legs to finally entered him all carefully, making sure he didn’t hurt him too much. Carlos gave him time, all the time he needed to get used to him, while he kept on worshipping him.
Also then he didn’t stop to spoil him with kisses and touches, he also kept on whispered sweet nothing into his ear. Some in English, some in Spanish. And even though Lando didn’t understand any of those Spanish words, they did still sound like music in his ears and only turned him on even more.
Never before Lando had that slow, but at the same time also deep, passionate, devoted and emotional sex before. But it was exactly what he wanted, what his body was longing for in that moment, what he needed, even though he hadn’t been aware about it before. He did enjoy it more than anything else. All those touches on his body, those words whispered into his ear, all the attention and tenderness he received, leaving his body behind covered in goose bumps.
Lando himself couldn’t stop caressing with his fingertips over Carlos’ broad, hairy chest, admiring his tight, hard abs moving rhythmically with his trusts, to see his big bicep tense in effort to please him the best possible way and those big, strong hands digging into the mattress right next to his head, keeping him save.
It maybe wasn’t the best sex he ever had and maybe also not the best orgasm, but at the same time it still was, when Carlos finally carried him over the edge. It was also the first time Lando did look into someone’s eyes, actually into some stranger’s eyes, while he did come, while he was so vulnerable and fragile.
But Carlos’ eyes were so beautiful, so trustworthy, so gentle and actually also so familiar, like he was already looking into those eyes his entire life. He just couldn’t take his own eyes away from him any more.
This moment, it felt so intimidate, like they were already doing it all lifelong, like it had only been the two of them all the time. The sun was already rising, when Lando finally came down from his high.
Still half floating and boneless, he noticed Carlos disappearing for some moments and he already began to worry that he will just leave him now, like he usually did by all those strangers, when Carlos was already right next to his side again before he could really worry about it and gently cleaned him with some tissues.
Lando did whine, while he was doing so. Not because it did hurt, felt uncomfortable or something like that, but he missed the Spaniard’s near and warmth and he wished he would lay himself right next to him for some more moments, at least until he will fall asleep.
And even though the older one had already done so much for him that night, he really stayed for some after play, when he crawled right next to him onto the mattress again and covered their ever cooling down bodies with the warm duvet, before he took the younger one all tightly into his arms.
Tenderly he was caressing over his bare back and let his fingers slide through his messy curls, while he whispered some more sweet nothings down to him and even kissed his still lightly sweaty forehead and temple, while thanking him for this night.
Carlos literally kissed him into sleep and the last thing Lando remembered was his strong arms wrapped around him, holding and keeping him save and his sweet accent telling him to get some rest, because he got him.
It was already in the late afternoon, when Lando finally woke up again to an empty bed. Carlos was gone, of course he was, like Lando himself usually did by his one-night stands. And usually, he didn’t waste one more thought about that guy he had just spent the previous night with, but ones again it was different with Carlos.
He was the first thing he thought about, when he opened his eyes, cuddled himself deeper into his bed and hugged the pillow that did smell so much like him with both of his arms. He kept on laying like that and dreamed about last night and the man, who had spoiled him like that and had taken such good care of him.
It was already getting dark again, when Lando finally dragged himself out of bed to take a shower, when he found the little note on the breakfast table in his kitchen. ‘Thank you for last night, cariño. One of the bests of my life. Take care of yourself, you are someone so special.’ The note brought back all those feelings and memories once again from the last hours and right in that moment, Lando knew he won’t be able to forget Carlos that soon again.
Three weeks later, he still hadn’t made it to finally get over the gently Spaniard, the great time they had and the special way he had treated him that night. Lando constantly had to think about him and when George and Alex had asked him about how his one-night stand had been, even though they hadn’t seen their friend leaving together with the older one, they still assumed another lover for the night, when he was suddenly gone from the club.
And for the first time, the young Brit kind of lied to his best friends, because he still didn’t know what to do with those feelings he had for Carlos. Besides, the Spaniard was someone so special as well, someone he just won’t kiss and tell, like he usually did and also didn’t have a problem with normally. But with Carlos it felt different, again.
When the older one finally even followed him into his dreams, Lando knew he had to do something. He just couldn’t forget Carlos so easily any more. There was only one way to finally find his peace again. He had to find him. Even though he didn’t even know his second name.
And even though Lando didn’t exactly know what he wanted from Carlos, he just really had to find him or he will get insane because of his desire to be close to him again, to feel his eyes and hands on him, to maybe even be in his arms again.
Two weeks later, Lando finally stood in front of Carlos’ door. He had needed ages to finally find out the address of his place, of the flat he owned on the other end of the city or at least his second name firstly, but Lando knew means and ways to get what he wanted. And he really wanted to see Carlos again and to find out if also he couldn’t forget him and their night together any more.
And even though he was literally already standing right in front of his door, Lando still didn’t have a clue about what he should say or how he should explain why he was here and how he had found out his address. He was nervous, he had to admit.
Lando had never been that nervous before, but also because he had never seen one of his one-night stands ever again, and to not even mention it to stalk them to find out their addresses and drive over to their places to see them again, something he really never had the urge to do before. But this right here was different. Carlos was different.
When he had finally found the courage to, he lifted his arm and knocked with a pretty shaking hand against the wood. Lando took a deep breath though, before he stepped backwards and waited for Carlos to open the door for him. He could hear his heart hammering against his ribs, he was even sweating from excitement.
And even though Lando had expected something different, maybe the same hot Carlos in those nice clothes from back then, he still had to admit that he was also looking very handsome with those red cooking apron, the tomato sauce on his cheeks and, was that a Spaghetti noodle in his hair?
“Lando?” Carlos had instantly stopped all his movements and did freeze all the way, when he got it, who was standing there right in front of his door. The Spaniard looked more than just surprised to see him again, actually even shocked. Also he probably hadn’t expected to ever see him in his life again.
“Hey, Carlos.” Lando greeted him with a shy smile on his lips and a little, insecure hand move, feeling suddenly so stupid about his thoughtless idea to just show up here, especially so unprepared. But before Carlos could ask him what he was doing here or how he had found out his address, another voice come from inside the flat behind the Spaniard’s back.
“Papi?” A few moments later, the little girl to whom that sweet voice did belong to, did appear right next to Carlos. When she saw the stranger in the doorway, she quickly searched for protection by the Spaniard, when she did hide behind Carlos’ legs and only dared to look up at the stranger through her lashes, when Carlos laid his hand on top of her shoulder in protection.
When Lando finally got it, when he had finally counted one and one together, his mouth fell open in surprise, while he looked alternately between Carlos and the little girl still hiding behind her father.
But Carlos hadn’t been wearing a wedding ring that night or had Lando really missed it? No, he hadn’t. The Spaniard’s hands had been all over his body the entire night long, he would have felt it, he would have noticed it.
Carlos had probably taken the ring off before he had gone out that evening, but he also didn’t wear one now, after Lando’s eyes had instantly looked down at the Spaniard’s hand to check, if he could spot a ring there now.
Oh God, maybe Lando had even destroyed a family with their one-night stand. It had to be, because it was him, who had wanted it, who had taken the initiative that night, not Carlos.
His cheeks instantly heated up by that thought and he also instantly began to feel ill, while the young Brit was still in shock and just like Carlos himself, he also still didn’t know what to say or how to react to it, when there came another voice from inside the flat.
And once again fitting to the babble noises, a toddler appeared on Carlos’ other side. The little boy was still pretty shaky on his feet, he had probably learned how to walk recently.
Both of the children had dark brown hair and the same chocolate-coloured eyes like Carlos and even though the girl had some features that had to be from her mother, the little boy was the perfect copy of his father, his baby version with the same thick under lip and those long lashes. But both kids really couldn’t deny their father.
Lando still gaped all overwhelmed at the three of them like a fish, feeling now even more stupid to not think about the consequences, before he had just showed up here, about that Carlos might could have a family and that their night together was actually only a big mistake for him and that he could ruin everything for him, if it didn’t already happen anyway. He was such a dumb idiot, who still didn’t know what to do or what to say, just standing there and staring at the three of them all overwhelmed.
And just when Lando had wanted to run away from here as fast as he could, the little girl to Carlos’ left suddenly asked her father “Papi, who is this?” The Spaniard got thrown out of his thoughts and also stopped staring back at Lando, when he looked down at his daughter instead, before he explained to her “That’s Lando, princesa. He is..”
Carlos stopped, because yeah – what was Lando to him and how should he explain to his little daughter, that he was actually only a one-night stand, maybe even the biggest mistake of his life, the reason their family wasn’t the same any more?
When Carlos himself didn’t know how to name it, he looked up to Lando again, almost like he was seeking for help by him, but the younger one was only standing there with blushed cheeks, sorry for bringing him into this situation and maybe also even bringing him into trouble for just showing up here.
“He is my friend.” The Spaniard finally ended the sentence, even with a little smile on his lips, before he took his son up into his arms, after the boy had plucked onto his sweatpants already a few times to get his attention.
Surprised about that Carlos had called him his friend, Lando looked at the little family in front of him and he actually just wanted to say that he was sorry for obviously interrupting them and that he will better go again now, when the little girl came out of her hiding place, after she had got to know that the stranger was actually a friend of her father and asked with an expectant smile on her lips and big, shiny eyes “Does Lando stay for dinner, papi?”
Once again, the two adults got taken by surprise, and also once again Lando didn’t know how to react to it, when the girl took the silence as a confirmation to her question and already took his still shaky hand into her tiny, warm one and gently dragged him inside. And Lando could only follow her, since his body didn’t want to listen to him anymore anyway.
And suddenly he was standing right inside Carlos’ flat, looking around himself like a scared deer in the car lights, only daring to look at the surroundings from the corner of his eyes.
He could spot many photos on the walls, mostly from the little girl and her brother, also when they had been younger, still babies. Also some with Carlos together and a cat, but he couldn’t spot any photos with the children together with their mother or Carlos together with a woman.
Or maybe Carlos and the mother of his children weren’t married, that would also explain why he didn’t wear a wedding ring. God, hopefully she wasn’t at home at the moment. Lando was sure he will faint from embarrassment, if he would have to face her.
He really hadn’t come to here to destroy a family or with talking Carlos into the one-night stand in the first place, that really hadn’t been his intention at all. If he had known so before, he would have really forced himself to forget about Carlos the second he had woken up that afternoon already weeks ago.
Actually, if he had known so since the beginning, he would have never ever slept with him in the first place. Lando really wasn’t like that, he would never do something like that to sleep with a married man or with someone who was in a relationship and even had kids.
But here he was now and he still didn’t have a clue about how to get out of this damn embarrassing and uncomfortable situation again. Only when he could hear Carlos carefully clearing his throat behind his back, Lando came back to reality, when he looked over his shoulder back at him.
The older one had already caught himself more or less, or at least better than Lando. He wasn’t that shocked about him being here any more, inside the safety of his own four walls, when he offered him softly “You can take off your coat, if you want.”
Still absently, Lando nodded his head and Carlos wouldn’t be the gentlemen he was, when he wouldn’t help him to get out of his coat, even though he was still balancing his son on his other arm. Lando had just made it to toe off his shoes, when the little girl had already taken his hand once again and dragged him into the next room, which was obviously their living room and also the place where she had built her Barbie house.
The girl forced Lando to sit down right next to her and before he was even aware of it, he was already holding a Barbie inside his hand, while the girl next to him already began to play again, like she had probably done before he had interrupted them with knocked at their door and like he still wasn’t a complete stranger to her.
“You know, dinner is almost ready, Rita. I just have to change Mateo’s diapers before.” Carlos said into their direction, before he left into one of the other rooms. Lando was still way too perplex to act normal, he just sat there right in front of the Barbie house, while he eyed the little girl, whose name was obviously Rita or at least her father had called her like that, from the corner of his eyes.
Not even five minutes later, Carlos together with Mateo came back to them into the living room and like the well-behaved, little girl she was, Rita instantly stood up and danced over to take her father’s offered hand to finally get dinner. “Papi, have you brushed your hair?” The girl asked, while she still eyed Carlos all sceptical.
Also Lando had noticed that the Spaniard had taken off his cooking apron, also the tomato sauce on his cheeks was gone and his dark mane seemed to have got brushed indeed or at least the noddle was gone from sticking inside. “Maybe.” Carlos finally answered her with reddened cheeks, after he had looked over to Lando still sitting there on the ground with the Barbie in his hand.
“Why?” Rita wanted to know now, curious about everything like every child in her age was. “Because I want to look pretty for you.” Her father finally explained, before he pulled the girl closer so she began to giggle all sweetly, even though Carlos and also Lando knew why he had actually done it.
Lando had to smile, when he saw them like that and just in that moment, he finally also got it, why Carlos had been so gently to him, why he had treated him that soft, careful way, why he had taken such good care of him that night. Because he was a loving, caring dad. A father of two, who only wanted the best for children and whom he did protect with his life.
Dreamily, Lando still watched the three of them, the little, happy family and his thoughts were still far away, when Carlos did lead his children into the kitchen. But before he disappeared completely, he looked back over his shoulder to Lando, made a gesture with his head and said in the same soft tone like he had spoken to his daughter before “Lando? Do you come?”
And once again the younger one obviously didn’t have another choice, when he nodded his head and finally followed them. He took place onto the seat Rita had told him to, while he watched Carlos fidgeting in the kitchen with one eye and with the other watching Rita drawing next to him with her tongue poking out in the corner and Mateo sitting in his child seat opposite him and looking at him with big, curious eyes and bubbling to himself once again.
While Rita was still focused on her drawing and hummed some song Lando knew he had once heard in a Disney movie, he just couldn’t resist to smile at the cute little boy watching him all closely. And Lando didn’t lie when he said that his heart did swell, when Mateo finally even smiled back at him and he also moved his arms into the air in excitement.
Carlos turned around, when he heard his son giggling and the toddler hitting his feet against his seat. Also the Spaniard had to smile to himself then, when he saw the two of them like that. Lando and Carlos eyes met for one brief moment, they smiled at each other, got almost lost in the moment and in each other’s eyes once again, when Rita next to Lando suddenly said “I have drawn that for you.”
The little girl offered him the piece of paper with big, expectant eyes and Lando was once again seriously touched, when he got it that the drawing was obviously really for him. “Really, that’s for me?” He still asked overwhelmed and when Rita nodded confirming her head, Lando finally took the drawing from her little hands.
“Thank you, sweetheart. I really like it, it’s beautiful.” The young Brit told her, while he could still feel Carlos’ eyes on him. And once again like the well-behaved girl she was, Rita took her colouring book and pencils away, when Carlos announced that dinner was ready.
It actually didn’t get uncomfortable for once during dinner, because Rita was actually constantly talking, telling her father but also Lando about how her day had been, what she had been doing in the kindergarten today and how much she already looked forward to her birthday next month, while Lando and also Carlos listened to her.
The Spaniard also fed his son some porridge, obviously being pretty multitasking, but that did probably come with being a father of two. Lando’s and Carlos’ eyes did meet over the table a few times, they did hold their eye connections for some moments, smiling at each other, before giving their entire attention back to the lively talking girl next to them again.
Seeing Rita like that and listening to her stories also remembered Lando about their night in the club. How Carlos had listened the same interested way to him, with his entire attention focusing on him, like he did by his daughter now.
Rita kept on talking, obviously trying to avoid the coming it’s time to go to bed by all means, while Carlos took the dirty dishes back to the kitchen counter. Of course, little Rita wasn’t happy, when her father still told her, that it was indeed finally time to go to bed now.
“But I’m not tired at all yet. I still wanted to watch Tangled.” The girl said with a big pout on her lips, while she had crossed her arms in front of her chest and had leaned back all sorrowful into her seat. “Not tonight any more, princesa. Tomorrow you have to stand up early again for kindergarten, we can watch Tangled on Saturday evening with some popcorn again if you want.”
Rita exactly knew that she didn’t have a chance when her father once said no, even though she was looking up at him with those big, begging eyes. Lando knew he wouldn’t be able to resist them, he would probably let her do whatever she wanted, if the little girl would look at him that way.
“Okaaay.” Rita finally gave in a little annoyed, but she still tried something else, when she said “Can Lando at least tell me a bedtime story then?” Surprised about her wish, Lando looked down at the girl, before he looked up at her father, because even though he would do it for the girl, because like he had already said, he just wouldn’t be able to say no to those eyes, Lando still didn’t know if Carlos was alright with that, even though he had been so kind to him, since he had interrupted their evening.
“No, princesa. Not tonight, you really have to go to bed now. It’s already pretty late.” And even though Rita was actually disappointed about hearing so, she still surrendered her faith and stood up from her stool, but before she left the kitchen, she still had to ask her father “Can Lando read me a bedtime story next time?”
Next time, Lando was actually pretty sure that there won’t be a next time, but still he was once again touched about that the girl obviously really seemed to like him, even though they had met about just an hour ago.
To calm down her daughter’s nerves and worries, Carlos finally promised her, while he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head “Yes, princesa. Next time, Lando can read a story to you. And now be a good girl, go brush your teeth and get into your pyjama, while I will give Mateo his bottle.”
And like the well-behaved little girl she was, Rita finally left into the bathroom without any more protest. Not only Lando, but also Carlos watched his girl for a few moments with a smile on his lips, before he got the before already prepared baby bottle for his little son.
While the Spaniard carried and cradled little Mateo inside his arms and gave him his bottle in the living room, Lando watched the two of them from his seat in the kitchen. It wasn’t like Carlos ignored him or didn’t want him to watch them, the total contrary actually.
It was more like it was always like that, with Lando being present in such a pure, lovely, peaceful actually almost intimate moment. Like being part of their daily ritual and habits every evening before going to bed, like he was part of their little family.
And if the young Brit was serious, it was something so beautiful to watch that it caused goosebumps and even tears in his eyes, while he eyed the two of them like that. Even though Carlos was aware about Lando still being here and watching them, the father still only had eyes for his son, watching him falling asleep in affection, while he was holding him close and also kissed the top of his head all softly.
Lando felt actually honoured to be allowed to see this moment, that Carlos allowed him to get close to his children and see his little family like that. And even though he had just found out about an hour ago, that Carlos was a father of two, Lando could still tell already now that he was actually a great, even amazing father.
The older one always exuded such calm and self-confidence, he was very patient and attentive and the lovely and gently way he treaded his kids caused Lando’s heart to beat twice as fast and he suddenly felt so warm from the inside. Yeah, Carlos was a great father. Rita and Mateo could really call themselves happy for having him.
The Spaniard had just taken the baby bottle away, after Mateo had finally fallen asleep in his father’s arms, when Rita came half dancing, half jumping back into the living room with her hair down and in her pyjama.
“I’m ready for bed, papi.” She announced, kinda proud about being able to already make herself ready for bed all alone. “Well done, princesa. Let’s get into bed now, Mateo has already fallen asleep.” Carlos whispered and already wanted to gently shove his little daughter into their room, when in contrast to her father, Rita suddenly remembered about their guest still sitting in the kitchen all overwhelmed and watching them with soft eyes.
“Buenas noches, Lando.” The little girl said into his direction and also waved at him. Carlos really seemed to have forgotten about Lando still being here, at least for some moments, while he was busy being a great father. When their eyes meet over the room, they gave each other a quick but not less tender smile, before Lando waved at Rita in return and whispered all carefully to not wake the little boy “Good night, sweetheart. Sleep well and sweet dreams.”
Carlos’ and Lando’s eyes met for once more, before the little family disappeared inside the children’s room and Lando was on his own. The first few moments he just kept sitting still and tried to process what had just happened in the last hour.
When he finally realized, that he had indeed just eaten dinner together with Carlos and his kids, Lando lightly shook his head to come back to life, because he knew he shouldn’t just sit here and wait till the Spaniard will come back to him.
He should make himself useful, it was the at least thing he could do after Carlos had been so nice to him, had invited him inside and also for dinner, even though it had actually been his daughter doing so, but still. He could have said no, but he hadn’t. He let him inside his life, be part of it, even though it was just for one evening.
While he was waiting for Carlos to join him again, Lando took care of the dirty dishes. It wasn’t much he could do, but he could at least do that. He was finished with it, before Carlos came back and even though Lando didn’t want to be nosy, he also didn’t want to just sit here in the kitchen and wait, why he got out into the living room again and looked at the photos hanging there on the walls.
On most of them he could see Rita and Mateo again, on some he could spot them together with Carlos and two older people that could be their grandparents, since the man looked a lot like Carlos and he also finally spotted the cat from the photo before curled up in a little basket in the corner of the living room. But still, there was no pic of the mother of the children.
There was only one pic with two women, which looked way too much like Carlos as well, so Lando assumed it were maybe his sisters or at least relatives of him, but still no other woman that looked like Rita or could be Carlos’ wife.
Lando smiled at those framed photos on the walls, the drawings next to them, which had Rita probably made and also those little decorative figures and toys everywhere around the room. Rita and Mateo had a great childhood, Lando could tell. They obviously didn’t seem to need a mother around them, but still he asked himself what had happened to her, why she wasn’t here and obviously wasn’t a part of them.
Lando had almost finished his little tour through the living room, when he spotted a framed photo on a little shelf next to the window. And already in the very first moment he could tell, that this woman had to be the mother of Carlos’ children.
Rita looked a lot like her, also on the picture, even though she was still younger and tinier back then and the baby with the dark hair on the woman’s lap had to be little Mateo. The boy didn’t look older than just a few months, he was still a newborn back then, when this photo had been taken.
It was a sweet memory of the three of them and even though Lando smiled to himself, he still felt bad, because he could feel that something must have happened to the woman. She would be here if not, Carlos would wear his wedding ring and he probably wouldn’t have spent the night with him together, if the four of them would still be a family.
“She has left us.” Lando jumped, being deep inside his thoughts, when he could suddenly hear Carlos speaking behind his back. The older one had found him here, looking at the photo. The young Brit hadn’t heard him coming back, feeling now caught and even worse, because his bad premonition had obviously been right.
Lando had gasped in shock, before he quickly turned around to Carlos. His cheeks blushed instantly, feeling once again so stupid to have come here, to just enter Carlos’ life and pull his nose into things, which really weren’t his business at all.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m really sorry.” Lando told him in all honesty, when he had caught himself. He wasn’t brave enough any more to face the older one, to look into his sad eyes, because he was so damn ashamed about his behaviour.
But the way Carlos’ voice had suddenly changed, still didn’t give him another chance than to look right back into his eyes, when the older one quickly tried to clear things “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean that she has left us like that. It’s just.. Everything has become too much for her at one point. It wasn’t the life she has always wanted. She was overwhelmed with the children, because I was never there for them. Because I was never there for her. She was just gone one day. I don’t know where she has gone or how she is, but I just hope she is happy now. Mateo was just a few months back then, and Marita had just turned two. I have quitted my job back then, so I could finally be there for them. Even though it was actually already too late.”
Lando was surprised, even shocked about what he had just heard. He really hadn’t expected such a fate for Carlos and his children and yes, he also felt sorry for the mother. And he was also overwhelmed about Carlos’ honesty and him being willing to share this with him, even though it probably still wasn’t easy for him to talk about it and then even talk about it with a stranger. Because after all, Lando still was a stranger to him.
The young Brit wanted to say something. He really wanted to tell Carlos that he should stop blaming himself. He wanted to cheer him up with telling him that he shouldn’t be so hard to himself, but Lando felt at the same time, that he didn’t have the right to say so.
Instead, he kept quiet, because he didn’t know what to response to it anyway, except the already said I’m sorry, he had really meant serious. But he didn’t know what else he could say, especially because he actually shouldn’t be here. And like the Spaniard could read his thoughts, he suddenly changed the subject, when he asked “I’m actually surprised you are still here.”
Lando’s cheeks only blushed into an even deeper red then and he felt so stupid and also so ashamed about everything he had done tonight. He just wished the floor would swallow him as a whole with being so damn embarrassed.
“I.. I’m sorry. I will better go now.” Lando stammered all ashamed, still unable to look into the older one’s eyes again. But before he could hurry over into the direction of the front door, Carlos’ voice held him back with quickly clearing the situation once again.
“I haven’t meant it like that. I’m just really surprised that you are still here. Because I have actually expected you to just leave, while I’m gone. After you have seen that I have two children, since you have probably imagined my life to be different.” Lando would lie, if he would say he had imagined Carlos’ life exactly like that, but even though it was indeed different, Lando suddenly still couldn’t imagine another life for the older one any more. Because he was the perfect father in his eyes.
The younger one still only looked back at him without saying one word, because he still didn’t know what to say. Of course, he didn’t just run away. How could he, after Carlos had been so nice to him and his children so sweet. The education from his parents wouldn’t have even allowed such a thought, even though he had to admit, that the situation was pretty uncomfortable now. But what had he actually expected with just showing up at his one-night stand’s front door?
“Lando.” Carlos finally said and to hear his own name coming from the Spaniard’s lips was like music in the younger one’s ears. He had dreamed for so long to hear his name coming from him again and now that it really happened, it gave him chills and at the same time his heart began to swell.
“Why are you here?” Carlos finally said out loud the question he, but also Lando himself, was asking himself already all the time. And then it did suddenly burst out of him without any forewarning, without him being able to hold it back, when Lando suddenly told him the truth “I have missed you. I have wanted to see you again.”
The older one slowly tilted his head and smiled at the young Brit in affection by his honesty, but that smile quickly faded away again and Lando was afraid that only he was happy to see him again. “You are very sweet, cariño. But I guess now after you have seen me once more, you won’t miss me again.”
“Sure, I will.” Lando answered instantly, so quickly that it took Carlos by surprise, when he eyed him all closely. “I will only miss you even more now.” With big, pleading eyes, the younger one looked up at him, almost begging him to say the same and that they could meet again.
“Lando.” Carlos once again said his name, but this time the younger one became goose bumps and a cold shiver rand down the length of his back, because he knew that tone of voice already oh too well over the years. The older was trying to convince him the contrary, even though Lando was as sure as never before in his life.
Carlos even somehow managed to guide Lando over to the couch, so they could both take a seat without the younger one even noticing so, because he only had eyes for the older one and already feared the coming.
When they were finally sitting next to each other and Carlos looked right into Lando’s expectant, but at the same time also thoughtful, even scared eyes, he finally continued with his try to change his mind.
“You have seen it, I have two babies.” He tried to explain, like this simple sentence, this fact was excuse enough for why they couldn’t see each other again. “So? Your children are adorable. I like them and I like you. And I want to see you again.” Lando interrupted him, he meant it all serious and honest, because he just didn’t see why Rita and Mateo should be the reason, why they couldn’t be together or why Lando would suddenly lose interest in him, because he was a father of two.
Carlos took a deep breath through and even though he kind of smiled, it still wasn’t a real smile. The older one looked pained, torned, tortured and also doubtful, because he already knew the truth, at least he thought so.
“It’s not that easy, Lando.” Even though he had wished over the last weeks to finally hear his own name coming from Carlos’ soft lips again so badly, he knew he will probably freak out, if he will hear it once again now. He just hated the way it did suddenly sound.
“You are still so young. You still have your whole life ahead of you. I’m a single father. I go to bed latest at nine every evening, my weekends consist of children's birthdays, go grocery shopping and watch Disney movies. Mateo sometimes still sleeps in my bed and also Marita still needs a lot of attention from me, because she still misses her mother so badly. It’s not what you want in life. At least not now and not forever, believe me. And I’m also not able to give you the same every night like back then, even though I wish I could. But I just can’t, I have to be there for my children. I’m sorry, but it’s better for you this way. Just go out there and live your life”
Suddenly, Lando felt so misunderstood and also furious, because everyone always thought to know what was good for him or what was best for him and even though he was still very young, he had to admit so himself, he still exactly knew what he wanted. And it was Carlos, together with his children and also his cat.
“You don’t have a clue about what’s good for me. You actually can’t even know. Yes, I’m maybe young, but I exactly know what I want. I already had that all, I have already lived my life, like you call it. But I don’t want that any more. You made me realize so. I’m tired of one-night stands, go clubbing and having a hangover every weekend. I want to be together with you. I want to go to bed every evening at nine, I want to bring your kids into the kindergarten, I want to cook with you together dinner, I want to go with you and your kids into the park or the zoo and play with them together, I want to watch Disney movies with the three of you all day long. I’m tired of my old life. I want a new one and I want it with you together. You are actually exactly what I wanted, what I needed all time long. I just realized so after meeting you and I just can’t forget you so easily any more. You made me realize it, you showed me what I actually really want in life.” Lando muttered still outraged, while crossing his arms in front of his chest and he began to pout, a habit he still hadn’t managed to lay down since he was a kid.
But even though he was so sulky and also snappy, Carlos still had to smile to himself, while he brushed all gently that one single curl out of the young Brit’s face. “You are sweet and also so adorable, Lando, you know that?” The Spaniard whispered all softly, which caused the younger one to finally look up into his eyes again and the moment he did so, his whole anger already left his body again.
Only then he noticed how close the two of them actually were with their knees brushing against each other and with Carlos’ fingers sliding through his messy curls. But he also got it how childish he had been and also how selfish, why he finally muttered “I’m sorry. I get it, it’s maybe really not that easy and you probably also don’t want another child.”
Lando only dared to look up at the older one through his lashes, being really sorry for his suborn behaviour, which did cost Carlos a little snort, before he smiled down at him once again “No, it’s really not like that. But I just can’t imagine that you would enjoy my life, at least not forever.” This time, he did cup Lando’s cheek with one hand in affection, into which touch the younger one leaned instantly and tried to soak up this moment and their closeness.
“But we could at least give it a try or?” Lando still wasn’t ready to give up yet. He wanted Carlos and he could tell that he also wanted him, why in his eyes there was actually no reason why they couldn’t or shouldn’t be together. “I mean, we don’t have to marry already tomorrow.”
Even though Lando had actually meant it serious, Carlos still began to giggle and agreed to his statement, to release the tension between them. “You are right, cariño. We don’t already have to marry tomorrow.” The Spaniard repeated his words, while he caressed over his cheek with the back of his fingers and something told Lando that he would have liked to add but one day I want to marry you. But his teenager hormones were probably just joking with him once again.
Lando kept quiet, only watched with big eyes and lightly parted lips how Carlos was making him feel good once again, being lost in his eyes and the way he treated him all softly and carefully.
“You know, cariño, I haven’t been out since months back that night and you have been the first one.. my first one since I’m alone. I really haven’t expected to spend the night with someone. Especially not with someone like you. I really couldn’t believe how lucky I was to meet you. You have been the first one I have kissed since years.”
By the word kissed, Carlos’ eyes had flipped down to Lando’s lips for one brief moment and the younger one had really thought he was going to finally kiss him again now, but the older one stayed right where he was and also finally looked up into his eyes again and only then Lando got the real meaning of said night, what it had actually meant to Carlos.
“If I would haven known, that it was your first kiss and especially your first night since.. I would have been more careful, wouldn’t have rushed anything. I’m sorry for that, I really haven’t wanted to force you to anything.” Lando whispered, because their faces were still so close to each other.
He could even feel Carlos’ breath against the tip of his nose, when the older one finally reassured and calmed him with a smile on his lips “You really haven’t forced me to anything. I actually wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, cariño. If you hadn't done it, I would have never found the courage to kiss you, even though I have wanted to do it so badly. I actually still want to taste your smile so bad.”
Carlos’ honest words took Lando by surprise. They literally took his breath away, when he gasped and searched deep in his beautiful, brown eyes if he maybe really felt the same as he did, even thought he still hadn’t said it out loud so yet.
“Does that mean you also want me? That you also haven’t been able to forget me and that you wanted to see me again so badly?” Lando breathed already so close against the Spaniard’s lips, they were almost already brushing against each other. At least their noses already did so, when Carlos finally whispered back “Yes, cariño. I have been thinking about you every moment the last weeks and I have also wished to see you again, just for one more time in my life, even when it would have been just from far away. I would really like to be together with you and take care of you and make you feel good. Like I have already told you, cariño, you are someone so special.”
And in contrast to their first kiss, their first kiss on this evening was all slow and passionate, because they didn’t have to rush anything, because they didn’t have to hide behind some dirty corner. They had all the time they wanted, while their lips melted into ones, when they danced together in the same rhythm, while Lando still couldn’t believe that this right here actually really happened to him.
When they both finally ran out of air, their lips slowly parted again, even though they would have liked to feel the other and taste the other for some longer, but instead they rested their foreheads against each other and smiled all brightly into each other’s eyes.
It was still too early for any love confessions, but at the same time they also weren’t necessary, because they could both tell what they meant to the other, while they were looking at each other like that. It was actually even more than words would have been able to say anyway.
Still wordless, Carlos made it to maneuver the two of them sitting deeper into the couch, so Lando was all cuddled up into his side and he could wrap his arms around the younger one in affection.
They were cuddling like that for a few quiet moments. Lando still couldn’t believe his luck, when he snuggled closer against the Spaniard and he could feel his arms tightening around his upper body, holding him even closer all safe.
But after Carlos had been so honest to him all evening long, Lando thought he should do the same now, because there was something Carlos still didn’t know about him, even though the older one actually still didn’t much about him in general, but this one was actually quite a big one.
“You know, I’m actually a pretty famous Twitch streamer.” Lando announced into the silence, waiting all expectant for Carlos’ reaction to it. It needed a few moments, until the older one did finally response with a quick “Okay.”
Perplexed about it, Lando couldn’t tell if Carlos liked it or not, or if he even knew what this actually meant. But he didn’t have to wonder about it for too long, when the Spaniard asked after a few seconds all carefully “What is Twitch?”
Lando giggled into the curve of his neck and even though Carlos didn’t know why the boy in his arms was suddenly laughing, he still finally joined him. And even though Lando had fallen in love with obviously an old man, he still couldn’t stop smiling over both of his ears, when Carlos winked down at him in affection, before he placed a long kiss into his hairline and the caring gesture even caused his eyes to flutter shut.
Lando had finally found someone he could come home to.