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So, it’s real.
This is real.
They’re actually dating, Ida likes him back, and yet he still wakes up everyday, unable to believe that any of this is real life.
Though, that feeling of disbelief is usually suspended when he sees Ida at school each morning; when Ida approaches him with that disarming smile of his; when Ida takes his hand into his, pulls him just a bit closer, greets him with a good morning in that gentle, soothing voice of his.
Truth be told, he’s still getting used to a lot of things when it comes to dating Ida, but he will say this: he’s kind of getting there.
Maybe he’s getting there slower than he’d like, but at least he doesn’t find himself freaking out as much anymore when Ida holds his hand in public.
In fact, he’s gotten a bit too used to it because more often than not, he’s finding himself seeking out Ida’s hand whenever they’re walking side by side. It’s not like Ida minds it, if him interlacing their fingers just seconds later and smiling sweetly at him is anything to go by.
That’s all good and well, and he appreciates the fact that Ida respects the pace they’re going at — it is something they’re both adjusting to, after all — but this leads him into another problem: he’s starting to wonder how Ida’s lips would feel like, pressed against his.
He’s wondered it before, but at least back then, he would catch himself and dismiss those thoughts as soon as they had come to bother him.
But now… Now, it’s becoming a daily reoccurring thought, which is distracting, disorienting, inconvenient and just overall anxiety inducing.
At times, he would catch himself staring at Ida’s lips when he’s talking, and it’s not like he has indecent thoughts whenever he’s staring, but it still doesn’t make for a good time when Ida catches him outright gawking at him. It ends up with him trying to come up with a half-assed explanation as to why he was staring in the first place instead of paying attention to whatever Ida has to say.
Ida being such an attentive listener only makes him feel worse, because who would want to date some weird dude who can’t even feign interest in whatever it is you have to say? He wouldn’t be surprised if Ida thinks of him as a rude person.
Not that Aoki finds Ida uninteresting. That’s not it, at all. That could not be further from how he finds Ida — how he feels about Ida.
He’s just… distracting.
Very distracting.
“He’s never going to want more with me,” he tells Akkun one day, rubbing a hand down his face. “He probably thinks I’m weird, and is only staying with me out of pity. From the hand holding to the barely-there hugs… It’s all in his actions.”
Akkun raises a brow, then promptly points out what Aoki had apparently been unable to pick up on, an amused lilt to his voice, “Oh boy, I hope you’re joking about that because have you seen the way he looks at you? The way he smiles at you? That’s not how someone who stays with you out of pity would ever regard you.”
Bristling, Aoki responds, “That’s the worst lie if I’ve ever heard of one.”
“Aoki, you really aren’t all that bad but no one can convince you otherwise if you already have the preconceived notion that Ida wouldn’t want more with you, or that you’re just some weird dude in his eyes,” Akkun says with a non-committed shrug of his shoulders.
He lifts his head up, glancing at the classroom door as it slides open. An easy grin appears on his lips as he hops off Aoki’s desk. “Ooh, speak of the devil,” he whistles, patting Aoki on the shoulder in that mock sympathetic way of his before making his way back to his seat.
Before Aoki could react, he feels a breeze by his side, then a soft tap on his shoulder.
“Good morning,” Ida greets him.
He quickly looks up at and locks eyes with him.
Apparently that’s my boyfriend, he thinks, dazedly. Completely unbelievable. Who would have thought?
As those thoughts float around in his head, his eyes slowly slide down to Ida’s lips. He catches himself and his eyes quickly flitter away, the familiar warm flush creeping up his neck and threatening to rise to his cheeks.
Okay. Seriously. Get a hold of yourself, he chides himself.
“Uh,” he awkwardly says. “Good morning,” he returns, lamely, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
A soft smile quirks at the corners of Ida’s lips, and oh god. Oh, holy hell. How on god’s green earth can someone look so attractive?
Breathe, you fool. Breathe.
“We’re having lunch together on the rooftop, right?” Ida asks as he sits down at his desk.
Aoki nods, twisting around to face Ida. “Yeah, if you don’t mind?”
There’s a beat of silence, and Aoki wonders if he’s said something wrong and is ready to go down another spiral when Ida’s voice interrupts his thoughts, yanking him out of his to-be-spiral.
“Why would I mind?” Ida asks, raising his brows and tilting his head slightly in question. If it was anyone else, they would have made it sound like they were making fun of Aoki but with Ida, it’s different. He asks, because he’s genuinely confused; he isn’t trying to tease, Aoki knows that much.
Aoki stares at him, helplessly, unable to come up with an answer that would make sense, or an answer that would make him seem less like the bumbling idiot that he usually is. Luckily, he’s saved by the bell. “I’ll see you up there,” he says before turning around to face the front of the classroom.
He silently thanks the entities above for saving him from having to come up with a cruddy reason that probably wouldn’t have made any sense.
When their lunch break rolls around, Ida lingers behind, waiting for Aoki so they could head to the rooftop together.
“You didn’t have to wait for me, you know,” Aoki says, glancing up at Ida and catching his eyes. “You’re not obliged to do that just because we’re dating, nor do you have to force yourself to spend time with me.”
“First of all, it’s not an obligation. That makes it sound like a chore,” Ida says. “And second of all, I’m not forcing myself to spend time with you. I do this because I genuinely like spending time with you.”
The way he says this so earnestly causes Aoki’s cheeks to heat up rapidly; before he could hide his face behind his hands, Ida reaches out and gently wraps his fingers around Aoki’s wrist, as if sensing what he’s about to do. This makes Aoki blush even more, which in turn, causes Ida to smile.
Aoki’s eyes falls towards Ida’s lips for the hundredth time, and he finds himself unable to look away.
His lips are so pretty when they’re curved up into a smile, he thinks, unable to catch himself. They probably feel as nice as they look.
Ida’s lips are moving, but Aoki’s brain filters out whatever he’s saying; it isn’t until Ida raises a hand and waves it in his face does he snap to attention.
“What?” he asks, bemusedly.
“I was just saying you’ve got something on your face,” Ida says, slowly, gesturing at his mouth.
“Oh,” Aoki says, sounding as embarrassed as he feels. He clumsily wipes at his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
Ida shakes his head and scoots closer. “You missed,” he states, lifting a hand to Aoki’s face.
As the tips of his fingers brushes against Aoki’s cheek, Aoki becomes hyperaware of what’s happening; of the way his heart flutters dangerously in his chest; of the way his body reacts, goosebumps spreading along the length of his arms. His hand flies up, grabbing firmly around Ida’s wrist and stopping him midway. “What are you doing?” he asks, eyes wider than before.
Flustered by his unexpected reaction, Ida pulls away from Aoki’s grip. “I— I wanted to help you with it,” Ida answers, sheepishly, looking as if he’s been scolded. “I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped.”
“Oh,” is all Aoki could utter, shrinking into himself. “No, it’s fine, I just— I didn’t expect you to do that. A warning would have been nice.” Hands in his lap, he interlaces his fingers, stomach churning uncomfortably at his screw up.
Okay, so this is probably the moment when Ida leaves him.
Like, forever. Permanently. Just like that.
Great. That's absolutely exhilarating.
As he mentally berates himself, Ida gently wraps a hand around his, squeezing gently. He startles at the touch, lifting his head up to look at Ida, perplexed, not understanding why he hasn’t run away from him already.
“Is there something going on?” Ida asks, peering at him with concern. “You’ve been pretty out of it these days. Your attention seems to be elsewhere most of the time.” He pauses, then continues on in a softer voice, “I’m here if you need to talk.”
Of course his kind, thoughtful and overall wonderful boyfriend would notice this, being the observant guy that he is.
“It’s…” Aoki trails off, lips pressing into a thin line. He hesitates, but then Ida’s lips quirk up into an encouraging soft smile and, well, how can he stay quiet? To not just tell him what he wants?
It’s probably better to just get this over with. The sooner the better, actually.
He wipes at his lips again with his sleeve, this time not missing the spot, eyes focused on his knees. “I’ve been thinking about… What couples usually do.”
“What couples usually do?” Ida questions, perplexed.
Aoki nods, still not looking at Ida. “Yeah. Couples hold hands, they hug, and they… You know, the more physical, intimate things.”
When Ida stays quiet at that, Aoki finally tilts his head up to look at Ida. He blinks when he sees Ida staring at him with a pensive frown.
“Physical, intimate things as in…” he tapers off, and it’s quite obvious what he’s referring to because Aoki quickly shakes his head, cheeks flushing about a hundred shades of red at the implication.
“Oh god. Oh no, that is not what I meant!” he says. “No, I was— I was talking about kissing.”
In just under a second, Ida’s expression goes from confused to understanding, and now Aoki feels like he’s somehow made a fool of himself with the way Ida’s staring at him.
“Oh,” Ida utters, taken aback. “So that’s… You were thinking about kissing me?”
“For quite a while,” Aoki admits. Despite everything, he feels a huge weight lift off his shoulders now that that’s out in the open.
A pause hangs between them, and the silence stretches on for a few moments; Aoki’s almost certain Ida’s thinking of him as someone who’s probably not worth his while after all, and that he should probably up and leave before he gets even more tangled up with him.
So what Ida says next is not what he had expected, at all.
“So why don’t you?”
Aoki blinks, surprised. “What?”
Ida scoots closer and leans in, as if challenging him. “Why don’t you?”
“B-Because it would be rude to kiss you out of no where? And you’d probably end up thinking of me as a creep—”
“Well, you have my permission now, so why don’t you?”
That shuts Aoki up completely, his words dying on the tip of his tongue. “Ida, I—”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve had thoughts of it too. I just never acted on them because while I know we’re trying to go at our own pace, sometimes it’s… Sometimes I catch myself wondering what it would be like to be more... Intimate with you.”
The confession is enough to dismiss at least half of Aoki’s uncertainty. “So you also… You wouldn’t mind? You want this to happen?”
Ida smiles gently, carding his fingers through Aoki’s hair. “No, I wouldn’t. And yes, I do,” he says, reassuringly.
Gingerly, Aoki lifts his hand up and cups Ida’s jaw. Ida’s skin is so, so soft under his palm. His eyes flicker down to his lips, then back up to his warm eyes; it’s taking a lot for him to not melt on the spot with the way Ida’s staring at him, patiently, with a hint of curiousity and something akin to want.
Maybe he’s imagining that last part, but it makes him feel more confident none-the-less.
“Aoki,” Ida says encouragingly, leaning in even closer. His breath brushes against Aoki’s bottom lip, and it’s only then that Aoki realises that they’re really, really close.
Aoki hesitates.
“We don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable,” Ida adds, gazing at him patiently, sensing the hesitancy.
“No, I— I do,” Aoki says, voice just above a whisper. He swallows, nervously, heart thumping an erratic rhythm in his chest.
Just go for it, he thinks. What’s the worst that could happen?
So throwing all caution to the wind, he goes for it.
And, well, maybe he should have done this sooner.
Ida’s lips are soft and nice, slotted perfectly against his, and it’s all Aoki could think about. It only lasts for a short moment, but it’s enough to make Aoki want more.
It’s like a taster for what’s coming.
“You’re so cute,” Ida says, smiling widely when he pulls away, and if Aoki doesn’t kiss him again right now, he knows he’s going to regret it.
So, he goes in for another kiss before he could overthink it and chicken out.
His newfound confidence catches Ida off-guard, though soon enough, he’s responding enthusiastically, his hand wrapping around the nape of Aoki’s neck, while Aoki sinks his fingers into the lapels of Ida’s school jacket, pulling him in even closer.
Ida’s warm against him, and the way he smiles against Aoki’s lips, like he’s also enjoying this very much, is enough to make Aoki’s heart sing for the rest of eternity.
When they pull away, their faces are still inches away from each other’s, and Aoki could feel Ida’s breath brushing against his cheeks. He’s so tempted to pull him in for another kiss, to get lost in him once again; he's barely holding himself back.
“That was…”
“Amazing?” Ida breathes out, gently cupping Ida’s cheek, eyes brighter than before.
Aoki nods. “Yeah,” he says, cheeks warm; he’s positively glowing.
“I could definitely do with more of that,” Ida comments with an affectionate grin.
“I could, too,” Aoki agrees, smiling, but he’s sort of freaking out on the inside because while his mission has been accomplished and his curiousity has been sated, he’s also pretty sure he’s acquired an addiction, with said addiction being: kissing Ida.
But that’s a problem he’ll have to worry about later on, because the bell’s ringing, signalling for them to go back to class.
As they settle back into their seats, Ida leans forward and taps Aoki on the shoulder.
Aoki twists around to face him.
“My place after school?” he asks quietly, eyes glinting with mirth.
Aoki agrees without thinking much of it, and it isn’t until halfway into the class does he understand what exactly he’s agreed to.
Usually, it wouldn’t be a problem because it’s not like he hasn’t been to Ida’s home before, but this invitation seems a bit… Intentional.
Like Ida has an objective.
And Aoki has a pretty clear idea of what that objective is.
Despite that, Aoki catches himself smiling like a fool, and he has to hide behind his text book so he wouldn't get scolded for not listening in class.
Guess his newly acquired craving isn’t going to be much of a problem, after all.