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She almost instinctively reaches for Wanda to help her stand. But no, she’s holding onto Vision as she rises.
Natasha turns away to cover her mistake, pretending to scan the train station for any other threats.
She walks mechanically next to Steve as they take the bedraggled group back to the jet. Her jaw is clenched tight the whole way and as they prep for take-off. As the jet lifts into the air, she stands at the ramp to look out across the nightlights of the city. It would have been a beautiful place to spend time together, of that, Natasha is sure.
“Now, I thought we had a deal.” Her voice is chiding, betraying nothing else. Only she knows how much control she’s exerting in not wanting to scream in frustration.
“Stay close, check in, don’t take any chances.”
“I’m sorry.”
She can feel Wanda’s eyes on her. She’s contrite, but there - that familiar defiance prickling beneath her apology.
Brat. Natasha can’t help but think with affection, throwing a glance at Wanda while walking to the pilot’s chair. Their eyes lock briefly before Natasha looks away.
“We just wanted time.”
Natasha bites hard into her lower lip as she slides into the chair, the sudden pain keeping her focused as Steve gives the order to return to the Avengers compound - home.
She shoves back a bitter laugh at that. Maybe once, not anymore. Not for a long time.
The jet is set on autopilot, everyone quiet to catch some sleep before their arrival. Sam snores quietly in the back, Steve is sitting next to her.
He doesn’t sleep. She knows he’s in that incredibly focused space that he gets into before a mission. Pretty much the only way that he’s known how to be for the last couple years. Always focused on the mission, and the next. They were the same in the way. Falling back on old habits to survive each single day.
She doesn’t look over at Wanda and Vision. She already knows that they’re curled up into each other after Wanda had done her best to patch him up with the medi-kit.
So it’s a surprise when she feels a familiar touch at her mind. A gentle flicker that she hasn’t felt in a very long time. “Natalia.”
She doesn’t react. She doesn’t reach back. But she can’t help the tears that suddenly come burning hot, and she closes her eyes tightly against them.
“Do you remember, when we said we’d always talk to each other?” Wanda whispers to her. Natasha sucks in a hard breath, trying her hardest not to fall back into her memories. But they come surging unbidden anyway.
“This isn’t working, Wanda. You need to let me go.”
“You said you’d never leave unless I asked, I know you’re lying to me - ”
“Stay out of my head!”
The force of her anger frightens the younger woman, brings back bad memories. Natasha sees her physically recoil, her eyes pained as she realises that Natasha is deadly serious.
“This is my choice. I need you… I need you to respect it.”
And just like that, she’s all alone in her head once more.
“Natasha.” Wanda sounds pleading. She would never give up on her, Natasha knows this to be true. That’s why it was for the best — why things had to be the way they were. The only way for Natasha to ensure that they would both survive the last two years.
It would have killed her to have brought Wanda into one dangerous situation after another, knowing that nothing could ever be the same. The world had changed so fast. And she couldn’t protect her and do her job at the same time. She was always safer with Vision.
Though she longs to tell Wanda about her long-lost family. About her sister, now found. Wanda would understand, better than anyone - how terrifying, how traumatising, and yet how cathartic the whole ordeal had been.
But no. Natasha remains silent as the jet flies on. Bringing them closer to yet another threat, no doubt. Who knew what would be awaiting them? She had to be ready. Focus on the mission.
Wanda still remains a soft but persistent presence in her thoughts. Not pushing, but waiting.
Natasha keeps her lower lip firmly between her teeth, unsurprised to finally taste blood.
“Get some sleep, Wanda.” She doesn’t physically turn around. “Something big’s coming, you need to be ready. We’ll talk soon, okay? I promise.”
She feels Wanda’s surprise, she had never said those words before. They knew better than to make promises they couldn’t keep. But she couldn’t help it this time. Just this once.
“I’m holding you to that.”
Natasha can’t help herself, she reaches out to Wanda’s mind with everything that she can’t ever put to words. Wanda opens their connection again immediately, and Natasha is overwhelmed, drowning again. It’s been a very long time.
She doesn’t want to stop, she doesn’t want to - but as Natasha feels silent tears begin to fall in earnest down her cheeks, she forces herself to pull away gently. Slowly withdrawing her mind from Wanda’s.
She lets her go without further protest. But her last words ring with emphatic finality within Natasha’s thoughts.
“We’ll talk soon.”
But everything goes to hell. And they never do.