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"Do you have any resolutions for the new year?" Judy asks Jen, breaking the comfortable silence between them. There's a bottle of wine open on the table, their second of the night, the weather is perfect, and New Year's Rockin' Eve is providing background noise on the TV.
Jen side-eyes her, and it makes Judy feel warm, every time their eyes meet. Being wine drunk makes it harder for her to ignore this fact, makes her feelings for Jen burn even more than when she's sober. "You think I come up with resolutions?"
Judy takes a sip of wine to hide her grin, shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know. I think it's a good thing to do, personally. It's important to have goals."
Jen scoffs. "They're so fucking lame. People use them as an excuse to put off goals they should have had in the first place. Why wait until the new year?"
Judy nods. "Okay, I see your point there."
"Thank you." Jen looks from Judy back to the TV, and after a beat, sighs dramatically. "God, I miss Dick Clark."
"You're not a Ryan Seacrest fan?"
Jen whips her head back to Judy. "Why do you keep asking questions you know the answers to?" This time, Judy throws her head back and laughs at Jen's indignance.
"Because it's just so fun to rile you up. And way too easy."
Jen shakes her head, and takes a sip of her wine, but Judy can see her hiding a smile as she mumbles, "Am I a fucking Ryan Seacrest fan."
"Did you ever go to Times Square for New Year's? When you lived in New York?" Judy asks. She loves to hear about Jen's past. Loves to hear anything and everything she has to say, really.
Jen shakes her head. "No. It's a cool idea in theory, but honestly I have no desire to be around that many people. And where do you go if you have to use the bathroom? Sounds awful."
Judy nods, thoughtful. "Yeah. I've always thought it would be amazing to go... but you're right. The logistics of that must be a nightmare."
"Absolutely."
"I would love to go to New York sometime, though... around Christmas, that would be perfect," Judy sighs dreamily.
"You want to go around Christmas because of "Home Alone 2", don't you?"
Judy turns her head to look at Jen, and there's that feeling again, as she sees Jen smirking at her. "....maybe."
Jen laughs. "We'll go one year. The boys would love it."
"Really?" Judy asks. It always surprises her when Jen talks about the future, surprises her that Jen still plans on having Judy around.
Jen nods easily. "Sure."
"Oh!" Judy squeals, grabbing Jen's arm. "Can you imagine Henry at Duncan's Toy Chest? He'd lose his mind!"
Jen barks out a, "Ha!" but then quickly grimaces when she sees Judy's face. "Jude... that place isn't real."
Judy's jaw drops, hand falling off Jen's arm, landing on the couch next to her. " What?"
Jen shakes her head, mock sadly. "Nope."
"That's heartbreaking," Judy mutters, turning back to her wine for comfort.
Jen reaches over and grabs Judy's hand off the couch, squeezes it. "I'm sorry. But I promise you'll still love it. The Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center is even bigger than the one you made us put up this year."
Judy squeezes Jen's hand back and laughs. "You loved it!"
"I did," Jen admits, "but only because I love you."
Judy grins. Jen makes her feel loved, even if it's not in the exact way she wishes for; she still feels part of a family in a way she never has. "I love you too."
"And because you and Henry did all the work," Jen adds.
"There it is." Judy says as Jen laughs, and they fall back into silence, hands still clasped together. It's so nice, how calm and easy life has become, months removed from burying bodies (one human, one bird), hit and runs, and hospital stays. Judy gets to enjoy Jen, Charlie, and Henry with no guilt, and knows they enjoy having her around, too. For whatever it's worth, she's happy. "Do you think Charlie is regretting his offer to chaperone?" Judy says after her mind drifts to the boys.
"Another question you could answer yourself, Jude. Does Charlie regret spending his New Year's Eve helping out at his little brother's Christian rock group church lock-in? Absolutely."
"Well, Natalie did go with them."
"Yeah, but you know Christopher is making sure they leave room for Jesus between them or whatever the fuck. If he isn't regretting it already, he will once he realizes he can't kiss Natalie at midnight."
"Oh, I bet they won't be that strict!" Judy smiles at Jen and Jen shrugs as she takes a sip of wine. "Plus, New Year's kisses are overrated. I have no complaints about my New Year's date." Judy winks, and she doesn't miss the look that passes over Jen's face, just for a split second; something like disappointment. Jen looks away, and Judy's not sure what to make of it, isn't used to ever feeling awkwardness between them, not anymore. She changes the subject, looking at the TV. "Well, New York only has 20 more minutes to come up with their resolutions."
"You have three more hours to decide yours, then," Jen replies, after a moment.
"I already know mine."
"What is it?" Jen sounds genuinely curious.
Judy takes a breath, it's something she'd been thinking about a lot, actually. "The last year was really hard, but one thing I'm trying to take from it is how precious life is, and how it can't be taken for granted."
"That's for sure," Jen agrees, and Judy's surprised, a little, that she isn't mocking her, that she's sincere.
"So I'm going to do everything I can to get what I want out of life." She pauses, looks to Jen. "I just need to figure out what all that is." That last part is a lie; what she really has to figure out is how much she's willing to risk for it.
Jen nods. "Hmmmm," she hums, tilting her head back to drain her glass. After she swallows, she looks Judy in the eyes. Judy feels a jolt. "Well, you deserve everything you want, Jude."
Judy sucks in a breath. She has 365 days to work up to the big stuff. She can start small. "Okay, one thing I know for sure I want."
"What's that?" Judy can't be sure if she's imagining the softness in Jen's voice.
Judy reaches out to grab the empty wine bottle, shakes it with a raised eyebrow. "Another?"
Jen smiles and stands up, taking the bottle from Judy. "I'd be happy to make that happen for you."
"Why, thank you!" Judy laughs. Jen turns and starts walking towards the house, but Judy calls out, "Jen!"
Jen stops and turns back around. "Yeah?"
"I am also determined to get you to make a resolution." She sticks out her lower lip.
"Uggghhhh," Jen groans, then spins around and walks to the house. "I'll think about it!" She hollers back over her shoulder.
Judy settles back onto the couch and giggles. She's tipsy, feels fantastic, and she's excited- usually three bottle nights end up with cuddling, Judy's touchiness untamed the more she drinks, and Jen's facade of not liking it slipping away with every sip she takes. Sometimes, Judy thinks maybe it isn't good for her and her unrequited feelings; others, she thinks she'd be happy with a lifetime of this exact closeness with Jen.
Jen returns, bottle already opened, pours them each a glass and sits down. Judy smiles as Jen settles even closer to her than before, no space between them now. Jen curls her leg underneath her, and her knee lands on Judy's thigh. "Okay," Jen starts, then pauses as she takes a sip from her glass. "I think I decided. If you're forcing me to be resolute, I've got something."
Judy takes a big sip of wine, then sets the glass down on the table before turning to face Jen, giving her full attention. The movement slides Jen's leg even further into Judy's lap. "I'm all ears!"
Jen grimaces. "Oh God. I hate that saying."
"Why?!" Judy laughs. Jen's put-upon curmudgeon act is her favorite, especially when there's true happiness underneath. Judy can still sense the smile hiding behind Jen's eye-roll.
"I don't know. It makes me picture you as a giant ear." Jen puts her own glass down next to Judy's after gulping down half of it. She grabs the blanket that's folded neatly behind her, spreads it over their legs. It makes Judy smile, she knows it's for her benefit. Judy gets cold easily, and Jen always takes care of her. Judy shimmies an arm underneath the blanket, hand finding Jen's knee. She sees Jen's lips quirk up.
"It's just an expression, Jen. And "ears" is plural, so if anything I think the image it should bring to mind is several smaller ears-"
" Okay. Regardless, it's fucking creepy."
"So maybe your resolution should be not to take things so literally?" Judy smiles sweetly as Jen schools her face into a glare.
"No, I think I'm happy with how literal I am."
"Well-"
" Anyway!" Jen cuts her off, and Judy laughs, squeezes Jen's knee.
"I'm sorry. Please, I want to hear your resolution. I'm... listening." She smirks.
"Thank you!" Jen smiles, then her face grows more serious, and Judy can tell she's actually thought about this. "So, for years I was just going through the motions in life, stuck in a rut, really-"
"Oooh, great expression! Good job!"
"Jude!" Jen tries to sound stern, but Judy can see she's biting back a laugh.
"Sorry!"
Jen huffs out a breath of annoyance, then continues. "My resolution is to try new things."
"Oooh, that's a great one! So try something new, like, daily?" Judy leans over to grab her glass, takes a sip and sets it back down.
"Eeeehhhh, that seems a bit excessive. I don't know. Monthly. Weekly, maybe." Jen mimics Judy's actions, taking a sip from her glass, then her hand finds Judy's under the blanket.
"Bi-weekly?" Judy suggests.
"Sure. That sounds doable. But only good new things. Not like last year, when my new thing was killing a man then fucking his identical twin."
"Semi-identical," Judy corrects automatically, and there's a beat where they look at each other, stone-faced, before bursting into laughter. Jen falls further into her as they laugh, resting her head on Judy's shoulder. Judy loves the feel of Jen's hair against her cheek, breathes in the fruity scent, savors this moment. When they finally stop laughing, Jen leans back up and Judy has to wipe tears from her eyes. "Glad we can laugh about it now, at least, even if it means we're going to hell."
Jen shakes her head, fingers wiping at her own eyes. "Oh, not you. You're still an angel. I'll have a flight straight there, though."
"Flight?"
"Train. Bus. Whatever the travel situation is, I don't fucking know."
They grin at each other, and Judy has never felt more comfortable, more content with someone as she does with Jen. They've been to hell and back together, and there's nothing like knowing the worst parts of someone, but seeing the best, too. Judy hears a countdown coming from the TV, and turns her head to see the ball dropping in New York. Jen turns to look, too. Judy squeezes Jen's hand, then says, softly, "There's still time to atone for our sins."
"Yeah. Maybe one of my new things can be doing some volunteer work. That should make up for everything bad I've done, right?" There's sarcasm in her tone, but Judy can hear the sincerity, too.
Judy turns back to Jen. "I love that!" Jen smiles at her, and Judy can feel Jen's thumb, rubbing small circles on her palm. "Okay, so what else new are you thinking? I'd be happy to join you." Judy shifts to snuggle closer to Jen, head finding the space between the crook of her neck and the couch.
"I haven't come up with anything yet," Jen says into Judy's hair. Judy hears Jen inhale through her nose, wonders if Jen enjoys smelling her, too. Jen wraps her arm around Judy's shoulder, pulling her even tighter against her.
"Think of something you can start small with tonight. I did, and look what it got me! More wine, and you making a resolution."
"Hmmmm... I don't know what I can do right now that's new. I'm happy where I am, and I've done this many times before."
Jen sounds happy, and it fills Judy with joy; suddently, an idea springs to her mind. A test, kind of, and the circumstances may be perfect, her own resolution and the wine combining to make her feel a little bolder than normal. She sits back up. "I have an idea," she says, gently.
Jen frowns. "Does it involve you moving? Because I was super comfortable."
Judy smiles and shakes her head. "Nope." She scoots closer again, but now brings her face to Jen's. She moves slowly, taking the time to see Jen's eyes widen a bit, see the light freckles on her cheeks, hear the sharp intake of breath through Jen's nose as Judy's lips make contact with her cheek. She lets it linger, breathes Jen in. She pulls back, just a few inches, and says, "There. Something new." Jen doesn't say anything, just blinks at her, and Judy watches Jen run her tongue across her upper lip as she takes a deep breath. Judy knows she isn't imagining the way Jen's eyes flit to her lips. She waits a few moments, but it seems like Jen is frozen. "So, was that enough newness for you?" Judy asks, keeping her tone light. It's up to Jen, now, to decide where this goes. Judy knows what she wants.
Judy holds her breath, tries to stay calm, tries to act like Jen's answer isn't going to dictate the rest of her life. Jen shakes her head, slowly. "No." Judy can hear the emotion behind that one syllable, and her heart soars.
It's not even the new year yet, and Judy has the chance to make good on her resolution already, to help Jen make good on hers. Judy is nothing if not generous. She brings her hands up to Jen's face, and Jen keeps staring at her, waiting, breath deepening. Judy feels Jen's hands on her back, fingers digging in. Judy rests one hand on Jen's neck, and the other finds Jen's cheek. "I want you, Jen," she whispers, and then Judy kisses her, lips meeting Jen's softly, still testing the waters. Jen returns it, increases the pressure. Judy can't help herself, breaks their kiss and Jen's eyes snap open, questioning, as Judy asks, "See how we're killing two birds with one stone here?"
"Fuck, Judy, that saying is even worse!" Jen huffs.
Judy laughs, she's so happy, thinks this moment couldn't be more perfect. Then she leans back in, to kiss Jen how she's always wanted to- fully, slowly. Resolutely.
Jen responds again immediately, and it's clear now she's wanted this, too. It's Jen who slips her tongue into Judy's mouth, Jen who moans in pleasure first, and Jen who pulls Judy even closer, crushing Judy into her body. Judy moves her hand up to the back of Jen's head, tangling her fingers into her hair, angles her head so she can kiss Jen even deeper. It's amazing, everything she's dreamt it could be, and Judy never wants it to end. It does, though, after a few minutes, because all Judy's hands are itching to do is rip open the buttons on Jen's shirt, and she thinks she may need to reign it in. That may be too much new for Jen tonight. So Judy pulls back, and opens her eyes, and seeing Jen's disheveled hair and flushed cheeks makes her want her even more. It takes Jen a moment to open her eyes, and when she does, they're bright, brighter than Judy's ever seen them. She brings her hand to Judy's face, thumb stroking across Judy's cheekbone. "Damn," Jen breathes, then, "I've never been so wrong in my life."
"About what?" Judy asks quietly, fearful for a moment, despite the obvious happiness on Jen's face.
Jen grins, and leans back in, answering Judy's question just before their lips meet again, "Resolutions are fucking incredible."