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George wasn’t the biggest fan of putting his life out on the internet, he even kept his cat’s name a secret for goodness sake. So the thought of people finding out about his Autism was frightening. His friends knew and it was never an important thing to bring up so he was ever so grateful. He managed to mask well throughout streams but it would become harder after a few hours. There were a few examples of when the viewers may have picked up on some of his behaviours before he actually told them about his diagnosis.
~ 1 ~
Exploring caves with Jack, Niki, and Tubbo was not something George would expect a vlog to be made out of. An hour before leaving George had called Dream practically bursting with excitement rambling on about different geodes and rocks. Dream had helped George pick out his clothes before he left to meet up with the others. The car journey there had George stimming with excitement as he flapped his hands and popped his lips.
The other’s didn’t mention it until Niki spoke up. “Are you looking forward to it George?”
“Mhm.” George nodded. “I hope they have some rare geodes, that would be cool! Did you know that the deepest a cave can be is around three thousand meters.”
“Really?” Tubbo asked.
“Yup.” George grinned. “And those sharp bits that dangle down? They are called stalactites!”
“Oh that’s cool! I thought they were just called cave icicles.” Tubbo pondered.
“Nope. They’re similar though. They both form from water dropping down but there’s lots of different kinds. Like stalagmites grow upward, and this is from water that dripped off the end of stalactites. But sometimes they join together which form columns! The different naturally formed decorations of the cave are called speleothems and they usually only grow about an inch every hundred years so caves with big stalactites or stalagmites have been around for a very long time! And then there’s things called flowstone which- Oh sorry, I’m rambling again aren’t I?”
“No. no, no, it’s fine.” Tubbo said.
“Yeah, so what’s flowstone?” Jack asked.
“It’s okay if you don’t wanna hear it. I just think that rocks and the way the Earth is formed is very interesting.” George said bashfully, playing with his fingers.
“Keep telling us about it then!” Niki smiled. “It’s nice to hear people being passionate, you know?”
George fiddled with his sleeve and shrugged. “I don’t want to bore you guys at all.”
“It’s fine.” Jack said.
“So is flowstone also created by water?” Tubbo asked.
“Oh well um flowstone is-” George continued to ramble about cave details as they drove to the destination.
An hour later and they were wandering through the cave, George kept grabbing whoever was closest and telling them about specific geodes as he clapped his hands with excitement and bounced on his feet. Of course the majority of it had to be cut out because it wasn’t too entertaining for a vlog but George was overwhelmed with joy. Ringing his hands together to try and stop from moving them too much. His friends took turns listening to him as they filmed bits for the vlog, George took his turn to do bits and even made a few jokes here and there.
A few of his fun facts were laced into the vlog which caused a lot of comments to call him a rock nerd. George couldn’t help but show his friends some of the comments that made him laugh.
~ 2 ~
George had agreed to the water park vlog a month before it happened. He was so excited, of course he was, he really enjoyed swimming when he was younger. His mum used to make him and his sister take swimming lessons and he enjoyed it. The anxiety of the situation was catching up to him though.
After every swimming class he would have to get changed out of his wet clothes which would always cause panic. The feeling of clothes touching wet skin or hair was disgusting and made George feel sick to his stomach. The smell of indoor swimming pools was always overwhelming and the way the noise echoed was so much louder then it needed to be.
Tommy had reassured him that the waterpark was hired for them only and was outside so it eliminated two of the sensory issues that George had listed. On the journey there, George had sheepishly confessed to Wilbur that there may be a chance he would have a sensory overload. He bought his backpack full of spare comfy clothes, headphones, fidget toys, eye mask, and his chewy necklace. He explained to Wilbur that if he does have a sensory overload that he may be unresponsive but to give him the items and he’ll slowly calm down. Wilbur had reassured George that he would help out all he could and that if Tommy asked, he would ask for silence.
Throughout the shoot, George slowly became more and more overwhelmed. Although there were no other people there, the motor of the fans was loud enough to give George a headache. And the repetitive falling over and hitting his head was beginning to give him a pounding headache. His panic grew and he started laughing at everything that was barely funny.
Wilbur’s response to Tommy’s ‘team weak’ joke had him in stitches and even Tommy pointed out that George was acting strange. And then he was struggling over his words, “Rejveni - rejus - rejuvienising.” Tommy hadn’t picked up on it - of course he didn’t - George hadn’t informed him, he was just a kid.
He slowly fell behind the other two as he tried to even out his breathing and tried to block out the noise. He tired to keep himself under control as he was slowly falling into a panic. They ended the vlog and started changing back into their normal clothes but George stayed sitting on the bench, trying to even his breathing. Tommy had finished getting ready before Wilbur so he made his way over to George but continued to keep his distance.
“George? You okay?” He asked, voice oddly quiet.
George flinched at the voice anyways and took a deep breath as he tried to ignore all the sounds he could hear.
“I’m gonna get Will.” George counted the footsteps until he could no longer hear them. After a minute or so, George heard an extra pair of footsteps making their way over.
“Hey, George.” Wilbur said softly. “Can I help you get changed?”
George shrugged slightly as he sat up for Wilbur to help him walk to the changing rooms before helping him dry off and change into his comfy clothing. George shivered as the cold air hit him. Once he was fully changed and dry (minus his wet hair), Wilbur filtered through his bag as George tugged at his hair trying to focus on something other than the sensory overload. He was clenching his fists and rocking back and forth as he tried to keep himself from falling into a full fledged panic. He began chewing on his fingers to distract himself from the headache that had grown a lot more than he thought. He couldn’t help himself as he gagged around his fingers and fell to his knees, throwing up into the toilet. Wilbur had to excuse himself but Russ came in after to rub George’s back calmly whilst Wilbur calmed himself down and George emptied his stomach.
After about ten minutes, George finished emptying the lake water out his stomach and drank the bottled water Russ gave to him. Wilbur came back in and fished out a few items for George who was now sobbing as he felt all of senses become overwhelmed with different textures and sounds. He covered his eyes as he rocked trying to stifle his sobs.
“Do you want your headphones on?” Wilbur asked softly and George nodded and soon the noise counselling headphones were placed over his ears and slowly the noises were muted to a muffle. Wilbur grabbed the chewy necklace and placed it around George’s neck allowing the man to chew on the safe object instead of his fingers. Wilbur then gave George the fidget cube so the man was distracted. Wilbur then guided the younger man to the car who was shaking. The teenager followed after and sat in the back with George who was given the blanket that was left in the boot from a past journey.
George hummed around the necklace to himself in the back of the car as they drove to his flat. He grabbed his stuff and waved goodbye to the group but giving them a thumbs up as he entered the safety of his flat.
The next morning he sent the group a small message apologising for his outburst but promising that he did actually have a lot of fun but to the point it was overwhelming. They were all kind, telling him to not apologise. George never failed to blush whenever his friends would ask him if he had his backpack and Wilbur even started carrying small fidget keyrings just in case George needed it.
~ 3 ~
One of the more positive things George dealt with was his attention span. His viewers would argue otherwise, saying to look at how long it takes for him to come out with a video. He still had a video that he filmed three months ago that he needed to finish editing. Dream thankfully took the editing into his own hands, doing the hardest part of the work for George, allowing the older man to clean up any final edits. This caused a lot of teasing that George was lazy or Dream was a simp by both their fans and their friends.
George just struggled to focus on his editing when he was hyper fixated on something else that took up a lot of energy. He felt bad when he sat with his friends and talked about his current fixation and when Dream said he had been editing all day. He just had a mental block that stopped him from doing all of his work.
He was streaming late one night, just a chill no facecam stream where he played on his newly made hardcore world. He talked to the viewers about his day when he saw a donation pop up.
“Hi George! I’ve just made a crochet version of your mc skin. It’s on Twitter, my username is @MCYTcrochet.”
“I will check that out after the stream, thank you so much! Do you have the pattern? I’ve been learning to crochet recently. I think I might have my newest thing somewhere- two seconds.” George ran to the table and grabbed his newest crocheted frog he made before he turned his camera on and held it up to the camera.
“It’s a bit wonky but I like him.” George smiled. “A minecraft skin would be cool to make next but I saw a cool crochet cow that I might make.”
The chat continued to spam praise and compliments as he smiled and blushed.
“Thanks guys. Do you want to name him?” Chat flew by with different suggestions of names and joking comments before George saw one that caught his eye. “Artie? I like the name Artie.”
Chat continued to fly and George listed off more names and comments before he held the frog back to the camera.
“It’s settled. Artie it is.” George smiled before switching off his camera and going back to his minecraft world. He hummed and popped his lips together as he played, talking to chat as he tamed cats.
~ 4 ~
When he met Quackity, just outside the London Eye, they had jumped excitedly before hugging for exactly seven seconds before they pulled apart. George had forewarned Quackity that he may not give him a hug but the pure excitement caught up to George and he engulfed his friend. He originally told Quackity it was because of the pandemic that he was uncomfortable but as they sat down at dinner that night, he confessed that he was uncomfortable with hugging people and that it was a by-product of his Autism.
Quackity understood and told his friend there was no pressure and to let him know about any adjustments and things he needed to know. George was grateful to have such a good friend that never judged him for his behaviour.
After their first stream together they decided they were going to roam the streets of London when a teenage girl came up to them.
"Hello. I'm a really big fan. Can I get a photo with you guys?" George nodded at the girls.
They leaned in for the photo when the girl asked, “Can I get a hug?”
“Sure.” Quackity leaned forward and gave the hug whilst George stood back.
“I’m sorry - I’m not comfortable with that.”
“Why not?” The girl frowned.
“Oh um the pandemic and uh just that kind of stuff makes me uncomfortable.” George explained.
“I’m double vaxxed though.” The girl argued.
“Well um I’m still not comfortable-”
“It’s like the bare minimum.” The girl pushed. George logically knew that the girl was getting defensive because she was embarrassed but he had felt bad enough.
“He said no.” Quackity said.
“I’m really sorry.” George apologised, feeling the panic start to grow.
“Whatever.” The girl grumbled and walked away.
George’s breaths picked up as he started flapping his hands and humming. He backed against a wall and sank to the floor, trying desperately to block out his anxious thoughts.
“Hey man.” Quackity said softly. “You’re okay. She was just a bitch yeah?”
“What if-”
Quackity shushed him. “Focus on your breathing for now.”
“She was filming.” George mumbled. “I should’ve just hugged her.”
“You stated your boundaries and she was rude about that. You did nothing wrong.” Quackity
George’s breathing slowly evened out before he stood back up again.
“Do you want a hug?” Quackity asked.
George shook his head. “Sorry-”
“No, that's okay.” Quackity smiled. “I’m respecting your boundaries.”
George laughed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, I get it.”
~ 5 ~
Sometimes, he couldn’t help but stim. Whether it was vocally or physically. Like letting out weird noises when he was frustrated after losing a game. Or when he needed to pick things up and fiddle with them, desperately needing to keep his fingers as occupied as his mind was. His fans picked up on it, of course, but no one batted an eye until during his ten million subscribers stream, he couldn’t help his excitement and stimmed throughout the entire stream, frantically waving his hands in joy and letting out gleeful noises.
Dream had called him a few minutes after the stream ended.
“George! You’re trending!”
“I am?” George squeaked.
“Yeah, you deserve this George.” Dream smiled softly and George giggled as he clapped his hands.
“I want to read the tweets, are they good?”
“Yeah.” Dream chuckled. “They’re always good.”
“Oh my God this one is an edit of you twerking!” George laughed.
“My finger hurt after that. It was so long!” Dream groaned.
“Oh, Dream calm down.” George widened his eyes.
“You’re such an idiot.”
“Anyways, I told my mum and she called my sister and my dad who both sent me messages and then I-”
He saw someone saying how he looked so happy when he was stimming and he froze mid scroll.
“George?” Dream broke the silence. “You stopped mid-sentence, what's going on?”
“Um-” George put down his phone and started to clench and unclench his hands quickly as he took deep breaths.
“Okay, can you tell me what’s wrong?”
George started humming loudly trying to block out all of the panicked thoughts racing through his mind.
“Alright,” Dream whispered. “I am going to sit here and you can tell me when you are ready.”
George continued to stim, eventually swapping out his fist clenching to a ball that he could squeeze and toss around rather than hurting his hands. His humming slowly stopped and he slowed down with the ball before he coughed lightly, sipping his water.
“There’s posts about me stimming.” George grimaced. “I was too obvious about it and now they’re making compilations about it.”
“Ahh.” Dream said quietly. “That’s okay George. They don’t know about your diagnosis.”
“What if they find out? They can look up doctor files or someone who knows could tell them or - or - or leak it.”
“George, deep breaths.” Dream said softly.
“Sorry.” George whispered.
“It’s okay, you’re okay. I promise that no one is going to find that kind of information.” Dream soothed. “You should just tell them. Or just mention it. It doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t want to. You can say it like, ‘This funny thing happened to me before I was diagnosed with autism’ or ‘my autistic brain can’t handle this’. I don’t know something like that. Or a tweet.”
“I don’t wanna be treated differently-”
“There will be people who do George but they mostly won’t.” Dream said. “They know about my ADHD and don’t treat me any differently, I’m sure they’d do the same thing for you.”
“But-”
“George. It would do you wonders, I promise.”
~ +1 ~
‘I don't really like talking about things online that much but a video of me talking to a fan has recently been going around. The video is me refusing to give the fan a hug because I was uncomfortable. First of all, I’m sorry for not talking about this sooner. Second of all of my new boundaries will be posted in my twitch description and my twitch mods will double down on anything that goes against them. Third, an explanation. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 8. It was why I was uncomfortable with giving the hug, it is why I stim throughout streams, it’s why I will wear the same item of clothing over again, or why I follow routines. It’s not something I want brought up but I hope it’s an explanation on what is going on with my behaviour at times and I think it’s important that you guys know. Thank you guys for the continued support :]’
Punz - <3 love you gogy <3
TinaKitten - so so so proud of you George! Such a big step <3
dreamwastaken - You are so amazing for this one, so fucking proud of you!!! I love you <3
Sapnap - George <3
HonkKarl - SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU DESERVE THE WORLD GEORGE <3333
quackity4k - you are so epic!
Nihaachu - You are so brave, George! You’re an inspiration to many!
BadBoyHalo - Well done, George! Everyone is so proud of you :D