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Dear Jinwoo,
How are you doing there? I hope you’re thriving. I’m managing fine here, but it’s been a long time since my last letter, and I hope you enjoyed my previous ones. I find myself waiting for your reply every day, and to be honest, I really miss you. It pains me that I never got to say goodbye to someone so important in my life—my dearest best friend and lover. You left me to face this sorrow alone, but I think I’m starting to move on. That’s why I’m writing this for you one last time.
The boys are doing well. Minhyuk, your favorite, misses you terribly. He cried hard when he heard you had left us that day. His mental state broke down; he stopped dancing, locked himself in his room, and barely ate. Every time I saw him step out, my heart shattered. I didn’t know how to comfort him; he always turned to you for solace. Without you, he lost his source of comfort.
He was imprisoned in his grief for about two weeks, crying as if there was no tomorrow. I’m just relieved he never considered hurting himself; I can’t bear to lose anyone again. Then one day, he fainted in the bathroom. Dongmin and I rushed him to the hospital. After treatment, we registered him for counseling sessions. Thankfully, he’s stopped crying and is becoming stronger. He promised to turn your memory into motivation to live life fully. He even opened a dance academy in Samseong-dong and became a tutor there. I’m really proud of him.
Dongmin and Bin have also struggled, but they’re pushing through. You know Dongmin wanted to enroll in that top university in South Korea, right? After you left, he remembered his promise to you and studied hard for the SATs. He aced them and got in. He’s majoring in Math, and you always knew he had a brilliant mind. There’s just one semester left until he graduates, and he wants to become a lecturer. You must be proud of him!
Bin is working at his family café, One Cafe, right in the heart of Seoul. It’s doing well, always packed with customers. He’s not great at Math, so Mrs. Moon has him working as a barista. His good looks attract many female customers, but he’s oblivious to it. I really need to teach him some life lessons! He’s also a dance tutor at Minhyuk’s academy, and I was surprised to learn he’s actually quite good at dancing.
As for our giant baby, Sanha, he was like Minhyuk but managed a bit better. He cried for a few days when you left, but then he decided he wanted to pursue his dream of becoming an idol. He recalled how you encouraged him when he sought your advice. Not long after, he auditioned for Fantagio Entertainment and made it into Fantagio i-Teen. He’s been a trainee for a year now.
I’ll never forget the sight of him in that black shirt with a checkered collar, singing “Baby” by Justin Bieber during the audition. It always makes me laugh! He got selected, and I heard from Minhyuk that Sanha will debut next spring. I can’t wait!
And then there’s me, Kim Myungjun, a shadow of my former self since your passing. I never saw it coming. If I had known you would go before me, I would have traded my soul to keep you here. You were always there for me, understanding me fully, and you held my heart. Your death turned my world upside down.
The bright Myungjun, your ray of eternal sunshine, died the day you left. I’ve lost the warm smile you said was my most beautiful feature. I’m not the same person; I’ve become a sorrowful shell, filled with self-blame.
I often wonder if I could have changed that night. If only I had been there, if only we hadn’t fought, I would have stopped you from walking that dark alley and facing that tragedy. You took half of my soul with you, and it hurts, Jinwoo. It hurts deeply.
I’ve reached a breaking point; I can’t bear this pain any longer. I want to move on, but it feels impossible. Day by day, I find less reason to live. I’m sorry, Jinwoo. I know you might hate me for what I’m considering, but the guilt is consuming me.
Thank you for everything, my love. Please don’t wait for me at heaven’s door; I fear I’ll end up in hell for what I’m about to do. Please watch over the boys for me, Angel Jinwoo. I love you.
Love,
Junnie