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Chuuya hated the post-corruption feeling. His entire body burned, at first its unbearable, he can only lay on one of Mori's bed at his clinic until he can stand up, wich takes a while. Sometimes he feels that if he tries to walk all his bones will crush and get turned into chalk. His muscles feel like jelly and the simple act of moving his eyes is a torture.
But the phisycal pain is not even close to the psicologycal. Because using corruption meant that he was reminded that the possibility of not being human was the most likely to be true. And then everything started to feel unreal, his thoughts felt unreal, his feelings felt not real, his body didn't feel real. And it was a vicious cicle of thinking and thinking about the same damn problem just to realice the solution had been lost the moment he used corruption for the first time. He had been doomed scince then. One year ago. And there was no way of turning back.
There was only one person that still insisted on the idea of him being fully human. Dazai. From the very beggining he standed by that. Because in reality they had never thought of Chuuya in any other way. Someone who feels his emotions so intensly, who isn't afraid to trust others and be loyal to them, someone that even though had been betrayed still didnt want to see his traitor's blood spilled, someone so completely different from them. He saw humanity in Chuuya, more than Chuuya was able to see in himself. He wished he could be like that too. He envied Chuuya's humanity. And surpisingly, it also worked the other way around. Chuuya could see Dazai's humanity when not even they could, and also envied it.
And as they saw something they craved on eachother, they also saw something that they hated about themselves reflected too.
When the post-corruption feeling becomes more easy to handle, he returns to his apartment, wich is also the place Dazai uses as a shelter from the cold of the shipping conteiner they live in.
So, when Chuuya was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling with no thoughts on mind, Dazai entered the apartent, shaking, trying to scape from the cold.
'Chuuya? Are you here? The lights are off, but the windows are open...'
He looked around, and spotted that the bedroom door was half open. He walked into the room to find an ehxausted Chuuya laying on the bed, dark circles under his eyes, firey hair messy, mind somewhere else. Corruption always got the best and the worst out of Chuuya.
He looked at Dazai. Then went back at staring at the ceiling.
Dazai knew what Chuuya was dealing with. He had seen him multiple times. They decided to stay with him until he woke up, normally in their arms, where he had passed out too. Then, when Chuuya felt better, they would sit in some lost alley and smoke toghether, not necessarily talking, or looking at eachother, Chuuya just enjoyed someones company. Dazai's company.
Dazai looked at the desk in front of the bed, several items displayed on it. A pair of glasses, his motorcycle keys, a wallet, his hat and... a lighter with a pack of cigarettes. Bingo. They grabbed it, and sat on the opposite side of the bed. He took a cigarette out of the pack and then lighted it. Then they put the lighter aside and the cigarette in their mouth and layed besides Chuuya.
He took in one deep breath, and then let go of the grey smoke, staring at the nowhere, just like his partner. But his head was full of thoughts, it was always like that. It was tiring. But they had got used to it.
They handed the cig over to Chuuya, and he took a deep breath as well. But it burned inside of his lungs, just like when he took oxygen while using corruption. He held back a cough, it felt better when he released it. A litte tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it before Dazai could notice. Then handed the cig back to them.
This process was repeated several times, until they both had finished it. Then Chuuya threw the end over the window. The sun was setting, the sky was a deep orange colour.
Chuuya could feel his eyelids become heavier and heavier. He tried to fight back the feeling, but it didnt take too long until he gave in and finally closed his eyes falling into a deep sleep.
Dazai noticed that his parter had already closed his eyes and gave in to the slumber. So they looked away from the ceiling and stared at Chuuya. Dazai would never admit it but, he adored looking at Chuuya while he slept. He looked so peacefull, so beautiful, so harmonic. He could also take a better look into Chuuya's figure. He could take a better look into his freckles, that were sparkled all over his cheeks, slightly flushed cheeks. He could look at his long eyelashes that perfectly combined with his deep blue eyes. Blue eyes that stared into your soul and stabbed right into it. Blue eyes he could get lost in for hours. They could take a better look at how the sunlight reflected into Chuuya's long hair. He fought back the urge of sinking their fingers onto those gorgeus strands of fire. Yes. Chuuya was definitively ethereal. He was also so powerful, and even if he held a God inside him, he was the best exaple of human they could think of.
Shit. He was doomed. He really was. He was catching feelings.