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"Is that enough?"
Those three little words circle round and round in Eddie's head like a song on repeat.
Is it enough? Is it enough for Chris to love Ana, even if Eddie doesn't? Is it enough to stick it out when the very thought of spending the rest of his life with this person steals his breath and makes his chest tight with panic?
Is it enough when Buck is right there, looking so disappointed with him?
Eddie hates that he's the reason Buck looks like that. He hadn't even considered it from the other point of view.
He glances towards the living room. Ana and Chris are sitting together, pencils spread out across the coffee table.
As if sensing his gaze, Ana meets his eye and Eddie looks away, throat already tightening with the barely restrained panic.
He's doing this for Chris.
That has to be enough.
*
"You can't keep avoiding me." Buck strolls into the house like he owns the place— like he belongs— and drops down onto the couch beside Eddie.
"I gave you a key for emergencies," Eddie reminds him, but there's no heat in the words. He stands and moves to the kitchen, grabbing two beers from the fridge, passing one to Buck when he returns.
"We haven't seen each other outside of work in over a week," Buck says, accepting the drink. "This is a welfare check."
"I'm fine, Buck," Eddie sighs. "And I'm not avoiding you. I've just been busy." He takes a long sip of his drink.
"Uh huh." Buck settles into silence, but Eddie can practically feel his need to ask another question. "Where’s Chris?"
It's not the question Eddie is expecting.
"He's at a friend's place, at a sleepover." Eddie ignores Buck's frown, focusing instead on the way his fingers toy with the label on the bottle. "He should be home soon."
"You had a child free weekend and you didn't spend it with Ana?" he glances over at Eddie. His face twists into something Eddie can't quite read, something sad.
"I don't need to spend every waking minute with her," Eddie says, keeping his voice light. "I just— I needed some time to myself."
"You can't keep doing this," Buck says. "You can't keep stringing her along. It's not fair."
"I'm doing it for Chris," Eddie argues. Why can't Buck see that? Everything he does is for Chris. He stands, brushing his hands off on his shorts. "I'll get out of your hair. Sorry for—" he gestures vaguely around the room "—just barging in. I'll uh—I'll go."
"Buck, wait." Eddie follows him to the door. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"
A call pulls up in the driveway, blocking Buck's Jeep. Chris tumbles out of the back seat, his face lighting up when he spots them.
"Buck!" He laughs, full of joy when Buck scoops him up.
"Hey there bud, you have a good weekend?" All signs of Buck’s previous distress have vanished while he listens intently to Chris’s retelling of his sleepover.
"Hey Buck." Michelle hands over Chris's bag and it takes Eddie a beat to remember she and Buck have met, back while Eddie was still recovering.
"Hey, he didn't cause too much trouble?" Buck's voice is teasing as he sets Chris down.
"Chris? Never." Michelle laughs. "But maybe you two can have them next time."
Eddie snorts softly at Buck's panicked expression. "I guess it's only fair," he says, stepping away from the porch to pull Chris into a hug.
He doesn’t think anything of it until he’s back inside. It’s not the first time someone has made the wrong assumption about them.
Eddie waits for the panic to come.
It never does.
The idea that Buck is such an integral part of their family should be terrifying, but instead it just feels… right.
Buck fits in a way Ana never has— a way Ana never will.
And Eddie is an idiot.
*
“We need to talk.”
Ana reels back, her mouth snapping shut mid-way through her sentence. After a beat, she sighs. “Yeah, we do.”
*
Chris takes the news of the breakup better than Eddie expected.
“I’m sorry, bud,” Eddie tells him. “I know you really liked her.”
Shrugging, Chris tucks himself in closer to Eddie. “I just wanted you to be happy.” And god, if that doesn’t break Eddie’s heart, just a little bit.
This whole time he’d been thinking this was what Chris wanted, and that he would stick it out for his son. Turns out the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and Chris was doing the same for him.
"What if—" Eddie shallows against a suddenly dry throat. "What if Buck made me happy? Would that be okay?"
Chris's eyes light up. "Yes!" He throws his arms around Eddie. "Buck makes me happy too, dad."
*
Buck: Can I come over?
Eddie frowns down at his phone. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s come home to find Buck’s Jeep sitting in the driveway. Every time he’ll tease Buck about his key being for emergencies only, and every time Buck will laugh and tell him why this time is an emergency. Buck never asks permission before coming over.
Eddie: sure. Everything okay?
There’s no response, but thirty minutes later the familiar rumble of the Jeep echoes up the street.
Eddie goes to the front door, leaning against the frame while he waits for Buck to make his way over.
“I broke up with Taylor.” Buck pushes past Eddie and into the living room. “She uh— she didn’t take it well.” He lets out a humourless laugh and drops down onto the couch, folding himself forward with his head in his hands.
“What happened?” Eddie asks gently, taking a seat beside Buck.
“We wanted different things,” Buck says, sitting up. “Which I’ve always known but— you know, I want a family and kids and she doesn’t. It just didn’t feel right to keep pretending, so I decided I needed to take my own advice and stop stringing it along.”
“And she didn’t like that?”
"She had a few choice words for me." Buck glances across at Eddie. "And about you," he says after a heavy pause.
"Me?"
Nodding, Buck turns away. "And she's right, I guess, because in the end I did choose you over her."
"I—" Eddie's heart pounds, but it's not panic that claws against his chest.
"And I know you don't feel the same and it's fine," Buck says, almost tripping over the words in his rush to get them out. "And I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have said anything but—"
Eddie leans forward and silences Buck’s rambling with a kiss.
Buck makes a surprised sound against his mouth, but then he's kissing Eddie back and it just feels right.
"Wait." Buck pulls back suddenly, a frown pulling at his mouth. "Are you sure? You said you didn't want a ready-made family."
"Because I already had one," Eddie says. "With you."
And he's never been so sure of anything in his life.