Chapter Text
* november 4, 2022. 8:55 am. *
“good practice this morning, soobin. your technique is looking rough though, what’s with that?”
the boy left swim practice again, hair still damp, and his coach’s words ringing in his ear.
soobin was a nearly-five-star athletic swimmer, being the leader of his school’s swim team while also being a stunning swimmer himself. he could do all of it. he has been since he was 9, when his father decided he would be taking swim lessons. he didn’t really have a strong opinion on swimming, he simply did as told. it wasn’t like he had a choice to do otherwise, what his father wanted was what he got; even if it was soobin’s choice to make. but he made sure to always bring home high scores on his papers, and awards when participating in contests or competitions. everyone in school knew him as one of the higher-ranked students. with his many achievements and apathetic, aloof demeanor, he was easily taken to be intimidating. and so he was, and he made sure that he was just that. being untouchable made his life easier; people didn’t even attempt to bother him. except for these two dipshits.
“there’s my little binbin!”
yeonjun arrived at soobin’s side, grinning whilst lazily throwing his arm around the slightly taller boy’s shoulder. soobin hated it when he called him that, especially in that voice which made yeonjun sound like a grandma excited to see her 3-year-old grandson at thanksgiving.
“good morning, dumbass.” soobin muttered.
“who pissed in your cereal this morning?” yeonjun questioned teasingly. yeonjun loved to use that phrase, he practically abused it.
“nothing. all’s good.” soobin assured him just as the last of the three stooges, taehyun, showed up, glowing and glimmering as he usually does. yeonjun and taehyun quickly kindled in conversation with one another, chatting about where they wanted to eat lunch today and taunting jokes about the teachers they disliked.
the three were all a bit diverse from each other. yeonjun was what people call a “stoner,” as when he wasn’t at school, he was most likely somewhere smoking, and would probably get something to eat afterwards. the older carried himself like one too; either incredibly tired or ready to run a 5k. he loved going to saturday house parties, as did taehyun, though taehyun may not chime in to do the risky and partly dangerous things yeonjun likes to do at house parties. taehyun was a bit smarter with his decisions, and had a lot more nicer bones in his body than yeonjun and soobin. he was the most charming out of the 3, as girls swooned at him, even a few boys turned their heads. that leaves with soobin, the leader of the swim team and persistent award winner, choi soobin. he’s never found at parties, only on occasion when yeonjun manages to drag him into one, to which he leaves 30 minutes later. some say he’s a bit mysterious, a primary reason why so many girls wish to date him; though that’d be a challenge, as his phone remains with only 7 contacts. he’s undeniably an introvert, and he prefers it that way.
though soobin had a great pair of friends and abounded with people interested in him, he could never help but feel distant. distant from himself, distant from everyone, from the world around him. his world was black and white. his universe had no color, no dashing hues or bright beams; like a night sky with no stars or planets to shine back at him. some days he sensed this lack of fondness, of human connection. but it was as if he’d been watching through black and white lenses his whole life, he knew no different. what would be different if he did somehow, put on these tinted glasses that everyone else seems to wear so easily? he was comfortable and used to his dimness, so comfortable that stepping into any kind of light made him uneasy. anxious, timid even. he had become so indifferent to the dull shades he lived through, that even dipping his foot into something of color seemed unimaginable.
he didn’t know that it wasn’t as unimaginable as he thought.
he walked down the hallway, heading toward his 2nd period class. 2nd period was always something soobin looked forward to after swim practice. it was a special class he chose to take at the beginning of the school year, the only selective class he chose out of many. french didn’t seem too appealing, environmental science would definitely result in a good nap… then there it was, just waiting for him to fill the check box that would confirm he will be taking that course his 1st semester of junior year. creative literature, with ms. kim. he’s not nerdy or anything (or that’s what he’d like to believe), the boy simply wanted a class that he wouldn’t nearly fail in. he liked the idea of being in a class where nobody really knows him, or might care about who he’s talking to and what type of girls he likes. writing seemed to be a breath of fresh air to the boy, like coming up from the deep end to inhale.
the hallways were profoundly crowded, as soobin had to scoot in between people, though most moved out of his line of sight. he fiddled with the locker dial, wanting to get his things quickly before anyone could spark an unwanted conversation with him. a group of girls, who he was almost sure were freshmen, looked towards him and let out loud fits of giggles. he saw their smirks through his peripheral vision, as one of the girls leaned over to another in a whisper. he couldn’t quite make out what they said, only a few words which left him feeling uncomfortable, and a bit repulsed. his friends, yeonjun and taehyun, would’ve been thrilled to hear that type of comment being made about them. they would’ve got those girls’ numbers and gone through with it. as they usually do. he should do the same, maybe it’d be good for him. yeonjun’s always going on about how if he had more sex, maybe he’d be less depressed all the time. how he needs to just relax, smoke a couple, and call some girls over. but it’s difficult. as most things seem to be for him. he swiftly shut his locker, turning down the short, secluded hallway that led to his most awaited class.
throughout the lecture, soobin kept hearing an annoying scribbling noise from the desk adjacent to his. he eventually looked toward the direction of the noise to see a boy quite fixated on the paper in front of him, which seemed to be an intricate drawing of the moon. he seemed to be just shading in the craters and holes. the latter wondered why you would sign up for such a special, selective class just to not pay attention? to doodle? why didn’t he just sign up for art instead? soobin took slight offense to that.
he recognized him as the boy he’s seen around school a good bit, though they have no other shared classes nor friends. the boy was just easier to spot in a crowd. he was wearing a sea-blue hoodie, a gentle hue of it that complimented his white-highlighted raven black hair, which happened to be a bit longer than the normal haircut boys had at their school. the length few inches above his shoulders, it gave the boy an otherworldly look when compared to the rest of the school. a wolf cut is what people called it. but it suited him well, as some of the longer strands of hair rested against his cheekbone while he sketched. clear-rimmed glasses rested on his nose bridge, through them his eyes were entranced on his paper as one of his hands perfected the details of his drawing; the other fiddling with the fabric of his sweatpants. his feet lightly tapped the ground, eyes going back and forth from the teacher to his drawing.
it was strange, but the boy drawing seemed to have some kind of glow to him. he felt like someone who kept secrets hidden in a box, pushed underneath his bed. someone who kissed their mom goodbye before school and meant it, someone who waited as you tied your shoe in the hallway. he had the grace of an ocean tide, the way he moved his hands across the paper, soon back to the point he was originally shading.
soobin snapped himself out of his thoughts once he felt himself begin to daze out. he didn’t know why his mind seemed to think all of this. he doesn’t even know him, for all he knows he could be a huge asshole. a huge asshole who likes to draw planets during class. he never thinks about people so deeply like this. this is weird. soobin brung his eyes back from wherever they were to ms. kim, just when she was announcing their upcoming assignment.
the teacher clasped her hands together, a cheeky smile growing across her face. soobin hoped this wasn’t going to be an essay. she would be personally betraying him if she gave an essay assignment.
“this assignment has been my favorite out of all my years of giving assignments…” she untensed her shoulders, looking at all of the students. turning around, she took the dry-erase marker and wrote,
‘what are the stars in your universe?’
he had no clue what that meant. was he going to be writing about planets?
“can someone interpret this for me?”
multiple students raised their hands. she picked a couple people to which she replied ‘not quite,’ until she chose moon boy.
“the things that bring us light… in darkness?” he questioned, his words slightly drawn out in hesitation.
“exactly!” she smiled in agreement and nodded. “thank you, beomgyu.”
beomgyu. moon boy has a name.
“this project will be one of the most eye-opening projects you may ever do. along with our prompt; what are the things, small or big, that bring light to your universe? you will make a list of your ‘stars’, with short descriptions of each star. any questions?”
he had plenty, but he wasn't going to raise his hand because his questions are questions no one else probably had to ask. he has no essence of how he's going to get this done, or get even close to figuring out what his ‘stars’ may be.
—
yeonjun caught up to soobin at the end of 6th period, only a few minutes later than usual, as someone unfortunately stepped on one of yeonjun’s most prized possessions; his shoes. after a death glare and a few harsh threats that he wouldn’t like to repeat, he appeared at soobin’s locker.
“you wanna chill at mine today? mom’s making spaghetti~” soobin noticed the familiar long-haired boy beside his locker. yeonjun held a cheeky smile on his face, and soobin assumed it must be a high-energy day for him.
yeonjun knew soobin loved his mom’s spaghetti. he always ate it like he was on death row and it was his last meal, and the older never failed to pester him about it.
soobin didn’t want to pass up yeonjun’s mom’s homemade spaghetti, but he had lots to do when he got home. like sleep. and eat. and wonder what to do about his dumb planet project, whatever the hell it was.
“i can’t, sorry. save me some spaghetti though, yeah?” soobin locked his locker and did his regular handshake-hug-bump with yeonjun, walking backwards a few steps to signal ‘bye’ to him before rotating to face forward.
though a good distance away, soobin could well hear yeonjun shout aggressively, “yah, watch where you’re going, fucking queer.”
soobin was accustomed to yeonjun’s offensive and homophobic comments, but he never blatantly called someone a “queer” or “homo” to their face. but he guessed today was just one of those days, and yeonjun did. he didn’t feel too surprised. he continued his striding towards the school exit. however, in the corner of his eye he noticed a quick-footed student with particular black strands weaving by, panic plainly expressed through his footsteps. he wondered if that was the boy yeonjun had just yelled at, but didn’t choose to think much of it. it’s not like it would matter or change anything, yeonjun was just yeonjun. that’s what he did; yell at people, do reckless things, never really think about anything. deep down, soobin knew he didn’t agree with yeonjun on many things, most definitely what he just did. but soobin couldn’t change anything. he couldn’t change his choice of friends, he couldn’t kick them to the curb. even if they were assholes, or one of them was. he just didn’t have it in him. he didn’t know if he ever would.
he unlocked the front door to his home, greeted by his father, sat silent at the dining table with an agitated air around him. he knew what his father was going to say, he knew how he was going to say it. soobin dropped himself onto his bed immediately after letting his bookbag fall off his shoulders, his shoulders automatically untensing as a quiet sigh fell past his lips. letting himself slip underneath the covers, his hands grabbed for his most precious item (though that’s not what he calls it, he says it’s just a plushie his mother gave him a few christmas’ ago). his blue bunny plushie, specially named ‘bouncy.’ bouncy has happened to see some of soobin’s most troubling and dreary days, as the boy found subliminal comfort in the stuffed animal. most days when he arrives home, bouncy has felt like the closest soobin may have to a friend, though no words have been or can be exchanged between the two. he would never admit this, though. it shall be kept between him and bouncy.
soobin felt himself coincide in a restful nap, the tv in front of his bed playing episodes of some random comedy show he had found on netflix. he was deep in slumber until he was lightly shaken awake, a gentle hand running through his hair. he wished he could just sleep the rest of the day.
“come eat dinner, honey.” his mom spoke, looking at him with an expression he could never really understand. her eyes spoke clearer, though.
he sat at the table, his mom and dad sitting in front of each other while he sat at the end. the sound of forks and spoons against the bowls were the only sound that filled the room, besides his father’s loud breathing. soobin quietly ate his dinner, looking up to view his mom occasionally.
“one of your teachers called.”
he lifted his eyes to see his father, furrowed eyebrows and arm on the table. he sits a certain way when he’s angry. soobin memorized and remembered this way of sitting he father chose whenever he was angry, so he would be able to see the signs and leave before he began to lash out. it was times like these at the dinner table, he couldn’t really leave. well, he could, but it wouldn’t be that appropriate.
“you’re nearly failing two of your classes. what is wrong with you?”
his father’s voice charged the room with his vile, vulgar tone. it felt like his tongue could cut through solid steel, the same way it seemed to cut through soobin when he scolded him like this.
“i’m sorry, i’ll raise my grades.”
“yeah, bullshit, you’ve been saying that for the past month. when’s it gonna change, soobin?” his father spat out, now sitting back in his chair, examining soobin from his seat.
soobin stayed frozen with his head down, as his mother did the same. it was almost like the both of them were being scolded, the way she had no control over her husband. the way she hated the way he spoke to soobin.
soobin trembled a bit, though his voice was still monotone. “i- i don’t know. i’m trying.” his hand fiddled with his other hand in his lap, trying to keep his attention elsewhere than the bothersome tears that were always threatening to fall when his father did this. his breath felt stuck in his throat.
“where do you think ‘trying’ is going to get ya, huh? nobody wins awards for ‘trying.’” his father sneered, scooping a spoonful of food into his mouth, getting a bit of food in his shagged beard.
“you know what? maybe you’re just not fucking good enough.”
soobin swiftly stood from his chair, rushing down the hallway through the front door. “soobin, wait-”
the door shut aloud behind him before his mother could finish. the misty air greeted him outside, blowing the wind out of his face while he paced down the street. he didn’t know where he was going, what he was doing, what was going to happen when he got home. he felt sort of numb to it all.
this was only one of the many times his father had nearly spat in his face, the same harmful words coming out of his mouth shooting at soobin. i guess his father thought if he treated him that way, it would scare him enough to be the best student and athlete in his school. in truth, his words only managed to make his situation worse, though soobin was talented at putting up a tough front and dealing with his father’s bitterness. today, soobin had felt… weak. like a tree slowly eroding by wind, taking in the pain of every storm that came through. he was falling over. he had been falling for a while now. he had noticed previously that he was, but felt no motivation to do anything about it. now what was he supposed to do? he’s always been a ‘good boy’; making all a’s, making his parents happy, never storming out of the house. his father was only telling him what he felt was true. then why did it hurt so badly?
he came back to his senses with the smell of green grass and crickets beginning their evening chipper. soon he found himself in the park not too far from his house, following the streetlamps that lit the pathway. he hiccuped, letting the tears run down his face. standing at the end of one of the paths, he felt himself become sort of floating. it may have been the exhaustion taking a toll on him, but he felt nothing. just his breath, keeping him alive.
and someone else's breath…?
his head quickly fixated on the wood beside him, eyes widening. all of the horror movies he’s watched didn’t help his mind from wreaking havoc, this is always how the characters get murdered. at least the side characters do, in which he thought of himself to be a side character. from the woods he could hear a stable inhale, then exhale that almost trickled down his spine. swiftly, he moved behind the nearest tree, his hands resting on it so as to not let his legs give up on him. though afraid and unsuspecting of the noise’s origin, he felt himself almost magnetized to the noise. as if he needed to come closer. he felt his feet taking him nearer, crunching leaves underneath his shoes. the male nearly tripped over a fallen branch, until his eyes rested upon the source. a sharp inhale entered from his nose. a boy around his age, bundled up in a sleeping bag.
what in the fuck...
he thought, still slightly hidden behind a tree. why would someone his age be sleeping in the park? well, in a more hidden area of the park. This spot was hidden by a multitude of trees that almost hovered over, but still provided a clear view of the sky. that was until further inspection, he noticed the lengthy, ruffled jet black head of hair that hid underneath his hood. beside the sleeping bag lay the snoozing boy’s bookbag, in which his translucent glasses rested upon. soobin squinted his eyes in disbelief, sight moving back and forth from the bookbag, to the sleeping boy, to his glasses. this strange boy, just happened to be moon boy. choi beomgyu, 2nd period.
soobin knew little to nothing about the person resting in front of him. only small details and personality cues he happened to notice during school. well, maybe not happened to notice, but that’s besides his point; there was a mysterious, snoozing astronomy boy a few feet away from him. should he wake him? but what would he say? “hey, saw you sleeping here. oh yeah, why are you sleeping in the middle of the park?” that’d be stupid. then he’d probably ask what he’s doing in the middle of the park at 9pm. he wouldn’t be able to explain.
though soobin was increasingly curious and slightly intrigued by the boy, he let it go. he didn’t need to know. he didn’t need to talk to the boy, or know why he doodles during class or sleeps at the park or is one of the only people in school with strange hair surely cut at home with a pair of kitchen scissors. how he’s one of the only people in school who dresses how they want to, says what they want to. does things because they want to. someone who’s hopelessly, themself. even if they’re called gay for it. and many other callous names that soobin has overheard people calling the boy, as he’s just recently put a face to the name; beomgyu.
the name felt sincere. meaningful, maybe.
he doubted himself.