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There’s a certain pleasure in watching someone grow to love something you hold dear.
Kaoru watches as Nagisa, bent low in the sand, feet just barely brushed by the tide, scans the ground below him intently. His eyes are sharp- just as the tide pulls back, his gaze narrows on a line of bubbles bursting rapidly. He thrusts his hands forward, knees hitting the sand as he does, and scoops his palms deep right under the bubbles.
There’s a moment of silence as Nagisa lifts his pile and waits. His stance is perfectly still, as if even the most miniscule of movements may interrupt his focus. The tide rushes in once more, coating his knees in wet sand and froth, but he doesn’t budge.
Finally, a grin breaks out across his face. “Kaoru-kun, look,” he says, shuffling the pile so that sand shifts and falls from his hands. “I did it.”
Kaoru peers down. Indeed he did- among the remaining sand in his palms, a tiny sand crab is trying to burrow a tunnel.
“Your first catch!” Kaoru exclaims. A grin of his own pulls at his lips, and he lets it bloom. It’s easy to smile in moments like this- he’s long since realized it would be dumb to tamp them down. He kneels next to Nagisa in the sand, taking a closer look at the crab cradled in his palms, and pretends his face doesn’t flush at Nagisa’s gentle smile visible from the corner of his eye. “What’re you gonna name it?”
Nagisa’s eyes widen. “I get to name it?”
“Sure you do.” Kaoru pulls his phone from his pocket and taps the camera. “You’ll have to release it in a minute, but before that I can get a picture of you guys. Then you and your first sand crab will have an anniversary.”
His hands curl protectively around the pile of sand, eyes trained on the crab continuously trying to dig. “An anniversary…” he breathes, as if reciting something sacred. Maybe he is- Kaoru doesn’t really know how Nagisa’s whole religion thing works, and how much of it is an act versus truth. That doesn’t matter right now, of course. What matters is that his eyes are sparkling, so full of sincerity and excitement that Kaoru’s heart seizes.
Ever since Kaoru first showed Nagisa the ocean, they’ve sort of made it a thing to go. Not often, not organized, not the kind of event that they’d mark their calendars for or anything. But some days, they’ll find themselves in their dorm room and realize they have the night off. Nagisa might fiddle with his book, Kaoru might take a second to organize the blankets at the foot of his bed, but ultimately, one of them will turn to the other and ask if they have plans. Those are really good days, when they have nothing to do but kick up sand and splash in the low, lapping waves. They’re some of the best times at the beach that Kaoru has.
Then there are the other times. The times when Kaoru’s eyes won’t stop stinging, and every room smells like chemicals and illness. The times when Nagisa will sit in place for hours, not speaking even when spoken to, giving only a glassy stare in response. During those times, the other will (somehow, always) come and find them, then ask, carefully, if they want to go to the beach. It’s always asked hesitantly, as if the answer would ever be no. It hasn’t been so far- every time, they’ll make their way to the ocean’s edge.
Whatever the case- the beach has become a sort of respite. A place for them to unwind, to forget, for a moment, the weight of their world on their shoulders. Kaoru loves it, has always loved it, from the very moment he stepped foot in the sand at his mother’s side, but now he has the pleasure of watching as Nagisa comes to love it, too.
And love it he does- every question he asks, photo he takes, and wave he splashes is laced with adoration. It makes Kaoru feel fragile, knowing he had never known the kiss of the ocean’s tide before this year, but getting to see Nagisa fall in love with something Kaoru has loved for so long is a special feeling indeed.
“Perfume,” Nagisa says suddenly.
Kaoru blinks. “What?”
“Perfume,” he repeats. His voice sounds deadly serious. “That’s its name.”
“Per-” Kaoru can’t help it- he bursts out laughing. He has to clutch Nagisa’s knee so as not to fall over, which, thankfully he doesn’t seem to mind. “ Perfume? ” Kaoru gasps, wiping tears from his eyes. “What the hell made you think of that?”
Nagisa’s gaze is still perfectly even, not angry, not annoyed. He’d almost call it blank, were he not sure of the several gears turning in his head. “You like perfume,” he says, and Kaoru chokes on his last laugh.
“It’s-” Not the perfume I like, he almost says, swallowing down a defensive babble about how he doesn’t like perfume, he likes girls, and girls wear perfume, and his hobby from high school happens to be ingrained in his nose. It would probably continue to be for the rest of time, but that’s irrelevant. What matters is that Nagisa is naming the crab for him.
Instead of any of that, he asks, “How’d you know?”
Nagisa tilts his head curiously. “You often comment on the scents you pick up,” he explains. “Many of the ones you find pleasurable are perfume fragrances.” His eyebrows furrow a bit, then. “Is it bad?”
“Huh?” Kaoru’s tongue feels sticky in his mouth, like he’s fighting to push words out. “Is what bad?”
“The name.”
Oh. Oh, no. Now Kaoru’s gone and done it, he’s made Nagisa feel self-conscious. “No!” he yelps, causing Nagisa’s hands to flinch. The crab scuttles wildly from where it had gone dormant. “No, no,” he says again, quieter this time. “It’s a good name. A great name. I love it.”
There’s a second where Nagisa does nothing, just continues to stare at him with that imperceptible, even gaze. Then his face breaks- he splits into a wide, jubilant grin, all teeth and cheekbones and perfectly red cheeks. His eyes scrunch up with it, that’s how wide it is, and Kaoru doesn’t realize that he’s not breathing until Nagisa pushes at his phone with his cupped hands.
“Take the picture,” he asks, then shuffles so that he’s shoulder-to-shoulder with Kaoru. “You, too.”
“Me?” Kaoru manages to say.
Nagisa nods resolutely. Some strands of his hair fall into his face with the force of it, and Kaoru has to physically resist the urge to tuck them behind his ear. “You should also be in the picture. You taught me how to find her.”
This is far too much for Kaoru’s heart to take. He cracks a grin, feeble and most likely manic, and readies his phone. “It’s a her, now?” he asks, desperate to say anything that will distract from the rapid beat of his pulse.
Nagisa nods again, looking down into his palms. “It feels bad to call her an it, ” he says softly. “She can be a boy, if you’d prefer. Or neither. But she’s alive, so…”
For a split second, his gaze clouds over, eyes unseeing and smile dimmed. Kaoru shouldn’t say that his eyes are unseeing- he sobers with the blunt realization that Nagisa is speaking from a place of knowing.
Kaoru nudges the sand in Nagisa’s palms, causing the crab- Perfume- to move again. “You’re right,” Kaoru says, and Nagisa’s gaze comes back into focus. “A girl is fine. And she’s a very pretty girl, too. I would know- I’m an expert on them.”
Nagisa lets out a small huff of laughter, and Kaoru catches it as his thumb taps the photo button. He couldn’t have had better luck- his joke brough Nagisa back, and he got quite possibly the best photo of him ever.
(Maybe not the best photo, not technically. The lighting’s a little weird, and Kaoru hadn’t managed to hold his hand perfectly still, so it’s a bit shaky, but he’d wager that sand-spattered hands and a sunkissed smile are worth more than any photoshoot capture.)
While he sends the photo, Nagisa stares at Perfume with a certain intensity. “We have to let her go now,” he says softly.
“That's the gist of it.” Kaoru claps him on the shoulder. “Sorry, buddy. Can’t let you keep this one.”
He shakes his head. “She deserves to be free,” he says, so solemn that Kaoru nearly laughs again. Then, breaking from the grave air, he bites his lip in concern. “How do I let her go without hurting her?” he asks. “She came from the sand. Do I need to dig a hole?”
“Nah, don’t worry about that.” Kaoru cups his hands in imitation of Nagisa’s, then slowly lowers them into the water as the tide comes in. “You do it like that,” he explains. “She’ll be brought out with the tide, and make her way back into the sand.” He wiggles his fingers. “It also cleans your hands.”
“I see,” Nagisa says, nodding gently. “So I wait for the next tide?”
“That’s right!”
“Mm.” His gaze splits away from his hands to the expanse of the ocean, where the water pulls back in preparation to rush back towards them. Then, seemingly satisfied, he brings his hands close to his face. “Goodbye, Perfume,” he says, so soft Kaoru can barely hear. “You were wonderful company.”
The tide rushes in, and Nagisa lowers his hands.
Kaoru watches for any sign of- well, anything. He’s not exactly sure what he’s looking for, but something about Nagisa’s sentimental sendoff has him on alert for something wrong.
Nagisa doesn’t look upset, though. He looks calm. His eyes are half-lidded and heavy as they follow the receding waves, and his lips curl into a small smile. One of his hands comes up to brush back his hair, and the hair goes stiff where the saltwater meets it. His other hand-
Fingers wrap around Kaoru’s, wet and cold on the surface but warm and soft underneath. They squeeze his hand- not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to make their presence known.
His other hand is on Kaoru’s.
Kaoru can’t even manage a what are you doing before Nagisa turns to him, still smiling, still calm. “Thank you,” he says, and it’s so rich, so full of sincerity and care, that Kaoru pushes back every word of his previous thought.
“For- the crab?” he sputters, barely able to speak around the fact that Nagisa is holding his hand.
Nagisa’s smile widens, but he shakes his head. “For being here,” he clarifies. “With me.” He hesitates for a moment, but then looks back to Kaoru with a determined edge to his eye. “I like being with you.”
Kaoru’s going to explode. He’s going to combust, shatter into thousands of tiny pieces, and Nagisa will be the only one to watch the remnants of his body be pulled into the ocean’s depths. “I- like being with you, too?,” he croaks, voice barely even there, but Nagisa doesn’t seem to care how loud he is. He squeezes Kaoru’s hand again, and Kaoru, at a loss for anything else he can do, squeezes back.
The sparkle that erupts in Nagisa’s eyes won’t leave Kaoru’s head for a long, long time after that.
______
The clock hits 12:30, and Kaoru drags his wrist along his brow in hopes of ridding it of sweat. “Breaktime,” he says under his breath, just as Rei claps his hands lazily.
“I think it’s time for lunch, don’t you all agree?” he asks, the same way he does nearly every time they practice. Kaoru rolls his eyes. Rei is too damn predictable sometimes, until he’s not.
They part ways, Adonis and Koga filtering out first, then Rei, and Kaoru hesitates at his bag. It’s 12:30 on a Saturday. That means breaktime, of course, but recently, it also means-
“Kaoru-kun?”
“ Shit, ” Kaoru swears, whirling around to find himself face-to-face with Nagisa. “Christ- don’t sneak up on me like that, okay? Gonna give me a heart attack.”
Guilt flashes in Nagisa’s eyes. “That’s an expression,” he says, though it sounds less like an assertion and more like an uneasy request for clarification.
Kaoru sighs, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “It’s an expression,” he confirms, and Nagisa’s shoulders relax. He takes a towel out of his bag and dabs it along his forehead, saying, “I’m almost ready to go. You need anything, or are you good?”
“I’m alright,” Nagisa says, then, “thank you.” He’s not really smiling, but not frowning either. He looks almost- impatient. It’s a rather cute look on him, in a childish way.
Hm. Not the words he wished would pop up about him.
12:30 on a Saturday means lunch with Nagisa. It isn’t something they had formally arranged- one day (after that day at the beach), Nagisa had shown up outside their practice room when their break started. When Kaoru had asked if he'd needed anything, Nagisa had simply said lunch, and Kaoru had realized that was his form of an invitation. So, okay- now they have a weekly lunch together. Little weird, but alright. It doesn’t mean anything, other than two friends enjoying each other’s company.
It’s not as if Kaoru can’t tell by now, that he’s nursing some kind of feelings for Nagisa. He’s not an idiot, and he’s no stranger to them- though it is a bit hard to accept them this time around. Facing the fact that you like men is a lot easier when there isn’t an actual man who you like at the moment, and it’s infinitely easier when said man isn’t your friend and roommate.
The fact that he likes Nagisa isn’t even the worst part, is the thing. It’s the fact that it’s practically impossible to tell how Nagisa feels at all. If Nagisa feels at all.
Not to say that he doesn’t feel. He obviously has emotions, powerful ones that he just isn’t particularly good at verbalizing or explaining yet. But whether he feels what Kaoru feels…it’s hard to say. Nagisa seems to have a general sort of love for many people, his unitmates being the prime examples of this, but romantic love? Kaoru’s honestly not sure Nagisa would even know how to recognize such a thing.
He cringes internally. It sounds so terribly patronizing, to put it that way. Nagisa’s not a child. But he’s so- so new to things, so unexposed to things most people have known their whole life. Normal people get confused on what their love means- Nagisa? He might take years to understand it, if ever.
It makes Kaoru feel a bit sick, liking Nagisa like this when Nagisa is only doing things he considers normal for friends. For him, friends hold hands and make long eye contact and take walks on the beach and do all the things Kaoru would have never even wanted to do with a friend before. But he goes along with it, because it’s Nagisa, and he’ll keep these feelings under lock and key as long as he can. He owes him that much.
“Rea~dy,” Kaoru sings, shrugging off his sweat-stained jacket and throwing it over his bag. Nagisa’s demeanor brightens considerably.
They make their way down the halls to the cafeteria, and Kaoru fills the silence that Nagisa inevitably brings. He doesn’t mind it- some people just don’t talk as much, and he’s pretty good at most kinds of talk- but it does make things a little awkward when he can’t tell if Nagisa is even in the same world as him until he asks a question about something Kaoru just said.
He’s not sure why he questions it, that Nagisa is listening to him. There hasn’t been a time yet where he’s been met with point-blank nothing, not during their Saturdays. But he’s just so stoic- expressive as he is on stage, his face rarely gives away any emotion other than ‘standby’.
“I was thinking,” Nagisa says suddenly.
Kaoru waits for him to continue, but he doesn’t. He just…stares. “Thinking what?” he prompts. Apparently given permission, Nagisa puts a hand to his chin.
“I was thinking that I would like to spend more time with you,” he continues. “It’s hard for our schedules to match, but I can make things work.”
Now it’s Kaoru’s turn to stare, because- what? “You want…” he trails off, not really sure what else to say. “What- kinds of things were you thinking?”
“Dinner,” Nagisa says easily, as if the word doesn’t make the floor fall from under Kaoru’s feet. “That one could be easier, considering we room together. Downtime. I don’t know.” He tilts his head, gazing at Kaoru with curious eyes. “What do people normally do?”
“Um,” Kaoru says, using a fantastic arsenal of words. “Um- why were you thinking about this, again? Not- that I’m against it, or anything–” He isn’t. Obviously, he isn’t. It’s just- he’s absolutely certain the two of them are not on the same page right now. He finishes with a weak, “What brought this on?”
Nagisa’s curious expression shifts to something a bit more quizzical, something confused and expectant. “Because I love you,” he says, and if the world had been pulled from beneath Kaoru’s feet, this is where he crashlands.
"What," Kaoru says, voice faltering somewhere in the middle.
"I love you," Nagisa repeats. "Is that not enough reason to want to spend more time with you?" He doesn't even sound like he's guilt tripping. He's so damn sincere.
Kaoru sucks in a breath, then another. "It-" he starts, faltering again. "It- it is. A good reason, I mean. It is. I just- this is kind of-"
"Oh," Nagisa says, and it's not a bad oh, but it's not a good oh, either. It almost sounds- disappointed? "Ibara told me sometimes people don't like being told that. Are you one of them?"
Right. Right, okay. This is just how Nagisa is. He says these sorts of things all the time, to pretty much anyone he sees fit. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean what Kaoru thought it might.
A crease forms on Nagisa’s forehead, and Kaoru realizes he left him hanging. “I don’t mind,” he replies, waving a hand flippantly in an attempt to disguise his awkwardness as casualty. “I just wasn’t expecting it. Guys aren’t usually so open like that, you know.”
“So I’ve heard.” His frown deepens, though he looks considerably more relaxed. He must have been worried- Kaoru cringes at himself for his belated response. He continues, “I don’t understand it. Why do so many feel the need to hide the love they feel for others? Does it not make more sense to tell those close to you what you mean to them?”
“Totally,” Kaoru agrees halfheartedly. As if Kaoru hasn’t only just recently begun to verbalize his appreciation for his friends, and hasn’t only just started being able to accept it in return as well.
It must be something innate in him, Kaoru thinks as they make it to the cafeteria. It must be something innate in Nagisa that lets him express love so freely. Or maybe it’s something else- maybe he wasn’t taught to hold it all in, push it all down, keep it out of sight even to those closest to him. Maybe it’s both. He’s still so inexperienced at expressing himself, so unwieldy with his emotions, but love- the weight of love itself, if not the intricacies- doesn’t seem to be something he struggles with at all.
Kaoru thinks he might be jealous of him. Bitter, maybe, at something he hasn’t had in years that feel like a lifetime.
He’s snapped out of his thoughts by Nagisa’s hand reaching for his own across the table, gentle touch searing through his skin like paper. “Ran-kun?” he asks, searching his gaze for any rhyme or reason as to why.
“You looked sad,” Nagisa says simply. “And I love you. I don’t want you to be sad.”
Did he look sad?
“How sweet of you, worrying about me,” Kaoru jokes instead of giving in to the burn suddenly present in his eyes. “I’m fine. Just tired, you know?”
Nagisa’s eyebrows pull together in a rare case of visible distress. “Please don’t overwork yourself,” he stresses.
Cute, his traitorous mind whispers. Ugh. Maybe he is a little sad. He’s definitely sad in the sense that he’s pathetic.
A far cry from the distress just seconds before, Nagisa lets out a snort of laughter. He tries to disguise it as a cough into his fist, but Kaoru’s pulled that move way too many times not to recognize it. Besides- Nagisa’s not as subtle as he thinks sometimes. Kaoru narrows his eyes, pointing his spoon at Nagisa’s face. “What,” he demands. “What’re you laughing at, huh?”
“Nothing,” Nagisa says, easing into a gentle smile. “You just looked very cute for a moment. It was…endearing.”
Kaoru stabs his spoon into his uneaten food and staunchly refuses to dignify that with a response.
______
Kaoru knows Nagisa’s mischievous streak- appreciates it, even- but it can be just slightly annoying at times. These times, specifically.
He sighs as yet another book is plucked from his hands, and he doesn’t even bother to turn around as he hears the pages flipping. “I need to put that away, Ran-kun,” he says for what might be the fourth time in the last half hour.
Nagisa hums, and Kaoru can easily picture the teasing grin that's most definitely curling on his lips. "I didn't get to read this one yet," he says.
"Yes, you did," Kaoru sighs. He rests his forehead against the bookshelf. "We all read that one."
"Did we…?" He muses for a few seconds, then Kaoru feels the spine of the book weigh on his neck. "I don't think I did. Let me use you as a stand."
"No way!" Kaoru cries, spinning around in mock outrage. Nagisa pulls the book to his chest- probably to avoid it getting hit- but as Kaoru predicted, he looks perfectly unfazed. Just grinning that stupidly cute grin.
His grin doesn't fall even as his voice takes on something of a mournful tone. "But you're the perfect height for such a thing," he says, and Kaoru swats at him.
"I am not. "
“...Could we agree to disagree?”
Cleaning up after Biblion has become something of an ordeal ever since Nagisa’s become more liberal with his teasing. His teasing of Kaoru, specifically. The others? Still respectful, still soft-spoken and polite to them. Only Kaoru gets Nagisa taking books from his hands, or distracting him with something mundanely silly, or taking his hands when his hands should be organizing the room.
“You’re a lot more of a pest than people realize, y’know?” Kaoru says as Nagisa reaches over his shoulder to finally put the book back in its place.
“Funny. Ibara often says the same thing.”
“I’ll bet.”
At that, Nagisa’s grin softens into something more genuine, and he takes Kaoru’s hand. This has somehow become the norm- he always seems to want to hold hands. It’s not abnormal of him, exactly, it’s not the weirdest thing he could want. And Kaoru’s dealing with his own… issues regarding Nagisa, so he sees no reason why not to indulge him. After all, as Kaoru’s said- it doesn’t mean anything.
It would be nice if he could pretend it was something special. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, for the sake of Kaoru’s heart), it seems to be that Nagisa is simply a tactile person. Not in the same way as Morisawa or Mikejima- they tend to be more hands-on, more abrasive in their touch. Clapping shoulders, swinging arms, bear hugs, the like. Nagisa is more subdued in his requests- he reaches for hands and leans into sides, presses knees together, or sometimes, if he’s very, very tired, and very, very comfortable, he might let his head fall on a shoulder.
(That’s happened a few times during Biblion, actually. Kaoru had never tried to repress a blush so hard in his life.)
Kaoru should count himself lucky at all that he’s included in this circle of people Nagisa trusts with these indulgences. He tries to- some days, it even works- but mostly, he’s a bit sullen about the whole deal. It doesn’t mean anything. That’s fine. He’ll just have to- get over it, or whatever. For Nagisa’s sake and his own.
The sound of Aoba’s gentle laughter breaks the silence Kaoru had accidentally created, which reminds him quite starkly of the fact that they aren’t alone. “You two are sweet,” he says as he reaches for the top shelf. “I’ve been meaning to ask, how long has that been going on?”
Kaoru’s tongue turns to lead. “What?” he asks, chancing a glance at Nagisa. He doesn’t seem repulsed- which, good, okay- but he does appear contemplative.
Aoba raises his eyebrows. “Your relationship?” he clarifies, solidifying the sinking feeling in Kaoru’s stomach. His eyes widen with a start as he asks, “You- you are together, right?”
“ No! ” Kaoru blurts out as hurriedly as he can.
“Yes,” Nagisa replies at the same time.
Kaoru whirls towards him. “What?”
“What?”
His blank gaze gives absolutely nothing away, and Kaoru is going to lose his mind. “He- he thinks you mean together, like in this room, ” Kaoru laughs, turning back to Aoba and trying his best to calm the sick churn in his gut. That’s the obvious explanation, of course. Nagisa gets confused sometimes on word choices- surely he meant that, and not-
“No,” Nagisa says, brow beginning to furrow. “I meant as in the way he asked, a romantic relationship. Dating.” The furrow deepens until there’s a deep wrinkle between them, and any trace of his smile from before has been replaced with a frown. “...Are we not…”
No, Kaoru thinks, anxiety clawing at his throat. Oh, god, please no.
“...Are we not dating?”
Kaoru’s not sure he’s ever seen Nagisa look so confused and distraught in all the time he’s known him. Even on Nagisa’s bad days, he never shows his feelings so plainly- in fact, those days are usually his most static-faced. But here, now?
His eyes are wide with guilt and uncertainty, and his frown is hesitant and unsteady. His gaze keeps darting between Kaoru, Aoba, and the ground, unable to stay in one place, and his hands flex strangely at his sides.
“I-” Kaoru starts, but. Where can he even begin?
“Oh dear,” Aoba mutters, most likely to himself. “I didn’t mean to, um- I just thought, since you were so close, and I-”
“Kaoru-kun,” Nagisa says. He probably hadn’t even heard Aoba’s mumbling apologies. “I thought- when I asked, you-”
Kaoru chokes on air. “When you asked? ” he demands, feeling his eyes bug out like mad. “When did you ask? You asked? ”
“At the beach,” Nagisa says, uncertainty rising with his tone. “I told you at the beach. You said you felt the same.”
The beach. The beach? Which time at the beach? How long ago would that have been? Kaoru wracks his brain, trying to recall any moment of confession, any clear revelation of feelings, explicitly romantic feelings, but he comes up with blanks at every turn. When could Nagisa have possibly-
“...Ran-kun,” Kaoru breathes, suddenly rather mortified. “You said- you said you liked being with me.”
Nagisa nods, a desperate triumph flashing in his eyes. “Yes,” he says. “You remember. You said you did, too.”
Oh god. Oh, god. He’s going to throw up. He’s absolutely going to be sick, this is just-
“That-” He takes another deep breath. “That is not a confession.”
The triumph washes away, and Nagisa’s face falls. “It’s not?” he asks, so perfectly earnest and sincere and stupid that Kaoru could strangle him.
“It is absolutely not. ”
“Oh…” Triumph fully replaced with defeat, his shoulders sag, seemingly extremely lost with the conversation. Then, a small spark of hope comes back, and he continues with, “...But I told you that I loved you. I’ve told you that many times.”
“You say that to a lot of people,” Kaoru protests weakly.
Nagisa nods in agreement. “Yes. But with you it’s different.”
Different. Different as in not the same as friends. Different as in separate from them. Different as in means something.
“It’s, uh,” Kaoru breathes, overwhelmed by the enormity of what’s happening. “It’s a little early for those kinds of ‘I-love-you’s’, isn’t it?”
Nagisa blinks. Defeat transitions to hopeful uncertainty, and Kaoru tries for a smile.
“I was being honest,” Nagisa says, and Kaoru nods, feeling his face flush deeply. “Are most people not honest at first?”
“Not as honest as you.” He puts his hands on his hips and squares his shoulders, trying to muster up as much absolute confidence as he can, before saying, “You suck at confessions, too. This is how you do a real confession. Ran-kun, I-” He stutters once. Pushes through. “-I like you. And I’d like to try going out with you sometime.”
Nagisa’s pupils are blown, and his face is slack with what must be shock. He’s silent- every second of silence means another bead of sweat gathers on Kaoru’s forehead, but he stands firm.
Finally, Nagisa clears his throat. His cheeks, too, are flushed- though nowhere near as bad as Kaoru’s, he’s sure- as Nagisa’s are a delicate pink that pairs perfectly with his averted red eyes. “...I thought my confession was fine,” he mumbles, “but…I like yours too.”
Kaoru’s heart pounds nearly out of his chest. “Is that a yes?”
“...It is a yes.”
Relief washes over Kaoru like the midnight tide, and he finds himself crushed into a hug by Nagisa. “ Shit, ” he wheezes, air squeezing out of him like nothing. “Careful with your arms, buddy.”
Nagisa releases him immediately. “I apologize,” he says, and it’s the first time Kaoru’s ever heard him sound like he’s in a rush. “I’m just- very excited.”
A light, uneasy clapping fills the room, and Kaoru’s blood turns to ice as he remembers once more- they are not alone in here.
“Um,” Aoba grins, nervous clapping waning. “Good for you two! I’m, um- glad you got this sorted?”
“Oh my god,” Kaoru moans into his hands.
“No, really! I was regretting bringing it up, but it all seems to have worked out, so-”
“Aoba-kun, please shut up.”
At least Nagisa seems to be enjoying both of their pure humiliation. He pulls Kaoru’s hands away from his face so Kaoru can see his full-blown smile, and Kaoru can only be a little bit annoyed at him for it.
“I love you,” he says, voice as giddy as a childs. “You understand me this time, right?”
Kaoru groans again. “I get it,” he mutters, trying very hard to focus on anything other than their linked hands.
Nagisa blinks at him expectantly.
Oh god.
“I- I, uh-” Nope. Way too early. He’s not ready. Too embarrassing. Too mortifying. He squeezes his eyes shut as he says, “I- think you’re cute.”
Nagisa laughs, and before Kaoru can open his eyes, he feels gentle lips press onto his forehead in a kiss that makes his stomach swoop. “I understand you,” he says, teasing, always teasing, because he is far more of a pest than he seems.
But he’s terribly right about one thing. He did, with perfect clarity, understand him.