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the days before he left, suguru had already made up his mind.
he is going to leave jujutsu high and follow his dream of building a world without useless and powerless humans.
he is going to leave everything behind: his teacher, the dangerous missions, the constant fear, the sense of responsibility, his friends, satoru.
satoru.
he has already decided, he even has already prepared a few things he wants to bring with him. it's just a few clothes, maybe a weapon, and a polaroid.
everything else is staying behind. everything. also the blue-eyed man that smiles at him through the picture geto is tucking greedily in his pocket.
it weighs him down, makes him hesitate, but he can’t bring himself to leave it behind. everything, but not this.
it’s a picture of them that shoko took after their first mission together. the purple bruise under satoru’s left eye only makes the hundred shades of blue in his iris stand out more. they’re both smiling, a glint of excitement in their eyes, hair disheveled and a layer of sweat adorning their foreheads. satoru’s arm is wrapped around suguru’s shoulders, holding him impossibly close.
it’s a fond memory, one of the many he has with satoru, and it makes his chest ache incredibly much.
he knows leaving is the right thing to do, he knows, he can’t keep staying at jujutsu high, not if he wants to create a better world.
(a world where he can be truly happy)
(where they both can)
he’s glad satoru is currently on a mission, this way he won’t have to say goodbye. leaving without saying a word already hurts him enough. knowing he is not going to see those blue eyes anymore makes his determination waver for a split second.
the sun is high in the sky when he leaves the dorms and heads towards the car that’s waiting for him outside the school territories. he’s going to use this scheduled mission as his chance to run away, which is way easier than disappearing one day out of the blue.
he’s almost out of the school territories when-
“suguru!”
he freezes.
it’s not possible.
satoru shouldn’t be back before tomorrow. why is he here?
why is he running towards him? why is his face lighting up like that? why? is it because he saw suguru?
“yaga-sensei told me you’d just left, i’m glad i could make it in time”
suguru is still frozen in place, head spinning. he’s sure he looks terrible right now. so why is satoru looking at him like that? why are his eyes so soft and-
“are you okay? you don’t have to leave if you don’t feel good”
suguru completely ignores his question
“why are you here?”
the smile satoru makes at that almost blinds suguru because of its magnificence. he recognizes it. it’s the same satoru is wearing in the polaroid. it’s the smile he makes when he’s happy and proud with himself.
(how he knows how to distinguish between satoru’s smiles is something he doesn’t dwell on)
unaware of the inner turmoil his presence is causing to the other boy, satoru explains.
“i knew you were going to leave today for a mission, and we haven’t seen each other in so long, so i finished the job early and got here!”
he’s excited.
he’s beautiful and excited and his smile feels like a supernova exploding in suguru’s heart.
and he’s going to leave him. he’s never going to see a smile like this.
“you didn’t have to, it’s just a mission”
(it’s not, it’s a lie, please read right through it)
satoru doesn’t. he just shakes his head and gets closer to suguru.
“i’ve just missed you”
it’s honest, maybe the most honest satoru has ever been, and the words are full of an emotion suguru refuses to recognize.
it’s too late. he has already decided. he has to leave.
he must leave now before satoru says something irreparable, before he gives up everything - even himself - for the boy in front of him.
“i have to go, they’re waiting for me”
“i know”
none of them moves.
it’s satoru who breaks the silence first.
“call me once you you’re done with the mission, i have something important to tell you”
“can’t you tell me now?”
(please don’t)
“no, we don’t have enough time”
“okay”
he is about to turn around when satoru steps forward and buries him in his arms, head in the crook of his neck.
“don’t die”
“i won’t”
“promise you’ll be okay”
suguru has to push the words out of his mouth. he feels like the oxygen is not getting to him like it should, his eyes are watering and the polaroid in his pocket feels like it’s burning.
“okay”
satoru holds him tighter for a few seconds. then he lets go and steps back.
he smiles - it’s sad this time - and then turns around and walks back.
suguru stays frozen in place, the warmth of the other boy’s body still lingering around him, the memory of his sad smile caved into suguru’s eyelids forever.
only now suguru realizes that satoru was about to cry, because satoru knows. he has to. he knows he wasn’t enough for suguru, he knows he alone can’t keep suguru afloat.
because sometimes love isn’t enough.