Archive of Our Own

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Taeyong is used to hearing the 5 words. He wants to scream back to say they shouldn't and can't be sorry, because they had nothing to do with it. But his voice was too weak and strained for him to even make out a full sentence.

"Thank you," he mumbles instead at his aunt.

"If you ever need anything, you can always call me-"

"Thank you."

She looks at him, eyes full of pity, and walks away. She knows Taeyong isn't going to talk to her, anyway.

He stands behind Jinhyun's mother, who can't bring herself to stop crying as her husband accepts everyone's condolences with glassy eyes. Since the news of Jinhyun's, his best friend, death, he hasn't cried once. He feels bad, guilty even, as he can't bring the tears in his eyes to fall out.

When it's time for his speech, he shakily grabs out the paper he had jotted on some words and memories of Jinhyun and steps up where the microphone was.

"Okay, uh... hi. My name is Lee Taeyong, I'm 23 years old and I am the best friend of Jinhyun. Jinhyun and I have known each other for many years, since we were children, and we even graduated from the same university last year. Since our high school days, he has always wanted to open a... a cafe, and last year we did that together, with Doyoung too, of course. Okay, um... his death is a shock to all of us. He was healthy, young and had dreams. I think the worst part is that it still hasn't sunk into my brain that he's gone."

He stays silent for a while, gulping to try and bring down the big lump making its way up his throat. He hears people in the church sniffling, Jinhyun's mom sobbing loudly, Taeyong's own mother wiping at her tears. What a liar, you never even liked Jinhyun.

"I just want to say, um..." Taeyong plays with his hands. "I love you, Jinhyun. I always will. It's so corny saying this, considering well... you're dead," Taeyong lets out a small sad laugh, "But I love you a lot. I hope you're at least safe wherever you are, whether you're in Hell or Heaven."

At that, Jinhyun's mom screams loudly, knowing all the sins her son has done weren't repented in time.

After the burial, everyone makes their way home. Taeyong's dad, with his comforting face and touch on Taeyong's shoulder, tells him to come back to his childhood home and stay there for a few days or weeks if he needs it. 

"You should take every memory you have of him back to Seoul," his dad says. 

And he does. He stays in his parents' house for 2 weeks. One day before he takes the train back to Seoul, he puts every photo and memory of Jinhyun in 4 large boxes to take back to his, Jinhyun and Doyoung's - or his and Doyoung's, now - apartment in the city. His dad drives him to the train station, not making a single sound as he does so. Once they arrive, his dad helps him put the 4 boxes in the shipping area of the train, making sure his name is on each one. Then, as soon as they're about to say their goodbyes, his dad exhales deeply and hugs him.

"I'm gonna miss you, son," His dad says, leaning further into him.

"Me more," Taeyong honestly replies.

"Don't come back here, okay?" His dad says when he pulls away. "It's not good here for you."

"But dad, how would I see you-" Taeyong furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"I can always come to the city," His dad smiles at him, fatherly and comforting. Then he puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "I love you, my son."

Taeyong lets out a small smile, barely a quirk of his lips, and replies after a moment. "I love you too, dad."

Taeyong hugs his dad once more before going inside the train. He tries to erase the memory of his dad wiping his tears, hiding away from Taeyong. But this chapter was for new beginnings, and Taeyong was happy enough just for that.

-

Arriving at the apartment was harder than he thought it would be. He didn't have to worry about the rent since they bought it a few months ago, expecting to live here for at least 5 years because of the beautiful view from the living room. Not like that can happen now.

Taeyong puts all the boxes next to the kitchen counter, too lazy to pick anything up now, and he groans when he unbends himself back up, hands on his hips. He looks around the apartment; the TV they bought together, the couch set, the cat-shaped carpet, everything they had in the living room was something they brought together. Doyoung had only started living here after his long and unhealthy breakup with his ex, which was just 3 weeks before Jinhyun passed.

One day, Taeyong thinks, he will live with his partner in this apartment. The partner he'd always imagine to be Jinhyun, who would've magically fallen in love with Taeyong too, and stopped inviting random girls to smoke and sleep with. Maybe in another lifetime, in another universe, he would be living happily with Jinhyun as boyfriends and had many pets. Just like he always wanted.

Taeyong feels bitter. He hates that he was the one who had found Jinhyun unconscious on the couch with white on his mouth and chin, chest frozen and static. He hates that he was the person who told Jinhyun's parents about what happened. He hates that he was the one who could've prevented this from happening if he weren't in the cafe.

He finds himself in his bed not being able to sleep, blaming it on the jetlag. It was 4 am now, and the cafe should be open by now, so he dressed up warmly and made his way to the cafe. His face turned red from how icy the air had hit his face, and he regrets not wearing a scarf as his mother told him he should.

Upon entering the cafe, the employees who worked there stopped laughing at whatever joke someone had said and turned their attention to Taeyong. Haechan, Mark and Doyoung's eyes had turned glassy, smiles falling into small quirks of their lips.

"Taeyong hyung..." Haechan says first, making his way in quick steps to Taeyong and throwing his arms around him.

"Hi, Haechannie," Taeyong replies, barely a mumble in his ears. Haechan pulls away, a single tear falling out of his eyes. Taeyong wipes it away, giving him a small smile that showed that he was not very upset. A lie. "Don't cry, now." 

"I missed you, that's it," He sniffles, wiping at his nose. Mark comes in behind Haechan, slowly pulling him away by his shoulders. He cups his face lightly with an arm around his shoulders, making sure his tears aren't as visible as earlier. Once Haechan calms down, taking barely 5 seconds, Mark turns to look at Taeyong.

"Hyung," Mark and Taeyong shake hands in the 'bro' way they've done for years, and when Mark pulls him in a hug, he lets Mark rub his back comfortingly. "You didn't have to come here today."

"I wanted to, it's okay," He pats Mark's back, bringing a hand up and brushing his hair back as if he's his child. "Your hair really grew out in the past 2 weeks."

"He dyed it black, too," Doyoung says, playfully scolding Mark. And right there, at this exact moment, Taeyong breaks down at the sight of his other best friend who had been with him and Jinhyun for 4 years. He hugs Doyoung first, arms going around his neck tightly like he doesn't want to let go. Doyoung's own arms go around his back, rubbing in circles.

"There, there, Taeyong," Doyoung says, trying his best for the atmosphere to not be serious. But Taeyong sobs loudly, letting his tears fall onto his only best friend's neck and clothes. "We're okay."

"No, we aren't," Taeyong sobs out. He doesn't know where all the tears came from, and why they were delayed for 2 weeks. But he can't stop himself. "We aren't okay, and you know it."

Doyoung rubs his back a little more aggressively, squeezing Taeyong closer to him as his voice starts to shake. "We will be."

-

Taeyong was the manager of the cafe, but he would sometimes step in to be the barista.

It was a popular cafe in the area, mostly filled with university students or a couple out on a date. Doyoung and Haechan would usually be in charge of baking the cakes and designing them, and Mark was the waiter, unarguably the most loved one by customers. Taeil, Taeyong's college TA, had offered to help with the cafe and the building was under his name, being the most responsible one out of everyone here. 

"Where is that one employee? Jinhyun, I think his name is?" One of the usual visitors asks Taeyong one day, while he was working as the barista.

He froze, just as he was about to write her name on her cup. "He died," he replies in a monotone, unfreezing himself. "Would you like some extra Lotus sauce?"

She nods, too shocked to say anything as he gives her her receipt with the fakest smile plastered on his face. As soon as she goes away, he gives the paper to Haechan, lets the smile fall and goes back into the staff room, taking out his phone and heading straight to his and Jinhyun's messages.

me

i miss you

everyone keeps asking about you

it's getting quite annoying

my responses are always just

short

because i dont know what to say

it feels different without you

so so different

i love you

dont know how i'll ever get over your death

He sighs, knowing it was quite useless. But he was too old for a diary, and he doubts anyone will ever read those messages. He stares at the blue texts, knowing they'll never be marked as read. 

"Hey."

Upon hearing Doyoung's voice, Taeyong shoves his phone back into his pocket in his apron. "Hi. What's up?"

"Nothing, I just saw you rush in here and wanted to check up on you," Doyoung says, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he hangs his coat on the hanger. "You okay?"

"Yep." 

"You sure? Did anyone say anythi-"

"Doyoung. I said I'm fine." Taeyong lets out a short scoff, almost a mocking laugh.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. You've never been this uptight before, I have the right to be worried."

"Yeah, I've never been this uptight because it's been barely a month since my best friend and the person I love died!" Taeyong looks at Doyoung like Doyoung had just cursed about his family.

Doyoung stares back, his eyes wider than earlier. Mark rushes into the staff room, stopping once he almost collides with Doyoung.

"What's going on? Why are you shouting, Taeyong?" Mark asks, more concerned than angry.

Taeyong says nothing. He sighs, long and deep from his lungs, as he pushes past Doyoung and Mark. They stare at each other in confusion, Mark patting Doyoung's shoulder a few times to try and get him to be cured from whatever Taeyong had just said to him.

Once it's 8 pm and Taeyong's shift ends, he changes into casual clothes that he came in with and quickly leaves the cafe without saying goodbye to anyone. He heads straight to his apartment, the one he shares with Doyoung only now, and brings out a soju bottle from the fridge. He heads towards the couch, sighing as he sits, and opens the TV to a random channel he used to enjoy. 

One soju bottles turn into 3, and one cigarette turns into 7. He sits with his small belly sticking out, cigarette hanging off his mouth and one hand around a bottle of soju. He doesn't cry, no. He lets the nicotine, tar, ammonia and all the other thousands of chemicals enter his mouth and blood, flowing deep into his body and into his lungs. He doesn't know how he still hasn't coughed yet, how he still has this bad habit of relapsing when it comes to situations about losing someone. His dog, his grandmother, and now Jinhyun. He thinks it's funny as he finishes the 8th cigarette and turns the fire off in the ashtray, swinging the last of the soju bottle into his mouth and dropping it with a groan.

Doyoung walks into the apartment. Taeyong glances up at the clock, eyes droopy and low, noticing it's past midnight. He doesn't look at Doyoung, even when his best friend sighs and walks to him to get the smoking packet away from him.

"Give it back," Taeyong says, tired and useless. "I need it."

"Oh, screw whatever you need!" Doyoung shouts at him. "You were in love with him, I get it, but acting like this? Acting like this over someone who wouldn't do the same for you? Stop ruining yourself over him!"

"You don't get it," Taeyong whispers, tilting his head. "You don't get it at all."

Taeyong gets up, legs wobbly as he does so. Doyoung almost wants to reach out for him, but Taeyong shoves him onto the couch before he even tries to. 

"Your only boyfriend broke up with you because you overworked yourself and he stopped loving you, stopped caring for you like how he did before. You think you know Jinhyun like I do? You think you both were best buddies just because you moved in with us?" Taeyong laughs. "News flash, Doyoung, you were a nobody to him, too. Why do you act like this knowing he would get over your death in a heartbeat? I knew him since we were kids and watched him grow up, go to the same schools and uni and live together. And of course, you ruined it. Like you always fucking do." 

Taeyong stares at Doyoung intensely, mouth into a mean sneer. "You're pathetic, Doyoung. That is what you are and always have been, since we were freshmen in uni. You're never changing, and you have to accept that."

And with that, Taeyong walks into his room as he slams the door, leaving Doyoung frozen on the couch with shiny eyes, and not because of the bright chandelier on top of him.

The following day, Taeyong wakes up nauseous, groaning with a heavy headache. He pushes his feet onto the ground, rubbing his forehead as he goes to brush his teeth and wash his face.

Upon walking out of his room, he sees Doyoung watching a video on his iPad as he cooks breakfast. He doesn't notice Taeyong, instead, he cuts up some green onions and soybean sprouts. He adds them to a large saucepan and stirs, only noticing Taeyong when he covers the saucepan with the lid. Doyoung almost flinches upon noticing him, hand coming up to his chest.

"Hey," Taeyong says, letting a small smile take over his face. "What are you making?"

"Good morning," Doyoung says, avoiding eye contact. "I'm making Haejangguk. It was my dad's favourite hangover dish and I used some recipe on google to make it for you."

"Oh, Doyoung, you didn't have to."

"I wanted to," Doyoung says, still avoiding Taeyong like he's the plague.

"Are you okay?" Taeyong says. He heads over to the kitchen counter, sitting on one of the chairs and eyeing Doyoung suspiciously.

"Mhm."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you being dry to me?"

Doyoung sighs, bringing his palms flat on the counter as he looks down. Then he looks back up, a sad smile and almost remorseful one making its way on his face.

"You said some real mean things last night to me. It made me feel sad."

Taeyong's heart drops, his face contorting into a genuinely0more-upset face than Doyoung has even seen him wear after Jinhyun's death.

"I did? What did I say?" Taeyong says, curiosity filling his words.

"You brought him up. Called me pathetic. Excluded me from you and Jinhyun's friendship." Doyoung points out each one calmly, almost like he's not upset. Almost.

"Doyoung..." Taeyong stands up, ready to apologize.

"Don't apologize," Doyoung says, cutting up a carrot. "You were drunk and high. I get it, so it's fine."

"No, it's not fine, are you crazy?" Taeyong says, turning around to give Doyoung a hug, patting his back and holding his arms firmly after. "I'm sorry, I really am. I wouldn't ever hurt you on purpose, and I feel like an asshole for doing all of that."

"You don't even remember what you did," Doyoung laughs, adoring Taeyong. "It's okay, hyung. Don't worry about it, really."

"That doesn't help me feel any less bad!" Taeyong protests then hugs Doyoung again, tighter and longer than earlier.

The rest of the day goes by with Taeyong randomly apologizing to Doyoung; at home, at the cafe, when Doyoung showered (he walked in, asked if he wanted tea and then apologized for the night before). Doyoung can't say he hates it, however.

As usual, Taeyong sends a message to Jinhyun's number. He always does, always did when Jinhyun was alive (though he'd rarely get a text back). Doyoung was at Haechan and Mark's today to help them move into their new apartment, and he texted Taeyong to tell him he'll sleep over at their 'little brother's house'. So what did Taeyong, sane little Taeyong, do?

Brought out the cigarette packet and alcohol.

He lets the alcohol replace itself with his blood, flowing through his body like it deserves to be there. He groans at the first sip, he always does, and winces as he feels it burn his throat. Once he takes a long swing from the drink, he opens the cigarette packet aggressively and takes one out, struggling to light it up for a few seconds. 

"Fuck," he says, clearly frustrated. "Come on, come on, come onnnnnnnnn!"

Once the fire finally catches onto the stick, he sighs in relief, bringing it into his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows as he takes in a deep inhale. He lets the smoke out with his eyes closed, something he always does once satisfied. He takes another swing from the bottle and repeats the cycle with completing more than half of the packet.

Then he waits and waits and waits until his brain feels like liquid before he finally gets up to his bathroom, puking everything and dragging himself towards his bed.

me

hi

it's me again

i miss you so much jinhyun

it actually physically hurts

i got mad at doyoungie the other day

said mean things

because i drank 3 bottles of soju and smoked like

maybe 10 cigarettes

that night was a blur

you know how much of a lightweight i am anyway

The next day, he had no time for himself to be drunk. He had an actual healthy day for once, dealing with customers in his cafe, made jokes (not about death) with his coworkers, and went back home early, something he hasn't done ever. He decides that maybe, it's time to tell something to his dead friend.

me

i actually want to confess something to you

i was in love with you for so long

around the time you started dating rina

and then when you started being friends with benefits with yoona

and even when you cheated on fucking chaeyoung i loved you

its so fucked up of me to do but

you will never know anyway

because you're dead lol

Taeyong puts his phone on the bedside table, right before tucking into his blanket and getting ready to sleep. Then he hears his phone ding. Once, twice, and three times before he finally turns around and, more confused than ever, sees a notification from no other than 'jinhyun 💕'.

He sits up quickly, opening his messages app and making sure he isn't imagining things. And he reads the messages, finding them so... not Jinhyun.

jinhyun 💕

Hi, I am so sorry to be intruding but I am not who this Jinhyun seems to be

My name is Johnny, I recently moved into South Korea with my friend to work here and my boss gave me this number to put on my phone

If you want to block me, or for me to block you, that is totally fine, I'll let you text this number whenever you want! :)

Taeyong stares at the message with a gaping mouth. He's semi embarrassed at the fact this Johnny can see all the messages Taeyong has sent Jinhyun, or Johnny in this case, but he's also more confused than ever.

jinhyun 💕

I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention, I'm really sorry. 

I should probably leave you alone, you'd probably want some alone time.

Taeyong wonders where the sudden change came from. But then he remembers that when he texts others, they can see that he has read his message, so he quickly types out a text back.

me

hi no please don't go

i'm sorry myself

I've been texting this number for a while and i didn't know someone else had gotten a hold of it

i'm sorry i really am

my name is taeyong

i own a cafe here in seoul with my best friend doyoung, and well... 

jinhyun

but he died a few weeks ago

overdose

sorry for trauma dumping oh my god we dont even know each other

jinhyun 💕

Hahaha, nooo it's okay

I am used to this don't worry

Anyways, I'm really sorry for your loss 

Hey, if you wouldn't mind, can we talk to each other more?

I don't know anyone in South Korea except my friend who came with me, Jaehyun

And well, his parents

But I want more friends here... is it okay with you to be friends with me? 

Taeyong lets a small, sad smile take over his face. He relaxes his face and lets his body become less tense into his bedsheets. He decides to try being friendly to Johnny, maybe he wouldn't be a tough guy.

me

how would I know if you're not some creep

hahaha jk but yeah

can i at least get a picture of you or something

basic info

we can meet up in a few days or weeks

jinhyun 💕

Yeah sure!

My name is Johnny Suh, I was born and raised in the U.S but my parents are Korean

I was born on the 9th of February 1995

I majored in business and marketing and I came here to work full-time in a company with Jaehyun

I'll send the photo later haha let me just find a good one for a good first impression 👍🏻

Taeyong lets out a short scoff of laughter, smile widening slightly. 

me

ohhh that's cool

my name is taeyong, I'm korean and i actually come from the countryside but moved to seoul for uni and i have no plans in going back

i'm also born in 1995! july 1st though 

I majored in food sciences and went to culinary school for a few years too and well, as mentioned

i opened a cafe and i'm proud of myself enough to call it popular!

and send me that picture!!!!

johnny

Oooo I'm a huge coffee fan maybe I'll visit someday

Hey, I care about how I look to others okay 

I'm not insecure per se, but i look 10 times better in real life i must say so i have to find a picture to show my complete MAGNIFICENCE

Okay here, I found a decent picture of myself 

And Taeyong thinks he just saw the most handsome, pretty and just gorgeous person in his life.

With Johnny's wet, jet black hair growing out behind his neck, Taeyong thinks this man is unreal. His blinding smile and unbelievably plump and pink lips added a more seducing atmosphere to the picture, alongside the slight tilt in his neck and dark shining eyes. His shirt looked plain white and had short sleeves, and Taeyong can see how his bicep looks around it. Taeyong unconsciously bites his lip, holding back a smile.

me

oh wow

you really are handsome

more than i thought u would be

johnny

Yay? Or ouch? I don't know even hahaha but thank youuuu 

Okay now your turn ;)

Only if you're comfortable though I don't wanna pressure you

If you're not that's totally fine, I don't have a problem with that :)

Taeyong thinks he feels his heart smile, the tip of his thumb going into his mouth like he always does when he's flustered. He bits down on it, smiling to himself.

me

no I'll totally send a pic of myself!!

i'm not bad looking either you know -_-

johnny

Well, hey, never said you are

I don't think anyone is bad looking tbh everyone has good and charming points about themselves

Except for assholes though

But yeah go ahead, send your bestttttt picture 

Taeyong smiles to himself a little wider, giggling under his breath. He scrolls through his photos app, trying to find the best picture of himself that he can. He ends up finding a picture of himself with his long blonde hair, shiny and smooth under the bad lighting of the picture. He sends the picture and anticipates a reaction from Johnny.

johnny

Oh wow

You are gorgeous, respectfully

I have competition now daammnnnnnnn Taeyong

Taeyong blushes and giggles louder this time, immediately slapping his mouth after he realizes what he has done.

me

thank youuuuuuuuuuuu 

as someone i know said before, i look better in real life

so if you want to maybe one day we could meet up

maybe have a cup of coffee together

or eat some Korean food here 

i know the best restaurant in the area if you want

better than the ones in the u.s probably

sorry if that's meannnnn 

hello?

johnny

Hey, sorry this is his friend Jaehyun

He's kind of speechless rn because you accepted to be his friend so quick lolllll

He'll be back soon dont worry

Taeyong can't stop smiling to himself, finding himself a bit stupid as he's known Johnny for not even a full 10 minutes. He doesn't even know Johnny.

johnny

Okay hi sorry

Yes I would really love to do that

Do you recommend any good coffee shops here?

me

well

mine? :)

self-promo and I'm not ashamed of it haha

johnny

Sorry that question was a bit stupid but

Mad respect to that

Just send me the location and I'll come by tomorrow

Or whenever you have a shift there

me

yeah sure!

i'm there every day except saturdays

and i usually stay there from like 8 am to 10 pm

it's very close to my apartment which is a great thing i can just take naps in between my shift lollll

johnny

Wowwww 

Will u show me a house tour one day

Houses actually reflect the personality of the person living in it

So if you ever come to my house and you see albums all over the place from like Chet Baker and some other indie artists or whatever that kid listens to

It's Jaehyun

He's born on valentines day anyway so he's a big romantic 

me

ooooo u want me to come over to ur house one day?

don't u think it's a bit too quick

johnny

Oh noooo not in that way lol

I just meant that like we can just chill and watch movies like highschoolers do

I don't like cinemas because it's hard for me to get to my seat and hold my popcorn at the same time

But of course if you don't feel comfortable with it we can just idk watch a movie wherever u want?

Cinema I don't mind

Or we can just eat together

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable 

Taeyong sees a bit of himself in Johnny, the way he's overreacting over the simplest things. He says the exact words he would've wanted to hear.

me

johnny

i'm kidding

i'd like to go to your house one day

not like tomorrow, obviously

but one day when we know each other and have been out a few times, we will

johnny

Oh thank god you're not making me look stupid

Anyways

It's getting late and I have my first day of work (mostly an introduction) at 7:00 am tomorrow that ends at 9 

I'll make sure to come by after the interview (?)

And we can talk in real life

Get to know each other more

Hear each other's voices

You know, just to get to know each other more

Unless u dont want to of course

me

why would i not want to...

you seem like a really nice guy even if we texted for like 15 minutes only

but i just want to thank you for being respectful about the whole jinhyun thing

i'm still not over him and it's been so long... just feel a bit sad lately :)

johnny

Oh Taeyong

Don't worry, okay?

Hes probably in another better place now 

Goodnight Taeyong 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow :)

me

goodnight johnny

sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite!

Taeyong sets his phone back down, letting his head sink into the pillow.

Maybe this was a chance to get over Jinhyun.

-

"So... why are you in an awfully good mood?" Haechan says, eyeing Taeyong with a smirk on his face.

"Oh," Taeyong says. "I made a new friend."

"Really!" Haechan teases. "Wow! I wonder who this friend could be that has you combing your hair every 2 minutes in the staff room and applying a moisturizer since you came in... which was 5 am."

Taeyong looks up at the clock. 9:36. Johnny should be here soon.

"It's a really attractive friend." Taeyong shoots a side smile at Haechan.

"Does the really attractive friend have more attractive friends?" Doyoung comes in, tying his apron as he comes out of the staff room.

"Maybe. I know he has a friend called... Jaehyun? But I don't know what he looks like." Taeyong removes the steaming milk, starting to make some latte art in the cup.

"How did you even meet him?" Haechan asks.

"He uh..." Taeyong looks down before looking back up at them. "He has Jinhyun's number now. I accidentally texted it last night and he responded, so we ended up having a conversation until I got too tired."

"Oh..." Doyoung says. "Okay. Just don't use him as some sort of rebound, yeah?"

"I won't!" Taeyong protests.

"Waiter!" Some man calls out, making all 3 of them turn their heads towards where the voice came from. The man points at Haechan, raising his eyebrows.

"Duty calls," Haechan sighs, shrugging before walking towards that man.

"Real talk, Taeyong," Doyoung whispers lowly to Taeyong. "Don't use him like a rebound like you used to do in uni. We're grown-ups now and we know better, so just... treat him like a friend. Like you don't only want to date him to get over Jinhyun, okay?"

"Doyoung, I know what I'm doing," Taeyong says, kindly. "I won't do what I did back in uni, I'm not like that anymore."

"I know, but I just can't help worrying about you and your idiocy." Doyoung jokes.

Taeyong smiles fondly at his best friend, pinching his ear lightly. "Love you, Doie."

"Oh, stop this," Doyoung ducks his head down, smiling. Taeyong continues cooing at him like he's a child, bringing his other arm around Doyoung's neck to secure him into place.

"The coffee already smells so good," A voice says right after the door opens and the ring bells.

"He did say his cafe is one of the best in town, if not the best," Another voice says, and both Taeyong and Doyoung freeze.

"Hyung, is that him?" 

"Hm?" Johnny turns around like a deer caught in headlights and squints his eyes, recognizing the blonde hair. "Oh, yeah. Taeyong?"

Taeyong smiles at him, letting go of Doyoung and fixing his bangs to the side. "Hi, Johnny," he says in a slight sultry tone as he sticks his hips out. "It's great to meet you."

"Yeah, great to see you too," Johnny says back, smiling at the other man with messy hair. "And you must be... Doyoung?"

"That's me," Doyoung smiles as well, a bit awkwardly.

"I'm Jaehyun," Jaehyun steps in, closer to the counter opposite of Doyoung as he sticks his hand out. Doyoung looks down at the hand before shaking it, slowly.

"Can we order our coffees, Jaehyun?" Johnny says teasingly.

"Hm? Yeah, of course, um," Jaehyun bites his lip as he looks up at the menu written on a chalkboard in colourful crayons. "I'd like aaaaa... Spanish latte."

"Alrighty," Taeyong says as he types out the order. "And for you, Johnny?"

"Just a cup of iced black coffee," Johnny says less enthusiastically as Jaehyun, giving a confirming smile at Taeyong. 

Taeyong spits out laughs. "Okay, um... would you like it for takeout or here?"

"Here, of course. We decided we wanted to talk to each other, right?"

"Yes. Yeah, 'course." Taeyong says, hands gripping the computer tightly.

"Why don't you men go have a seat? We'll come by with your orders soon." Doyoung smiles.

"Yes, of course," Jaehyun bows and tells Johnny with his eyes to follow him. As soon as they're gone, Doyoung turns to Taeyong and whisper-yells in his ears.

"You did not tell me they were this attractive!" 

"I didn't even know what Jaehyun looked like until today!" Taeyong whispers back. He lets his eyes roam around the room to find Johnny, getting comfortable in his seat. 

He especially focuses on his outfit: black dress pants, a white button-up shirt with a black tie and a black suit to complete the look. His hair was shorter than what it looked like in the picture, but he still looked marvellous. Especially because of the belt he wore, tucking his shirt into his pants and making the belt highlight his hips. Jaehyun wore something similar, but his build was a teeny tiny bit smaller than Johnny's, so his attention was on Johnny instead.

Taeyong absolutely loses his breath when Johnny takes his suit off, hanging it on the back of his chair. He then rolls his sleeves up to his elbows, showing off the width of his veiny arms and how large his hands were. Taeyong catches a sunflower tattoo. Something to ask about. 

Doyoung had already finished making their drinks, making a cute rose as latte art for Jaehyun, and then tells Taeyong to serve it.

"Okay, okay, wait," Taeyong says, taking a deep breath in and exhaling.

"Nervous for seeing your crush?" Doyoung teases.

"He's attractive. That's it." Taeyong confirms. How was he even supposed to have a crush on someone he has seen once in his life?

"Mhm," Doyoung says, making Taeyong grab the tray and make his way towards the pair of friends.

"Here is your Spanish latte," Taeyong says, cheerfully, "and here is your black coffee." He makes sure to hold eye contact with Johnny.

"Thank you, Taeyong," Johnny says. 

"I actually need the bathroom," Jaehyun says, setting down his latte after taking one sip. 

"Oh- just stay straight then take a right," Taeyong says, pointing at where the bathroom was. Jaehyun says nothing, instead, he smiles at them with his dimples and heads towards the bathroom.

"Sit down," Johnny instructs, pointing his finger at where Jaehyun was sitting.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude-"

"Jaehyun won't be back," Johnny laughs. "He's looking for Doyoung."

"Why would he- what? Was something in the coffee or-" Taeyong pauses, cutting himself off as he realizes why Jaehyun went to look for Doyoung. "Oh."

Johnny laughs harder, softer than what he looks like. "Yeah. He thinks he's pretty."

Taeyong smiles, unconsciously sitting down on the seat Jaehyun was in. "He is. He's pretty perfect, honestly. He's a great cook too, he bakes most of our cakes."

"I would get a cake next time, when I actually get paid for the month," Johnny jokes. 

"If you want, I could give one for you on the house-"

"No, it's fine," Johnny smiles. "It's okay. I wanna feel like I earned that, but I haven't."

"Yet." Taeyong corrects.

"Yet," Johnny repeats. It's like the smile never wants to leave his face, Taeyong thinks, but he finds it adorable.

"So um..." Taeyong rests his elbows on the table, leaning an inch closer to Johnny. "Tell me a bit about yourself."

"Okay," Johnny says. "I'm from Chicago, born and raised. I majored in business and marketing at the University of Chicago. Jaehyun was my friend since childhood, parents being friends and all, and we decided to come here together."

Taeyong gets lost in Johnny's honey-like voice, sweet and flowing nicely into his ears. He finds himself staring at Johnny, too attracted like opposite sides of a magnet.

"Yeah- um," Taeyong says, embarrassed as he looks away and rubs at his nape. "Sorry, you're just... yeah."

"Don't worry, Taeyong," Johnny chuckles, never taking his eyes off of Taeyong. "I think the same about you."

Taeyong visibly blushes, from his neck all the way up to his forehead. He lets out a nervous giggle, like he always does, and avoids eye contact with Johnny.

"So, um..." Taeyong gulps, looking back up at Johnny. "What exactly do you do in that company?"

"Oh, I manage marketing so I'm supposed to hold meetings between the other employees, and the CEO sometimes, to give my plan on how to make a product become popular," Johnny says like he's reading off a script.

"Oh? What are, like, the most selling products from the company?" Taeyong asks. He knows the answer already.

"I'd sayyyyy..." Johnny looks up as if he's thinking. "The tablets. Recently, kids have been spending too much time on technology, and most parents think that bigger-sized screens are better for their children. It's definitely the reason I decided to join the company, it's pretty easy to market something everyone wants."

"What's the company, anyway?" Taeyong asks. He looks up to Doyoung serving him a hot chocolate with marshmallows, making a small noise out of surprise but smiling at him as he accepts the drink. He takes a testing sip, smacking his lips after and drinking more.

"Samsung."

Taeyong chokes on his drink, earning the attention of everyone around him. He decides to gulp down the marshmallow, right when Johnny gives him a few napkins.

"Thank you," He rasps out. "Samsung? Samsung??????"

Johnny nervously laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah. Um, actually, I'm not in like, the actual Samsung headquarters, but I work in a sub-company in Samsung."

Taeyong stares with an open mouth. "Wow, that's..." He shakes his head. "That's wow."

"Thank you?" Johnny giggles, leaning a bit closer to Taeyong. "So tell me about your cafe."

"Oh, trust me, it's just like any other cafe except I'm here."

"And that's the best part of it, right?" Johnny says. Taeyong doesn't miss the way he rakes his eyes from Taeyong's head to his thighs, eyes going back up to his own.

"Yeah." He breathes out.

The next few minutes are just the both of them making fun of Jaehyun flirting with Doyoung, or attempting to, as they sip on their drinks. When it's time for Johnny and Jaehyun to go back to their apartment, Johnny's eyes turn dark as he looks at Taeyong, once again admiring him.

"I'll make sure to text you soon," Johnny says with a smile. "Bye, Taeyong."

Taeyong manages a shy wave, sobbing playfully at Doyoung after.

"You need to find a way to bring back confident cunty college Taeyong one day."

-

Johnny asks Taeyong out on a date a bit after a month since they've started talking. He asks Taeyong out bluntly when he was having his daily morning coffee on a Friday when he was just about to head out of the cafe.

"Do you wanna go out with me?" He says, looking at anywhere else that is not Taeyong as he fiddles with his cup.

"Pardon?" Taeyong asks, making sure he heard Johnny right.

"Do you wanna go out on a date with me?" Johnny says, more anxious than the first time. "You don't have to say yes but I think I have a crush on you which is ridiculous considering I'm almost 24 and am working in a company with 50 years olds so-"

"I'd love to." Taeyong smiles fondly.

"Oh- oh. Okay. Okay, great, I um..." Johnny tries his best to hide his smile, which is an action Taeyong found adorable. "When are you free?"

"I'm free tomorrow, but if you're free tonight we can go then?" Taeyong asks.

"Yeah. Yeah, I get off work at 5, I'll come to pick you up at... 7?"

"That's perfect," Taeyong says, recognizing that voice he always used on men back in college. "I'll send you my location and you can... come pick me up. Surprise me."

Taeyong pushes Johnny out of the cafe, giving him a small smile before turning away. Johnny lets out a breath of laughter himself and walks towards work, hands in his pockets as he thinks about exactly what he wants for the date.

When the clock hits 5, Johnny is rushing into his own apartment and leaving a confused Jaehyun behind him. Jaehyun walks into the apartment with deeply furrowed eyebrows, slowly letting everything sink into his head. 

"What are you doing, hyung?" He asks.

"I have a date," Johnny breathes out.

"Where are you guys going?" 

"To the amusement park."

Jaehyun knew about the crush Johnny had on Taeyong. It was expected - Taeyong was everything Johnny had ever wanted as a partner. The best part is that he can make coffee taste like it's from heaven.

"I might invite Doyoung over," Jaehyun says, ears red. 

"Don't forget to use protection!" Johnny replies before slamming the door to his bedroom shut and taking a shower.

When he finishes his shower, he gets out a pair of jeans, a black and white striped t-shirt and a brown jacket over it. He brushes his hair for a good two minutes, making sure it's smooth as can be and sprays some of his best cologne on his clothes. Then he takes a deep breath in before grabbing the car keys, turning them around his fingers a few times and walking jolly towards the black Kia optima.

He sees that he has a new text from Taeyong, sending the location of his house with a small 'cant wait for tonight 💘' that has Johnny smiling and blushing, even giggling under his breath, on his way to Taeyong's.

He texts Taeyong and asks which floor the house is on, and Taeyong replies in an instant.

yong

8th floor!!

the number is 201701

doyoung and me's birthdays hehe

And those little 'hehe's at the end of every sentence he sends makes Johnny lose it.

Johnny gets out of the car with wobbly knees, nervous to say the least about this date. What if Taeyong was afraid of heights? What if it doesn't go well and the ride they're on stops working and they die? What if Taeyong sees someone better looking and goes out with them instead?

"He's not like that," the little actually sane voice in his head says. "You've known him for over a month and you know he's not like that. And if he were, you can just leave him!"

But Johnny is optimistic when it comes to love, so as he makes his way up to the elevator and presses the little clearly renewed [8], he wipes his palms on his jeans.

Making his way towards the apartment was a hassle. 201704,201702, but there is somehow no 201701. What if Taeyong had scammed him?

"Hey," His head whips around so fast, seeing Doyoung carry a coat in his arms and wearing a... sultry, to say the least, outfit. With that low tank top that had some metal band on it and some tight jeans that the shirt is tucked into, a leather jacket completing the look, Johnny knows he will go back home to a white and not brown couch. Especially the fact Doyoung was clearly wearing some makeup, dark but subtle eyeshadow and mascara.

"Where the hell is your apartment?" Johnny asks jokingly.

"Oh yeah, did Yong forget to mention it was in the weirdest corner?" 

"Yeah."

"He always does that. Don't worry, he would never bail on any date."

"Thank you for the... reassurance?" He replies to Doyoung who's already getting in the elevator. Doyoung just salutes, a small smirk on his face as the doors close. Johnny scoffs, almost like he can't believe what just happened, and makes his way to where he saw Doyoung come out from.

Ah. 201701. 

Johnny knocks on the door, telling himself some words of encouragement. And then the door swings open, Taeyong's doe eyes being the first thing Johnny notices.

"Hi," he says, blushing.

"Your hair," Johnny replies, lips pursed as his eyes widen.

"Yeah, I dyed it." Taeyong giggles, touching it a bit. 

"It's pink." Johnny is amazed, if you ask, at how Taeyong managed to do all that in under 10 hours.

"Do you like it?" Taeyong bites his lips nervously as he leans against the door, neck tilting slightly.

"I think it's cute," Johnny replies. Taeyong was all pink. His eyeshadow was glittery pink, yet subtle just like Doyoung's, and he had his hair slightly trimmed and dyed. Pink. His shirt was a striped blue and white and short-sleeved, reaching just above his elbow. He also wore jeans, no doubt a few sizes smaller than Johnny's, and his cheeks were pink.

"Thank you," Taeyong replies. "Would you like to come in and rest for a bit? I'm still not done with my..." he points at his figure, "outfit, so." 

"Oh, yeah sure," Johnny says. Taeyong opens the door wider, muttering a small 'great'.

"I won't take longer than 10 minutes, by the way, but," Taeyong smiles, "Gotta look good for a first date."

Johnny barely has the time to smile before Taeyong turns around and walks into his room, slamming the door shut. Johnny just looks around the house, the decorations and the pictures hung on the wall. He sees a picture of Jinhyun in the middle of Taeyong and Doyoung, huge and plastered right on top of the TV.

Jinhyun was undeniably an attractive man. He was so different from Johnny in terms of looks, from the photos that Johnny can see. He never smiled in any of them, always throwing a peace sign instead, and never wore any colours other than black and grey. His hair was clearly permed, hanging over his forehead, and he always wore a chain on that had a lock.

"Hey, you ready?" Johnny whips his head back to Taeyong. He had come out of his room and is now wearing earrings, boots and a jacket on top of his outfit. 

"Yeah, you okay?" Johnny asks when he realizes Taeyong has his hands behind his neck.

"Yeah, I'm just... trying to get my necklace on. Come help me?"

Johnny immediately gets up, walking behind Taeyong and taking in the clasp on the necklace. Johnny's fingers brush Taeyong's and Taeyong flinches like he's been electrocuted, blushing madly after he realized what he's done.

Once Johnny finishes putting the necklace on, he looks into Taeyong's eyes through the mirror. "All done."

But Taeyong, being the Taeyong he is, keeps eye contact with Johnny as he holds Johnny's hands and brings them so they wrap around his waist. He leans backwards into Johnny's huge body, closing his eyes when the staring contest between them gets too intense.

"Kiss me," Taeyong says. Johnny gulps and kisses Taeyong's temple, leaning down to his neck and making the other let out small noises of relief. He continues to kiss Taeyong's neck and Taeyong continues to keep his hands on top of Johnny's, squeezing, and leaning his head back on Johnny's shoulder so he gets more access.

"Okay- okay, wait," Johnny whispers into his throat, giving small pecks at it. Taeyong giggles lowly, smile evident on his face. "You wanna stay in for tonight or?"

"Hm?" Taeyong turns his head to the right and looks straight into Johnny's eyes. "Do you want to stay in here tonight?"

"I booked tickets for the amusement park," Johnny's gaze flickers from Taeyong's eyes to his lips. "Oh, wait, I smudged your lipstick-"

And it's when Johnny touches Taeyong's lip with his thumb that Taeyong absolutely loses it. He knew Johnny was doing that on purpose, but he still didn't do anything back.

"Kiss me," Taeyong repeats, a little bossier than last time.

Johnny chuckles, walking away but not forgetting to hold Taeyong's hand as they walk out of the room.

"I'll kiss you when I feel like I deserve it."

-

The date goes well for both of them.

They manage to go on many rides and when it was pitch black outside, they went on the Ferris wheel. The Ferris wheel was huge, to say the least, and the green and purple lights shone in the darkness.

Slowly, the two men went higher and higher on the ride. Taeyong stared out in subtle excitement at the view of the city, buildings and lights standing out amongst the land.

"I think this is my apartment," Taeyong looks back at Johnny and jokes.

"Hm, yeah, I recognize that red car," Johnny says back in the exact tone. Taeyong lets out a smile, eyes crescentifying in the process.

For the next minutes, it's silent. Comforting silence as they stare out on the view, and thankfully neither of them have a fear of height. Johnny doesn't even realize when but he starts looking at Taeyong and the way the luminous lights reflected on his face, especially his eyes. His pink hair also completed the rom-com look, making him look too good to be true.

"Taeyong," Johnny calls out in a low voice. 

Taeyong looks back at him again, confused like he's a deer in headlights. "Hm?"

"Remember when you kindly asked me to kiss you?" He says, moving slowly towards Taeyong. 

Taeyong blushes, laughing embarrassedly. "Yeah, um. Yeah."

"Would you let me kiss you now?"

He looks up at Johnny, hand coming to rest on Johnny's thigh. Johnny glances at the hand before looking back up at Taeyong.

"Do you think you deserve it now?" He asks Johnny.

"Do you think I deserve it?" Johnny replies in a whisper.

"I think you deserve me," Taeyong smiles, squeezing Johnny's thigh comfortingly before tilting his head up and giving a short peck to Johnny's lips. 

When Taeyong kisses him the second time, Johnny leans closer to Taeyong and places his hand on top of Taeyong's. He lets his lips kiss Taeyong's like they've been separated for centuries. He lets Taeyong feel him as they kiss, hands roaming around his shoulder and chest and leg.

Before they let the kiss get too heated, they pull apart and breathe into each other. Taeyong's hands were on Johnny's shoulders, tightly holding like he's afraid to let go. They laugh, foreheads against each other before Johnny pulls back only to kiss Taeyong's forehead.

When they hop off of the ride, Johnny puts his hand on Taeyong's back. They walk towards the hill where the view of the entire city was shown, and wordlessly end up in Taeyong sitting in between Johnny's legs as they both stare out at the lights. Johnny puts his arms around Taeyong's waist loosely, his lips being right next to Taeyong's ear.

"You wanna go home now?" Johnny whispers into Taeyong's hair half an hour since they went there.

"Mhm. My butt's getting sore," Taeyong pouts, turning his head so he faces Johnny. They both smile at each other before Taeyong gets up with an exhale, pulling Johnny up with him. 

The drive to Taeyong's house is silent, too, with Taeyong dozing off on the passenger seat. Before he sleeps, he takes in Johnny's right hand and places it on his thigh, taking its place right there. One shocked glance is all Johnny responds with before bringing his eyes back to the road. He squeezes softly when he notices Taeyong is slightly struggling to sleep.

"You can sleep, Yongie," He says. "The ride is still over 40 minutes long."

Taeyong sleeps with his fingers tangled in between Johnny's, securing their place.

Johnny drops Taeyong off at almost 1 am, tired and sleepy.

"I just wanted to..." Taeyong starts, fidgeting as he avoids eye contact. "...thank you. For taking me out and letting me enjoy my weekend."

"It's no biggie," Johnny smiles that oh so charming smile that Taeyong loves. "I want you to be happy."

Taeyong feels overwhelmed with all the feelings he's feeling, never experiencing such genuine and pure fondness. He grabs Johnny's cheeks with his hands and kisses his lips, making Johnny let out a shocked sound but he still kisses him.

When they part, Johnny kisses his forehead, cupping his cheek once more and wishing him a good night. Taeyong stays out in the front yard of the building until Johnny's car is out of sight, smile dropping miles as he makes his way to his apartment.

When he's in bed, he grabs his phone with a frown and immediately texts Doyoung.

me

i dont know if i can do this

he's too good for me doyoung

i shouldn't break his heart like that

doyoung

Woah woah woah buddy

Slow down hyung

What happened?? Did he hurt u??

me

cant u read?????

i said he's too good for me

he treated me too well doyoungie i dont think i can just

start to love him so easily

doyoung

You are realizing you are making no sense, right?

He's good for you hyung

He looks like he takes care of you

Now leave me and my pretty boy alone we are having some fuuuuuun tonight ;)

Taeyong lets out a tight-lipped smile, immediately falling back into the awful frown he wears when he's upset.

me

one last thing

i'm still in love with jinhyun

-

The next morning, Taeyong eats cereal on the kitchen counter soullessly. Doyoung walks into the apartment in a rush with his jacket hanging between his elbow, eyes clearly frustrated.

"Good morn-" Taeyong barely manages to get out before Doyoung flicks his forehead. "Ouch! Hey, dickhead, why'd you do that?"

"Really? You're still in love with Jinhyun?" Doyoung says, almost panting. 

"Wha- oh. Yeah." 

"Yeah? Yeah??? That's all you have to fucking say?" Doyoung sternly says.

"I don't see the problem with me being in love with him-"

"He fucking abused you. Mentally and emotionally and everythingly, yet you still love him?"

Taeyong chuckles mockingly. "He didn't abuse me. He had his moments, sure-"

"Taeyong," Doyoung says. Taeyong thinks if rolling eyes would be a person, it would be his god awful (but amazing) best friend.

"What?"

"He forced you to take drugs. He said if you don't sleep with him he would leave this house and never come back again and threaten to spread rumours about you. I was right here when he fucking called you that word. Why are you in love with such a man?" 

Taeyong stays silent as he chews on his cereal. Doyoung sighs, knowing there's nothing else he can do to convince him.

"Look," he softly starts. "You are a wonderful person. You're beautiful and smart and such a great cook, why don't you give Johnny a chance?" 

"I think he's too good for me," Taeyong whispers. "You should've seen him yesterday, Doyoung. He made sure I was comfortable at all times, he asked me so many times if I'm having fun. He's such a good man. I don't think I deserve him."

Doyoung gives up, clearly by his sigh.

"Just... give him a chance. Give yourselves a chance."

Taeyong smiles, looking down at his cereal. "I think the milk is expired."

"It has been for 3 weeks." 

Taeyong spends the rest of his morning puking in the toilet seat, checking his phone and seeing that Johnny had texted. He smiles.

johnny

Hi! Good morning Taeyong

I hope you had fun yesterday

I know it's soon but my company already gifted me tickets to go to the zoo 

I don't know if you're a fan of animals but I think it would be great to hang out with you!

me

hi john!! good morning

i would love to go of course

i loveeee animals

As he waits for a text, he pukes into the toilet seat again. Curse you, Doyoung.

When Taeyong hears the 'ding!' from his phone, he immediately rushes to get it. He checks his messages with Johnny, finding one message but oh my God.

It's a selfie of him, clearly shirtless with a blanket covering his chest, as he sits in his bed. He looks like he'd just woken up from his puffy lips and confused eyes. His black hair was also messy, creating a small pattern onto the grey wall in the background. He sends another selfie, this time with his arm hanging on top of his head, showing off that perfect arm tattoo(s) and a small smirk dancing on his face.

This time, Taeyong actually lets out an 'oh my God'. He looks awful now, puke on the corners of his mouth and eyes tired. His fingers tremble when he types out a reply.

me

oh

oh my god

will never get over how handsome you are

wow...

Taeyong finds himself saving the 2 photos on his phone. It's not weird, right? 

johnny

Stop itttt you're flattering me too much

Send me a picture of yourself btw I miss your faceeeee

Taeyong smiles to himself, resting his head on the toilet seat. When he realizes how disgusting it was, he whipped his head up and looked in the mirror. He washes his face with a cleanser, rubbing aggressively and then washes it all out. He wets the tips of his hair to add a bit of a look and brushes his teeth in half a minute.

He heads to his bedroom and stretches his shirt to show off his collarbones, clearing his throat before taking a picture of himself with his neck being prominent. His neck looked sharp in the dim lighting, so he stares and admires himself. He hits send and watches as one tick turns into two.

johnny

Oh my

God

Jesus Taeyong

Will never get over how fucking pretty you are

The prettiest really

Taeyong bites his thumb, smiling widely. He clicks on the call button, deciding to call instead of text Johnny.

"Hey," is the first thing he says when Johnny answers.

"Hi, Yongie," Johnny replies in a low and almost raspy voice. Taeyong tries not to melt but it's too late because when he takes a deep breath instead of responding Johnny gets worried. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he breathes out. "Yeah, no, I'm great. You just... have a nice voice."

Johnny chuckles and it sounds like a symphony in Taeyong's ears. "Yeah? I mean, I love the sound of your voice too."

"...Thank you," Taeyong mutters. "So, uh... about these zoo tickets; can I bring Doyoung with me? You bring Jaehyun too-"

"Oh, Taeyong..." Johnny says, almost disappointed. Taeyong's heart and smile drop for a second because he doesn't know where he went wrong.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" He rushes out.

"No, it's just..." Johnny pauses and sighs before he whispers out, "Jaehyun and Doyoung have no strings attached. Jaehyun told me about their night yesterday and said Doyoung proposed the idea of just being friends that sleep with each other."

That's not like Doyoung. That is so not like Doyoung.

"Oh wow..." Taeyong is speechless for a second. "I thought they'd be genuinely interested in each other."

"Nah, maybe physically but anything else? No."

"Right. Okay, anyway," Taeyong changes the topic. "Do you have work today? I'm going to check up on the cafe even though I don't have a shift but I need to check on the kids."

"I have work but only until 1 in the afternoon," Johnny responds. "If you're there, we can make plans for the zoo over a warm cup of hot choco?"

"Yep," Taeyong quirkily replies. "That sounds... great."

"Perfect," Taeyong can hear Johnny smile. "I have to go get dressed now, but have a great day Taeyong!"

"Yongie," Taeyong corrects in a soft voice. "Call me Yongie. I like it." 

"Have a great day... Yongie."

"Have a great day Johnny." He whispers right before hesitantly hanging up.

"New kink unlocked: getting called Yongie?" Doyoung leans his frame on the door, string his cup of tea as he smirks and raises his eyebrows.

Taeyong groans, "Shut up."

-

"This is a cub giant panda. It was born only 3 weeks ago, very tiny and still can barely walk," The young zookeeper says.

Taeyong coos, eyes turning shiny as he stares at the baby bear with its mother. Johnny smiles to himself as he watches Taeyong's behaviour around animals.

Taeyong looks back at Johnny, smiling widely with his teeth as he points at the bear. "Look at it, John! Oh, I just want to eat it..."

"That's not really allowed, Yongie," Johnny teases, hand going around Taeyong's waist. Taeyong throws another look at Johnny, but this time it's a look of mock annoyance.

"We get told that a lot," The zookeeper clears her throat. "This baby is called Choco. His mama has been here for 2 years now."

"How often do they eat in a day?" Taeyong asks, eyes stuck on the pandas like he's in a trance.

"Sorry, he's probably thinking of adopting one now," Johnny jokes. "We've gotta go check the elephants and giraffes."

"But the pandaaaaaa," Taeyong whines, not fighting back the way Johnny holds his waist and leads him in the other direction. The little squeezes he feels every once in a while makes it all better, the experience of feeling wanted makes it all better.

"Do you wanna feed the elephants?" Johnny says lowly into his hair.

"Yeah, I think it'd be nice." Taeyong looks up at him, immediately meeting his eyes. 

Once they grab a few vegetables from the zookeepers, they lean in closer to the elephants and let them take in the food with their trunks. Taeyong nervously chuckles. Johnny puts his hand on the small of Taeyong's back to avoid him falling into the pit or leaning too far in, dragging him back when he starts to let out strained noises.

When they feed the giraffes, it's more disgusting as they start to lick Taeyong's hands. He grimaces, making Johnny laugh and bend backwards as he clutches his stomach.

"It's disgusting! Don't laugh like that again, Jinhyun, it felt so gross..." Taeyong gasps.

Johnny's smile drops and he looks down at the ground and lightly nods his head. When he looks back up, he sees Taeyong looking at him with eyes not showing a clear meaning of what he feels.

"Johnny. Johnny, I mean, I'm sorry." Taeyong mutters.

"No, yeah, it's okay," Johnny shrugs. "I'd get confused with Jinhyun and Johnny too."

Taeyong lets out a small and almost pathetic smile, full of pity and guilt at the same time. "I'm sorry."

Johnny doesn't reply with anything, just takes Taeyong's hand (that didn't feed the giraffe) and walks outside of the zoo. "It's getting late, we should head back to our houses."

It was 8 pm. Not late for the weekend.

Taeyong follows behind, missing the feeling of Johnny's hand holding his already when he lets go to get in the passenger seat. When Johnny gets in, he turns the engine on and just rests. He takes a deep inhale, exhaling deeply after, and Taeyong feels all the guilt travel throughout his body.

"Johnny, I'm really sorry." I'm still in love with Jinhyun.

"No just... don't worry about it." Johnny sends him a smile, clearly fake and forced (but at least it reached his eyes).

Taeyong reaches for his hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it. Johnny cups his cheek after, letting Taeyong close his eyes and snuggle against it.

"It must be hard." 

Taeyong wants to reply, it is way harder than you may think. Johnny probably has no idea how it feels like losing a friend, losing someone you were in love with. But he didn't need to, what Taeyong was going through is hell.

The drive to Taeyong's house is silent, just like it always is when they're in a car alone. Taeyong often grabs Johnny's hand and lets it rest on his leg, threading his fingers between them and playing with them. He catches Johnny smiling to himself, eyes focused on the road, but that doesn't stop Taeyong from letting his hand explore Johnny's.

Taeyong gets tired in the car often, Johnny realizes, and he lets his thumb caress a sleeping Taeyong's leg. The drive is smooth back home, letting Taeyong rest as long as he wants until they're right in front of his apartment.

"Taeyong?" Johnny softly says. "Taeyongggg, wake up."

Taeyong groans, twisting in his seat and leaning into the window. "Why..."

"We're right in front of your apartment."

Taeyong twists his head to look at Johnny, eyes opening an inch. "Will you carry me?"

Johnny laughs. "No, you're a big boy, you should know how to walk."

"But... okay, fine." Taeyong kicks the door open, heading out of the car. Johnny quickly follows, jogging to Taeyong's side and putting his arm around his waist.

No words are said as Johnny leads a sleeping Taeyong, who had his eyes closed as he walked, to his house, opening the door for him and immediately taking him to his bed. Taeyong is clingy when he's tired, every one of his friends knows that, but he's even more clingy when he gets woken up from a nice nap in a car.

"I'll change your clothes for you," Johnny says after making Taeyong sit down on his bed. Taeyong hangs his head low with his eyes closed as Johnny gets out a shirt and shorts for Taeyong to sleep in.

Once he gets Taeyong's shirt off and makes him wear the large shirt - definitely not Taeyong's - and then he does the same to the shorts. He lays Taeyong down on the bed slowly, making sure his neck is comfortable as he tucks him into bed. Johnny stares at Taeyong for a bit with his hands on his hips, exhaling like he'd run thousands of miles. Then he sits down on the edge of the bed, cupping Taeyong's cheek and brushing his hair back with his hands.

"Did you have fun today?" He asks Taeyong in a low voice.

"Mhm. You made it fun," Taeyong replies, opening his eyes.

"You made it the best date I've had," Johnny smiles down at him.

"Kiss me," Taeyong says, convincing enough to let Johnny let out a chuckle.

Johnny holds Taeyong's cheek with a delicacy like he's holding a baby, soft fingertips pressing ever so lightly into his cheekbones. He leans down and like a game, their lips touch and slow dance with each other.

When Johnny pulls away, he lets his forehead rest against Taeyong's before kissing his nose. "Goodnight."

"Wait-" Johnny turns back immediately. "Take an extra copy of my housekeys. They're on the kitchen counter, the one with the blue keychain is for you."

Johnny resists the urge to run back to Taeyong and kiss him, so he thanks him quietly and closes the bedroom door, making his way to the kitchen to grab a key. He twists it around his finger before heading out of the house and to his car, eventually to his apartment where he finds Doyoung on top of Jaehyun on the couch.

"Oh- oh my God," Doyoung gets off of Jaehyun. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were gonna come back so early."

"Taeyong got sleepy, we decided to end the date earlier than usual," Johnny says. "Go back to whatever you were doing, I'll listen to some music."

Doyoung apologizes once more, and Johnny suddenly remembers.

"By the way, Doyoung; when you go out, there's a key hung on the key holder and one of them is white with a dog drawn on it. Take it and give it to Taeyong, they're the keys to this house."

And with that, Johnny slams the door to his room and heads face-first into the pillow, groaning into it.

-

Taeyong's first reaction when he sees the keychain is that it's beautiful.

It was white with a dog drawn on it, the exact same dog he had tattooed on his skin. He has never told the story of Ruby, his pet dog, but Johnny somehow knew it's something that means a lot to him.

"That's so soulmate behaviour," Haechan said one day when Taeyong explained what happened between him and Johnny.

"Right? Now I feel bad, the keychain I gave him was just a plain shade of blue that looked pretty," Taeyong says. "He does so much to me, I can't compete with him..."

"Hyung, a relationship is not about who does more for the other," Mark says. "Tie my apron, please?"

Haechan ties his apron, once around his waist and then on the back as Mark talks.

"You are so far a great boyfriend. If you even put a label on that, I assume?" Haechan wraps his arms around Mark's waist after he's done and kisses him on the cheek, just before he goes out to make sure the sign outside says 'open'.

"Not yet..." Taeyong shyly replies. "He hasn't asked me yet."

"That's crazy, but you know what's crazier?" Mark points at him. "The fact you haven't asked him, either."

"He's the man in the relationship, he's supposed to know!"

"You are both men in a relationship, dumbass," Doyoung scolds. 

"How's it going with your Jaehyun?" Taeyong teases. "Johnny told me what he walked into-"

"Shut up!" 

"Oh, you're nasty," Mark grimaces playfully.

"Don't act like I haven't caught you and Haechan do worse in the goddamn accessible toilets."

"You did what?" Taeyong scolds.

"We don't talk about that," Mark says. "How about when you saw some random hot guy on the street and paid him to make out with you because he was a model and didn't want to-"

"We don't talk about that." Taeyong mocks.

"Talk about what?" 

All 3 of them look behind to find Johnny, face full of confusion.

"Nothing," Taeyong's response is immediate. "Nothing, hi babe." He walks up to Johnny and plants a kiss on his cheek, arms making their way around his neck.

"Babe? We're on pet name basis?" Johnny chuckles. 

"Sorry, it slipped out," Taeyong whispers playfully. "I haven't seen you in long," it's been 3 weeks since their zoo date, "What makes you come here suddenly today?"

"Well, actually..." He says, a blush forming on his cheeks. "I've been thinking to take you out on a date. Like, a proper one."

"Why so nervous, baby?" Taeyong teases, putting his face closer to Johnny's.

"God, stop that," Johnny lets out a nervous chuckle. "Just... I heard this place is really good and I wanna take you there."

"Hm," Taeyong says, pretending to think. "What's the place?" 

"Secret. I'll surprise you," Johnny kisses Taeyong's nose and tells his order to Doyoung quickly. Taeyong pouts and lets go of Johnny, heading on the opposite side of the counter and putting in his order.

"How much will that be?" Johnny asks, getting out his wallet. Taeyong laughs in his face, eyes turning into curves.

"You're joking, right?" Taeyong responds with a question. "You get the owner's-boyfriend discount. It's free."

Johnny's stunned for a moment and Taeyong wishes he can take back what he said. Until Johnny's red face catches his attention, trying his hardest not to let his smile appear.

"Boyfriend, huh?" Johnny says. 

Taeyong groans, rolling his eyes. "Shut up."

"I mean, maybe if you just asked me I wouldn't have been this shocked-"

"You're the one supposed to ask me!" Taeyong half yells.

"Okay, would you be my boyfriend?" Johnny giggles.

"Thought you'd never ask." Taeyong smiles softly at him.

A boyfriend. Taeyong has a boyfriend. His first actual boyfriend. And it's not Jinhyun.

Taeyong shakes his head to try and forget his thoughts, working effectively (and partially because of Johnny's smile).

"Here's your order, John," Doyoung quickly passes him his closed cup and heads out to where the customers were waiting. Johnny takes the cup and smiles before almost heading out of the shop, but he turns and heads back to Taeyong.

"I'll see you Saturday?" Johnny says. 

Taeyong looks up at the calendar. Today is Monday. That's a whole 5 days from now. 

"That sounds great," Taeyong puts his hand on his hips, wrists sticking out. "Enough time for me to..." he points at himself, making circles with his pointer finger, "...prepare myself."

Johnny chuckles, low and flowing through the air like a butterfly. "Yeah. I'm very... stressed because of work, too. I have a speech in a few months that I apparently need to start working on from now. It's gonna be huge, global ambassadors from all over the world are coming and they wanted me to do the speech. Promoting a whole new product that we need to become popular around the world and-"

"Hey, hey, calm down," Taeyong puts a hand on his bicep. "It's fine. How about I come over tonight and try and help you with the speech?"

Johnny lets his shoulders fall, relieved. "I thought you'd never ask."

So they share smiles before a kiss, Johnny putting his beanie tighter over his hair as he walks out and waves goodbye. 

But all Taeyong can think about is how he is boyfriends with Johnny, wishing it was Jinhyun instead.

-

"Jinhyun will never treat you the way you want, or should, be treated," 20-year-old Doyoung tells Taeyong after walking in on him crying and drinking in the bathroom. "He sleeps with, like, 50 people in a month."

Taeyong sniffles, avoiding all eye contact with Doyoung. His eyeliner had been smudged lightly, hurting the corners of his eyes.

"I've known Jinhyun longer than you have," Taeyong lets out in a raspy whisper. "You don't know him like I do."

"Or maybe it means you like him too much you would ignore his mistakes," Doyoung tilts his head at him. "Tell me, why did you fall in love with him?"

Taeyong smiles to himself, sadly more than genuinely. "He's just perfect. You've seen his looks, and we grew up together so... So I just ended up liking him at first. I hid it obviously, I knew he didn't like guys. 

But a few days ago... when it was just the two of us here and you were out with your boyfriend, he kissed me. He kissed me. He was the one who put his lips on mine, and..." Taeyong scoffs. "I don't know. He just..."

"Okay, number one: there are tons of other guys who are more good looking than him. Number two: he has changed from the guy you knew him as when you were younger, I think that's given. If he kissed you and then went to fuck another girl right away, don't you think it's all a game for him?"

Taeyong stays silent at Doyoung's words. "I do. He treats me like complete shit, like I'm worthless to him. But I can't help and just crave being with him."

"What has he done to make you feel like that? Like you're shit?"

"...He slapped me when I came out to him. He apologized right after, but he still slapped me and it hurt. He took me out on a hangout once where it was just the two of us, when you yourself had a date too, and he said that he doesn't want to get the white wine. It's stupid, but the way he acted when I said I wanted the white wine was..."

"Was what?" Oh, Doyoung's motherly tone hits too close to home. His mother has never cared enough about him to even ask about his friends, anyway.

"When the waiter asked me - asked us - what we wanted to drink, I was gonna respond with white wine but he cut me off and said 'we are getting the red', and that tone of his, God..." Taeyong feels fear whenever he remembers that night.

"He was unfair to you. He still is, from what I see."

"He's like a drug. He's so fucking toxic to me, but I can't help and just melt into him whenever he holds me..."

"Okay, never say that again," Doyoung scolds. "He's a bad person and an even worse friend."

"I just don't know what to fucking do." 

It leads to a long silence, those few words. Doyoung has always been the king of advice, always knowing what to say, but this leaves him almost speechless. Almost.

"The wine incident. It tells much more than you might think, Taeyong."

"What? What do you mean?" 

"Maybe he just doesn't care about your thoughts. He just wants everything to go his way, not caring about you or what you personally want-"

"He's not really like that."

"Did you think he'd slap you when you tell him you like guys?" 

Taeyong stays silent. He didn't, never even thought of it and had a great prediction of what his reaction would be. Telling him he is proud for coming out, sticking by his side when everyone else says something bad to him, but no. He slapped him. He made his cheek hurt for days, his heart for longer.

"Taeyong. I need you to listen to me very carefully when I say this," Doyoung speaks like he's talking to a child. "You are a great man. You're smart, you're gorgeous, you're a kind soul, everything good... and then there's Jinhyun. He's abusive, rude and would sleep with a plant if it gave him attention. You are too good for him and you always will be."

Taeyong doesn't respond. He stares at the wall behind Doyoung and sighs, rubbing his forehead. He waits until Doyoung goes out to get up and wash his face, making sure it's as cold as it can be.

Fast forward 2 years and the three of them open up the little cafe in the building 2 blocks away. Jinhyun has promised he will never touch or merely look at a piece of weed, and it looks real in Taeyong and Doyoung's eyes.

But months after their cafe had opened, wildly popular at the end of summer just before school starts, Taeyong walks into the house at 2 am and sees Jinhyun on the couch with a naked girl over him.

At first, Taeyong sighs. He walks to the kitchen and makes himself a cup of tea, walking over to Jinhyun after.

"Wake up, Jinhyun," He says. "You really missed out on your shift today to sleep with a girl..."

Taeyong takes a sip from his mug. He watches as Jinhyun's chest doesn't move, neither the girl's.

"Jinhyun? Jinhyun, wake up," He hits Jinhyun with a pillow. He doesn't move.

Taeyong heads towards Jinhyun in quick steps, setting his mug on the coffee table. He hits Jinhyun's cheek, shakes him, even gets a bucket of ice-cold water and pours it all on him. Nothing.

"Jinhyun, you bitch, this is not funny," Taeyong pulls the girl off of Jinhyun, freezing once he stares at Jinhyun's face.

White on the corners of his lips, dark circles underneath his eyes, veins prominent on his cheekbone. He is definitely not sleeping.

When Taeyong frantically calls Doyoung, crying and repeating the words 'I don't know', Doyoung calls the ambulance and quickly heads towards their house with the pandemics behind him.

They put the nameless girl and Jinhyun on stretcher beds, covering their mouth with a ventilator and quickly heading out into the elevator. Taeyong can't stop sobbing, face in his palms as Doyoung comforts him - or at least tries to.

"We tried doing everything we can," The doctor tells him. "He had already been dead from before the pandemics reached him, and there was no saving them both. I'm sorry."

-

"Taeyong, are you ready for your date?" Doyoung walks into Taeyong's room.

And to say Taeyong was ready was an understatement. He had a sky blue turtleneck on, hugging his body in the right places, tucked into his black wide-legged pants. His hair was silver, dyed 2 days ago especially for this date, and grew out into a mullet over the course of a week (and excessive use of coconut oil). He was putting on his earrings, wrists already occupied with many bracelets and rings on his fingers, when Doyoung walked in.

Taeyong hums, "Mhm, just give me a second," Taeyong makes sure to put on a bit of lip gloss, just to make his lips stand out more.

Doyoung breathes, finally, "Oh, you look gorgeous, hyung."

Taeyong smiles, letting out a breath himself. "I hope so. He said it's a fancy date, kinda, so I tried looking my best."

"Oh, you're gonna give him whiplash, you devil," Doyoung jokes.

Just when Taeyong was about to say something back to Doyoung, his phone starts to ring. Johnny.

"Hi," He says into the phone upon answering.

"Hi, Yongie," Taeyong regrets telling him to call him that because it always makes him weak, "I, um- I'm at the front of your building."

"Give me 2 minutes, I just need to grab my wallet and-"

"No need." Johnny cuts him off.

"...But Johnny-"

"You only need your phone."

Taeyong sucks in his lips to suppress his smile, not believing that this was about to happen. "Yeah. Okay, um, I'll just wear my shoes and... head downstairs."

"I'll be waiting."

Taeyong heads out of his room and wears his shoes; black Chelsea boots with a 2-inch heel - perfect for him. 

He brings out his expensive black purse mostly for the outfit, swinging it over his shoulder and heading out of the house. When the elevator dings, he is immediately met by Jaehyun.

"Where are you going?" Taeyong raises an eyebrow at him. Why was he wearing a suit?

"I, uh," Jaehyun scratches the back of his neck. "Doyoung."

Taeyong hums as he steps into the elevator and Jaehyun steps out. "Good luck, and enjoy." The doors close before Jaehyun can reply, but Taeyong doesn't miss the way Jaehyun's ear had turned into dark pink.

Taeyong himself was nervous about this date. He does not know what to expect from Johnny and the fancy restaurant he supposedly is taking him to. His breath catches in his throat the moment he sees Johnny standing near the entrance of the building.

Johnny. Johnny was wearing all black; black dress pants, a black button-up shirt, black blazer. His hair was pushed back, creating a small curve with his strand of hair. Taeyong almost thinks it's cute until Johnny looks at him with a look in his eyes he has never seen before.

"Hey," Johnny says. When the fuck did his voice get so deep?

"Hi, John," Taeyong shyly greets. "You look... very good."

"Very good? Eh, I was going for an excellent," Johnny jokes. He heads towards Taeyong, closer, and cups his cheek, kissing him. 

Taeyong lets his eyes flutter shut at the touch Johnny had on him. When Johnny pulls away, he keeps his eyes closed almost hoping for more. 

"We have a reservation at 8 and it's 7 now, we need to get going," Johnny grabs his hand and whispers to him. "Tonight, I'll give you all the kisses you would like."

Taeyong curses in his head at Johnny for being... himself. Himself and yet he's so dashing.

Johnny opens the door for Taeyong, like he always does, and jogs to the other side of the car to get in. The moment he places his hand on the gear stick, Taeyong finally says something.

"Hold my hand," Taeyong suggests. "while you drive."

Johnny looks at Taeyong and nods, holding his hand and letting it go to his lips. He kisses it and proceeds to drive towards the restaurant. Taeyong blushes the entire time, a smile conquering his face as he looks out of the window. 

The ride is silent, just like always. They arrive a bit earlier and Johnny opens the door so Taeyong gets out, his hand immediately going to the shorter's back. Taeyong thinks of how domestic it is, and wishes it were like this with Jinhyun.

"I'll do the talking, okay?" Johnny says, squeezing a teeny tiny bit of his waist.

Taeyong just nods, muttering an 'okay' as they continue to walk towards the entrance.

"Hi, good evening," Johnny starts off, confident. "I have a reservation under the name John Suh at 8 pm."

"Yes, are you Mr Suh?" The waitress asks him.

"Yes," Johnny replies. Taeyong already wants to go back home just to see Johnny all dominant for himself.

"Right this way," She says politely with a smile. Johnny never lets go of Taeyong's back the entire time, all the way until they sit down in a private area upstairs to a view of the city at night.

Once they order their food, which doesn't take long since Johnny has been here with his friends before and knows all the good food, they just sit down opposite each other with their hands intertwined.

"It's really beautiful out here," Taeyong sighs, resting his chin on his free palm.

"That's true," Johnny agrees, nodding his head. "But nothing will ever compare to how beautiful you are."

Taeyong turns his head to look at Johnny, smiling wide as he rolls his eyes. "You flatter me too much."

"It's not flattering if it's the truth, now, is it babe?" Johnny teases. 

"You're too comfortable calling me babe," Taeyong says. "Remember when you would get nervous when I don't reply within 10 seconds?"

Johnny chuckles, leaning back into his chair (but he continues to caress Taeyong's hand with his thumb gently). "That was when I was technically a stranger to you. What if you were really weirded out by me, hm?"

"Well, that would've been my mistake, because why would I deny an invite to be yours when you're like this?" 

Johnny freezes, pink tinting his face. "Like what?"

"You're just... you." Taeyong says, not realizing where all the confidence is coming from. "You're kind and smart, and so good looking it actually drives me insane," Johnny chuckles, a dimple popping out on his cheek, "and overall, you're perfect."

"Look who's speaking about flattering," Johnny says. "I appreciate that. A lot. Especially coming from you."

"Why is that?"

"Oh, Taeyong, you know why." 

"Here is your food, sir," The waiter comes in, putting down all the food they'd ordered across the table. "I will come back later to ask for your drinks and desserts."

Johnny smiles and nods at her, Taeyong watching as she walks away. "You think we've traumatized her?"

Johnny laughs, slapping his leg as he does so. "Maybe," Johnny shrugs. "Definitely. Eat up before it gets cold, by the way."

Taeyong lets go of Johnny's hand, to his dismay, and grabs his fork and knife. They eat and enjoy the view of the city at the same time. Taeyong ends up giving his small portion of uneaten food to Johnny, to which Johnny completely finishes.

The waitress comes back and takes away their food, asking for the wine they want to drink.

"I'd like the red."

"I want the white."

Johnny and Taeyong say at the same time. Taeyong's blood runs cold, smile dropping and face becoming paler in a second.

"Oh, um," Johnny awkwardly says. "We could get the white, I don't mind-"

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

Taeyong gets up from his seat, scraping the chair on the ground as he heads into the restaurant and eventually goes outside. 

"Excuse me, here," Johnny throws a stack of cash at the table for the waitress and walks quickly behind Taeyong.

Once he follows Taeyong out of the restaurant, Taeyong had already begun letting tears fall from his eyes as he continues to walk.

"Taeyong! Taeyong, wait!" Johnny runs behind Taeyong and places a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. "What the fuck happened? Are you okay, are you sick, do you-"

"Johnny, stop," Taeyong pushes Johnny's hand off of his shoulder, voice strained. "I'm so sorry."

"Can you please just tell me what's going on? Why are you crying? Taeyong-"

"I don't have feelings for you. I'm sorry."

Johnny stays silent for a bit, staring innocently down at Taeyong. 

"I'm still in love with Jinhyun," Taeyong whispers out, loud enough for Johnny to hear.

"Jinhyun? The- the dead Jinhyun?" Johnny asks, stuttering over his words.

Taeyong sighs, sniffing and wiping roughly at his eyes after. "Yes. Jinhyun, the guy who had your phone number before he died."

"I don't- I don't understand, Taeyong," Johnny sighs, putting his hands on his hips. "You have never shown that you even felt an ounce of the love you had for him before to me. Why suddenly now, our first date as official boyfriends?"

"Because, Johnny," Taeyong says. "I can't pretend anymore. This? This all that we have been doing lately?" Taeyong points at himself and Johnny in circular motions. "It's everything I wanted to do with Jinhyun, and more. I'm sorry."

Johnny doesn't respond with anything. He just looks down, sighing again as he turns around to go to his car. "Get in the passenger seat."

The drive home this time is not silent - it's full of tension. Taeyong cries every now and then, sniffing and eyes red from how much he'd cried. Johnny had a tight grip on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white from how tightly he held them.

When Johnny drops him off at his house, he looks at Johnny with unsaid words in his mouth. He almost wants to reach over and kiss him, but he doesn't do that. Johnny can't even look at him, how was he supposed to do that?

"Goodnight," Taeyong says, evident that he has been crying. When Johnny doesn't respond, he cries again on the way to his house.

He enters the elevator and rushes into his house, crying even louder than before. His sobs were so scary that Doyoung came out of his room, half-naked with just (not his) boxers on and rushed to hold him. 

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down," Doyoung rubs his arms up and down. Taeyong misses Jaehyun sneaking out of the room with messy hair with messier clothes on him. 

"I- I- fuck, I just ruined my relationship with Johnny," Taeyong breaks down again. Doyoung looks at Jaehyun, who raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"That must be why Johnny's calling me," Jaehyun mutters. He heads over to where Doyoung was, kisses his cheek and waves goodbye at him as he heads out.

"What the fuck happened?" Doyoung asks. "Did he say something mean? Did he hurt you? What ha-"

"No, no, no," Taeyong replies. "No. I... fuck, I told him that I'm not in love with him and that I'm in love with Jinhyun and the fucking wine and the bill and he held my hand and he just- he was just so hurt Doyoungie I can't-"

"Calm down," Doyoung says loudly. "How about you go get changed, and so will I, and then we can talk about this calmly?"

Taeyong sniffles, thinking. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Once Taeyong comes out wearing a long-sleeved white t-shirt and a pair of purple pants, he sits down next to Doyoung on his couch. He leans into his best friend's side, letting his cheek be squished by Doyoung's shoulder.

"We were on the date. We talked a lot, had some really good food, flirted. It was amazing, really. Then... the waitress asked us what wine we wanted. I said I wanted the wine, he wanted the red and I just... I freaked out.

He didn't react like how Jinhyun did, no. He said he doesn't mind what wine we drink. But I got scared because I always imagined him to be like Jinhyun in that aspect. I realized that I keep comparing them to each other and that I don't have feelings for Johnny. I am still in love with Jinhyun."

Doyoung listens. "So you're 100% sure you have no feelings for him?"

When Taeyong doesn't respond, Doyoung knows the answer.

"70%?" Doyoung pushes. Taeyong lets out a small smile, just a hint of it, and shakes his head.

"I think there's no... romantic feelings in my heart for him," Taeyong says. "He's an amazing guy but he's too good for me."

"Isn't that a good thing?" 

"Not to me, no."

Doyoung stares in silence. This was going to be one difficult puzzle to solve.

-

Johnny sits down on his desk making the PowerPoint, editing his speech and making the presentation presentable.

"Hey, hyung, I'm going to the cafe," Jaehyun says. "Wanna come?"

Johnny looks up at Jaehyun, knowing Jaehyun knows the answer already. "No. I have a lot of work, sorry Jae."

"No biggie," Jaehyun smiles. "I'll bring back some of that coffee cake you like."

He smiles at Jaehyun as he goes out of the house, sighing in defeat once his best friend's out. He rubs his hands over his face, staring at the presentation in front of him.

"This is way harder than I thought it would be." He mutters to himself.

If Taeyong was here again, he would've helped me.

2 months were left for him to present this, introducing Samsung's new and controversial product. He had 6 months to work on it, and for the 4 that he was friends with Taeyong in, the latter would help him.

"Hello, everyone here. My name is John Suh, I'm a Korean-American 24 year old who has been working in the company Samsung for 7 months. I'm glad to be the person that introduces one of our finest, most time-taking products: the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip3." He mumbles into his palm, reading off of his script.

"This is so stupid." He tells himself. 

Johnny spends the entire day working, forgetting to eat anything other than a chocolate bar in the morning. Jaehyun comes back home at 11 pm smiling, obviously after seeing Doyoung.

"You're still working?" Jaehyun asks.

"Mmmmmmhm," Johnny says. "What's that?"

"Oh," Jaehyun says awkwardly. "Taeyong made this... for you to eat. Chow mein."

"Tell him thank you." Johnny sarcastically says.

Jaehyun pats his shoulder, putting the container next to him with a plastic fork and spoon. "I need to go shower. Eat this, rest a bit or watch a show and then go to sleep. You have time for it." 

Johnny waits for Jaehyun to go to his room before mocking Jaehyun's words. He eats the chow mein rather quickly, munching big bites and gulping them down in one. He wasn't happy with the number of slides he has, still only 9 slides when no less than 15 is acceptable. 

Just when he was about to add another point, one that popped into his head like a lightbulb, he had a phone call from his dad. He picks it up on the 3rd ring.

"Hello, dad?" He says.

"Johnny, your mom is in the hospital."

-

Taeyong has not been well.

It's been 2 weeks since his outburst on their date happened, and ever since, they've never talked to each other. Jaehyun would come over often, sleep with Doyoung and then go home. He never stayed, it was one of their rules.

One day, when he was sweeping the floor and cleaning the tables with Mark and Haechan, he suddenly felt emotional again.

"Hyung? Are you okay?" Haechan walks over to Taeyong.

"Hm?" Taeyong sniffs, wiping at his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You should go home, we can clean-"

"I said I'm fine. It's no problem, please, you yourselves can leave."

"My shift ends at 11," Mark says sternly. "I'm not leaving before that."

Taeyong doesn't reply, continuing to sweep the floor.

When he gets home that night, just a bit before 12, he falls down on his bed and cries himself to sleep.

Why did he feel so affected without Johnny? Why does it feel like Johnny had left him to go to someone else? 

He decides that soon, he will go to Johnny and apologize with a heartfelt apology. By soon, he meant before the year ends.

"It's literally January," Doyoung had told him. "You have over 11 months to do that."

"That's the point," Taeyong says. "I need to find a way to write a large paragraph for him so he loves me again."

"Love?" Doyoung chokes out. "Love..."

"Yeah, love," Taeyong shyly says. "I want him to love me because I..."

"You what...?" Doyoung pushes on.

"I think I might love him," Taeyong says, casually. "Anyways, do you have any news of him?" 

"No, Jaehyun doesn't tell me anything related to him." 

"Oh." 

Doyoung nods. "I have a date with him, tonight. We're going to Mcdonald's."

"Mcdonald's... for a date?" Taeyong asks.

"He can't eat pasta, so we're just gonna get some burgers and nuggets. Maybe we'll go to that local milkshake shop too, I don't know."

"Well, um..." Taeyong says. "Have fun?"

"Thanks, Taeyongie," Doyoung squishes Taeyong and kisses his cheek. "Love you, but I'm gonna go get ready now."

"Now? Why would it possibly take you hours to get ready?" 

"I need to shower, exfoliate, nap, get dressed, put my makeup on and go to his house," Doyoung says like it's nothing. "Why?"

"Nevermind." Taeyong sighs and gets up. "I might go see Johnny today. Yeah, maybe."

"It's been a month since you last saw him, right?" 

"Yeah... it's time to see him again, I think." 

"You think? So you cried every single day only for you to think that-"

"Oh, shut up!" Taeyong pushes him into his room and closes the door. "How about you take that bath now!"

"I'm already butt naked, wanna see?" Doyoung shouts back.

"Gross," Taeyong mutters under his breath.

-

A day passes by of Johnny in Chicago.

He barely slept the night he arrived and throughout the day had a lot of cups of coffee to help him stay awake. His mother had fainted while vacuuming the living room and his father walked in from work to find her on the ground, unmoving.

"I always tell you not to do chores," He playfully scolds his mother, sitting on the bed with a hospital gown on. "You've gotten too old for that."

His mom laughs, weak and airy. "Who else is gonna clean after your dad's mess?"

"Himself, of course!" 

"I'm kidding," She says. "No, I uh... don't have enough money for the housemaids to come anymore."

Johnny's face falls. "What? Why didn't you tell me-"

"Johnny," She sternly states. "You do not have to send me any money if that's what you're thinking."

"Why not? I have a pretty good salary and can definitely help you-"

"No, no. You don't have to help us, it's fine."

"How can you say it's fine when you ended up in the hospital?" Johnny raises his voice, lowering it only when he realizes that he raised his voice at his mother.

She sighs. "Don't worry about me. It was one time, it won't happen again. I'll ask our neighbour's daughter to start helping me with heavy chores if that's what you want."

Johnny lets a small smile on his face. "Don't make her too tired, yeah?"

"No, you know me," She teases a smile at him. "So, tell me about you. Have you met anyone?" 

"One person. But it didn't work out." He says with a small smile.

"Do I have to fly to Korea with you to hit that person?" 

"No," He laughs. "Wait... actually I have an idea."

-

Taeyong dresses up prettily, more than usual.

It's been exactly a month and a week since his last date with Johnny. He decided to go over to Johnny's and spend the night with him, especially since he knew Doyoung is spending the night with Jaehyun today.

He opens the door to his house, only to be met by Jaehyun.

"We have to stop meeting like this," Taeyong raises an eyebrow.

"Right," Jaehyun replies. "Where are you going?"

"Secret."

Jaehyun steps into the house, immediately being pulled by Doyoung and shutting the door. 

Taeyong suddenly feels a wave of nervousness, almost like being afraid. He gulps the feeling down and walks to Johnny's building, taking a good 40 minutes (which was also a great workout for him). He was thankful for the weather for being so nice - not warm enough to make him sweat and not cold enough to make him shiver.

Once he's outside the building, he takes the deepest breath in he's ever taken since he was born and heads inside the building. He walks slowly towards the elevator, clicking on the [4] button and wiping his palms on his pants.

He arrives in front of the house Johnny lives in, knocking on the door 3 times and waiting patiently. 30 seconds pass with no answer, so he knocks more and more. He pulls out the key Johnny had gifted him, opens the door successfully and walks into an empty house.

"Johnny?" He calls out. When he gets no answer, he starts to worry.

"Johnny? John, baby, are you here?" He walks around the house, checking the rooms. Nothing.

But what catches his eye the most was Johnny's completely untouched room. And that his closet was almost empty.

Taeyong cries. He starts to cry in the middle of the dim living room, knees on the floor as he sobs. He doesn't think he's being dramatic, because the literal love of his life is gone.

He cries out Johnny's name, hand over his mouth as his heart aches and calls for Johnny. He was too lost in crying that he doesn't catch the way the door to the house had opened.

"Taeyong? Taeyong-" It's Johnny.

Taeyong looks up, snot down his red nose and tears staining his red cheeks at the man leaning down in front of him, face shocked and surprised.

"Taeyo-" Johnny grunts as Taeyong throws himself on him, arms around his neck tightly as he straddles him and sobs into his shoulder loudly.

"Taeyong, are you okay?" 

"Shhhhhh," Taeyong shakily says. "You're real? Oh my God, you're real!!!!"

Taeyong presses himself closer to Johnny, kissing all over his face and lips like they haven't seen each other for years. 

"Taeyong- Yong, I can't-" Johnny lets his hand rest on the back of Taeyong's knees as the smaller continues to kiss him and hug and breathe him in.

"I thought I lost you."

This leads to a silence between them, stronger than ever in those little car rides they'd take. Taeyong, still straddling Johnny, sniffles as he leans back to look at Johnny. His hands were playing with Johnny's nape, smiling as he tries not to cry.

"What?" Johnny says. "I... you would never lose me, are you kidding?"

"But..." Taeyong says. "Johnny, why are there two people outside your door who are looking at us?"

Johnny whips his head to the side and watches as his mother's gape and confused face mimic his father's expression.

"Oh," Johnny lifts Taeyong up and sets him down after they stand up. "Taeyong, this is Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad, this is Taeyongie."

Taeyong tucks the hair behind his ear and holds Johnny's hand, slowly sneaking behind him. 

"Hi," he lets out. "I'm Taeyong."

"Well, look at you, gorgeous!" His mother says, immediately going to squish Taeyong's cheeks. "Honey, doesn't he look so pretty?"

His dad walks in behind, hands going on his wife's waist as he slowly tries to pull her back. "I think the man wants some space, honey."

Taeyong sniffles, awkwardly coughing as he pinches Johnny's hand.

"I'm Johnny's boyfriend," Taeyong says. 

"You are?" Johnny asks him.

"Mhm. We have a lot to talk about," Taeyong whispers back.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Taeyongie," His mom shakes his free hand, holding it with her two small hands. 

"You too, Mrs Suh," He smiles, genuinely this time.

"Why don't we give them some space, hm?" His dad rhetorically asks his mom. "We can go unpack our bags now."

His mom follows his dad obliviously, leaving Johnny and Taeyong alone standing beside each other in the middle of the living room. 

"We can go talk in Jaehyun's room," Johnny says, pulling Taeyong behind him.

When they go into Jaehyun's room, Johnny sits down on the bed and Taeyong follows. Taeyong puts his hand on Johnny's knee, holding Johnny's hand on it at the same time.

"I missed you," Johnny cups Taeyong's cheek.

"I missed you," Taeyong replies, looking up at Johnny with a small pout. "Way more than you think."

"Can we talk about... what happened that night?" Johnny shyly asks.

"That day... I just have a slight bad history with Jinhyun. I remembered it because of the wine. There's this... famous wine story between me and Doyoung, where me and Jinhyun went out on a date. I wanted the white wine because I personally like the taste better than red wine, but Jinhyun was being mean about my choice.

I get the fact you're a fucking girl but with me, around me, we're best friends and only that. I say I want the red wine, we are getting the red wine. Don't fucking negotiate with me or try to.

And then that's when I remembered all the things that would happen with him. How you treated me so good and he treated me like a... I don't even know. I thought you were too good for me, that I don't deserve to experience all the things you made me experience. And I don't love Jinhyun. I don't think I was ever in love with him after we entered uni, and I'm glad because of that.

But I truly don't know what came to my mind when I said that. I think I was being irrational, definitely, but Johnny... fuck, I wanna be with you forever. It's crazy because we're in our 20s and we're young and we don't know what will ever happen between us, but I just want to spend my life with you."

"Taeyong Lee, are you proposing to me right now?" Johnny slowly says, teasingly.

"Shut up," Taeyong laughs. "One day, I will." 

-

"Hello, everyone here. My name is John Suh and I'm here to present to you our newest product, which many might not like, however, it is truly not a waste of your money and totally worth your investment.

First of all, I'm glad to be the first American representative in Samsung Electronics. I'm 24 years old and became a trainee under this company 7 months ago, working online for a few weeks before moving here. Global ambassadors of Samsung Electronics, please don't hesitate to ask any questions about this product we came up with at the Samsung headquarters.

The Galaxy Z Flip3. It's a normal phone - has apps, can be used to call, overall a great source of entertainment. But, as you can see here in the pictures, it has a similar structure to a flip phone, hence why we call it the Flip3. The specific material we used to build this phone helps it with its melting point as well as malleability. It is 80% more durable than our previous phones and does not break as easily as you may think it does.

The Gorilla Glass Victus is also on this phone. It protects the phone completely and would leave your phone as spotless as it was the first day you brought it. Other than the quality of the phone itself, to people who enjoy designing: this phone is a dream. You can go absolutely crazy while designing your phone, your apps and wallpaper especially. We can now add gifs to your home screen and you can customize your notifications and everything related to it. So if you want your notifications to be pink, you can easily do that! When you do this, your notification will pop up on this side of the phone.

Overall, this new product may seem hard to manage at first, but it is very easy to get the hang of. Prices start from $879 and end at $959. This was Johnny Suh, I will hopefully be on the stage once again talking about other products we hope to be successful. Thank you!"

He bows, smiling as he gets off the stage. Everyone was clapping for him, a proud smile on his boss's face, and as he heads backstage he is immediately met with Taeyong.

Taeyong squeals lowly as he hugs Johnny, lifting himself up on his tiptoes as he wraps his arms around the taller's neck. Johnny lets out a few giggles, nervousness pre-speech leaving his body and shyness taking over him.

"I'm so proud of you," Taeyong whispers in his ear. "Really, you did so great out there."

"I wouldn't have done it without you," Johnny says, leaning back so he gets a good look at Taeyong. "Hi."

"Hello to you," Taeyong smiles widely at him, hands dangling off of his shoulders. "How about we... go on a date?"

"Hmm, I'll have to ask my mother first," Johnny looks up at his approaching parents and Jaehyun. "Excuse me while I talk to them."

Johnny heads to his mom who was more excited than ever, jumping up at down (which lead to her being scolded by his father). Jaehyun approaches Taeyong with a small smirk on his face, standing next to him.

"What is going on between you two?" Jaehyun asks rhetorically.

"I think I should be asking you and Doyoung that question."

Jaehyun shrugs. "We're fucking, solely that."

"Don't piss me off," Taeyong scoffs. "I walked in on you with Doyoung on your chest, sleeping, and you were fucking playing with his hair." 

"He has made it clear that he does not want a relationship many times," Jaehyun says, subtle sadness dripping out of his words. "I have to respect that."

"He only doesn't want it because of his last relationship. I can reassure you a thousand times he wants you, like a boyfriend. But he's just scared, he doesn't think you feel the same."

Jaehyun stays silent at that, the voices of Johnny and his parents gushing over him. 

"Hey, can you come to take a picture of us Taeyongie?" His mother heads over to him and Jaehyun.

"Oh- oh, yeah, sure!" Taeyong says, grabbing his phone from his pocket. Johnny stands in the middle of his parents, arms around their shoulders as they all smile widely. Taeyong makes sure the 'John Suh - Samsung Global Brand Ambassador' tag pinned on his chest shows. Once he snaps a few pictures of them, Johnny's mom talks to him again.

"Let me take a picture of you and John."

Taeyong feels shy at that at first, but nonetheless, he heads over to where Johnny was standing. Johnny holds Taeyong's shoulder, making direct eye contact as he smiles down at him.

"Just relax," Johnny whispers. "Put your arm around my waist and look at me."

Taeyong lets out a nervous laugh and looks up at Johnny. It was hard not to look at him, he thinks.

His mother snaps beautiful shots of the both of them smiling widely, looking at each other like lovebirds. Like there was nobody else in the world except them.

"I love you."

Johnny pinches Taeyong's nape lightly, comfortingly, almost like a response. 

"I love you."