Work Text:
'..Never doubt that I love you.'
'..Never doubt that I love you.'
'..Never doubt that I love you.'
These words kept playing in his head as Thor stared blankly at the paper in his hand, Loki's first drawing. Loki had drawn himself and Thor… it's all squiggly lines, one could barely recognise two figures but it's the best a toddler could draw and Thor had kept it like some treasure, safe in the old chest. Thor had almost forgotten about its existence until he found it lying in the corner of his (now destroyed) chamber. It must have fallen out of the chest when Thor had kicked it. The memory was vague but Thor remembered how Loki had jumped out of mother's lap to watch Thor do his art homework and then created a masterpiece that Thor would look at and cry when he's gone… for good.
Loki was dead! Thor saw him fall.
It all happened so fast..
One moment he was fighting with Loki and the next he was gone, lost in the endless void. They said his brother dead...Heimdall said he could't see Loki. It still didn't mean that Loki was dead, had they even thought that his brother was hiding himself from Heimdall's sight before announcing his demise? No one knew Loki like he did and still he could not understand why his brother chose to let go. Everyone was gathered to mourn for the dead prince of Asgard, Feast was held and it did not feel right. The world seemed wrong and only Loki could set it right.
He had heard people calling him 'mad' , some even said that he killed his little brother because Loki took his birthright while he was banished to Midgard… Thor thought the same, he might have killed Loki but he also wanted to rule Asgard together with his brother. Loki was supposed to be here, by Thor's side. He was supposed to silence those who blamed his brother. Now who was going to call him names and roll eyes at his every other move.
The silence was deafening and he wanted to hear Loki's voice again. He needed to hear-
'Never doubt that I love you.' his brother had said
-and white hot anger consumed him again, he ripped the paper and tossed the pieces aside.
"YOU LIAR!! You goddamn liar. You said you loved me but I hate you and I don't want to see your face ever again. I hate you the most. Don't come knocking at my door when you suffer nightmares and even if you do, don't expect me to open the door for you and let you in. I'm over your childish whims. Don't fucking ask for kisses …I don't want to kiss your thin lips anymore and forget about cuddles, no cuddles. Nah. Don't ever talk to me because you have lost the right and I hate you. Do you hear me, Lo?—
You can't and you know why— it's because you are not here. You left me, Loki. You left me alone. No one misses you…….. I certainly don't!!" Thor screamed at the wall.. he screamed until his throat hurt.
Norns! Everything hurt and he wanted it to stop.
He searched for the vial of sleeping potion that he had taken from lady Eir. He gulped down the tasteless potion in one go. It soothed his burning throat but he could not stop the fresh tears from running down his cheeks… he shut his eyes, waiting for dreamless sleep to take him away from this cruel world. Thor had grown to love it in the last few weeks because it felt good to feel nothing, out of the grasp of a never ending pain.. even though it's temporary.
Thor woke up after three day, his face pressed against the cold floor and he laid motionless, listening to his broken heart. The bright sunlight on his was hurting his eyes, so Thor groaned turning his face to the other side. His eyes fell on the torn paper and he realised what he had done.
He rushed to collect all the pieces and desperately tried to stick them together.
"No no no please Loki has given it to me."
After many failed attempts, Thor picked up the pieces and ran barefoot out of his chamber searching for his mother. He was stepping out of his chambers for the first time in many weeks.
He barged in his parent's room, his mother was feeding the birds on the balcony. She looked at him, frowning at his dishevelled appearance.
"My darling, did you sleep well?" She was smiling but her smile didn't reach her eyes.
Thor was angry with her for lying, he was angry with himself… but Thor was going to forget that for a moment because something else was more important.
"Fix this. I want you to fix this." Thor demanded but it came out as a plea.
"please."