Chapter Text
Alina had been waiting for the Lunar Ball for what seemed like her whole life, ever since she had snuggled up to Mal in his tiny bed in the orphanage and asked him what a mate was. Mal, always bigger and stronger with his two years of age and growth on her, had wrapped an arm around her shoulders and told her the story of the sun and the moon wolves from long ago.
“Once upon a time,” he’d begun, shushing her when she complained that she didn’t want a story, she wanted an
answer
.
He stuck his tongue out at her and began again, putting on an important voice like he was a storyteller for the tsar , making her giggle.
“Once upon a time, there were three wolves in the Great Forest. Alpha wolf, who was strong and swift, with midnight fur and great white teeth for killing. Beta wolf, who was clever and loyal, with brown fur and strong paws for running. And Omega wolf, who was patient and sweet, with pure white fur and a graceful tail for speed. The three wolves lived in the Great Forest but had never met until one day, when Omega wolf was drinking from a stream and Alpha wolf came upon her. Alpha wolf looked at Omega wolf, her beautiful white fur and graceful paws, and he loved her. But Omega wolf saw only Alpha wolf’s big teeth and strong form and was scared, so she turned and fled. Alpha wolf chased her and though Omega wolf was faster, he never gave up and eventually, when he caught her, he showed her with gifts of fine deer and berries that he loved her. So Alpha wolf and Omega wolf were mates and they were happy for a time, each the half of the other, until Beta wolf found them. Beta wolf was jealous of the happiness they had found and he wanted Omega wolf for himself; he left gifts of rabbits and geese for her when Alpha wolf left to hunt, and though she ignored them, he never gave up. Alpha wolf came upon Beta wolf chasing Omega wolf one day and, in rage, he slew Beta wolf with one swipe of his great paw. The Sky Spirits, watching from above, were angered at the death of Beta wolf, who was meant to serve as the balance between Alpha and Omega wolf, and so the Sky Spirits decided to punish Alpha and Omega wolf. The mates were separated, Alpha wolf sent to live in the sun forevermore while Omega wolf would live in the moon, the two mates chasing each other through the sky but never able to meet again. Beta wolf would live in the Earth, circling his rival and his lost love but punished never to have a mate of his own because he had coveted another. Mates are a gift from the Sky Spirits, a moon or sun half to complete each wolf, but also a reminder of the first Alpha and Omega wolves who were foolish and didn’t cherish the gift of a mate above all else.”
Mal had finished his story and then immediately regretted it as he saw that Alina was crying, big tears rolling down her cheeks and her nose red and raw.
“But why did the Sky Spirits separate Alpha and Omega wolf if they were mates and loved each other?” she had asked, her voice wobbly and still shedding tears.
“That’s not fair! They didn’t do anything wrong.”
Mal pulled her closer and leaned his head on hers, shaking her gently.
“It’s okay, ‘Lina,” he said, “they’re still together, just in the sky. They’re watching over all of us and each other. And it’s because of them that we have mates– a perfect sun or moon half who will complete each of us so that together, two people can be whole.”
“But I already have you” Alina had said, her tears suddenly drying up, and she’d curled against Mal and they’d fallen asleep together that night, under the light of a full moon shining through the orphanage window.
☀☀☀
Alina stared at herself in the mirror now, twelve years after Mal had first told her the story of the three wolves and the Sky Spirits, and wondered if the Spirits had chosen Mal as her other half. When they were little, running through the fields around Keramzin and lying in their meadow looking up at the sun, he had been nothing more than her best friend, her protector, her favorite person. As they grew older, she started to notice little things about him, like the way his blue eyes were more vibrant in the sunlight, or how strong he was when he pulled her through the fields, always running faster and further than she could. She noticed how gentle he was with the younger orphans, and that he always snuck a bit of his food onto her plate at meals no matter how often she protested that she wasn’t hungry. And his laugh– Alina loved Mal’s laugh. It was rich and warm and full, like the sparkling golden champagne she’d once seen the Duke drinking at his birthday party. His laugh felt like butter, like hot pastries on a chilly winter morning, like the brush of summer sun on her shoulders. Mal was her light and her warmth and her best friend and as she grew older she grew into her love for him, her heart pounding every time he grasped her fingers in his or ruffled her hair.
Sighing, Alina surveyed her pale skin and limp, dark hair, wondering if Mal would notice her tonight among all the other attendants of the Lunar Ball. She began to brush out her long, dark hair, thinking about what it would be like to finally see him again. Mal, two years her senior, had entered the Ravkan First Army on his eighteenth birthday as all young men were required to. She had stayed behind, a girl and a sixteen year old, unable for the first time in their lives to follow him like she always had before. Now, though, Alina was eighteen and tonight she would attend the yearly Lunar Ball, where young women would be presented as eligible mates and the men in attendance could search for their mates. Alina knew Mal would be attending– he had said as much in the short letter he’d sent her a month ago, the one soft and creased from how often she read it and from being pressed to her skin. The letter had smelled faintly of Mal, of pine trees and warm sunshine, and it had made her miss him all the more. He hadn’t mentioned finding a mate in the letter and she hoped, so much, she hoped that tonight, now that she was eighteen and eligible to be a mate and after all this time apart, that he would see her. Alina knew she wasn’t the prettiest girl– she was too small, too pale, too weak, too tired; not strong enough to be suitable. She struggled to transform into her snow white wolf and she could never run as fast as the other orphans, on human legs or paws, but she knew that Mal could see beyond all of those things. Mal knew her; he was her best friend, her first love, and she had known him her whole life: how could he not be her other half? She did feel incomplete without him but she was sure that tonight, once he saw her again and smelled her, that he would realize she was his missing half, his mate, and then everything would be right in the world again because she would be with Mal.
Alina smiled at herself in the mirror and got to work arranging her hair as best she could with small braids pulling the dark strands back from her face and allowing the rest of her hair to fall down her back. She was alone in the library, surrounded by the dusty books who had been her friends and kept her company after Mal joined the army. Most of her bullies at Keramzin had left for the army before Mal left her, but once she was without him at the orphanage she had simply been– forgotten. The other girls her age thought she was too strange, too pale, too interested in books to befriend and without Mal she hadn’t had much interest in making new friends. She already had the best friend in the world and she was fine waiting for him to return. So today, while the other girls who had turned eighteen in time to attend the Lunar Ball helped each other prepare and dress in the girls’ dormitory, Alina was alone in the library, dressing herself in the shafts of sunlight filtering through the window.
Ana Kuya, no matter how strict in Alina’s younger years, had managed to obtain enough money from the Duke to buy Lunar dresses for each girl attending– each dress in shades of white or silver, as Omegas, the wolves of the moon, traditionally wore. Alina wasn’t thrilled about wearing a pale color when her skin was already so bleached but when she had found the dress now hanging behind her in the dressmakers’ shop, a sheath of dove gray silk that gave her a shape food had never been able to, she had immediately imagined Mal seeing her in it and fallen in love. She slid into the dress now, holding her breath, half-convinced that she had imagined the beauty of the dress on her but– no. There the magic was again, in a piece of deceptively simple silk. Suddenly her pale skin didn’t seem unhealthy, but rather a delicate cream complexion. The gray turned her eyes from flat brown to depthless pools of black, intriguing and mysterious. She had no jewelry but she felt that the beauty of the dress was enough– there was almost a faint golden halo around her, making her glow, but when she looked closer she realized it was just lingering rays of sunlight and laughed at herself. Sometimes the magic of a pretty dress and a new hairstyle was too much for a girl's head.
Alina admired her reflection one last time, then stepped into silver slippers, which had taken almost all of the money from Ana Kuya, and made her way through the orphanage to the waiting carriage, already full of chattering and laughing girls. They didn’t notice Alina as she slipped inside and found a seat crammed next to the window, peering up at the already fading light. It was early June and a warm breeze brushed against her cheeks, bringing with it the scent of evening roses and the sound of chirping crickets. Alina gazed up at the sky as rose and lavender and deep crimson bled to velvety blue and the first pinpricks of starlight began to appear. As an Omega, Alina was a moon wolf and had a connection to the pure, feminine energy of the moon and the stars and their cold, cleansing light.
But although Alina did love the moon, loved how it waxed and waned and how it felt to race through the world in moonlight, she had always felt an affinity for the sun and golden light. She loved the warmth of sunlight on her face and shoulders, how it felt to bake in the sun, the way that the world looked in a new sunrise. Alphas were always sun wolves, though, and Alina knew she wasn’t a sun wolf– how could she be, when Mal was a sun wolf and he was her Spirits-chosen mate? She leaned back into the carriage seat as Ana Kuya clambered aboard, her mouth less pinched than usual as she beheld the girls in their dresses, and with a jolt they were off.
Alina gazed out the window as the carriage jolted along roads long-neglected in favor of funding the war with Fjerda and Shu-Han, ignoring Ana Kuya as she tutored the other girls on how to respond to an Alpha when asked to dance and what to do if they met their mates. Alina knew she didn’t need to listen– the only male she intended to dance with was Mal and she didn’t need to worry about making introductions or completing the first formal steps of the mating ritual when they recognized each other. She knew it would be easy, almost familiar with him and so when the carriage rumbled to a stop in front of an enormous open pavilion on the edge of the woods where the Lunar Ball was held each year, she didn’t feel nervous.
The other girls were eager to scramble out of the carriage and arrange themselves, fixing hair and dresses until they were presentable again. Alina left the carriage last, following Ana Kuya, her mouth falling open a bit at the beauty of the pavilion as they approached and music reached her ears. The pavilion was huge and already half-filled with girls in all shades of white and silver and gray, swirling around the marble dance floor on the arms of men in black suits and golden ties to represent their sun energy. A group of musicians played from the edge of the pavilion, sweet music rising above the sound of chatter and movement, swelling just as Alina and the other girls reached the entrance and making her heart begin to pound. They accepted dance cards from a young man in green and white livery and attached them to their wrists with strands of ribbon and then were ushered by Ana Kuya to the chairs curving along one side of the pavilion. Almost all of the seats were empty or were filled only by older chaperones– the dancefloor was busy with activity and Alina knew that any couples lucky enough to find a mate would have retreated into the surrounding forest for introductions and privacy. Ana Kuya gestures for them to sit and then fixes the girls with a fierce glare, clearing her throat until they tear their eyes from the dancers and musicians and tables laden with food– sweetcakes and blini and pastries! Alina thinks before turning her eyes too to their chaperone.
“Tonight,” Ana Kuya says, drawing herself up tall with importance, “Is a very special night.”
The girls giggle and look at each other because of course they know tonight is special . Finding their mates means the rest of their lives will begin.
“Tonight is the beginning of your new lives” she continues, echoing their thoughts. “And as such, I expect you to conduct yourselves with proper behavior and manners. Wait to be approached by a gentleman before dancing. Do not make direct skin contact unless you feel certain the male you are with is your mate. Do not go into the woods with anyone who is not your mate. Do not leave the woods surrounding this pavilion. Do not exceed the first steps of the mating ritual if you are lucky enough to find your mate tonight,” this sentence she punctuates with a glare and an even tighter pinch of her lips; Alina wonders how she could have any lips left at all at this rate.
“And most importantly, remember that if you do find your mate, I will need a formal introduction to him as your current guardian and that, regardless of his wishes, you will all be returning with me tonight.”
The girls sigh, but no one argues. The process and rituals of becoming formally bound to a mate take much longer than the actual moment of finding a mate. The Lunar Ball is the most exciting part of the whole process; eligible young wolves are given a chance to meet and at first skin contact, but in rare cases at first sight or smell, each person’s inner wolf will know once they have found their other half. Alina knew, however, that even once she and Mal were confirmed as mates that he would have to spend the next month or so being formally introduced to her family (or Ana Kuya as her guardian) and spend time talking with Ana Kuya about himself, his future, his career prospects, and how he planned to care for and protect Alina. Mal would also be expected to bring gifts to appease both her family and her inner wolf, as the original Alpha wolf had once done, to signal to her wolf his devotion and love as well as his ability to provide. Alina knew that old-fashioned families expected these gifts to be large forest animals the Alpha had caught in wolf form, but now most families and wolves accepted jewelry, clothing, or livestock.
Ana Kuya moves among the girls, handing out smooth silk gloves that they will wear until they touch their mates for the first time, then steps back and surveys them all with an uncharacteristic smile. She is firm, never wavering in her lack of emotion, but Alina thinks she looks, if not proud, at least satisfied.
“Well, girls, conduct yourselves with the manners and good behavior as I have taught you and I’m sure by the end of the night you’ll all have found suitable mates” she says and then deliberately turns her back to sit with the other chaperones, finally leaving them to freedom.
They all giggle and turn to each other, already whispering about which handsome boys on the dance floor they have their eyes on and who they’d like to dance with first. Alina listens in to their whispers but her eyes drift not to the dancers but instead to the tables of food. Suddenly she feels that she’s never been so hungry in her life and before she can think better she’s setting off for the table, eyes filled with visions of pastries and cakes and petit-fours . She surveys the spread, loading a plate that is too small for her appetite with miniature cherry and sour cream stuffed blini , a slice of honey cake, chocolate covered kartoshka and as many strawberries dipped in white chocolate as she can find. Glancing around surreptitiously for Ana Kuya and her lectures on “polite manners at meals” Alina begins shoving desserts into her mouth, vaguely hoping after her third blini that nothing spills on her gray dress or stains her gloves.
“Are you sure this food will be enough to sustain you, my lady, or should we perhaps call the servants to prepare more?” a voice says close to her ear.
Too close , she thinks, and whirls midbite to see a tall young man with beautiful golden hair and dancing hazel eyes smiling at her, dressed in an outrageously frilly teal dress coat over his black suit. It does look rather nice, no matter how ridiculous she grudgingly admits then registers what this strange man said and draws herself up indignantly.
“Good sir,” she replies coldly, “I would hope that a gentleman of supposed esteemed breeding would not dare to comment upon the dietary habits of an equally esteemed lady such as myself”.
She emphasizes this sentence by stuffing three kartoshka into her mouth at once and daring him with her eyes to comment. Instead, the young man laughs and scrapes a bow, flourishing his arms to the side and making quite a spectacle of himself. Alina, despite her annoyance, also laughs and narrowly avoids covering the man in bits of half-chewed chocolate. Well , she thinks, quickly dusting away all evidence with a napkin, at least he’s a stranger and even if I make a fool of myself I’ll probably never have to see him again.
The stranger straightens and extends a gloved hand, waiting until she places her silk covered fingers in his before kissing them and again bowing with too much energy.
“Nikolai, at your service, good madame” he says with a wink.
“Might I persuade you to abandon the pleasures of the servants’ labor and instead indulge me with the pleasure of a dance?” he grins at her, deep dimples appearing. Alina frowns, wondering why his name seems familiar to her. Perhaps the son of a nearby Lord?
“I thank you, good sir” she says, dropping her eyes to the floor as she dips into a curtsy, “but I could never be so rude as to ignore the labor of the servants in preparing so many delicious things to eat.”
Rising, she tips her chin defiantly and stares into hazel eyes, smiling faintly. “And, dear sir” she adds “I could never dance with someone clearly determined to dress in a way that detracts attention from the devushki in attendance.”
Nikolai laughs again, rich and full, tipping his golden head back and seeming to be truly enjoying himself. Despite her best efforts Alina grins and relaxes; this young man reminds her more of a teasing friend than a real suitor trying to steal her away before she can find Mal or he can find her. Nikolai bows again, deeper this time, and as he turns away tosses over his shoulder “You have persuaded me, good lady. Perhaps for one night only I can bear not to be the center of attention”. Alina giggles and watches the ever-growing mass of dancers swallow his brightly clad form.
Perhaps it is time to find Mal she thinks, and abandoning her plate with one last look of longing she begins to make her way around the edge of the pavilion, keeping her senses open for a hint of pine or Mal’s familiar broad shoulders. She’s starting to get a bit frantic the longer she looks, trying to tell the difference between the countless young men and women all dressed so similarly and wondering if maybe something happened, is he okay, is he hurt, what if he decided not to come? But she catches a familiar scent of pine and sun right before big arms slip around her shoulders and twirl her around until suddenly Mal’s lifting her off the floor, crushing her to his chest and she’s laughing , she’s laughing like she hasn’t in two years because it’s Mal, it’s her best friend and he’s here he’s here he’s here .
“Mal!” she almost squeals, not even trying to contain her excitement at seeing her best friend and hopefully future mate again. As he lets her slide to the floor she steps back to beam at him, assessing every detail. And: he’s changed. Alina knows it’s been two years, knows he’s spent that time away from her drilling in the army and meeting new people and fighting but somehow she’d expected him to still exist exactly as he had in her memories, exactly as he had when he had belonged wholly to her and not the First Army or the world outside Keramzin. She notices the breadth of him first, how much space he takes up now, muscles replacing what used to be slim grace and stealth. He’s a bit taller, his dark hair now shaved close to his head, and she spots several nicks on his scalp like it was recently cut. His scent, too– there’s just a hint of something different, a new layer of sweetness under the sun-drenched pine but Alina ignores it, probably just from all the desserts filling the pavilion.
Mal beams back at her and Alina relaxes because it’s still him, still his same crooked smile and how silly she was to feel scared even for a second of this new version of Mal. “‘Lina” he says, voice warm and full of joy, “you look so good! I’m so happy to see you! Have you danced with anyone yet?”
She raises an eyebrow, puzzled. Of course she hasn’t danced with anyone, she’d been waiting for him, but maybe– maybe he doesn’t realize yet how she feels. Maybe it will be a surprise to him when they touch skin to skin and their wolves recognize each other. She smiles to herself, imagining his reaction and shakes her head. “No, my dance card is still empty… want to be the one to change that?”
Mal smiles at her and attempts a bow, dipping a little too low and stretching the wrong leg out behind himself but she laughs and curtsies back, slipping her hand into his proffered one and letting him lead her to the dance floor. Mal cradles her, one hand on her back and the other twined with hers as they dance, whirling her about the dance floor and narrowly avoiding a collision with nearby dancers but Alina is too happy to care, caught up in the music and the lights and most of all the warmth and scent of Mal. She pulls back to beam at him and finds a smile on his face too, his eyes searching hers as they continue to turn without rhyme.
“How are you, ‘Lina?” he asks, eyes serious. “Have they all been good to you while I was away?” She nods, not wanting to tell him of the last two years she spent shut up in the library living in made up lands or fantasies of seeing him again. She’d written to him often but only of good things or of the gossip of Keramzin, keeping her words light and breezy.
“I’m good, Mal, you know that” she says softly, smiling at him, “I missed you every day, but… but you’re here now and I’m so happy to see you and I’d much rather hear about your adventures anyways!” She finishes with a laugh and because Mal is her friend and he knows her, he launches into a story about his friends and their most recent tracking mission. She knows Mal has found good companions among the trackers of the First Army and though she’s happy for him, happy to listen to him talk of them and laugh with remembered joy, a small part of her feels jealously protective of him. He was my friend first , she thinks, and I knew how to make him laugh before he ever met Mikhael or Dubrov .
She jolts back to attention and what Mal is saying as the musicians change songs, picking up the pace of the music so that Mal is forced to whirl her more quickly among the other dancers.
“–and really, ‘Lina'' he's saying, an earnest look on his face and his blue eyes shining with excitement “it was such a surprise because I didn’t expect it to happen and I wasn’t sure at first because, well, because of you really but I can’t wait until–” and then, as Alina stumbles to keep up with Mal and the fast tempo of the music, she feels herself whirl out of his arms and into a hard chest, colliding with enough force that she lets out a small oof of air.
She turns, confused, an apology already on her lips, feeling the stranger place a hand on her waist to steady her and as she looks up into midnight eyes and a face that was made of the stark beauty of winter and dark night hours, something inside her fits into place and all she can think is oh, it’s you, of course it’s you .