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Some days, all the violence and the chaos makes Hoseok feel like he's drowning. Every time he turns on his TV, that’s all he sees: people dying as heroes and villains clash. Some days, the list of casualties is in the single digits and Hoseok finds it possible to go about his day like the world isn’t collapsing. Hoseok will never forget the day he turned on the TV and saw a five-digit number staring back at him. He couldn’t sleep for three days after that. Yoongi had to resort to drugging him because the nightmares were so bad.
Rarely is it the heroes or the villains dying. Hoseok doesn’t worry about Yoongi when they go to fight a villain, he worries about the couple he saw at the grocery store yesterday, the elderly man who feeds the ducks in the park, the teenage girl working at the coffee shop who gave him a free cookie. Any one of those people could be reduced to nothing more than a name on the TV. Its no wonder that Hoseok has such a hard time making friends.
Even as the death and destruction settles heavy on his conscience, he can’t imagine how much worse it would be if he actually joined the military and became a hero. His squirrel shapeshifter ability makes him the perfect candidate for search and rescue. His agility and small size means he'd be able to enter places too dangerous for others to go. Hoseok already has trouble sleeping just by reading the names of victims, he can’t imagine what would happen if he had a face to go along with those names.
Hoseok has no desire to become a hero. No desire to carve out a piece of himself until there was nothing left to give every time he couldn’t save someone. No desire to watch the world burn any closer than he already is, less he himself gets burned too.
~
Unlocking the front door, Namjoon lets his backpack slip off his shoulder, leaving it slouched by the shoe rack. He ignores the stack of mail on the counter and the sound of his brother screaming at the computer, instead walking through the kitchen and out the back door. Its bright and sunny outside, just on the edge of being too hot, but Namjoon isn’t bothered, this is his favourite kind of weather.
Near the back of the garden, sitting near the base of the tree, is a squirrel. Even after all this time, Namjoon still approaches cautiously, as if expecting that this time, the squirrel will run away. But like every time before, the squirrel lets him approach, watching him with their dark eyes.
"Hello, sweetheart," Namjoon coos, crouching down and laughing as the squirrel darts up his arm, curling up against his neck. As Namjoon putters around his garden, whispering encouraging words to his tomato plants and cooing at his flourishing daisies, his companion stays perched on his shoulder, their soft fur tickling Namjoon's neck.
Its not everyday that the fluffy grey and brown creature visits him - usually only once a month - but Namjoon enjoys the knowledge that this tiny, easily frightened animal trusts him. Trusts him enough to let Namjoon scratch the top of its head or pick out the leaves that get caught in its fur. Its a level of trust that Namjoon has never experienced, and he treasures every minute he gets to spend with the animal.
He spends nearly two hours walking around his garden, even though he finished tending to everything an hour ago. He doesn’t want to disturb the peaceful animal resting on his shoulder, but eventually he needs to go back inside.
"Sorry, sweetheart, but I need to go back inside," he says apologetically, walking back towards the tree. If a squirrel could pout, Namjoon imagines this squirrel would being doing just that as he lifts the creatures off his shoulder and places them on one of the branches. "Sorry. I'll see you later."
Giving the squirrel one last pet, Namjoon makes his way back to his house. The squirrel sits on the branch for a moment before scurrying down the trunk, running across the yard and under the fence. In the alleyway, away from any prying eyes, within the time between seconds, where the squirrel once was now stands a tired looking man.
The seconds after transforming always leave Hoseok disoriented and dizzy. Stumbling up the stairs, Hoseok closes the door softly behind him, aggressively wiping his feet off on the doormat. Moving from the backdoor, through his kitchen and into his living room, Hoseok glares at the man sitting on his couch, feet up on the coffee table like he owns the place.
"What have I told you about putting your dirty feet on the furniture," Hoseok scolds, swatting at the man's socked feet on his way to the bathroom. When Hoseok emerges a few minutes later, his unexpected guest has made his way to the kitchen, helping himself to some ramen. "Yoongi!! That was my last pack."
"I'll buy you some more, Seokie, don’t worry," Yoongi says around a mouthful of noodles, tilting the bowl towards him, offering him some. Making a face, Hoseok grabs a box of stale crackers and shoves a couple of them in his mouth, munching on them unhappily. "Were you over at Namjoon's?"
"Yeah," he answers, ignoring the look Yoongi gives him. "I just find his presence relaxing. He's not... overwhelming."
"Whatever makes you happy, Hoseok." Yoongi drops his bowl in the sink. "Just remember to invite me to the wedding."
Hoseok rolls his eyes, not even dignifying that comment with a response. "Is there a reason you're here, other than to eat my food?"
"I'm going to be gone for a couple days, government business." Hoseok grimaces. It’d be just Hoseok's luck that his best friend would end up being a hero. He wonders what the government has Yoongi doing this time. Yoongi never tells him, either because he can’t or to save Hoseok the guilt of knowing what his best friend has done, he doesn’t know.
Swallowing around the dryness in his throat, he nods. "When are you leaving?" The shame in Yoongi's eyes is answer enough and Hoseok nods again. "Thank you for telling me."
Once, near the beginning of their friendship, a couple months after Hoseok learned about Yoongi's job, he disappeared on a mission without telling Hoseok, which promptly sent Hoseok into a state of panic that landed him in the hospital. Now, Yoongi always tells Hoseok if he's going on a mission, even if its minutes before he must leave, like now.
"I'll come back, Seokie," Yoongi promises, pulling him into a hug. Its a promise he makes every time, but Hoseok can’t help but wonder if this time is the time he'll break it.
~
There are days when the weight of existence becomes too great to ignore. Days when Hoseok struggles to even get out of bed, physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes, he wanders around the house like a ghost. Spends his day sitting on the couch, staring at the black screen of his TV, opening and closing his fridge, but never eating anything. His phone sits dead on his nightstand and the only light is from the crack in the blinds.
The images of collapsed buildings, police tape, and people running for their lives play like a movie behind the lid of his eyes, constantly demanding his attention. Its on these days that Hoseok is the most thankful for his ability.
Locking the door behind him, he stands in the alleyway that separates his house and Namjoon's. He ignores the overcast sky and the dark clouds in the distance, and shifts into his squirrel form, darting across the pavement and squeezing under Namjoon's fence. There’s no one outside, but Hoseok isn’t discouraged, and instead makes his way towards the house. He gets distracted along the way by Namjoon's tomato plant but shakes away the fog slowly stealing his humanity. He's wondered if he stays a squirrel long enough if he'd end up forgetting that he was human once. The idea is tempting, very tempting some days.
The third window from the left leads to the kitchen and settling on the ledge, Hoseok waits for Namjoon, knowing he can't go long without coffee. Curling his tail around his body as the wind picks up, he perks up when he sees someone enter the kitchen. Namjoon walks over to the coffee machine, turning it on without looking up from his phone. Hoseok presses closer to the glass, making a loud squeaky noise. Namjoon's head whips around, eyes widening when he spots the familiar animal staring back at him. He moves to open the window, careful not to scare the squirrel.
"Hello, sweetheart," he says, marvelling at the squirrel as it climbs onto his hands without hesitation. He goes back to making his coffee, holding the squirrel close to his chest.
The mundaneness of Namjoon's actions help calm Hoseok. Now that he's safely cradled in Namjoon's hands, Hoseok lets himself stop thinking.
~
"Its raining," Namjoon says in greeting, as if Hoseok hasn’t been dreamily staring out the window all afternoon. Through the phone, he can hear the sound of the TV on in the background and the sound of the coffee machine. "Your favourite weather."
"And your least favourite weather," Hoseok replies, laughing. He only knows that because Namjoon once mentioned that the rain made him sad because on those days, he doesn’t get to see his fluffy best friend. Those words almost made Hoseok's heart melt. "What have you been up to today?"
"Jungkook is at a friends house for the night, so I've been cleaning. I found nine cans of cranberry sauce in the cupboard, so I'll be eating my weight in cranberry sauce tonight. I also found my mother’s old recipe book, not that it'll do me any good, but maybe Jungkook will be able to make something from it. Did I tell you that I tried to make..."
Hoseok lets Namjoon ramble about his latest cooking adventure, leaning his head against the window, and watching drops of water race to the bottom. He lets Namjoon's mundane monologue soothe his anxious itch to turn on the TV. He hasn’t looked at the news today, hasn’t seen the number of casualties. There was an explosion that shook Hoseok's building a couple of hours ago, he can still see the smoke cloud if he turns his head just slightly to the right. Listening to Namjoon helps Hoseok forget about all the terrible things happening in the world, if only for a little bit.
"Did you want to hang out tomorrow?" Hoseok hears Namjoon asks, and that snaps him out of his thoughts. The rain has slowed, nothing more than a light drizzle now, and the sun has started peaking out from behind the clouds. It looks peaceful outside.
"How about I cook you dinner," Hoseok offers, trying to remember what’s in his fridge. He'll have to go grocery shopping, but that’s a sacrifice he's willing to make. "I have a new recipe I want to try."
Hoseok can hear Namjoon's smile through the phone when he says, "that'd be nice."
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Yeah, see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Namjoon."
"Goodnight, Hoseok."
~
The red light staring back at Hoseok when he opens his eyes lets him know its barely two in the morning. Hoseok blindly reaches behind him and grabs his phone, blinking against tears from the harsh light. Its Yoongi. The same Yoongi who is on a mission right now. The same Yoongi who would never call Hoseok during said mission unless it was something important.
Hoseok's fingers shake as he accepts the call, bringing the phone up to his ear. "Yoongi, what’s wrong?"
"Hoseok, listen to me. Someone broke into the government building on Thompson Street. They sent me and my team in, but Hoseok, its-"
"Wait, what?" Hoseok chokes out, trying to find his glasses in the dark. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine, but Hoseok, listen, the villain, its-"
And the line suddenly goes dead. The adrenaline that floods his body makes Hoseok nauseous, and he tumbles out of bed, grabbing the first shirt he finds before shoving his feet into sneakers and racing out of the house. Thompson Street is only two blocks away, so he gets there in minutes, just in time to see emergency vehicles arrive.
Hoseok coughs, pulling the collar of his shirt up to cover his mouth. Dust hangs in the air, so he can’t see the extent of the destruction until he reaches the site. Where the government building once stood is now just a pile of rubble. Hoseok can’t think beyond the fact that Yoongi was in that building.
Hoseok collapses, unable to tear his eyes away from the wreckage.
"Hoseok!" Sluggishly, he looks over to see Seokjin, one of the members of Yoongi's team, running towards him. Hope, brittle and fragile, blooms in his chest upon seeing the other hero unharmed. "Hoseok, what are you doing here?"
"Yoongi called me," he admits, "just before the building collapsed. He was trying to tell me something."
They both look over at the rubble the firefighters have started shifting through, looking for survivors. "Yoongi and V were in the basement when the building collapsed. They say that the basement is intact, just impossible to access. Search and rescue is still an hour out."
Hoseok hears what Seokjin isn’t saying: search and rescue is an hour out, but they don’t know if Yoongi and V has that long. Steeling himself for the decision he's about to make, Hoseok removes his jacket, smiling at Seokjin's confusion. "I can find him."
"Hoseok?"
"I can find him, Jin," Hoseok repeats, although he sounds less confident the second time. Before Seokjin can respond, Hoseok shapeshifts and runs towards the collapsed building. He can hear Seokjin yelling, but Hoseok ignores him, dodging firefighters and police.
Hoseok remembers from his multiple visits to this building the location of a door marked 'basement: staff only'. He makes it there quickly, climbing over the broken door and down the stairs. The hallway at the bottom of the stairs is lit by a single flashing red emergency light. Hoseok runs down the long hallway, worried that he's too late. Turning a corner, Hoseok comes to a stop, scurrying back to hide out of sight.
There are two men facing off against each other in the narrow hallway. The one facing Hoseok is another member of Yoongi's team - Hoseok only knows them as V - while the person facing away from Hoseok must be the villain Yoongi and his team were sent to capture.
"I will make the rest of this building collapse if you don’t move."
Hoseok sees V's fingers twitch and before he can process his actions, he shifts back and pushes the villain out of the way of V's knife.
V doesn’t attack again, just stares at them, like he doesn’t know what to do. Its obvious that Hoseok isn’t a villain, he's in sweatpants and his eyes are still puffy from sleep for fucks sake. Now that his brain has had a second to process what he's done, he backs away from the pair, eyes wide.
When Hoseok pushed him out of the way, the villain’s hood fell back, revealing his face. Hoseok has already heard his voice, but seeing his face confirms everything. Now he understands why Yoongi called him in a panic.
"Who are you? How did you get here?" V demands, stepping towards Hoseok before stopping when the ground shakes. Hoseok looks behind him, but the villain hasn’t looked up from the floor.
"Where is Yoong-Suga," Hoseok corrects himself. "Is he okay?"
"He hurt his ankle in the explosion," V explains slowly, eyebrows furrowed. "But how do you-"
"Bring him to the bottom of the stairs. I'll tell the emergency services that’s where they can find you."
"I'm not just going to leave you alone," V argues, "not with him."
"Please," Hoseok begs, "we need to get Suga out of here. I promise, we'll be here when you get back. You've seen my face and I'm sure the camera in your suit has recorded our entire conversation, so there’s no point in running. You'd just find me."
"Who are you?" This time its phrased as a question, and Hoseok smiles. He understands V's confusion, but they really don’t have time for Hoseok to explain.
"That’s not important. Right now, we need to worry about Suga."
V nods slowly, staring at Hoseok for a long time before coming to a decision. He turns without a word and walks down the hall and out of sight, leaving Hoseok alone with the villain.
Now that they're alone, Hoseok has no idea what to say, so he remains silent, waiting for the other to speak first.
"Hoseok." Taking a moment to brace himself, Hoseok finally looks at the man standing behind him. Its unmistakable who's looking back at him. "What are you doing here?" Namjoon asks.
"Yoongi called me," Hoseok says, hating how small and hurt his voice sounds. "He was trying to tell me something before... he was trying to warn me about you."
Its probably not the smartest decision to tell Namjoon that Suga is Yoongi - the same Yoongi who has sat on Namjoon's deck and drank beer, the same Yoongi who has offered to give Jungkook piano lessons when the boy expressed an interest in learning, the same Yoongi that teases Hoseok relentlessly about his crush on Namjoon - but Hoseok isn’t thinking clearly. His brain hasn't moved past the fact that Namjoon is a villain. A very powerful villain if his presence warranted Yoongi's team being sent in.
"Oh." Hoseok can't decipher the expression on Namjoon's face, but he doesn’t like it, not one bit. "You don’t have to be afraid of me, Hoseok."
Its only then that Hoseok realizes he's shaking. He doesn’t know how to tell Namjoon he's shaking from the adrenaline, not fear, without sounding crazy. Namjoon could murder someone in cold blood right in front of him, and Hoseok would still follow Namjoon to the end of the earth.
"I'm not afraid of you," Hoseok says, making sure to maintain eye contact with Namjoon. He refuses to let Namjoon think, for even a second, that he's afraid of him. Taking a step closer, Hoseok refuses to look away. "I know you, Kim Namjoon. You are not a mindlessly cruel person. You wouldn’t become a villain without a reason."
Hoseok watches as Namjoon loses the last of his composure, tears spilling and rolling down his cheeks. He doesn’t make a sound as he cries.
"They have Jungkook," Namjoon finally says, his voice cracking. "They took him."
"I don’t understand."
"Jimin called me a couple hours ago saying that a group of people broke into his apartment and kidnapped Jungkook." Namjoon looks down the hallway, in the direction V went. "Jungkook has a special ability, but its dangerous. I've worked so hard to make sure nobody knows the truth, but they must have found out."
"Namjoon," Hoseok says slowly, "are you saying that the government kidnapped Jungkook?"
Namjoon is quiet for a long time after that. His silence is answer enough. V appears a couple minutes later with Yoongi leaning against him. Hoseok directs V towards the collapsed exit, exchanging a glance with Yoongi. He doesn’t know what shows in his eyes, but Yoongi looks resigned when he and V leave, leaving Namjoon and Hoseok alone again.
"I have to get him back, Hoseok," Namjoon says quietly. "I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I can’t promise that I won’t prioritize him over anyone else."
Hoseok can understand that. It’s the same decision he’d come to if Yoongi was ever hurt. But at the end of the day, Jungkook didn’t choose this life. Yoongi did. Yoongi knew what he was signing up for when he joined the government to become a hero. Maybe that’s why its so easy for Hoseok to come to the decision he does.
"We'll get him back, Namjoon, I promise," Hoseok says, intertwining his fingers with Namjoon's