Work Text:
Peridot had resigned herself to a life on Earth. She thought back to the nights she spent alone, wandering through fields and over hills cursing the way things had played out; cursing herself for placing any amount of trust in Jasper. Jasper, who'd been more focused on getting Steven—Rose, she'd been so sure Steven was Rose Quartz at the time—back to Yellow Diamond than the mission. Jasper who approached things with a brazen, haughty, arrogant fury. Jasper who disappeared into the chill of the sea with Lapis. Jasper who left her alone for years before stumbling back into her newly crafted life with the Crystal Gems.
It had been a farce, Peridot had to remind herself of this often. She should have realized it when Yellow Diamond shared the history that she'd wiped from the records. She should have seen it in the cold, calculating way she looked at Peridot when she advised her to take Jasper and Lapis with her to Earth—the only three gems that had come into contact with the Crystal Gems within the last thousand years other than Yellow Diamond herself.
The mission was meant to fail.
Earth was meant to be their grave.
And loyal to the core, she'd done exactly as she'd been ordered.
On nights like this she'd allow herself to consider the possibility of how things might have turned out had they returned. Futile thoughts, foolish thoughts. She'd told Lapis herself that Yellow Diamond would have silenced them. Loyalty meant nothing when you were trying to hide the truth.
Thinking of Yellow Diamond gave rise to an anger she hadn't felt since the day Jasper and Lapis washed up onto the heated sands. It was irrational, and Yellow Diamond was in a past that should no longer be affecting her. If it were possible for her to cast out her emotions, she'd do it with little trepidation.
The sound of heavy steps—a sound she knew all too well; a constant in the depth of her nights on Earth—broke the gem from her enmity. Peridot blinked then released a frustrated sigh as she dragged a finger across the screen she'd been staring at, effectively shutting it down. Hours had passed, but they had felt like mere minutes and she'd finished nothing she intended to.
“Jasper,” She hissed her name, and was answered only with silence and the sound of fading footsteps. The gem slid from her room, illuminated by the low, green glow of the remnants of their ship. The Crystal Gems had helped reconstruct it into a “home” of sorts. It was nothing like her station on home world, but she'd grown fond of it, in a sense.
The night air had cooled the sand and Peridot found it refreshing. She wasn't a fan of the summer heat, it was stifling.
She found Jasper sitting in the sand, next to a crumbling sand castle Steven and the human Connie had built some time ago. The water reached up to brush Jasper's feet, but she seemed either not to notice or care.
A frown curved Peridot's mouth. She disliked seeing Jasper like this and it made little sense to her; how the ocean had smoothed Jasper out, like the shells and rocks that the tide left behind.
“It's too damn quiet,” Jasper's voice reached her and an uncomfortable weight settled in Peridot's chest. It wasn't really her voice; this wasn't the Jasper she'd known in the past, but... it was a Jasper she was coming to know. A groveling, pathetic thing that couldn't stand the silence the night brought—and someone she found herself drawn to, despite her frustrations.
“Is it,” She droned, apathetic as ever. Peridot could make out cars driving past in the distance. She could hear the waves, and she could hear Jasper shifting in the sand to turn those striking, yellow eyes on her. To her, it was anything but quiet and the clamor of her thoughts only grew with Jasper's gaze rapt on her.
“Yes,” It came out as a low growl, one that, in the past, might have incited a shiver to roll down Peridot's spine. Now, it only deepened her frown.
“I see. May I?” Jasper made no sound of disapproval, so she sunk down next to her in the sand. They brushed arms and Jasper tensed; drew in a slow, deep breath. After a moment she leaned into Peridot—exhaled as she did so—and for once she didn't mind the proximity or the weight of Jasper's forearm against her shoulder.
“You can see it from here,” Peridot stated, dragging her gaze up to the expanse of the milky way. Jasper made a guttural noise that sounded akin to an agreement. When Peridot turned her gaze up to her, however, her eyes rested on the churning waves in the distance, not the stars. Home was in the seabed to her, not here on the sandy beach, and not in the one they'd been cast from.
“Do you miss it...?”
She snorted. “Homeworld? No.”
“I meant being fused with Lapis.”
Jasper's hands reached for her and Peridot sucked in a breath of air, the smell of salt, seaweed, and beach roses shocking her into stillness. Jasper stopped short, letting her hand drop into her lap. Peridot watched her stand, her own body rigid.
“What do you think, Peri? You know everything don't you?” Her voice was dripping with condescension and Peridot felt heat rise in her face, burning her neck and tinting her cheeks. She knew technology, she knew complicated algorithms and she knew how to fix things—not people. But this—Jasper's emotions; the way she pushed Peridot away while, in the same movement, tried to pull her closer—was reprehensible to her, and something she could barely begin to decipher.
She opened her mouth to say I don't need this, but was abruptly cut off as Jasper's calloused fingers were pushed in front of her. Peridot made a face, resisting the urge to smack the hand away. After a moment of silent deliberation, she relinquished and placed her fingers in Jasper's palm, felt the rough skin enclose as she was tugged off the ground, close to Jasper—closer than she wanted to be in that moment.
The color steadily returned to her face as Jasper began moving, spinning Peridot over the sand, the moonlight their only guide under the star speckled sky. Matching her movements wasn't easy; the green gem wasn't much of a dancer—the shifting sand made that all the more apparent—and Jasper was a hulking figure. She stumbled a few times and she felt Jasper laugh just as well as she heard her.
“Shut up,” She snapped, burying her embarrassment in the curt demand.
They fell into a comfortable silence, and when Jasper's voice broke through to whisper: “Fuse with me,” Peridot felt her chest thunder, her form shuddering in a way that wasn't entirely unpleasant. She lifted her chin to meet Jasper's eyes, confusion and a warmth she didn't understand straining her features. Bright yellow told her what she needed to know, and she bit down another frown as she leaned into Jasper, fading into shades of orange and fiery hues of red, yellow, green.
Her mind flooded with everything Jasper was; her loneliness and that aching, frightening silence that Peridot hadn't understood reverberated within her with frightening clarity.
“You've changed,” The voice was tremulous—not just her own, and not just Jasper's.
Something thrummed in their chest and suddenly, hot, wet tears met their cheeks.
We can stay like this. She wasn't sure if it was her thought, but it could have been. It gripped her all the same and she was met with emotion as turbulent as the waves crashing against the cliffs.
For now.
Jasper was a ghost of who she used to be, she realized.
Laughter bubbled up from their throat; the tears hadn't stilled, and Jasper mused: you are too.