Chapter Text
chapter one
it had been almost a year. adrien walked through the park in his coat, trying not to be affected by the cold breeze as winter was hitting. one of his fashion shoots had just finished, and he had asked before if he could walk home instead of having his bodyguard taking him home. surprisingly, this change in routine was approved by his father, who adrien had realised was very strict in how adrien conducted his day. he wondered if he had always been this way, or if it had only been since the accident. adrien did not remember much of his life from fourteen to eighteen. he was nineteen now, and living life how he hoped his past self would like.
adrien wondered what his life would be like if he hadn’t had the accident, as he did most days. apparently, a freak accident had caused a lighting prop to fall on his head during a modelling shoot. the doctor had said he may never fully recover his memories again. he remembered lila crying, but his father remained stoic, as usual. he was often puzzled by the fact that his girlfriend and his father wanted him to continue the very thing that caused this accident in the first place, but he was too afraid to disappoint them. gabriel rarely looked at him anyway, and he did not want to cause any more distance between them.
the events of his accident did not seem accurate to him. lila reassures him it was true, and she cries every time he asks, because she says it reminds her of the fact he will never remember the memories they shared together. according to her, lila had been his girlfriend for years, and it was love at first sight. adrien was skeptical, but he saw no reason for her to lie. she was his girlfriend after all, and this past year she had shown no signs of her story being any different. besides, there was that one thing he did remember…
the lady in red. of all the memories he lost, he never forgot her. he didn’t know who she was, and had always assumed it had been lila, because she wears red, and his memories were not the best, obviously. but something had always been missing. he knew something was off, particularly her eyes. her eyes were green, but he distinctly remembers the lady having these absolutely gorgeous bluebell eyes. there was no mistake. he was mesmerised by them.
he also knew of another girl, who had similar bluebell eyes, but did not wear red. he pondered on the thought of twins, or perhaps there were the same girl who had been separated in his mind. she was sassy, hilarious, and he felt a closeness to her. but he had never seen her since. he did not know who she was, or where she was, and hell, he did not know if she was even real. maybe his brain was making this up, a cruel trick or a figment of his imagination. nevertheless, he missed her, despite not being able to recognise her.
he had reached home now. he lived in the agreste mansion still, as his father believed it would be best to be able to keep an eye on him, in case he were to have any drawbacks, or if he needed immediate help. adrien found this ironic, because gabriel barely ate dinner with them, let alone have the ability to “keep an eye on him”. lila moved in too. adrien did find it weird that they didn’t already live together, because they had been together for so long. but they were only nineteen.
nineteen. adrien was nineteen years old. how could he really be nineteen, if he couldn’t remember eighteen? seventeen? sixteen? so much of his life, gone. he felt twelve and three and fifteen all at once. he wanted to cry to his mother, he wanted to punch a hole in his wall, he wanted to see a therapist. he wished that stupid light never hit his head, that he didn’t have to worry about his memories, that he could be normal.
the only thing that could calm him down was thinking of the lady in red. something about her presence made him calm. it made him want to hang on more. just the thought of her was able to bring him back to reality. he wished he knew her in this life, or if she was just real. he didn’t need to know her to know that he loved that girl.
“honey, you’re home!” lila smiled at him, reaching for a hug. he returned, but something was always off. there was no spark, no chemistry. how could they possibly be together for so long, if a hug felt so cold?
“you were late today.” she carefully observed, waiting for his reaction.
“yeah, i walked home.”
she seemed surprised at this. “what, and gabriel let you?”
“yes.”
she hummed a frown, but no longer pushed. why did she care so much about what his father thought?
“we saved some dinner for you. chinese. do you want any?”
“if it’s ok, i’d rather just be alone for tonight.”
lila was startled to say the least. “are you sure? i can keep you company and we can--”
“no, i just want to be alone. sorry. goodnight.” he kissed her on her forehead, and went to his room.
the thoughts of the girl with the bluebell eyes were strong tonight. he wanted to be consumed in them, to drown in the thoughts of a girl who could make him laugh and cry all at once. he felt guilty, so guilty, that he could not return lila’s feelings. he was so ashamed that when this happened, he could not be in the same room as her. he never wanted to hurt lila, because she had been so good to him this past year, and apparently all his teenage years. but she was not the one.
but the girl with the bluebell eyes? yeah, she was the one.
he just wished he could remember her.