Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ranboo stared at his reflection, at his too-round cheeks, at his too-long hair, at his girly appearance. He stared at himself and hated it, because the person he saw staring back wasn’t him . It was just some random girl.

In his right hand, he held a pair of scissors, while his left hand shakily gathered a chunk of brownish-blond hair. It had to go.

The thirteen-year-old took a deep breath in and released it with a shaky sigh. Then, he cut.

---

“Maria! You are in so much trouble, young lady.” 

He winced, both at hearing his dead name and at the words ‘young lady’. It wasn’t his mom’s fault though. He wasn’t exactly out to her yet. It still hurt though.

“You are a girl, and girls have long hair.”

Ranboo lowered his head, his mom’s words piercing him like needles. His short, choppy hair brushed his face, a few strands sticking to the river of tears that had started flowing.

“Now you look like a boy.”

He had to bite his tongue to avoid yelling that that was the point, that not wanting to look like a girl was the entire reason he cut it in the first place. But he knew it wouldn’t go well, not while she was still mad.

The young boy stood there with his head bowed for the rest of the time his mom spent berating him for his stupidity. It was his fault after all.

---

Ranboo stood in front of the mirror once again, the now 14-year-old’s hands shaking as he examined the red handprint on his cheek. He gingerly touched the area where his mother’s wedding ring had hit him, his fingers coming away with blood on them from where it cut him..

His coming out had not gone exactly how he’d planned.

---

Ranboo knocked quietly on the frame of the open door of his parent’s bedroom. “Mom? Dad?”

Ranboo’s mom looked up from the show that she and her husband had been watching and smiled at Ranboo. “Yes dear?”

The boy swallowed, struggling to breathe with the iron band suddenly wrapped around his chest. His dad seemed to catch on to this, and looked at him with a concerned frown. “Honey, are you alright?”

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Ranboo blurted. His mom muted the show they were watching and his dad patted the edge of the bed they were sitting at. Ranboo accepted gratefully, as he felt like his legs were going to give out any second.

“Hey, it’s okay Maria. Just take your time. No matter what you tell us, we’ll still love you. You’ll still be our little princess.”

Ranboo shifted uncomfortably, the words not doing anything to calm him. He lowered his gaze, took a deep breath and spoke. “That’s the thing. I’m not your little princess, I’m a boy and my name is Ranboo and I would like to go by he/him pronouns,” he rushed out, afraid to look up at his parent’s shocked faces.

The room fell into silence.

Ranboo risked a glance up at his parents, just on time to see surprise on his mother’s face turn to disgust. “So you’re saying you’re one of those, those-” Ranboo flinched at slur his mom spat with hatred practically dripping off of it.

Ranboo looked at his dad, hoping for him to understand. His dad offered a small, sad smile and opened his arms wide as an invitation. Ranboo jumped forward, feeling himself be sheltered by his dad’s arms. He knew he could count on his dad at least.

“Hey, hey. Look at me,” his dad instructed. Ranboo obliged, his bi-colored red and green eyes meeting his father’s striking blue. “Listen Maria-” Ranboo tensed, dread plunging into his stomach. Surely not-

“It’ll be okay. You’re just confused, this is just a phase you're going to out grow.”

Ranboo pulled away, looking at his dad in disbelief. I thought he’d understand , or at least listen , Ranboo thought with tears springing to his eyes.

“I, no-w-what?” he stuttered.

“I don’t know what happened to make you think like this, but it’s not your fault. You’re just sick, and we’ll be there to help you recover and grow out of all this-this ‘trans’ nonsense. We still love you and you’re still our daughter, no matter what.”

“NO DAD! I’M NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!” Ranboo yelled, tears pouring down his cheeks. “I’M NOT CONFUSED, IT’S NOT A PHASE,  I’M NOT SICK!”

“I’M JUST TRANS. I’M JUST A BOY!” he wailed.

Ranboo’s mom, who had been silent since her initial comments struck him across his face, successfully cutting off his wail. “Don’t raise your voice at us,” she hissed. Ranboo looked at her, shocked, his hand drifting up to the reddening handprint on his cheek.

His mom softened her voice, though there was still a harsh undertone that spoke of her being upset. “But, like your father said, we’ll help you. What kind of parents would we be if we stood by and did nothing about you obviously not being okay?”

“I-there’s nothing wrong with me,” Ranboo whimpered. He saw his mom reach out her hand to comfort him, but he sprung up from the bed and ran from the room, not wanting her touch.

He ran to the bathroom, closed the door, and slid down it. He sobbed into his arms. Why couldn’t they just accept him for who he was? Why wouldn’t they understand?

---

The 15-year-old sat in the tub, not bothering to look in the mirror. He knew that all he’d see was some stranger that copied his everymove.

Ranboo had run to the bathroom after yet another fight with his mother. They had been watching a show, and she had complained about the lgbtq+ representation, saying stuff about how she didn’t know how they could handle showing the world how ‘disgusting’ and ‘delusional’ they were. Ranboo, of course, defended them, to which his mom punished him with a long scolding session where she deadnamed and misgendered him at every chance she got. She even made sure to use lots of slurs and invalidate literally the entire community. Woo.

All of this led Ranboo to where he was now, sitting in the bathtub with a knife he stole from the kitchen in his hands. He turned it over and stared at it. Did he really want to do this?

Ranboo didn’t particularly want to die( but he wouldn’t be opposed if he did) but he did want to make himself bleed. He wanted to watch the crimson leak from his arms and swirl down the drain. He wanted to finally release the tension from his skin. He wanted to add cuts to his body, to make his arms and legs less empty .

Ranboo took one breath, then another. He braced the knife on his arm and held it there for a moment. Then he drew the knife down his arm and watched the blood start trickling out. A small laugh bubbled out as he added a second cut, then third, and so on.

This was the first time red swirled down the bathtub’s drain. It would not be the last.

Chapter Text

Ranboo sullenly watched the landscape zoom by his window, the green leaves all beginning their transition to orange as summer came to a close. 

“Come on honey, aren’t you excited to get to our new house?” Ranboo’s mom glanced at him from the rearview mirror. He said nothing and leaned his head against the window, ignoring his mom’s frown.

The teen never wanted to move, but then again, when had what he wanted ever mattered to his parents?

“Maria, you know why we had to move. That place wasn’t good for you. You know we only want the best for you,” his dad tried.

So denying my identity, telling me I can’t hang out with my only friend because they’re a ‘bad influence’, and moving just so I could see a ‘therapist’ is you wanting what’s ‘best’ for me , Ranboo thought angrily. He knew better than to voice this, however, so instead he just closed his eyes.

Ranboo missed his friend, a kind senior he had met a few months after Ranboo self-harmed for the first time. She was bisexual and genderqueer, and he had assured Ranboo that he wasn’t broken and there was nothing wrong with him, no matter how much his parents claimed otherwise. Eret had even gifted him a binder to use instead of the bandages he had used previously. Ranboo cried when they presented it to him.

Eret was the only reason he didn’t overbind and was one-month clean.

Ranboo didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until he woke to the sound of the car turning off. He opened his eyes, seeing that night had fallen in the time he was asleep.

“We’re here,” his dad announced, as if it wasn’t obvious.

Ranboo said nothing, simply pulling on a split-colored black and white mask with a small, embroidered crown(another gift from Eret) from where it had been sitting on the seat beside him.

Ranboo opened the car door and stepped out. He stretched, his long limbs sore from being cramped into a small space for several hours. His mom glanced at him and opened the trunk. “Just grab your box, we’ve got the rest,” she said. Ranboo nodded and grabbed a box labeled ‘Maria’, ignoring the name.

He entered the house headed towards the small staircase that sat above the stairs to the basement. He pushed up on the panel separating the attic from the rest of the house and entered his new room.

The attic was a nice little room. It had wooden flooring and visible beams crisscrossed the slanted ceiling. There was also a deep-set window with cushions, making a nice little window seat. It was also fairly large, with a spacious closet and small bathroom.

All of Ranboo’s furniture, like his bed, dresser, and desk, was already set up, like much of the other furniture in the house. Boxes were already stacked in the room from when his parents had come to set up the house a few days prior. All that they’d brought in the car were some of the essentials that they couldn’t go without for a couple days.

Ranboo set down the box he had been carrying and closed the entrance panel. He then went over to his boxes to figure out which ones he needed to unpack right then and which ones he could procrastinate on.

Ultimately, he decided to unpack the box he brought with him in the car and a random box and leave the rest of them for future-Ranboo to deal with.

Opening the first box, the one from the car, he started pulling items out. There weren’t a lot of things in it, just his laptop and charger, a couple dysphoria hoodies, toiletries, his binder, and a black, stuffed cat.

Ranboo got up and put away his things and grabbed another box before sitting back down. Ranboo unfolded the box’s flaps and peered in, a bunch of miscellaneous items greeting his eyes. Ranboo started pulling the items out of the box, quickly realizing this was one of the boxes his parents had packed. (Ranboo was careful to hide his binder and pride-items beforehand)

A lot of the items that he pulled out he forgot that he even had. There were things like an old rubix cube and another stuffed cat, though this one had seen better days, with its missing eye and rips galore.

Everything was going fine until he found the knife.

Ranboo had just pulled out a small wooden box and opened, curious to see what was inside. There, resting in the box, was a small, decorative dagger, not really meant to be used for anything, but it was sharp, nevertheless.

To most people, this wouldn’t be a big deal. But Ranboo wasn’t ‘most people’.

Because, this was the dagger he’d use to cut into himself.

After Ranboo had relapsed and Eret learned of how he would carve into his flesh with a knife, they’d come up with the idea of putting the dagger into a box and talking to her whenever he had the urge to cut. And for the most part, it worked.

But now, holding the knife in his hand and unable to contact Eret, (his parents had his number changed and Ranboo couldn’t remember Eret’s number no matter how hard he tried) Ranboo’s was once more overwhelmed with the desire to watch crimson bubble up beneath his blade. Just do it , his thoughts whispered. You’ll feel better.

Ranboo stared at the knife for a few more minutes until he could finally force himself to put it back in the box. I’ve been clean for so long. I can’t let Eret down , Ranboo thought, ignoring the little voice in the back of his mind that said the he’d never see the bisexual teen again.

Standing quickly, Ranboo kicked the box. Hard. It slid across the floor and ended up banging into the opposite wall.

He violently pushed everything off his bed and grabbed the black stuffed cat. Ranboo curled up around the cat and squeezed his eyes closed.

He then fell asleep, gratefully allowing the darkness to take him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

Though the sun had not yet peeked its face over the horizon, Ranboo started to stir. He sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes. Once he was aware enough to realize that it was still dark, the tall teen checked the time on his phone. It read 4:07 a.m.

Ranboo groaned, knowing that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. So he got up, threw on his binder and a sweatshirt, grabbed his backpack, and left the house.

Ranboo pulled his mask and a pair of sunglasses from his bag and put them on, feeling more comfortable now that people couldn't see his face.

Walking through the town at 4 in the morning wasn’t something that people usually did, Ranboo mused as he wandered.

The mask-wearing teen decided to go to one of those 24-hour gas stations to see if he could find anything to snack on, because he had the hungries.

Upon entering, Ranboo saw a dead-looking person wearing a black and blue striped sweater standing behind the counter. Jack he/him , was written on his nametag, Ranboo noted.

Jack glanced at Ranboo once before nursing his cup of coffee once more.

Ranboo wandered the store's isles, looking for anything that might be appealing. In the end, he decided to just grab a big bag of m&ms and leave.

Just after he grabbed the bag, two people entered the store, one of them talking. Loudly .

The one on the right, the loud one, was a tall brunette with a single streak of white hair. They wore a brown, battered trench coat with several pins on it, one of which Ranboo recognized as the bisexual flag. They also sounded british.

The other person was a bit shorter than the brunette and had bubblegum-pink hair. They, unlike their companion, were completely silent, scanning the store with a bored look on their face.

“Wilbur,” Jack said tiredly. “You know that you’re banned from the store.”

“But Jackkkkkkkkkkkkk,” the brunette moaned.

Jack rubbed his temples. “Nope. I don’t want to bloody hear it Wil. I can’t lose another fucking job, mate.”

“Fineeeeeeeeee,” The brunette(Wilbur?) sighed. They turned to the pinkette. “Come on Techno. Let’s go,” they said, grabbing the shorter’s arm.

Techno, however, didn’t budge when Wilbur pulled their arm. “Ah ah ah, Wil. You are banned. I am not.”

“So you’re just going to abandon me? Your own brother? All for a bag of crisps?” Wilbur cried dramatically.

“Yup,” Techno replied, popping the p.

Ranboo repeated the popped p sound and smiled to himself, enjoying both the sound and how it felt in his mouth. He repeated it two more times, for good measure.

Unfortunately, this attracted the attention of the other three people in the store. Ranboo shrank back, hating all the eyes on him. He stared at the ground, body stiff, as an awkward silence envelopes the gas station.

“Hello there! I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before. I’m Wilbur,” said the brunette, breaking the silence. “And this is-”

“Technoblade,” the pinkette interrupted curtly.

“I-” Ranboo started.

“Sorry to interrupt,” inserted Jack, not sounding very apologetic at all. “But Wil, you’re still banned.”

“Fineeeeeeeeeeeee. I’ll leave,” Wilbur said, not moving.

“Wilbur, what are you-”

“RUN!” Wilbur screamed suddenly, running forward and quickly grabbing a few handfuls of the nearest snacks, then Ranboo’s m&ms, and finally, Ranboo himself. Ranboo tensed at the sudden hand on his arm, but allowed himself to be dragged nonetheless.

Wilbur pulled Ranboo out of the store and down the sidewalk, Jack’s exasperated yelling dying out in less than a minute. They came to a stop in front of a pale blue old-school pickup truck. Without giving any time for second thoughts, Wilbur threw the back door open and pushed Ranboo in the vehicle and shouted “You’re an accomplice!” and slammed the door.

Ranboo sat in stunned silence, super confused about the events that had just occurred. Meanwhile, Wilbur got in the passenger seat and began drumming their fingers on the dash, presumably waiting for Technoblade.

“Come on. Where is that pink-haired motherfucker…” they muttered.

Soon, Technoblade walked out of the store with a bag in hand. They got in the driver’s seat and tossed the bag at Wilbur. “You owe me 20 bucks.”

Wilbur sputtered. “I do not!” they shrieked.

Technoblade started the car, not noticing that Wilbur had kidnapped some random kid. “I had to pay for everything you stole, so you now owe me.”

“Oh fuck you Technoblade!” Wilbur shouted as Techno started driving, oblivious to how the child in the back started shrinking in on himself. “I’m not paying you because you are too lame to steal!”

Wilbur continued ranting while Technoblade drove. Ranboo slowly started to relax, though his guard was most definitely still up.

The trio had been in the car for a couple minutes before Techno glanced at the rearview mirror and made eye contact with Ranboo. Their eyes widened, and they slammed on the brakes.

Ranboo, who was still trying to process what had happened over the last 10 minutes, hadn’t put on his seatbelt. So as a result, he was thrown forward and his head smacked into Wilbur’s seat.

The 15-year-old let out a pained groan, his head pounding. He reached up to the spot where he got hurt, only to feel something warm and sticky.

Ranboo pulled his hand down and saw it covered in blood. He looked up and saw that his blood was also on the back of the seat. “Ow,” he said softly.

Ranboo speaking seemed to release Technoblade from their shocked stupor. “Why is there some random dude in the back seat?” they asked, their voice much higher than it was before.

Wilbur looked at the pinkette. “Oh yeah, that’s the guy from the gas station.”

“But why are they in our truck?”

“Because,” Wilbur said simply, finally looking back at the person in question.

Upon doing so, their face became concerned, presumably because Ranboo was bleeding from his head.

“Oh shit man, are you alright?” they asked. Ranboo nodded. Wilbur eyed him skeptically, not believing him.

Technoblade started driving again, and the car went silent. It stayed that way until the truck pulled into the driveway of an average looking house.

The pinkette turned the vehicle off and got out, grabbing the bag on their way out. Wilbur also got out and opened the door for Ranboo, hovering as he too exited the vehicle.

The two strangers led Ranboo up to the house, and in the back of his mind, he wondered why he was following two people he had met less than an hour ago into their house. A small voice that sounded suspiciously like Eret responded that he had no regard for his personal safety. Ranboo didn’t want to think about what that meant so he shoved it into the deepest pits of his mind to (hopefully) never think about it ever again.

Technoblade opened the door and entered the house, Wilbur and Ranboo behind him.

“Edward! I’m back!” Technoblade shouted.

Chapter Text

A tall ravenette that Ranboo assumed was Edward looked up from where they were reading a book. They caught sight of Ranboo, specifically his wound, and closed their book, walking briskly over to where the group was stood.

They signed something, frantic hands going too fast for Ranboo’s meager signing skills to recognize.

“Edward, chill. The kid just hit their head on the seat. They’re fine. Probably,” Techno reassured the taller.

Ranboo gawked, because he had to look up at Edward. In the entirety of Ranboo’s life, this was the first time he’d met someone taller than he was.

He was pulled out of his thoughts, though, when Edward gently grabbed his wrist and guided him over to the couch.

Edward looked at Wilbur, who was hovering in the doorway, and signed something at him before looking at his wound again.

“Well, me and Tech were just at the gas station, then we met…” Wilbur paused. “Oh shit, I never got your name did I.”

Ranboo startled when he realized Wilbur was talking to him. “Uh, Ranboo. He/him.”

“Right! Pronouns. I use he/him, Techno uses he/they, and Edward uses they/them,” he said.

“So,” he continued. “We met Ranboo here, and Jack tried to kick me out. So, I stole some snacks and our new friend here, then Tech came over and was being lame and tried to say that I owed him , when really-” Techno entered the room with a first aid kit in hand. They handed it to Edward and lightly smacked Wilbur’s head, ending off his rant.

“Owwwwwwwww man. What the fuuuuuck,” Wilbur whined dramatically.

“Basically, Wilbur here kidnapped a child and now, said child is hurt,” Techno summarized.

“I was getting there,” muttered Wilbur.

“No you weren’t.”

“Oh, what do you know, you bubblegum bitc-”

Wilbur was cut off by Edward slamming a book on the table to get everyone’s attention. Wilbur jumped, Ranboo flinched so hard he fell off the couch, while Techno merely glanced over at his roommate.

Edward offered Ranboo their hand. He took it and allowed himself to be seated back on the couch. Ranboo zoned out while Edward started fixing his wound, Techno and Wilbur starting a quiet conversation.

Ranboo was pulled from his mind when Edward tapped his shoulder. Ranboo tilted his head curiously and watched as Edward signed something. He caught glasses and  off, giving him a good guess as to what they wanted. Still, he wanted to make sure. “You want me to take off my sunglasses?” he asked. Edward nodded.

Ranboo took a deep breath and let it out in a puff. He then reached up to his glasses and pulled them off. Edward then started cleaning the rest of the blood off his face.

“Yooo, do you have two different colored eyes?” Ranboo looked up, startled by Wilbur’s yell. “You do! That’s so cool.”

“Uh, thanks?” Ranboo wasn’t used to people complimenting his eyes. Usually, they made fun of his mismatched reddish-brown and green eyes, hence why he started wearing the sunglasses in the first place.

Soon enough, Edward had finished. Technoblade had left the room a bit before to… do something. Maybe make tea? Ranboo wasn’t sure.

“So Ranboo, how old are you?” asked Wilbur

“Oh, uh, I’m…” Ranboo thought for a moment, trying to remember his age. “15,” Ranboo said, though it came out as more of a question.

“Dude, why’d it take you so long to think of your age?” Wilbur asked, hanging upside down off the couch now. Ranboo just shrugged. There was no way he was going to explain that his memory was like a net, allowing trivial and important things alike slip through to be lost within the depths of his mind, nor the fact that there was an almost-blank black notebook in his bag that he used to write down what he did remember so it wasn’t gone forever.

“You say that like you didn’t forget your age a week ago,” Techno remarked, saving Ranboo from having to come up with an actual answer.

The brunette huffed and rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. From there, the three started conversating on random topics, Edward coming in later with what was, in fact, tea.

Ranboo learned that the house he was in was shared between Techno and Edward, while Wilbur lived with his adopted son in another place. Wilbur said that he and Techno were twins, to which Techno explained that when he was adopted, none of them actually knew when their birthday was, so Wilbur declared them twins.

Ranboo didn’t offer much about his own life, content to listen to the others’ stories.

Soon, their conversation was interrupted by “What Does the Fox Say” suddenly blaring from somewhere. Wilbur, looking sheepish, pulled out his phone and answered the call. “Hello?”

The response from the person on the other side of the phone was too muffled for Ranboo to make out, but Wilbur seemed to pale slightly at it. “Oh shit, is it six already?” Momentary silence. “Okay, I’ll be there in a bit. Bye!”

Wilbur hung up and started towards the door. “I gotta pick up Fundy and Tubbo for their smart-people computer thingy.” Wilbur paused for a moment and looked at Ranboo. “Here, come with me, I can drop you off on the way.”

Ranboo got up and waved goodbye to Edward and Techno before following Wilbur out to the truck. Ranboo gave him directions to his house and the two sat in a comfortable silence.

When they had reached their destination, Wilbur stopped Ranboo before he got out. “Can I see your phone for a minute?” Ranboo handed it over, and Wilbur messed with it for a moment. “There. Now me, Techno, and Edward are in your contacts so we can text. You seem like a cool dude, and I hope we can talk again soon.”

“That’d be nice, thank you.” Ranboo smiled, though it was hard to tell due to the mask. He got out and waved to Wilbur as he drove away. Ranboo stood in his driveway until the car was out of sight. Then he turned around and entered his house.

Unsurprisingly, his parents were still asleep, as it was 6 in the morning. He went back into his room and flopped onto his bed. He lied there for what felt like ages before finally moving. He checked his phone, seeing that less than an hour had passed. Ranboo sighed and just started scrolling through tiktok.

After a few videos, Ranboo became sad as he realized something.

He never ended up getting his m&ms.