Archive of Our Own

“Welcome, sir. If there’s anything you need help with, please let me know.”

A young girl, seventeen or eighteen perhaps, with a bright voice and even brighter smile greeted Grimmer as he stepped inside the small shop, welcomed first by the soft jingle of the door and then by top notch customer service. He stood for a moment, adjusting the bag slung over his shoulder, then crafted a warm smile onto his face, gesturing with one hand toward a particular item he’d spied while walking by the shop.

“I saw that football in the window, there. I happen to know a boy who would love it very much…”

The girl lit up in response as Grimmer walked over to pick it up, turning the ball lightly in his hands and tossing it from one to the other. He let his grip firm, trying to imagine what it might feel like to kick it. It didn’t move much under his pressure, so it was decently suitable; the ball that Dieter had been playing with until now had gotten rather worn and even when inflated it was quite a bit softer than it should be. A new ball would be good for him.

“It’s great weather for football. I’m sure your son will be overjoyed.” She paused. “I can ring it through if that’s all.”

Son. Son…Grimmer’s expression remained unchanged, even though that wasn’t quite an accurate assessment. Of course she would assume he was speaking about his own relation, but at this point in time, Grimmer wasn’t sure that he could call Dieter such a thing. The boy remained to be somewhat reserved in Grimmer’s company - polite, but guarded. He remained to be Herr Grimmer, in many ways spoken like a title given to a stranger. It was quite alright, of course; Dieter had not had much time to know Grimmer the same way that he knew Tenma. It had only been a few months since he had begun living with Tenma. And since Dieter himself shared his time between Tenma and the old doctor Reichwein, he’d had even less time still to truly “get to know” Grimmer. So then….”son” was not the right word.

“Yes, that’s all. Just the ball. I’m sure he would like to get it as soon as possible.”

The girl laughed, shaking her head. “I have a younger brother, so I know! It’s 34 marks in all. Should I put it into a bag?”

Grimmer hummed, shaking his head as he reached into his rear pocket, pulling out his wallet. “No, that’s all right. I think he’ll be happier to see me come in with it.”

He glanced around the shop, even as he popped open his wallet to pay up. It was a nice little shop, with a collection of eclectic items and toys. There was a second-hand section, with discount prices. Even though they looked perfectly good in condition, the used price was almost cut to half the regular cost.

And it was then, looking at the second-hand wall, that he spotted something else that caught his eye. Sat atop a number of puzzles was a similarly shaped and sized box, with very, very familiar iconography. For just a moment he paused, still holding his wallet, and walked toward the box. It wasn’t exactly the same as the one he remembered, but the artwork on the box did indeed depict one of those large mech robots from the gundam show that had been such a craze at the time. He had bought one just like this, ah…that would have been…fifteen years ago now. He didn’t remember the name on that one, but this definitely wasn’t the same model. That one had sported bright primary colours on the model body, where this one seemed to be more silvery and yellow, boasting two swords instead of a gun.

This was…something from a time long passed. Yet as he held it, a kind of dread filled Grimmer’s bones. It was something from that time, something that his son had liked, even if he was too small to assemble it himself. He had bought it because he had been told they were popular with young boys. But would Dieter…would he feel the same? A puzzle might be something more familiar. Maybe that. But…

Grimmer wanted to try. It was a choice, he realized, that was as much for himself as for Dieter. If not…more for himself. And maybe that was a bad thing. Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe it was best to leave that memory to the past, a thing to be kept between himself and his son. A thing that was still precious. And yet…sharing was good, wasn’t it? Maybe something like this was exactly what he needed, to connect with Dieter. To share something of himself, something that he had done years ago…something that maybe…that maybe they could enjoy together.

He turned the box over, examining it curiously. It was in the second-hand section, but it looked like the box hadn’t even been opened. Perhaps a toy that was gifted, never to be used. A forgotten thing. He glanced toward the girl with a smile. “Ah…apologies, but if you wouldn’t mind…it seems I’ll be adding another item to my purchase.”

The young girl had bagged his items after all. Well…there was a difference between carrying just the ball, and carrying two arms’ worth of items alongside his duffel. It had come to DM 67 in all, and with a final stop for a few provisions for dinner, Grimmer was finally on his way back home. He carefully set down the paper grocery bag, pushing open the door and stepping inside with a loud sigh to announce his presence. He could hear water running from the kitchen and smiled, shouldering the heavy duffel bag onto the ground. “Well! That was eventful. I think I had quite a successful outing.”

“You did, did you? Then you found some?”

“I did! I’m not sure if it’s the brand that you usually like, but I don’t think that I would know the difference.”

The tap shut off as Kenzo stepped into the entryway, shaking his head. He took a look over Grimmer, raising a brow at the plastic bag he was still holding. He said nothing, but there was a quiet question in that gesture. That doesn’t look like a grocery bag! Indeed, Grimmer had taken a small detour before rescuing their dinner. He nodded his head backward over his shoulder, and Kenzo followed his gaze, stepping back outside to pick up the precarious groceries he’d set down to open the door. He peered into the bag and gave a satisfied nod.

“There would have been a bit of a crisis if we’d run out of soy sauce. Although I should’ve checked before I got everything started, I suppose.” He hoisted the bag into his arms, looking back at Grimmer with a softer smile as he headed back to the kitchen to set to putting everything away and finishing dinner preparations. “What is it you’ve got there?”

Grimmer hummed, lifting the bag in his hand, giving it a soft shake. “I thought he might like a new football, after what happened. And I also found something…” He paused, tilting his head as he let the bag lower to his side, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly. “Something that he might like, I’m not sure. Something I found by accident.”

Kenzo looked intrigued, but let himself focus for now on setting the groceries aside. Soy sauce, an onion and a carrot were left on the countertop for the night’s dinner, and the few other articles in the bag were put away appropriately.

“He’s still resting, but he may be awake now. Don’t take it too badly if he doesn’t want to talk, though. It’s not you he’s upset with.”

Kenzo’s reassurance was a quiet comfort. Even though Grimmer had known Dieter for a few months now, it was difficult to piece together his feelings. Well…at least beyond the surface. Dieter was very expressive when he was having fun! It was a good, healthy thing for a child his age to be. But he was also very quiet, at times, in a way that made him difficult to understand. It wasn’t quite like crying or shouting, things that Grimmer could categorize as sadness or anger. Silence told him nothing. He trusted Kenzo’s word; he had known the child for much longer, and had a stronger understanding of human emotion. So he could trust that Kenzo was right.

Gripping the plastic bag in hand, he walked past the kitchen - pausing only briefly to glance over Kenzo’s diligent work on their dinner - and headed into the next room over. Indeed, Dieter was lying on the couch with his arms folded over his chest, eyes open. For all the world he looked a bit sulky. He did turn when he heard the crinkling sound of the bag, relaxing his expression somewhat when he saw it was Grimmer. One hand gently squeezed the other.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Grimmer.”

He didn’t smile, but Grimmer didn’t expect him to. Slowly he lowered the bag down, then lowered down to sit on the floor, one hand bracing behind him as he released a heavy sigh. “Phew! It’s quite a hot, hot day outside…I thought I might start sweating through my shirt, it felt so hot!”

Unlike the boys he’d met in Prague, Dieter didn’t smile or laugh at his funny words. Or..maybe they weren’t really that funny after all. He’d not managed to get much of a laugh from Dieter in the little time they’d known each other. Only Kenzo had the power to make him laugh. His attempts foiled, Grimmer sat forward, focusing more properly on Dieter.

“Doctor Tenma told me that you were resting still. I’m glad to see you’re awake. How does your ankle feel?”

That question earned him a scrunched face of discomfort, crinkly and annoyed and displeased, though Grimmer couldn’t be sure if Dieter was upset that he’d asked, or perhaps something else. The expression relaxed after a moment and he lay his head back, staring toward the ceiling with a small pout.

“It’s okay if I don’t move it. I’m trying to get lots of rest like Tenma says.”

Grimmer hummed airily, his smile relaxing just a little. “The sort of hurt that you have, it takes time to get better. But the more you can rest, the faster it will be. You’re a strong boy, it’ll heal good and quick as long as you keep listening to Tenma’s advice!”

Talking about Tenma helped. That helped. The light in Dieter’s eyes was visible, and he did smile just a little bit, and nod. He really did just want to do right by Kenzo, that boy. Grimmer paused a moment, then turned toward the bag, reaching inside, grabbing the ball first. He looked back toward Dieter with a wider smile, slowly taking the football out into view for him to see.

“When I went out to pick up soy sauce for Tenma, I walked by a pleasant little shop with lots of nice things in the windows. And I saw this ball there, and thought of you.” He turned it over, lightly tossing it from one hand to the other as he rotated it to give Dieter a good, full look. “I know it’s a bit early yet for you, but I thought that this might be nice for you. Something to look forward to, when your leg is better.”

For a moment, it was quiet. Grimmer relaxed once more, just holding the ball in his hands, watching Dieter and his silent, inexpressive face. It was difficult to know just what he was thinking when he was like that. But eventually, almost with a shyness, he did reach out toward the ball, and Grimmer offered it over. He examined it, tossing it lightly with his hands, pressing his palms into it, seemingly trying to test the quality, then gently lay it down on his chest. He still wasn’t smiling, even so.

“Thank you, Mr. Grimmer.”

Again, Dieter was polite. It was good of course, that was a good thing, but that politeness was a sort of shield to what the boy might actually be feeling or thinking. And it was probably just because he didn’t know Grimmer well enough yet…he probably couldn’t trust him. From what Kenzo had explained, Dieter was one of the last children to be left in the care of Kinderheim’s overseers, at least those with the direct intent of creating another Johan. He had been through very much, and trusting an adult that wasn’t Doctor Tenma…it was probably hard. Grimmer really didn’t mind that Dieter was so uncertain of him. But! The ball wasn’t all that he’d gotten. He brought the bag into his lap, smiling once again.

“You can keep that with you as long as you like. It’ll be a promise for when you’re feeling better. Although…well, I’m not very good at football myself, you know! So you’ll have to be easy on me. I’m quite bad at it. But….actually, there was something else I wanted to show you, too.”

Dutifully Dieter kept the ball lowered against his chest as he watched Grimmer owlishly, seemingly at least curious of whatever was still in the bag. And Grimmer…

Ah, this was it, wasn’t it? The fated moment. That mild sense of apprehension was back, but this was…this was an okay thing. If he wanted Dieter to trust him…even to like him…then he needed to share things about himself, too. And do things with Dieter, just for them together. This was a good chance. A way for them to connect. And he wanted that! He wanted to have a connection with Dieter. He drew in a slow, deep breath, taking light comfort in the wafting smell of onion and garlic in the kitchen, and he shook the bag away from the long, rectangular box, letting the flimsy plastic float down to settle at his side. He held the precious box in his hands.

“When I was just about to pay, I happened to see this box here. I think…you probably don’t know what this is, right?”

Dieter took a moment, looking over the colourful iconography, silently assessing it, before he shook his head. No. That was expected. Grimmer held it upright, so that Dieter could get a better look at the model pictured. “This is called ‘Gunpla’, it’s a type of model toy that you build from parts inside the box, and when you’re done, it looks like this picture. When I was in Japan, they were very popular toys. I had gotten one for my son, and built it, and he had liked that toy quite a lot. When I saw it in the shop there, I thought…maybe it would be something we can make. While you’re getting better.”

Ah…Dieter wasn’t reacting very much. He had at least moved to sit up now, the ball still sat in his lap, but he didn’t look especially interested. He turned the ball over a few times, but he looked hesitant to speak. This was…difficult. Grimmer couldn’t tell exactly if Dieter was unhappy at the prospect or not. It was possible that this was once again that “politeness” of his, and maybe he didn’t want to build it after all. Grimmer lowered the box once again, slowly setting it down beside him, keeping a light smile on his face. Warm. Approachable. A good face.

“Or not! It reminded me of something that I had done in the past, and I wondered if you might like these sorts of things. But, if you don’t want to do that, it’s okay! You don’t really know what they are, after all.”

It was okay to say no. That was what he wanted Dieter to hear; that if he didn’t want to, he could say “no” and he wouldn’t be punished for it. Grimmer wasn’t aware of any amount of detail as to what might have happened to Dieter while he was in the care of that man. Not even Kenzo was fully aware. But if he was afraid of negative feedback, it was important then to make sure that he understood this was a safe place to express what he really wanted.

“Oh, gunpla? Is that what you found? May I see?”

Kenzo’s voice came as a small surprise. At some point the quiet sound of chopping vegetables had died down, and Grimmer hadn’t noticed as his partner came into the living room to watch them. Both Grimmer and Dieter were watching him now, Dieter seemingly a bit more interested and engaged than before, even as Kenzo reached to pick up the sealed box, turning it over with a curious smile.

“I was studying medicine in Germany when the first Gundam series was airing, but I did catch the film version with classmates during break. Someone had brought the VHS and a few of us got together to decompress after the last exam that year. It was a lot of fun.” He handed the box back to Grimmer with a smile. “I don’t recognize this model, but I think it might be from the newer show. There was another one that started airing in...eh, a few years ago I think? So they probably have new models for it now.” He nodded his head back toward the kitchen. “I was just coming by to let you know dinner will be ready in twenty minutes or so. Want me to get the scissors from the kitchen? You’ll need them to cut out all of the pieces.”

“Yes, please!”

Before Grimmer could ask otherwise - after all, it hadn’t looked much like Dieter was interested - the boy had rather emphatically answered Kenzo’s call. And as Grimmer looked, Dieter was sat forward now on the couch, a sparkling smile on his face. It seemed that Kenzo’s short story about being familiar with the model toys had piqued his interest some. Ah, for Dieter…for Dieter, this was probably now an exercise in learning about something that Kenzo had liked when he was younger. That was just as good a reason as any, he supposed. And so Kenzo was quick to head into the kitchen, returning with a small pair of scissors for them to use before going back to finish up with dinner. So…as of now, they had twenty minutes. Twenty minutes, for just the two of them to start on this new model.

With Dieter’s agreement to build the model, Grimmer held out the box to the boy, scooting himself a bit closer on the floor, then up onto the other seat of the couch, leaving the scissors in their blade protector for now. “The first part of building gunpla is a little bit tedious…but I want you to help me out with it. When you open up the box, you’ll see a bunch of mesh parts in plastic bags. You can twist the pieces out of the mesh, but it comes out a lot better if you use scissors to cut them. We’re going to start by taking out all of the mesh pieces, and then I want you to look at the instructions and tell me which set of pieces we need first. I’ll snip them out. We’ll have to glue some of them together, but for now we should organize the pieces and build what we can without the glue. Does that make sense?”

“Um, I think. But…”

But. A question. Grimmer watched as Dieter fidgeted with the box, pulling out sheets and sheets of uncut pieces still in their mesh and setting them on the space between them. He wasn’t looking at Grimmer though, he was looking down, almost a bit shy all of a sudden.

“I’m not good at reading. It’s not great. Maybe you should do that part.”

Grimmer paused, then smiled. He shook his head.

“If you have a problem with a word, you can tell me, and I’ll help you with it. But this is…this is less reading, and more…shapes. It’s like the instructions for building a hard puzzle. When you build a puzzle, you need to see what the pieces look like, right? And so it’s like that. There are a lot of pictures. The one that I built for my son, it was written in Japanese. And I was bad at that! I couldn’t read Japanese characters very well. But because of the pictures, I could make the model. So between the two of us, I think that we can do it, don’t you?”

Dieter took a moment, then slowly nodded, finally pulling out the glossy instruction booklet that was laid on the bottom of the box, turning the first page over. He stared at it intently, and Grimmer watched as his eyes moved across the page and then to the meshes that they’d laid out. After almost a minute, he picked one of them up, turning it sideways before nodding, and holding it out to Grimmer.

“This is the first one. We make the head with it.”

Grimmer took the held-out mesh, pulling the blade protector off the scissors and setting it down on the end table beside the couch. He held the mesh up with one hand, then brought the blade as close to the piece as he could, glancing back toward Dieter.

“When you cut these, you want to try and get as much of the edge off as possible. Sometimes when you snip them too far out you end up with a bit of a pointy piece from the mesh, so you have to sand it down and smooth it. But if you cut it well, you don’t have to do that as much. When I built the first model I didn’t know that, and I was twisting the pieces out by hand at first, because that seemed easier. But it’s better like this, you have less work to do with the pieces.” He smiled, even as he snipped piece after piece from the holding mesh, making a small pile of them. “The pieces on this one are smaller than the model that I made for my son, back in the day. I think the head may have only been one piece, by itself…? It looks like they put more pieces into this one. Ah…last one!”

With all of the pieces removed from the mesh, he collected them up into his hands, taking a quick look up close. They didn’t have any snapped-off nubs from the mesh…a good start! He glanced back to Dieter, holding the model pieces out with a nod.

“Do you think you can tell me which one we need next? And you can start to put these ones together.”

Dieter was hesitant, but nodded, reaching out to take the model pieces that Grimmer held. With his free hand he pointed toward one with a fairly large grey piece in the middle of the mesh. “That one. It’s the chest part.”

Grimmer hummed, starting carefully with the scissors as before. He did find himself pausing though, watching Dieter as he fiddled with the little pieces in his hands. He looked incredibly focused, pressing little white and green model parts together. It was definitely a lot more detailed than the one he’d made for his son, with individual pieces to make up parts of the head. And…ah, he could already see the neck-connector on this next mesh. Dieter held out the head when it was done, and Grimmer handed over the chest pieces - there were a few more on this one than the first, but Dieter didn’t seem worried at all. Actually, now that he’d started building the pieces, he was much more engaged with it, focusing hard on putting all of the pieces in the right spot, snapping them together. He was…having fun. He was doing something with Grimmer and enjoying it.

Grimmer was cutting out the next batch of pieces, even as Dieter put together what looked like a little jetpack, attaching it to the back of the torso piece. He paused just to watch him turn the piece over in his hands, examining it and smiling. Something about this, about watching this, was making Grimmer’s chest feel tight…not in a way that hurt him, but it almost felt….good. This was a good sensation.

“When I built the old model for my son…I remember thinking that it would be a fun thing to do with him when he was older. He was still very small at the time, so he couldn’t put it together with me. He liked the finished model, but we were never able to make it like this. I remember thinking that the next time I saw one of these I’d get it for him and we would do it together. But we never got that chance.”

Dieter paused, looking up from the instruction manual. He was still turning the piece in his hands. “How come?”

How come…how come. Ah…perhaps he shouldn’t have said that. This sort of thing, it wasn’t a very nice topic to talk about. Not with a little boy. But…if he wanted Dieter to be open with him, maybe he needed to do the same. And Dieter, he wasn’t just a little boy…no…no. He knew more than a boy his age should know about bad things. Grimmer lowered the model pieces he was fiddling with, the smile on his face fading a bit. He looked Dieter proper in the eyes.

“There was an accident that happened one day. My son…he passed away very young. So we never got the chance to do a lot of things that fathers do with sons, like building gunpla.”

Dieter was silent, then seemed to retreat into himself, murmuring a quiet sorry as he sat quite still. Ah…maybe it had been a bad time to say that. Maybe this was going to go badly, now, with such a sad thing weighing on their minds. At least they weren’t left to the weighted silence for terribly long; Kenzo’s stir-fry was almost done, and the smell was wafting into the living room. He breathed it in, humming soft as he set the model parts he was holding down, re-sheathing the scissors.

“It smells like doctor Tenma is almost done. Do you want me to bring some to you?”

Dieter’s tensed posture relaxed a bit at the mention of dinner and Tenma, and he shook his head, glancing toward the crutches leaned against the wall.

“It’s okay. I wanna eat at the table again. And we made kind of a mess here, so…”

Well…there was no arguing with that part, at least. Even so, Grimmer would’ve been just as glad to clean up their mess before dinner, but it wasn’t just about that. This was one thing Dieter was allowing him to see…he wanted to get up and walk to the dinner table. As a boy his age Dieter didn’t like to sit so still for quite so long. And outside of that, he probably wanted to be able to impress Kenzo, being up and about. Even if Kenzo would probably only fuss and tell him to lie back down and that they’d eat dinner in the living room together. Well…he’d done that already, but Dieter was insistent to eat at the table then, too, and he would be now. He was rather a stubborn boy and Kenzo didn’t have the strength to refuse him.

Grimmer did keep an eye on Dieter as he reached for his crutches, and as he planted them to stand himself up on his good foot. The first week or so had been tough…Dieter simply wasn’t used to walking with crutches, and it had taken a little bit of getting used to how to move them right. But he’d gotten much better at keeping his balance. And as long as he didn’t bump his injured foot, moving about with them would be just fine. So, when Grimmer was reasonably sure that the boy was steady on his feet, he headed back into the kitchen to help Kenzo with plating up the meal.

It looked just as good as it smelled! A tasty vegetable and chicken platter with noodles, all fried in soy sauce to a tasty, tender perfection. He’d said it was a sort of comfort food for him, and Grimmer could see why! It was warm and tasty, with all sorts of delicious flavour. Though, if he hadn’t managed to find soy sauce…no, he couldn’t imagine stir fry without soy. That felt wrong somehow. He helped Kenzo to plate up the dish, leading the way over to the table where Dieter was already sat at. Kenzo had a warm smile on his face as he set down the bowl.

“Think you’re ready to try with chopsticks again?”

Dieter made a scrunched-up face, then after a moment, nodded firmly. “I wanna try. I think I can do it.”

For however much faith he had in himself, Dieter definitely did struggle just a bit, at least at first. In fairness Grimmer himself had taken a little while to get used to them, even after his stint in Japan. Though, that had been more than a decade ago now; it wasn’t quite muscle memory. Dieter, though, was much younger - and so picking up the technique was coming easier to him than it would a grown adult. It wasn’t long before everyone was eating happily together. Watching Dieter there was definitely a bit of pride in him, and that was good…that was really good for him right now. Grimmer couldn’t quite claim to know anything much about the boy, but young children tended to be quite worried when they were hurt. Conscious of it and even embarrassed. Having something to feel good about, that would help him a little.

“So, how much did you get put together so far? The model, I mean.”

Grimmer stayed quiet, allowing Dieter to answer. Once again, it was a small point of pride for him - he’d done the work, after all! The boy finished chewing, swallowing down with a sip of water before thinking to speak. “We did the head and the upper body part, and some piece that goes on its back. I think we can put the head onto the body, but the next part in the instructions says to do his…I’m pretty sure it’s his arms? But I think it’s okay if I put the head on first if I want to.”

Tenma’s brows raised behind his own glass of water, and he set it down. “That sounds like great work! The models that I’ve seen, they must be less sophisticated. But I think they were older, so that makes sense.”

Grimmer nodded. “I’d thought the same! I didn’t realize that when I bought it. The old model, you had to glue some of the pieces because they were a bit loose…these ones snap quite well, it looks like.”

There was another moment of quiet, everyone content to continue eating their dinner. Dieter, though, had the look of a very curious child. He was polite, and wanted to let them enjoy their meal, but both adults were quite aware of the face that he was making. Still, neither brought it up - they wanted him to ask on his own terms. They only exchanged looks, raised brows, and quiet shrugs in the meantime. Until, finally, Dieter had no patience left for his question.

“What is gundam?”

The two men exchanged a look, then smiled. It…did make sense. He wouldn’t exactly have known about the original animation, and this newer series that Kenzo had mentioned would only have started in the last few years. In the last few years, Dieter…he would have…not been watching television shows. Kenzo thought for a moment, pondering quietly as he drummed fingers against the wood of the table.

“I wouldn’t exactly compare it to superheroes, but it’s something like that, I suppose. Gundam appeals to the same sort of people that would like superheroes. But it’s…it’s more…well, from what I did watch, sort of an epic war story. The gundam - the big robot that you’re building - it’s a kind of advanced technology that they use for the fight. It’s been a while since I thought about it, but that’s what I remember. Humans would pilot these big robots, and use them to fight. It was really exciting.”

Dieter made a thinking type of face, then nodded at whatever conclusions he’d come to before returning focus to Kenzo again. “And there’s another show now?”

That made Kenzo falter, eyes narrowing. He looked at his bowl, then back at Dieter. “Well…I don’t think it would still be airing, but that would be in Japan anyway. But…yes, I suppose there’s a newer show.”

Dieter frowned again, picking at what was left of his food with his chopsticks. “Oh. I’d have liked to see it though.”

Kenzo hummed, finishing up the rest of his bowl and dabbing his mouth gently with a napkin. He lay his chopsticks across the bowl, turning a smile back on Dieter. “Well, it might take a while, but just like the movies that my friend bought, I’m sure we’ll be able to watch the newer show, too. Though you might not understand it, since it’s in Japanese.”

“That’s okay. I just want to see the shows you liked.”

They shared a little laugh at that. It was a sweet thing to say, but…Grimmer could understand that. It was about the experience, more than it was about the show. About sharing something special with a person that Dieter cared about. That was a good reason to want to watch it! Grimmer hummed airily, the last to finish up his meal, before reaching to take Dieter’s bowl, and Kenzo’s too.

“Well, I think in that case, the first place to start is those films you mentioned, since you were able to watch them. We could probably find them someplace, and sit down to watch them together. I think that sounds like a fun idea!”

He brought the dishes to the sink, even as Kenzo helped Dieter up from the chair and onto his feet, careful of the injured one. The two of them disappeared into the living room - presumably to get Dieter situated back on the couch again. Grimmer let himself stay in the kitchen, meandering just a little bit, cleaning the dishes with a meticulous slowness. Right now, Dieter really seemed to want to be around Kenzo. It was Kenzo that made him smile, and Kenzo that brought him comfort and good feelings. Dieter was strongly attached to Kenzo. It was natural, then, to let them have some time alone together. There would be more chances for Grimmer to build a stronger relationship with Dieter. Right now, if it was Kenzo he needed, then this was the best place for him to be. Out of the way.

He wasn’t sure how long he was stood there, washing and drying dishes, wiping the countertop, cleaning the knife. Grimmer had gotten himself into a good rhythm with the work, almost lost to the outside world. But then…

“-lfgang? Did you hear me just now?”

Ah…how embarrassing that he’d zeroed in on exactly that question, but had definitely missed what was said before it. He looked up, shutting off the tap, and there was Kenzo standing beside him, with a worried brow that quickly relaxed into a smile. Grimmer could only shake his head sheepishly. Kenzo didn’t seem to mind.

“I just said that I can finish up here.”

Grimmer paused, then shook his head. “It’s alright. I wouldn’t want to take you from Dieter, now.”

That earned a soft frown in response. Perhaps he’d missed more than just the question. “No, or…well, that’s kind, but he said he wanted to finish the model with you.”

Now that made Grimmer stop outright.

It didn’t surprise him terribly to imagine that Dieter wanted to finish building the model kit. He’d definitely gotten into it once he was clicking pieces together, that much was true. But, Grimmer had thought it would be nice to let him work on the model with Kenzo, for a while. A good thing to do that would make him feel better, with the person that made him the happiest. It was almost inconceivable to think that he wanted to make the model with Grimmer, specifically with Grimmer, over Kenzo. But…if he wanted to do that, then…maybe…maybe this was something good for them. For him, and for Dieter, together. He set down the knife he’d been drying, a gentle smile on his lips.

“I had thought that after what I said, maybe he would be a bit shy to be around me. I’m not always the best, when it comes to talking. I said something I think I shouldn’t have. But if he wants to build it with me…then I’ll go build with him. All that’s left is the knife and then putting it all away.”

“Alright. That’s fine then, go on, I’ll finish cleaning up here.”

When Grimmer rounded into the living room, it was to see Dieter holding three more sheets of gunpla pieces, dutifully reading over the instructions, his foot elevated onto a chair that Kenzo must have put there, for while he was sitting upright like this to build the model. That was a good call…Grimmer hadn’t thought of it, but putting his foot up was supposed to be good for it. He waved a hand and smiled, moving to sit down on the other side of the couch again, like before.

“Doctor Tenma tells me that you shooed him away so that we can build the model together. Is that true?”

Dieter looked up, eyes going a bit wide before he looked back down at the model instructions, apparently unmoved by the bad attempt at humour. “This next one is for the arm. Can you get the pieces ready?”

Oh. Ignored. Ignored! Though…maybe he was going about “jokes” wrong. Maybe, too, it wasn’t a nice thing to joke about Kenzo with Dieter, who held such an attachment to him. He had gotten much better responses from the boys in Prague, but not every child would find him funny, he supposed. This was just an example of how every person was unique to one another. And…ah…he would have to expand his repertoire some, if he wanted to get a good response from Dieter. Something to make him smile and laugh.

He did take the mesh though, and once again resumed his role of piece-cutter, eventually handing the arm pieces over to Dieter to build. In turn, Dieter handed him the next set. “I’m not sure what these parts make, I think it’s the - uh - “ He paused, gesturing with one hand in an awkward sweep from thigh to waist. “-this part, I think. There are some parts in the instructions I’m not sure about, so can you build that one? And I’ll watch.”

Grimmer took the pieces, gently shifting so he could look at the instructions that Dieter was holding. He turned them to give him a better look - indeed, what he was looking at was the bottom half of the torso. And Grimmer was starting to get a better picture of what the model would look like, based on the shape that was coming together. As he snapped black and grey into yellow, it seemed to create something of a familiar look - the sort of outfit that he saw in samurai movie posters. So they'd designed a robot, to look like a samurai...he had to wonder what it looked like in the show.

The “difficult” part that Dieter had been talking about was understandable…he had to snap a couple of the pieces, and Dieter had wanted to be careful about damaging them. As Grimmer gently snapped piece after piece together, he felt watched, as Dieter took more of an observational role now, a curious awe about him. And for Grimmer…ah…this did feel familiar. Even if the pieces were more complex than the last one he’d built, there was a familiarity in this process, one that put an ache in him. Being watched with such intense eyes as he put together these pieces...he held out the completed section of the model to Dieter with a smile.

“It’s looking like we just have the legs to build, doesn’t it? And then we can assemble him. Ah…it looks like he uses swords, this guy…that would explain his outfit!” Grimmer held up the two curved swords that the model came with, holding them out for Dieter to examine while he cut the remaining pieces for the leg sections. “Ah…if we each build one leg, we’ll be able to finish it faster. And then we can assemble the robot! We’re almost done, Dieter!”

The boy had a brighter look on his face, even as he took rather quickly to putting together the model’s leg. Sounds from the kitchen had stopped, but Grimmer was aware of movement in his periphery - Kenzo had come to watch them as they finished, each twisted close together to look over the instructions, snapping piece after piece together to make the model’s legs. Until finally, all that they had left to do was put the pieces all together. Dieter, triumphantly, had already put the head onto the neck joint. Grimmer hummed, snapping the legs into place while Dieter put the arms on, and then, after a moment’s thought, he held the upper body out to Grimmer with a smile.

“Want to put the last pieces together? Like you did for your son?”

Like he did for his son. Dieter…he was thinking about that still, was he? It was a very sweet thing to say, and a sweet thing to offer. Even so, Grimmer tried to offer his own half to Dieter with a shake of his head.

“Well, this will be your first gunpla, won’t it? Don’t you want to put those last pieces together?”

“No, I don’t care about that.”

Ehhh…well, that was quite a defeating argument. Although…it was also a surprising one, too. He’d seemed like he was having fun, once he’d gotten to putting the pieces together. Was it possible that it had been some sort of an act, that he was just trying to appease Grimmer in some way? But…he had such a severe look in his eyes, that Dieter. Slowly Grimmer took the piece from him, but didn’t snap them together just yet, watching the boy and waiting. Waiting for him to speak.

“I’m having fun…like you said, it was a lot like building a puzzle. I wasn’t sure about it at first, it seemed weird to me, but once I started to fit the pieces together it was actually really nice. But it’s not about building it. What’s fun about it is that we made it together. That’s what matters. And I think that story you told me, those memories, are good for you. I want you to finish it, so you can have another good memory just like that one. I want…to make a good memory with you.”

It was…it was very hard to argue with that. Once again, it was something that Grimmer could understand, in concept. The experiential desire to share moments with someone important, just for the sake of sharing them. But once again, he did find himself surprised by that. The very idea that Dieter would want to share this with him. It wasn’t that he felt disliked by Dieter, but he was still…strange to the boy, wasn’t he? Enough so at least that Dieter could not entrust his emotions to him. Enough so that he called Grimmer “Mr. Grimmer” and spoke with a certain distanced, polite fashion. But despite that, he wanted to build the model gundam with him. He had wanted to do this.

At last, with a small nod of his head, Grimmer could only acquiesce to the boy’s demands. With both pieces now, he snapped torso into hips, completing the model. There was soft applause from Kenzo behind them, and as he held and turned the model over, examining its movable arms and legs, a certain wave of feeling struck him, rather hard. He’d gotten to experience something rather wonderful, just now. Dieter’s very first experience building gunpla. And it was with him! By choice…Dieter had specifically asked to build it with him, after dinner. Beyond that, though…there was a swelling feeling, a kind of admiration for something that Dieter had accomplished. This…it was…pride. It was a big feeling, and peppered with something grateful. Grateful to be a part of it. Grateful to be able to build a model not on his own this time, but with the avid and attentive help of Dieter. He had wanted this experience. Had enjoyed this experience. And now, for the both of them…this was a good memory. This model gunpla he was holding in his hands…it was something that they could look back on with fondness.

“Ah, look at how cool it is now! Good job, Dieter. We really put it all together today, didn’t we? You did such a good job. It looks really good…really good…”

He held the model out, watching Dieter’s face. The boy looked brightly excited as he took it, but…something changed then, as he looked at Grimmer. His eyes got wide and unsure, hesitant. Before Grimmer could ask what was wrong, Dieter was already answering.

“Mr. Grimmer, why are you crying?”

Cry…? Ah…

As he raised one hand to his cheek, indeed there was a bit of wet there, something he’d managed not to notice somehow. But he could feel it, in his chest. Now that Dieter had mentioned it…he could feel it. Crying…crying was something that was just as much a physical sensation as it was the shedding of tears, for him. When his chest was tight and burned like this…that was what crying felt like. Something was inside of him that needed to get out, to take away the tension. That was crying. Those were tears. How he hadn’t noticed until now…that was surprising. But perhaps he’d been letting himself get distracted. Slowly, he let his hand fall from his cheek and he shook his head.

“I…actually…I really don’t know. You’re right, I’m crying…why is that, I wonder…”

There was a momentary quiet between the three of them, Kenzo keeping a distance for now while Grimmer worked through the moment. Dieter, though, seemed softly troubled, lowering the gunpla into his lap and looking at its face.

“I get it, I think. Maybe.” He spoke so softly that Grimmer almost didn’t catch it. But he did, and he turned, wiping the few tears that were still in his eyes. Even if there weren’t any tears coming afresh now, he could still feel that sensation in his chest, like some part of him still was crying. But he wanted to listen to Dieter. This was important.

“It’s about what you told me. That you wished you could do it with your son. Make one of these together with him. Maybe…that’s what’s hurting. It’s because I’m not him.”

Those words sparked a new sort of hurt in Grimmer’s chest. A more frantic one, a worried one. Dieter…oh, he was feeling the same sort of thing that Grimmer was, wasn’t he? That he wasn’t the person that Grimmer really wanted to be there, right now. That he was just a stand-in, a figure that could never truly fill the shoes of his son. But that wasn’t what it was. Not like that. It wasn’t that at all.

And so…for Dieter…maybe…maybe it was never that he felt stranger to Grimmer. Maybe there was something to be said of that.

Right now, though, Grimmer had to speak. To fix this, before Dieter was left with this hollowing feeling. And so Grimmer did the first thing he could think to, reaching an arm around the boy and holding his shoulders gently. Careful not to shuffle him much, with that injured leg, he squeezed Dieter’s shoulders and shook his head.

“No…it’s not that. It isn’t…not the way that you’re thinking. I think-I think that part of what you said, that it might be right, that…”

Oh. Too many words were lodged in his throat, and it was making it hard to speak. Grimmer took a slow, deep breath in, then let it out. And then he tried again, calmer, slower.

“I wanted to build one with my son. Like you said. And I am sad…I’m sad, that I can’t. That I never will. But…you…I’m not sad that you aren’t him. I’m not crying because I wish that you were someone else, Dieter, I know that at least. I know.” He gave Dieter’s shoulder a soft squeeze. And he felt them again, those tears in his eyes. They didn’t hurt quite as badly this time. “I want to be good for you. I…I wasn’t able to be a good father to my son. I never had the chance to be. Right now…I want to be better. Someone that you can like. I want to try.”

For just a moment, there was quiet. The peaceful kind this time - Grimmer had said something just then, something that had lifted weight from his hurting heart. It wasn’t all of the hurt…some of it was still lodged there, and Dieter was not the right person to pour those feelings onto. But he’d shared something that felt important. And Dieter, in turn, absorbed it. He processed it. And after a few of those quiet peaceful moments, he leaned back on the couch, holding the model gunpla they had built, turning it in his hands.

“Where I was before was bad. It was dark. I was scared of tomorrow. Every day tomorrow would come and I was scared of it. But I met good people…Tenma made the future feel good. And Nina, and doctor Reichwein. And I think you’re that type of person too. That makes the future good. So…it’s okay, feeling those things. Even the things that hurt. If you want to do good and you try to do good…then you’ll do good. That’s what I think.”

It wasn’t clear exactly what Dieter was saying, with all of that. Well, not to Grimmer at least. It was a sort of encouragement probably, he was gathering at least that much. Dieter wanted him to believe in himself, that he could be a good person. And that was admirable. More than that, though…he was talking about the parts of himself that hurt. Grimmer knew about that, about Hartmann, but Dieter had never disclosed it himself. He only knew what Kenzo mentioned - quiet warnings, so that he knew why Dieter might be anxious around him, or things to avoid talking about. Dieter…he didn’t seem to be quite ready to talk at length, not yet, but this was something that they had in common. A place that they had both known. A place they were both hurt. Kinderheim 511 had put its mark on both of them, in different ways. And one day maybe they could talk about that. One day maybe Dieter would be open to it. And maybe, that could help something to heal. For now, he only smiled, and squeezed Dieter’s shoulder.

“Thank you, for that. And I think you might just be right.”

A nod. Cautious. But…

“Mr. Grimmer?”

He nodded. “Yes?”

“This was a lot of fun. I um…I liked it. If we can do another one….sometime. I’d like that. And maybe…watch it. Gundam. Together.”

Ah…that was good. That was good! A positive affirmation, and possibly…possibly something for the future, for all three of them to enjoy. Grimmer nodded, his smile brightening some.

“I think that would be a fun idea. Something that we can look forward to.”

With Dieter tucked to bed for the night, Grimmer was left contemplative as he and Kenzo made their own nightly rounds. He sat quietly on the edge of the bed, eyes unfocused as Kenzo went about washing his hair and brushing his teeth. Were he paying more attention he might’ve noticed Kenzo eyeing him from the washroom, but his mind had all but wandered away, focused inward on those last thorned things that ached him dully. A hurt in his heart that he couldn’t quite explain. It wasn’t until he felt the mattress depress beside him that he realized Kenzo had come to join him, sat at his side with a soft touch to his shoulder.

“Something on your mind?”

It was a gentle invitation, though there were notes of concern in Kenzo’s voice. Understandably, after what was quite an emotive moment over..well..over gunpla. Grimmer nodded, reaching up with one hand to gently grip Kenzo’s against his shoulder.

“I’m trying to figure it out myself. Something that hurts, still. I think it feels good, but there’s a part of it that I can’t quite describe, and that part feels bad. A bit of both. I don’t really know.”

Kenzo hummed, staring forward at the bathroom wall through the opened door. “Well, is there a certain moment or memory that’s on your mind, when you feel it? The subject of those feelings.”

“My son. It’s definitely about my son.”

Kenzo nodded, his expression faltering a bit. He was perhaps the only person who truly knew the depth of what Grimmer felt of his son. He saw him at his most vulnerable, his most despairing and pained. So this, probably, wasn’t so surprising.

“And it feels bad. But is it…it’s not like before, is it? The last time. When you were crying.”

“Sadness.” Grimmer shook his head. “No. It’s not the same feeling. Sad isn’t right. But I feel…some part of me, I feel like something is wrong. I had fun with Dieter…and that feels bad, somehow. Or…it feels like I should feel bad. And I don’t know why that is.”

Kenzo breathed slow, then turned toward Grimmer, the hand on his shoulder squeezing, then gently falling away. “I think…if that’s it, then I think you might be feeling guilty.”

“Guilty…”

“Yes. You said it to Dieter, something about…you wished you could have made gunpla with your son, built them together. So right now…because you had fun with Dieter, and had that experience you always wanted your boy to have, you’re feeling guilty. Like you took that experience away from him.”

Guilty. Guilty. That…it did make sense. And thinking…yes, it was definitely about that, about the fun that he’d had. The fun that he’d wanted. He really, truly wasn’t upset that he’d enjoyed building gunpla with Dieter - it was a good thing! And they had gotten a bit closer, he’d thought. That was good! But. But. It was also something that he’d promised. A thing that he’d wanted to do with his son, just like fishing. His son…

“I guess…” he started, a bit uncertain, but more confident now than before, “it’s like that, as you say. It’s as though this experience is something I should’ve asked permission for, from my son. To enjoy a thing that was ‘ours’ with someone else. But…he was too young to feel that way. And it isn’t wrong to enjoy this sort of thing, with Dieter. Is it? Even though I’d wanted to do this with my son…it’s not wrong, what I did.”

Kenzo shook his head. “It’s not wrong. You gave a little boy who was feeling glum something nice to think about. A happy moment. What you did was share a piece of your past with someone special. It’s not wrong.”

“It’s not wrong.” Grimmer repeated those words, just once more. It helped, this affirmation. Kenzo was…crucial, in moments like these. He needed input, from time to time. Emotions, they weren’t so alien to him now…not as they used to be, but they were deeply, deeply complex and some, as of yet, unknowable. How he could feel both good and bad about something at once was still a bit convoluted, but knowing what Kenzo felt on it…that helped. Kenzo’s own emotions were grounding. He could ground himself on that. It’s not wrong.

And the other part of him, the part that felt good, agreed. He nodded, his shoulders relaxing, his gaze softening. He breathed in, turning toward Kenzo, hands clasped in his lap now.

“That’s what the other part of me is saying. The part that’s feeling good. And also…it’s also telling me that right now, I should feel good. That my son would want me to be happy. I want to believe that. I want to think that my son would be happy to share this precious memory with someone important. I want to be allowed to feel good, and excited, with Dieter.”

Kenzo nodded, turning once more to face forward. “I think that’s what Dieter was trying to say. That he sees you’re trying to do good, even though you might not see it yourself. And you’ll get there. You both will.”

Grimmer closed his eyes, allowing the moment to overtake him. Kenzo was right. Of course he was right.

“We both will.”