Chapter Text
1. “I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted.”
“Life goes on, Liebling,” was what his mother had told him after he went back to Heppenheim for the holidays after the break-up. And it did go on, and Sebastian hated every single minute of the world spinning in its usual rhythm as if his whole world hadn’t broken down within a split second only two weeks ago. As if he hadn’t lost everything – okay, he had not lost everything, but he had lost his everything and the worst part is he could understand why.
Lewis was hurting after the events of the 2021 season, his record breaking 8th title was so close and yet it had slipped out of his hands. He had been fighting with blunt weapons in a fight where he should’ve come out on top, where he should’ve come out as the winner, where he should’ve been celebrated as the best driver there ever was – and yet, all he ended up with was an appeal that would’ve brought even more racist abuse and a self confidence that was completely and utterly broken.
Seb knew Lewis was hurting, of course he knew, but there was no way he could ever know how Lewis was feeling, how it felt for Lewis to be sitting in that car, watching his whole season come crumbling down as the message came through that the cars between him and Verstappen were allowed to overtake – and only those cars.
Lewis knew Seb only wanted to help him, of course he did, he was Sebastian Vettel, but Lewis didn’t need anyone’s pity, he was too busy drowning in his own self pity as he made his way back to his hotel room that night of the last race. He was allowed to grief the title he never got right? He was allowed to be angry at everything and everyone right? He just didn’t want anyone to see him be like that. The Lewis Hamilton, who did nothing but post positive vibes on Instagram, who keeps telling everyone that there was a lot more to this sport than just winning, who gave his everything for this sport, suddenly breaking down and hating absolutely everything about it? How could he even look in the mirror and not hate everything he was currently seeing in front of him?
Seb only wanted to be there for Lewis, of course he wanted to be there, Lewis was everything to him. Lewis meant everything to him. Lewis was the one who was there for him when everything went to shit for him only last season. The one who had not only called him to tell him to keep fighting, but the one who had miraculously broken their own rules of quarantining in their own homes instead of together. Maybe their reasoning for not quarantining together was more about them being scared of actually taking the next step in their relationship instead of ‘we just wanted to be quarantined alone in case one of us has to go to the factory’. But whatever bullshit reasoning it was, it didn‘t stop Lewis from showing up in Switzerland, Roscoe on his one side and a bottle of wine in his other hand because the older man knew how much Seb probably needed a glass of wine after the shitshow that was going on at Ferrari.
If either of them had to pinpoint the minute their relationship got a whole lot more serious, it was that specific minute where Seb opened the door that day.
“Lew, what are you doing here?” Seb almost couldn’t trust his own eyes because why the hell would Lewis be here instead of at home in Monaco?
“Figured you needed a cuddle buddy – and I also brought Roscoe,” the older man grinned, making Seb chuckle.
“ Seriously Lew, why are you here?” Seb smiled as he took a step closer to the man standing in front of him.
“You’re not that stupid, Seb,” Lewis laughed, “First of all, I missed you - very much and I do believe it was a mistake doing this whole self isolating thing alone. Second of all, I wanted to be there for you, you don’t have to go through all of that alone. Oh, and also I feel like I’ll have to do a lot of convincing so you’re not gonna leave me stranded in a paddock full of youngsters.”
“I missed you, too,” the German smiled, as he finally closed the small gap between them, welcoming the warmth that spread through his whole body, “God, I really missed you a lot.”
“I’m here now,” Lewis smiled, putting his hand on the blonde man’s cheek, softly stroking his thumb over the lips he had gotten so used to kissing during the past two years.
It was Christmas and Seb was sitting in his childhood bedroom. Posters of Michael everywhere, bits and bits of racing memorabilia scattered everywhere in between his old stuff. His parents never really had the heart to throw it all out and right now, he was feeling like he was 16 again – 16 and heartbroken like the first time his heart had been ripped to pieces. A picture stashed away between old school books caught his eye, he knew what picture it was, of course he did. It was where his and Lewis’ lifes started to really intertwine. Sharing the podium with Lewis wasn’t something he only had started doing in F1, it had started way before and his parents had held on to every single podium picture there was of Sebastian, but the ones with Lewis had found their way into either a photo album dedicated to both of them or a picture frame that found its place on the living room wall.
Seb’s mind was racing as he looked at the two teenagers in the picture. Their eyes still full of hopes and dreams, either of them believing they could one day be an F1 champion but neither of them realising they would get the title more than once. His brain replayed the moment he had last felt happy with Lewis, had last felt the man’s loving touch – had last kissed his lips.
“Lew, open the door,” Seb had been knocking on Lewis’ hotel room door for a while now. It was the morning of the last race that would decide the championship winner of the 2021 season and Seb quickly wanted to stop by to wish his partner all the best.
“What?? Can’t a man sleep in without being woken up by his beautiful man??” Seb heard Lewis grumble behind the door, making him blush and laugh at the same time. It was still odd to hear Lewis call him beautiful.
“Good Morning to you too, Mr Hamilton,” Seb grinned as a grumpy Lewis opened the door. Walking past him he plopped down on his boyfriend’s bed. They had decided that during the season their bedrooms would be separate, which didn’t necessarily work in the first half of the season, but did indeed work since the title fight ended up being a lot harder than first anticipated.
“If I lose today it’s your fault because you didn’t let me get my sleep,” Lewis said as he sat down beside Seb, leaving a quick kiss on the man’s cheek.
“Good, that way it’ll be yours and Michael’s record and I can keep my two favorite drivers close together,” Sebastian chuckled as Lewis scoffed.
“It’s always nice to have a supportive boyfriend standing beside you.”
“No, but for real, Lew. I know you can do this. As Daniel would say: Send it at the start and then just keep on sending it – or something like that. I don’t know what comes out of that man’s mouth to be fair.”
“I’ll try my best.”
“Look at me, Lew. You’ve got nothing left to prove. You know I love my statistics and you are the best there is, okay? No pressure, right now this is just about kicking red bulls butt okay?”
“What? Red bulls golden boy switching sides?” Lewis laughed as he wrapped his arms around the man beside him.
“I think that was a loooong time ago, but haven’t you heard? It was all the car for me… Christian said so himself,” Seb scoffed.
“Christian can go fuck himself,” Lewis replied, clearly still getting worked up over Horner’s comment about their four time world champion. Of course he knew it was intended to get to Lewis, although their official relationship was nothing more than best friends, Lewis knew that Horner knew comments about Seb would get to him and would annoy him.
“That’s the spirit,” Seb placed a soft kiss on Lewis’ temple before unwrapping the older man from his own body, “I need to go though, got some meetings and then another filming thing with Lance. I just came here to wish you good luck in private in case I wouldn’t see you again.”
“You’ll see me at the driver’s parade,” Lewis laughed as he stood up from the bed, joining Seb at the hotel door.
“I know, but I can’t do this at the driver’s parade,” Seb laughed before pulling the Brit into a soft kiss.
A “Dinner’s ready” shout pulled Seb out of his thoughts. Raising his hand to wipe away the tears that had escaped his eyes, he made his way downstairs to join his family for their Christmas Dinner. It had been a great evening and he was able to laugh again, but he couldn’t help himself but wish that he’d wake up with amnesia the next morning, just so his heart wouldn’t be this heavy anymore.