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Korn hesitantly sat down on Wai’s bed, looking around in his room.
His gaze fell onto the polaroids Wai had pinned to the wall, and Korn couldn’t stop his lips from curving upwards. Among them was a picture of Wai and him; when Pat and Pran had dragged their best friends along to try out the new restaurant near the university. Wai had taken his polaroid camera with them, to capture the evening and its moments.
After he took some pictures of Pat and Pran, hugging, kissing or just smiling at the camera, Pran had asked if he should take one of Wai and Korn as well – as a “contract of settling their differences”. Wai had just nodded and put an arm around Korn’s shoulder, while Korn was smiling like an idiot.
“Here, I got the cream.” Wai interrupted his thoughts and pulled Korn back into reality.
He sat down next to him and opened the container. “Why are you grinning like that?”, he asked, and Korn pointed to the wall. “You really hung up the picture of us? I didn’t think I meant so much to you”, he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.
Wai scoffed, but not saying anything against it. Yeah, it’s special to me, he wanted to say. But he couldn’t form the words.
Korn’s smile slowly died down as Wai put some of the bruise cream on his fingers, remembering why he was here in the first place.
“Wai, you don’t need to-“ Wai shook his head, his eyes still fixed on the cream. “Yeah, I do.” Korn’s expression softened.
“I’m fine, really.” This time, Wai looked up, taking in all of Korn’s facial features before making eye contact.
“Shut up.”
Korn let out a sigh, knowing how stubborn Wai could be, so he just leaned forward a bit.
Wai lifted his hand, however he stopped right before he came in contact with Korn’s face. Wai glanced at him, as if he was searching for some sort of sign that Korn wasn’t okay with it. But Korn didn’t say anything, only returning Wai’s stare; a breath got stuck somewhere in his throat because of how close they were.
Wai gently placed his fingers on Korn’s cheek as he started to apply the cream to his bruise, and Korn could feel that Wai was slightly shaking.
When Korn woke up today, he hadn’t expected the day to turn out the way it did. He had hung out with Chang and Mo until late afternoon, doing what they usually did – playing videogames in Mo’s dorm. His two friends then went to the cinema, which to Korn seemed pretty much like a date, even though they didn’t call it that.
Korn had noticed them becoming way closer than they did before, and how they’d steal glances at each other whenever they could. Korn couldn’t believe how oblivious both of them were.
Korn then went out by himself, and naturally he visited the bar Wai was working at. Wai had the early shift, so they agreed to hang out after that; they had never been alone together. It had always been with either Pat and Pran or their friend groups. But Korn was surprised how good Wai and him got along, despite all their fights and hatred before.
They had stopped at a food truck to get some noodle soup, and some guys from another faculty had also been there. Korn didn’t even know how it happened, but they started bickering with them and one thing lead to another – until Wai threw the first punch, like the hot-headed person he was.
Korn and him managed to fight the other boys off, however not without receiving some injuries themselves; Wai had a bleeding lip and Korn had gotten a massive bruise on his left cheek.
“I’m sorry”, Wai spoke quietly, his fingers gently rubbing over Korn’s skin.
“This is my fault.”
Korn furrowed his eyebrows, not entirely sure why Wai was apologizing to him.
“It’s not. They provoked you.” Wai stopped for a moment, his eyes meeting Korn’s.
“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re now hurt because of me. It was me who started the fight.”
Korn shook his head, and he felt how Wai was moving his fingers so that he was now cupping his cheek. “I’m sorry”, Wai mumbled again, his gaze falling down to his lap, as well as his hand. Korn let out a shaky breath and he suddenly felt the need to prove to Wai that he was okay.
He didn’t want to Wai to feel like this. He didn’t want to see Wai like this.
Korn carefully lifted up Wai’s chin, seeing a variety of emotions plastered on the other’s face. “You also got hurt.”
Korn’s thumb traced over the cut in Wai’s lip, and Wai slightly flinched at first; but then he slowly leaned into the touch. Korn’s eyes flickered from his lips up to his eyes.
“Doesn’t matter”, Wai breathed out.
“Matters to me. You matter to me”, Korn whispered back, letting his hand find its way up to his hair and then his neck. It was weird how natural it felt, touching Wai like that.
His heart was beating faster with every second that Wai didn’t pull away. They stayed in that position, Korn didn’t know for how long, but he was flooded with a bunch of emotions and his head was spinning. He couldn’t help but wondering if Wai felt so too.
When Korn moved his hand away, Wai did everything he could to stop himself from looking disappointed. He wasn’t sure why, but he liked feeling Korn’s warmth. He wanted to throw himself at him, hug him, kiss him –
And wasn’t that a revelation.
“Do you want to stay here for the night?” Wai blurted out, his eyes widening as if he didn’t believe he just said that out loud. “Because it’s late, and your dorm is, uh, pretty far away”, he added quickly, embarrassed. He wanted to slap himself for asking, because surely there was no way that Korn would agree to –
“Would you be okay with that?”
Wai was sure his heart skipped at least two beats; a smirk found its way onto his face. “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t, idiot.”
Korn scoffed, rolling his eyes, trying to play it off as if he wasn’t getting as excited as he was. He stood up from the bed and noticed Wai’s irritated look as if he was asking Where are you going? So, Korn raised his brows in return and pointed towards the couch.
“Do you have an extra blanket?”
Wai immediately snapped out of it – of course they weren’t sleeping in one bed. “Yeah-uh, let me get it for you.” Wai went over to his closet and pulled out a small pillow along with a soft blanket, handing them to Korn.
“Thank you”, he said, but before he could turn away, Wai stopped him. “You can have a shirt too.”
Korn was no stranger to nightmares; he had them on a regular basis ever since his parents got divorced when he was six years old.
The fear of abandonment followed him into his dreams, and so he got to see how his parents left him, over and over, until he woke up in cold sweat. It was always the same scenario – until tonight.
Because this time, it wasn’t his parents, but Wai who was leaving him. No one needs you, he spat. I don’t need you. And it felt so fucking real, way too real.
Did you really think I’d see you as more than a friend?
Wai started to walk away, and Korn couldn’t stop him, wasn’t able to reach out to him – he was forced to watch as the distance between them became bigger and bigger. Korn was screaming out his name, again and again, but he was gone, and Korn was surrounded by darkness. It was suffocating and he could barely breathe.
Don’t leave me, he whispered, a pain in his chest like he never experienced before.
Wai woke up to hearing his name being called out multiple times. “I was sleeping, you idiot”, he mumbled, still half asleep.
“Wai...”
He sat up in his bed, wondering what could possibly be this important that it was worth waking him up at 4am. “What is it?”
Wai heard a sob, then another, and his eyes widened as he realized what was happening.
Korn was crying.
He was crying and it was like a bucket of ice-cold water had just been emptied over his head. Wai was sure he never stood up faster in his life. He rushed over to the couch and crouched down next to it.
“Korn, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Korn’s eyes were shut tight, tears streaming down his face, and Wai finally understood. He was having a nightmare. Wai’s heart pretty much broke at the sight, feeling incredibly helpless.
“Korn, you need to wake up”, he stammered and shook him gently. He needed to pull Korn out of it, whatever his nightmare was about was hurting him.
“Don’t leave me”, he heard Korn whimper and Wai felt a tear escaping his eye, as he reached out and cupped Korn’s face with his hand. “I’m right here. Please, you need to wake up.” Another sob. “Korn!” Wai was tapping his cheek.
“Korn!”
Korn woke up with a shaky breath, sitting straight up on the couch, his mind racing so fast it made him almost throw up. He looked around, remembering where he was.
His eyes fell onto Wai, who kneeled next to him, a shocked expression clouding his face. “A-are you okay?” Korn steadied his breathing, calming himself down as best as he could, like he normally did. “Y-yeah, I’m alright.” Wai looked at him concerned, not convinced. “Shit, what time is it? Did I wake you up? Shit, I’m sorry, I –“
“Why the fuck are you apologizing to me?”
Korn glanced down at his lap, then again up to Wai, not being able to speak.
“Korn, you can’t just cry because of a nightmare and tell me everything is fine. Good thing you woke me up, because otherwise you’d be all alone now, and I don’t want you to be alone after something like this.”
Korn looked at him like he was waiting for the punchline of a joke. As if he was waiting for Wai to burst out laughing and make fun of him for crying.
“Come on up.” Wai held out his hand for Korn to grab as he stood up. “Why?”
“You’re not sleeping alone tonight.”
“Do you have nightmares often?”, Wai asked into the silence that was surrounding them. He felt Korn shifting under the sheets.
“Yeah. They aren’t always as bad as tonight though.”
Wai turned on his side so that he was now facing Korn, who was still laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable or anything. But, uh, what was it about?” Korn hesitated for a moment, debating whether he should tell Wai or not.
He had no idea what they were, not enemies but not friends either, or maybe they were friends? But he couldn’t deny how weirdly comfortable he felt around Wai, and he was starting to think that he hadn’t been kidding when he’d told his friends he had a crush on a guy in Architecture. Although he didn’t know if crush was enough to describe the feelings he held for the boy next to him.
“It was about you.”
Wai inhaled sharply, but before he could say something, Korn continued. Fuck it.
“I’m so fucking scared of people leaving me or forgetting me, you know? And in my dreams, it’s always the same thing, my parents turning away from me and disappearing into the darkness, leaving me behind and all alone. Sometimes they say things like You’re just a burden or something like that, sometimes they just don’t speak at all.”
Korn stopped for a moment, closing his eyes. “This time it was you. Leaving me. I don’t know why. I guess my parents forgetting or not caring about me is not my biggest fear anymore.”
He said it like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“You said you didn’t need me. And that –“
Korn’s breath hitched, because Wai had moved closer to him, and placed his hand on the side of his face once again. “Korn, listen to me. I’m not going anywhere.” The moment their eyes met, something clicked inside of Korn’s brain.
“I do need you. I’m not leaving.”
And then, Wai wanted Korn to know. How much he meant to him. He needed Korn to know.
So, he acted before he was done thinking, and slowly pressed his forehead against Korn’s.
“I could never leave you”, he whispered, and he put all the emotions he could into it.
Truth was, Wai knew exactly how Korn felt. Ever since the curtain incident and him outing Pat and Pran to the entire faculty, he had all this guilt building up inside of him, and he just waited for Pran to tell him that he had enough. Wai knew he had been a terrible friend, and it was haunting him. It wasn’t until Korn and him talking for the first time without throwing punches and then chasing each other around a table, that he felt like he was accepted again. But then, he also didn’t think he deserved it.
Korn gently wiped away the tears that had fallen down his face. When did he start crying?
“Wai.”
Korn moved some strands of hair out of Wai’s face, resting his hand on his neck, his thumb stroking up and down.
“Can I try something?”
Wai looked at him, his heart beating so loud that he was sure Korn could feel it. He barely managed to nod.
Korn carefully tilted his head, until their noses were touching. He was shaking, not because he was scared but because of all these feelings that were bubbling under his skin. He felt Wai’s breath against his lips, making him dizzy.
He hadn’t broken their eye contact, afraid that he’d miss Wai flinching or pulling away.
But Wai didn’t.
Korn’s lips hovered over Wai’s, and he forced himself to stop for a moment.
“Are you okay with this?”
His voice was shaky. He noticed Wai’s eyes flickering all over his facial features before meeting his eyes again. “I don’t think I have ever been more okay with something.”
And it was enough for Korn as he leaned forward and closed the distance between them, placing his lips on Wai’s.
It didn’t feel like fireworks or butterflies or anything similar they said in all those movies.
It just felt natural. Like this is what they were supposed to be doing – like they were meant to fit against each other this way.
Their kiss was soft and rough at the same time, and Wai pulled Korn even closer to him. Korn let out a small gasp, because this wasn’t just a kiss anymore.
This was raw emotion.
It was everything.
Korn pushed himself up a bit, not letting go of Wai, and Wai let both of his hands find their way on either side of Korn's face, holding him in place.
Neither of them wanted this to end. However, Korn pulled away first, allowing himself to inhale some oxygen. Wai was out of breath, just like him, and Korn slowly opened his eyes.
“Now you know how much I need you”, Wai whispered, and Korn smiled, his heart doing sommersaults. “I’m not leaving you.”
Korn laid down next to him, pulling Wai close to his chest.
“I’m not letting you go”, he spoke and Wai chuckled softly.
"Please don't."