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“You really like my hands, huh?”
Taehyung looks up from his book, confused for a second before he realizes he’d started absentmindedly playing with Yoongi’s hand next to him. A smile spreads over his lips as he feels the heat of a blush starting to crawl up his neck.
He often finds himself playing with Yoongi’s hands. It’s just - calming. And his hands are so soft, seriously, his skin feels as if he’s putting lotion on it every other minute. Soft and warm but still kind of rough - there are more lines on his skin now than there were when they were teenagers. But his hands are still as beautiful as they were back then.
“Yeah,” Taehyung puts his book down and takes both of Yoongi’s hands in his. Gently, he runs his fingers over his knuckles. “Especially this one,” He laughs, holding up Yoongi’s left hand.
Yoongi wriggles his fingers and smiles, exposing a row of teeth and his gums. It makes the lines that have started to carve into his face a bit deeper. “Because of the ring?” He asks teasingly - as if he doesn’t know the answer already.
The silver wedding band glints in the light and Taehyung's heart skips a beat, his stomach swoops. Softly he brushes over the smooth surface of the ring before meeting Yoongi’s eyes again, “Because of the ring.”
Taehyung is sure it was his grandmother who told him that hands are one of the most important things a person has. Because hands give out love. A soft touch, a gentle brush, fixing something someone else has broken - if you put love into your hands you can spread it wherever you go, with every touch.
She probably was also the person who made him love holding hands so much. It’s what she’s always done - when he was happy she grasped his hands tightly, sharing his joy. When he was sad, she would hold them gently, brushing her thumbs over the back of his hands.
Love is spread through touch - maybe that’s why Taehyung always finds an excuse to hold Yoongi’s hands.
Of course now, after they’ve been together for decades, married for years, he doesn’t need an excuse anymore. Yoongi slips his hands into his as if it’s second nature to him. And when he does, he smiles so softly, so warmly - as if he loves it just as much as Taehyung does. And maybe that’s true. Taehyung likes to believe it is.
Yoongi’s hands are special.
Taehyung has always known that.
Holding his hands has always felt different and it took him some time to realize why. Now, he looks back at those times when they were young, when there weren’t wrinkles around their eyes and stray strands of gray hair sprouting from their heads, and wonders how he didn’t realize it was love that made him feel this way. Because now, every time he holds Yoongi’s hand, he knows that this feeling is what love is supposed to be.
Maybe it’s also love that makes Yoongi’s hands shine like that. Or maybe it’s Taehyung’s imagination.
But to him, Yoongi’s hands are filled with stars - they litter his skin like a million tiny glowing beauty marks. At night, Taehyung swears he could see them shine as beautifully as the sky above them. Yoongi’s hands are filled with stars and they shine the brightest when he lets his fingers dance over the keys of his piano. Every time he plays, Taehyung falls in love a little more.
When his hands dance over the piano, Taehyung follows the movements of his fingers, how they leave stardust behind on every key they press. And when Taehyung reaches out and holds tightly onto Yoongi’s hands, he wonders if his own hands would sparkle just as beautifully as his if he just held on for long enough.
Their apartment is usually filled with music. If it’s not one of their records playing, it’s one of them. The soft tunes of Yoongi’s piano or the yearning sound of Taehyung’s violin.
For a few years now, they’ve made music together. And as much as Taehyung loves playing with Yoongi, he enjoys listening to him the most.
His eyes are closed and he knows he’s slipping in and out of sleep. There’s a dull ache at the base of his neck from how uncomfortable he’s lying on the couch but he’s not awake enough to move. A heavy, warm weight sits on his stomach while the air is filled with music.
Taehyung doesn’t completely fall asleep, maybe his mind wouldn’t let him while he listens to Yoongi play. He doesn’t recognize the piece but it’s beautiful - it might even be one of Yoongi’s compositions. There’s a heavy kind of yearning in the keys as if the notes long for someone to hear them, to understand them. The melody almost sounds painful.
It’s mesmerizing - and then, it suddenly stops.
The last tune sounded off. As if Yoongi hit a random key and then the melody just abruptly cut off. The sudden silence filling the apartment is strange, almost stifling. A heavy weight settles in Taehyung’s stomach and he suddenly feels wide awake.
Gently, he puts the dog down from his lap and sits up, glancing over the edge of the couch, and immediately, his stomach feels as if it’s being crushed. His breath gets stuck in his throat, something akin to fear gripping tight onto his lungs. Yoongi is sitting in front of the piano, hunched over slightly as he holds onto his own trembling hands, a pained expression drawn all over his face.
“Yoongi,” Taehyung whispers, afraid his loud voice would break him, “What’s wrong?”
The other turns to look at him slowly and the pain in his eyes, the fear on his face - it breaks Taehyung’s heart. “I don’t know…”
A few months later, Yoongi got his diagnosis.
Osteoarthritis isn’t something that could be cured - it could only be dealt with. It damages the joints, wears down the cartilage between them which is painful. Taehyung read a lot about it when the doctors told Yoongi. It’s not something life-threatening or anything like that - but for Yoongi, it was awful news.
Repetitive movements aren’t great when it comes to this disease but Yoongi would never give up on playing the piano. And at first, they thought they could manage it easily. A few painkillers here, some days of rest there but it got worse.
Taehyung remembers the first night he woke up to Yoongi crying because the joints in his fingers ached so bad and nothing would help. His bones would throb dully inside of his hands, a pain that he couldn’t get rid of, couldn’t relieve. They were both so scared, neither knowing what to do.
He remembered how panicked he felt as Yoongi cried, cradling his hands in his own because there was nothing else he could do. It’s horrible watching the person you love in pain without being able to help.
Now, whenever the pain gets too much he runs ice packs over Yoongi’s hands. The other would keep the ice on until the coldness has almost numbed his whole hand.
But it’s not only the pain.
More frequently, Yoongi’s hands would just lock up. The joints in his fingers would become so stiff and painful that it was almost impossible to move them. And they hurt. Hurt so much that he would cry. Warmth usually helps during those times. Heat packs, warm towels - Taehyung would wrap Yoongi’s hands up and after some time he would gently massage each individual finger until his mobility returned bit by bit.
At first, it lasted a few minutes. The stiffness. But by now, on bad days, Yoongi could be stuck for hours. Sometimes he couldn’t hold his chopsticks, couldn’t write with a pen, couldn’t tie his shoelaces, and sometimes he couldn’t even open his hand.
Despite all of that, Yoongi doesn’t give up on music, on his piano. Because it’s their thing. Nothing could stop him from pursuing it and Taehyung has very quickly realized that he couldn’t stop the other. And honestly, he doesn’t want to either.
Is it selfish for him to want to continue playing with Yoongi? Even if it sometimes hurts the other? There's probably a bit of selfishness in there but Taehyung couldn’t help it.
When Yoongi plays the stars on his hands glow brighter. They shine so much that Taehyung swears he could become blind if he stares for a bit too long. And when they play together it’s as if a whole galaxy lights up between them.
Outside of their apartment, rain comes down heavily on the city. The pitter-patter of the raindrops accentuates the soft music hanging in the air. Yoongi’s fingers fly over the piano while Taehyung tries to keep up with his violin.
Sometimes Taehyung makes a small mistake, a tune sounding off but it doesn’t matter. It only makes Yoongi smile a bit brighter, knowing that he tries so hard. The moonlight sonata is his favorite piece to play and now that Taehyung has learned the notes on the violin, Yoongi plays it even more than before.
Every time Taehyung joins him, his chest feels as if it’s about to burst from love. His heart is throbbing behind his ribs when he watches the way Yoongi’s face lights up, how his hands seem to move with a certain lightness that was missing before. There’s really no way Yoongi could give up on music.
He glances at the other, surprisingly finding Yoongi’s eyes already on him, and his stomach swoops. Warmth bleeds into his whole body despite the cold temperatures outside. His stomach flutters every time as if he’s still a teen with a crush on Yoongi. Sometimes, he thinks it’s embarrassing but he knows Yoongi feels the same, and somehow, that is really reassuring.
His eyes flutter shut as he becomes immersed in the music. When Yoongi plays the whole world stops to listen. His fingers put so much feeling into every single note of the moonlight sonata, the yearning, the almost aching desperation as the music sweeps over him - it’s captivating.
This time, the music doesn’t cut off abruptly.
Taehyung opens his eyes again when the notes start sounding strained, when Yoongi gets slightly lost in the rhythm which doesn’t usually happen. The other has his eyes squeezed shut, lips set in a thin line and Taehyung could see the slight trembling of his fingers.
He puts down his violin and steps around the piano so he’s standing behind Yoongi. The other only stops playing when Taehyung splays his hands over his shoulders, a frustrated sigh falling from his lips as only the sound of rain fills their apartment.
“Bad?” Taehyung asks quietly.
Yoongi just hums. The veins on the back of his hand seem to pulsate while his fingers tremble, locked in an awkward, extremely tensed position.
Instead of saying anything else, Taehyung gets up to retrieve their instant heat packs. It only takes a few seconds for them to become hot and he gently puts them against the other’s skin, careful not to burn him.
For a long time then, only the sound of rain fills the air around them, sometimes interrupted by a small grunt of pain tumbling off Yoongi’s lips. Taehyung tries to be as careful as possible, his heart lurching in his chest when he sees Yoongi like this.
“You taught yourself pretty well,” The other says, probably trying to distract himself from the pain in his hands.
Taehyung presses the heat pack a bit harder against his knuckles as he hums, glancing up at Yoongi with a smile. “It’s your favorite, isn’t it?” Ah. There it is again - that giddy feeling as Yoongi smiles.
“Next time we can play all of it.”
Taehyung’s heart flutters. Whenever he thinks about it, he’s sure he could never be as much in love with Yoongi as he is in the present time. For years he’s been thinking like this, and every time the other proves his feelings right.
“Yeah,” He smiles, warmth crawling up his chest.
Taehyung gently lifts one of Yoongi’s hands off the heat pack and lays it down on the pillow in his lap. The other has his whole arm relaxed, letting Taehyung do whatever he wants. By now, he’s done this so many times that he could easily do it with his eyes closed.
Gauging Yoongi’s reaction, Taehyung runs his hands up and down the other’s arm. He could feel how his muscles get tenser the closer he comes to his hand. He presses his fingers into his flesh, gently pushing over and over again. And beneath his fingertips, with time, the tension slowly fades away.
When Taehyung reaches his hand again Yoongi’s eyes flutter shut. For a moment, his face almost looks peaceful before pain rips through his expression when Taehyung carefully pushes into the soft tissue between Yoongi’s thumb and the back of his hand. When he did this for the first time he was scared of every pained hiss that fell from Yoongi’s lips, every change in his expression made him take off the pressure and stop his ministrations. Now, Taehyung knows that it has to hurt so it’ll feel better later.
Yoongi's lashes tremble as he tries to keep all sounds inside, hidden in his throat as if Taehyung wouldn’t notice that he’s in pain this way. It’s kind of cute. Taehyung turns his hand to the side, taking both of his own hands to press in the palm of Yoongi’s, gently circling his thumbs with slow pressure over his skin.
He keeps his eyes on his husband, watching the way Yoongi’s lips twitch, how the lines around his eyes get deeper for a moment when he tries not to flinch in pain. All the lines on his face are proof of how much Yoongi laughs, they run around his eyes, the side of his mouth, his nose - Taehyung loves tracing them with his fingers sometimes, even though Yoongi doesn’t like them very much. He says they make him look older than he is.
Taehyung thinks they make him pretty.
Just the way the gray strands in his hair make him pretty. He glances back at Yoongi’s mouth when he hisses, his eyes trail over the bottom of his face. Yoongi didn’t shave the last few days. Taehyung almost reaches out to touch the stubble but he’s busy with Yoongi’s hands. How long has it been? A year? Probably a year since his entire beard has turned gray.
Taehyung prides himself with his own stubble still being completely brown though the hair on his head is just as much streaked with gray as Yoongi’s.
“You good?” Taehyung asks as he starts gently moving Yoongi’s thumb. The warmth of the heat pack loosened his muscles slightly and the more Taehyung pushes, the more the stiffness slowly fades from his joints.
“I’m okay,” Yoongi whispers a bit strained. He glances at him with a small smile - his eyes glint in the low light and Taehyung’s heart throbs in his chest.
“That’s good.”
One by one, Taehyung works on Yoongi’s fingers. First, he gently presses all over the fingers, trying to squeeze the tension out of them before he very carefully starts moving each individual joint. Some fingers take a long time to relax while others budge pretty quickly under Taehyung’s ministrations.
The ring finger on Yoongi’s left hand is almost locked right against the palm of his hand. Taehyung has to carefully start straightening the very tip of his finger before he slowly moves on with his joints. Millimeter by millimeter he straightens his fingers one after the other.
And just like that, mobility slowly returns to Yoongi’s hands. It’s not perfect but the pain gets eased, Yoongi’s face relaxes a bit again.
Outside, the rain is still knocking against the window, the sky has turned darker and if there weren’t clouds in the sky, they would be able to see the first bright stars. It’s fine like this though, Taehyung has his own galaxy right in front of him.
Softly, he leaves kisses on each of Yoongi’s knuckles and then in the palm of his hands. Right on top of the stars littering Yoongi’s skin. Just like Yoongi's smile, they shine brighter now that the pain has eased.
Yoongi pulls his hands away to put them on Taehyung’s cheeks. His skin is so warm. “I love you,” He whispers into the air between them.
Taehyung closes the distance between them, letting their lips meet in an almost feathery light kiss. He covers Yoongi’s hands with his own, his lips pulling into a smile against Yoongi’s mouth. His stubble tickles slightly against his skin, just a hint away from being a bit scratchy. Would the stars transfer onto his cheeks like this? Taehyung hopes so.
“I love you too.”
His words are an almost silent murmur as the rain continues to knock against their windows. Holding onto Yoongi’s warm hands, he kisses him again. And one more time. For good measure.
For as long as possible, Taehyung would preserve the stars on Yoongi’s hands, so that he could spread them everywhere.