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There was nothing unusual about this evening. The bedsheets felt the same, the busy Tokyo streets bustled outside of the slightly cracked open window, and the air conditioning whirred quietly. All of that was mundane, something that happened every night during the hottest weeks of August. Except, you usually weren’t awake to witness it. Maybe there was something unusual about tonight. You perked your ears to the best of your ability but couldn't catch the usual soft breathing that the sleeping man next to you made. Instead, you heard steady, deep breaths, ones that seemed almost calculated and forced. Was he having difficulty sleeping as well? He always slept well, at least when you were together at his fancy penthouse apartment. You didn’t want to risk waking him up, but there was no way he was asleep either.
“Satoru..?” you said in a soft voice, barely above a whisper
Your voice was met by a rustling of sheets and a soft hum.
“Can’t sleep?” you turned your head to look at him, noticing that all you were met by was a head of white hair. His back was turned to you, which was just another unusual thing to add to this day. You sat up, concern rising in your mind that something might really be wrong. You placed a hand gingerly on his shoulder and called out his name again. He turned slowly to lay on his back again, a shaky sigh reaching your ears. Even in the low lighting of the dim bedroom, you could see that his cheeks were wet and his usually bright and playful eyes were dark and brimmed with tears. A gasp fell from your lips before you could stop it, but you knew better than to ask him if he was okay.
“Of course I’m okay. I am the strongest, after all,” he assured you with a bright and
childish grin after you two returned from a rather harrowing mission where many
innocent people had gotten hurt.
You laid down next to him slowly, your arms making their way around his shoulders. It took a bit of effort to pull him closer, but that thought wasn’t a priority in your head right now. Gentle fingers found silky white locks and finally, an audible sniffle came from Gojo.
“Shh.. I’m here. It’s okay,” you whispered soft and soothing words, fingers playing with his hair. You didn’t want to push him into talking about his feelings, knowing it wasn’t exactly something he was known for nor something he actually ever did. However, his mind must’ve been a mess for him to be like this. A few long moments passed in complete silence, the air filled with his soft sniffles and the gentle rustling of bedsheets. You almost twitched a little as he suddenly started talking.
“Yuji and Megumi got back from their mission today.. They were really hurt,” his voice held none of the usual playful notes or teasing lilts. In reality, the serious tone almost reminded you a little of Nanami and that, if something, was entirely unusual. You kept quiet to give him the chance to keep talking if he wanted to.
“I know they always get scratched up, but it was different this time..” he paused to wipe his eyes carefully.
“I should’ve been there. I’m home and I wasn’t even doing anything important.. I could’ve prevented that. I-I.. I should’ve protected them,” his voice cracked slightly in the middle of his sentence and you really got the feeling that this had hit him harder than usual.
“Satoru.. You may be the strongest but it doesn’t all fall onto your shoulders,” you began speaking softly, almost as if you were subconsciously worried about breaking the delicate moment of him opening up.
“I know you care for your students, and it’s difficult to see someone you care about that hurt.. But you need to be more forgiving with yourself,” you pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, wishing you had the ability to draw away his worries. Your words were met by more silence, followed by a sharper sniffle.
“You’re right, you’re right. I shouldn’t dwell on it. It’s the life of a jujutsu sorcerer, there’s no way past it,” he moved to sit up but you prevented him, having the necessary advantage to keep him laying with his head in your lap.
“No, no. That’s not what you’re going to do,” your voice came out a little louder now.
“Don’t push your feelings away like that. Feeling worried and sad is okay and human. Don’t push me away again,” your voice softened once more. You felt his body go tense before he slowly relaxed again, a shaky sigh falling from his parted lips. You kept twirling locks of his hair between your fingers, determined to somehow make him feel better.
“You need to feel your feelings before they eat you up inside, Satoru,” you whispered to him, your hand sliding to caress his cheek gently. You wiped his tears away, feeling fresh ones take their place.
You lost track of time as you just sat and held a quietly crying Gojo Satoru. The world’s strongest jujutsu sorcerer crumbling under the weight of his title. It was easy to be fooled by his annoying quips and silly pranks. Underneath all the teasing and his blindfold, he really was a man who had seen and endured too much for one lifetime.
What you didn’t realise is that your wish to relieve Gojo’s worries was made true. He had spent countless nights just like this, crying himself to sleep silently to not let anyone else hear his breakdown. But this was the first time he wasn’t alone, and there was no other person he’d rather have with him. Your soft touches and gently whispered soothing words helped him calm down. You both stayed awake long into the early hours of the morning, the sun starting to slowly rise at one point. Gojo was still awake when the first rays of the morning sun started illuminating the room from the small cracks of the curtains. He looked up, some tears dried onto his face, only to see you sleeping. He deemed your sleeping position cute, but uncomfortable. He sat up gently to shift you into a more comfortable position. He tucked you in and set a soft kiss to your forehead before carefully getting out of bed. It might have been 4 in the morning but he knew that sleep wouldn’t happen even if he tried, so it seemed more reasonable to just start his day early. A shower later he was getting dressed, planning to go buy your favourite pastries and coffee as a silent thank you for what you did -what you always did- for him. He looked at himself from the mirror as he slowly tied the blindfold back on.
The nightly episode was now behind him, hidden deep within his still achy and puffy eyes. The blindfold was the finishing touch to conceal that side, hide it deeper and deeper from the world. You were the only one Gojo trusted to see the true him, no infinity, no blindfold.
Just Gojo Satoru.