Chapter Text
It was a night and day difference. Just yesterday, his annoying bastard of a partner was up his ass, poking at his height and making jabs at his temper. Today, however, the mackerel was as elusive as he made himself out to be. Despite being in a shared apartment, he was missing from sunrise to sunset.
Chuuya sighed, hanging his hat on the rack and running his fingers through choppy hair. He flicked the light on, dim and dirty gold flicking on and spreading throughout the apartment. Dazai was supposed to replace the bulb, that lazy bastard.
The steady bubbling of anger simmered when the apartment was untouched from how he left it. A clear sign the other resident was missing. His emotions were decided in an instant, feigning annoyance to fool the worry settling in his gut. “Not my problem,” he muttered into the empty space, lazily dressing himself in lounge wear and curling into bed without bothering to eat.
It turned out, very quickly, to be his problem. Three days have passed with a no-show Dazai. What was once idle “annoyance” devolved into pure anxiety, All the passive comments his partner previously made swirled around his head at a constant, slipping down his neck and wrapping into his throat. It blocked any of his fears from spilling, whether from worry of speaking it into existence or pure denial, he was unsure.
Everyone else in the Port Mafia was apathetic towards the empty executive’s space, continuing work as normal. Of course, that made sense. Dazai always slipped away to god-knows-where when he didn’t want to do work. Yeah… why was he even worried? This was just another ploy that slippery bastard conceived to force Chuuya to do his paperwork. Again. Just like last time. There is absolutely nothing more to the story than that.
Chuuya chose to stubbornly ignore the fact that Dazai, unless on a mission, was never gone from the apartment for more than a day. Something about “ nothing better than sleeping in your own bed and spending quality time with your dog! ”.
Ah. Everything clicked at once. The answer was so simple. Dazai was doing this to get back at him . Chuuya couldn’t help but let out a bitter chuckle, all his anxieties intertwining with the light noise. Dazai always had been a petty thing, holding every little grievance above him like a carrot on a stick.
What the hell did I even do? His mind numbly lulled through the past week before his partner’s disappearance, latching onto every small detail and thinking them over carefully. There was only one thing he could pinpoint; Dazai’s act towards him. His usual playful act, while still there, felt more forced than usual. His dead eyes lingered for seconds longer, unreadable and expressionless. His moveme-
“Is something the matter, chibi?”
Any relief Chuuya felt was masked with exasperation. “And here I thought I’d be blessed with a few more days of peace.”
Dazai hummed, sitting on the corner of Chuuya’s desk, much to the older’s annoyance. “Oh wow~ I didn’t expect you to do my paperwork for me!”
He bit back an instinctual quip, instead opting to give a wide grin to the mackerel. He hoped the murderous energy carefully woven into the expression reached him. “If you didn’t expect me to do it, feel free to take it all back.”
“Ehhh? Chibi’s so mean to me!” That incessant whine soured his tone, causing a headache to blossom at record pace. “I return in all my glory just for you , and the first thing you do is push your work onto me?!”
“It’s your work to begin with.”
The executive gave a dismissive wave. “Details, details.” Chuuya opted to not respond, turning his attention back to the work piled on his desk. There was a smidge of pride he felt for being able to control his emotions. If someone noticed his pen ripping into the paper while his body remained neutral, they made no comment of it. Dazai cleared his throat, causing a second pause in his writing. “Aren’t you going to ask where I’ve been?”
His eye was cast to the floor, drawing a pattern along it. Fingers intertwined and twisted, shoulders slumping slightly. Was that… vulnerability ? From Dazai ? Chuuya dismissed that ridiculousness instantly, shocked at his own insane thoughts. Perhaps he needs to get more sleep.
“Whatever you’re excited to tell me about, I don’t care. It’s none of my business.” He returned to the work with cool apathy, not missing the flash in Dazai’s eye. Disappointment . The bastard left for days and just wanted to chit chat about his vacation.
“Chuuya’s gotten meaner.” He huffed, pushing a playing air as he crossed his arms. “I want crap for dinner.”
“Hah?!” Chuuya slammed the pen down with more force than necessary, curling fists onto the lapels of Dazai’s suit. Using his height as an advantage, he pulled the other boy down until he laid awkwardly half on the table. “Do you think I’m your maid or something, you ass?”
Rare shock painted Dazai’s features, eye rapidly blinking. He opened his mouth hesitantly, taking a second before pressing his lips into a tight, thin line. Something dark clouded his eye when the shock melted away, a stark contrast against the gentle removal of the grip Chuuya had on him. “... I have to go.”
The rage he so, so carefully kept a handle on boiled over all at once. “Oh?” Venom tainted each word, the stress from his missing partner slipping out the only way he knew how; anger. “Are you going to disappear without so much as a word for days again?”
Dazai paused at the doorway, words curled on his tongue before he swallowed them in a coughing fit. Tears from coughing swelled in his eye, thick swallows jostling his Adam's apple. Without another word, the ever-elusive executive disappeared from his sight once again.
This time, the slippery mackerel was gone for nine days. Chuuya dreaded the return of his partner, the expression portrayed to him haunting his thoughts at all times. He must have really pissed off Dazai somehow, if the dark look he received was anything to go off of. Perhaps he should’ve let Dazai tell him about whatever adventure preoccupied his time, so much so he didn’t even leave Chuuya a single message?
Chuuya knew he wasn’t important to Dazai. Just a means to an end. A source of amusement, if he was willing to push it. Despite knowing this, knowing he was just a tool like always, it made him feel ill. His throat tightened with a rotten anger, impure in emotion.
After another day that caused exhaustion to seep into his flesh and bones, it got considerably worse when he stepped inside the apartment. The faint light seemed to be even more muted, just barely spitting out enough light to allow normal vision. And, lo-and-behold, the one who still hadn’t replaced the light was casually laying on the couch.
“You should really change out that bulb.”
Oh, it was almost impressive how that bag of bandages could piss anyone off by simply breathing.
“That was your job, shitty Dazai. Before you up and left for almost two weeks.”
That bastard had the audacity to give a cheeky laugh, waving his hand in the perpetually annoying dismissive way. If he didn’t have an ability, Chuuya was positive “being a nuisance” would’ve been it.
Chuuya swallowed thickly, shifting in the doorway. “Uh…” The hesitancy in his tone seemed to attract the other like a shark to blood. Dazai was the type, after all, to take even the slightest bit of weakness and use it to his advantage. “Do you want to tell me where you’ve been…?”
Fire burned his flesh where Dazai stared. Time slowed as the silence stretched on, fire glowing to a blaze that consumed him fully and wriggled under his skin. Oxygen collected useless in his mouth, lungs refusing to expand even when electricity sparked painfully in them.
“Do you want to know?”
Chuuya began a sigh of relief before the tone caught his attention. “Would I have asked if I didn’t, blockhead?”
An empty laugh echoed around their small apartment, the pure numbness of it giving him shivers. “Hmm…” Dazai looked to the ceiling, uncharacteristically thoughtful. “I’ve gained an interest in flowers?”
His light body was pulled up halfway off the couch in a second. “Oh my, Chuuya~ Must you manhandle me like this everytime we meet? I mean, I can’t say I’m ex-”
“Shut up you fucking bastard.” Chuuya gripped the lapels so tightly his knuckles bleached. “You… I…” Rage submerged his words, burying them deep in his chest. Every second he felt worried was all a waste. His enfeebling anxiety, that familiar brewing pit of dread and nausea he endured for so long, all meaningless. He lost sleep over someone prancing around in a fucking flower field without a care in the world.
“Chuuya?”
Dazai sounded worried, but it only insulted Chuuya further. “I know I’m meaningless to you, just like everyone else in your life.” Each word was carefully sharpened to pierce and slice mercilessly. “But you really dropped me, without at least telling me how long you’ll be gone, so you can live out your fairytale dreams of being a flower princess or whatever?”
The other’s silence was gasoline, flaring his firestorm further. “You’re unbelievable.” He dropped Dazai at once, not even able to find pleasure in the unceremoniously way he landed. “Do whatever you want. I’m going to bed.”
“Ah- wait! Chuuya!” The only reason Chuuya stopped his tantrum was the sheer desperation in Dazai’s voice. “... here. I got this. For, uh, you.”
Chuuya glanced down, anger melting away as easy as it comes. In his partner’s hands was a gift box, carefully wrapped in blue-polka dotted white wrapping and a red ribbon. Clearly wrapped by a professional, meaning Dazai had enough thought to pay someone somewhere to do it for him. A note was tied to the ribbon, neat, swirly font spelling out “Chibi” and an “18”. Confusion clouded storm-coloured eyes.
“Happy birthday, Chuuya.” Dazai’s smile reached his eyes in such a pure way, Chuuya felt hot breath constrict in his throat. His dead-fish eyes gained a smidge of life, sparkles of light just barely shining through the carefully created protective wall. It was so… human. In its purest, rawest form.
A quick check to their digital clock proved his truth. Blue numbers illuminated “00:01”. That means today is April 29th…
“Did you come back just for my birthday?”
Dazai innocently blinked, tilting his head to the side like a curious dog. “What makes you think that?”
“We haven’t missed birthdays since you dragged me to this hellhole.” Chuuya grabbed the present with the delicacy of handling an injured bird.
A smile curled his lips, a shadow of sadness moving with it. “Ah, you’re right. I didn’t even notice.” Lie. “Must’ve just been a funny coincidence, chibi~ After all, you’re not special to me.”
Having his words tossed back at him stung. Really stung. It hurt worse that there wasn’t any malice behind them, almost as if stating fact. Chuuya inhaled sharply, rubbing the ribbon between his fingers. The texture was incredibly soft, slight bumps edging the sides. It must be pretty high quality.
Good to know Dazai didn’t cheap out with all his executive money. Chuuya wasn’t jealous. Not in the slightest.
“Are you going to disappear again when I wake up?” He let a rare weakness slip from his heart and leak into the air.
Dazai’s smile remained ever infident, softness swirling in his dark chocolate eye. It reminded Chuuya of pity. “Not for today. In fact, why don’t we go somewhere for today?”
“I don’t w-”
“Nope! Too little too late, chibi. I already made plans for us~”
Fast bastard. Chuuya sighed, staring at the present. “Sounds good, Dazai.”
“Now shoo shoo. Go get some sleep. You look more dead than I do, and that’s something to be impressed over.”
How could he look more dead than a walking mummy ? Though, the boy was right. Now that his anger subsided, wave after wave of exhaustion crashed his, upsettingly, small frame. It took all he had to not pass out on the spot. Even the slightest movement caused his every limb to scream in complaint, painless electric rocking through his body.
“Goodnight, stupid mackerel.” Chuuya didn’t wait for his response, opting to rush to his room before an argument spilled over into his rest time. Knowing Dazai, the plans would be ridiculous and start at an ungodly time. For his birthday last year, Dazai had dragged him all around the city plus some, pointing out every little thing and forcing them to stop an innumerable amount of times. They even, miraculously, stumbled across a very sketchy amusement park which may or may not have almost killed them. Apparently, super janky rollercoasters and dirt cheap food led to flirting with death and then yearning for it the next day. Food poisoning truly was a bitch.
Chuuya placed his 6th favourite hat on the special shelf in his room, placing the present on his bed stand. He played with the cleanly sewn ribbon ends, swallowing down his anxieties. He trusted Dazai, as much as it pained him to admit. A few months shy of 3 years as partners does that to you. Without hesitation, Chuuya knows he would lay his life in his partner’s hands should he request it. Despite the fact that said partner was, probably, one of the least trustworthy people walking this earth.
“Go to sleep.” He muttered the reminder, giving one last caress to the present before splaying his limbs across his tatami bed. Gravity seemed to increase at this new angle, so harsh it almost suffocated him. Even closing his eyes brought a pleasant burn, allowing sleep to claim him shockingly quick.
Chuuya’s perfect sleep was ruined. For the first time in months, he was able to sleep without tossing and turning for an hour. He even woke up feeling refreshed ! Such a rare, special treat soiled when he opened his eyes.
A single eye peered at him, mischievousness making it practically glow. The smile above him was curled so wide it was reminiscent of a devil. “Ah, chibi’s finally awake! You were sleeping so soundly I debated waking you up with a lake.”
Chuuya instantly sat up, accidentally slamming foreheads with his partner. This barely affected him, of course. The same couldn’t be said for Dazai, who was kneeling on the ground. A hand was laid over the impact, dramatic tears swelling in his eye.
“Oh, the betrayal! I planned such a lovely day for us and you attack me! Bad dog, bad dog!”
“I’m not your dog! Wait, no. Wrong issue. Were you planning on dumping me into a lake if I didn’t wake up?!”
Dazai raised his hands in mock surrender, showing off the decent-sized bruise on his forehead. “Oh, woe is me. Accusations, I say! I’m an innocent man.”
Chuuya hoped his look conveyed how unimpress he was with the climatic showing. “What’s the plan?”
His partner smiled, excitedly jumping to his feet. It appears Chuuya would have to hit his head harder next time. A desperate last ditch effort to knock some sense into him. “There’s no fun in spoiling.” He reached out his hand in silent offering, smile growing a bit larger when Chuuya grabbed it instinctively . “C’mon now. Just stay right by my side, okay?”
What odd wording. Chuuya paused, processing the meaning behind them. He concluded Dazai wanted to mock the dog title tauntingly given to him. Even on his birthday, Dazai was a bastard through and through. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”
It would be a lie to say he wasn’t excited. However, that excitement instantly dissipated when Dazai slid into the driver’s seat. Especially when the sun was just beginning to yawn above the horizon, casting a gentle gold upon the towering buildings. “I really hope that the plans for today were not taking us both out in a car crash.”
Dazai had the gall to look offended, as if he had even a hint of ability to fight against the truth. “You’ve been meaner and meaner as the days pass. You should be nicer to me, chibi. I was even planning on driving twice as safe, just for you!”
Slightly reassured by his words, Chuuya relented. He buckled, missing the borderline manic look a second too late. Dazai slammed on the gas pedal, car angirly spitting out clouds of gas and the wheels screeched against concrete pavement. It reached deadly speeds much quicker than it was built for, engine giving a grumbling complaint at the misuse.
“What the fuck, you shitty mackerel! You’re going to get us killed!” Chuuya cursed himself silently for believing the sugar-coated words of the bastard so easily. Oh, how a fool he was. Twice of zero is still zero.
Dazai laughed, light and impish. The same pity look appeared when chocolate met his storm, smile going from inhuman to sincere. “Relax~ There’s no one else on the road. Plus, our destination is close by.”
For some totally unknown reason, Chuuya didn’t quite believe him. Shocking. So, he did the only thing he could do. Close his eyes and pray to gods he didn’t believe in, silently wishing that they, at the very least , didn’t get seriously injured on the way there. For a compromise, mild injuries would be fine! He could work through that!
He only dared to peek open an eye when the car hummed to a pause. For Dazai’s standard of driving that was… not half bad. Granted, he ran every red light he saw, made turns sharp enough half the wheels lifted, and most likely destroyed government property, but… no one died!
“I think I saw my life flash before my eyes.”
“Tch, tch. Such drama coming from a hat rack.”
Hat rack? That’s a new one. Better than chibi, at least. Chuuya let it slide with minor grumbles, mainly aimed towards his less-than-poor driving skills. Stepping onto solid ground was so cathartic he could’ve cried.
“See eeee ? Wasn’t it worth it ttttt ?” Dazai extended the ends with such perfect annoyance, it was almost a skill.
Chuuya tore his eyes from his almost murderer, drinking in the view. He hadn’t even realised they left the city. No wonder the last bit of the drive was particularly rough. Was there even a backroad that led here?
A quick glance back to a forced path proved otherwise. How the hell did he force a car through a forest without so much as a chip on the paint?
“Hey, hey. I didn’t bring you here to stare at the car!~” The taunting voice brought him back to the reason. Right. A view. He almost died for a view .
Though, it was a magnificent one. The partners stood atop a hill surrounded by forest, having a good overlook of the familiar city. It stretched from horizon to horizon, skyscrapers kissing the warming sky. The sun was up behind them, tinting the air with warmth and a comforting yellow. Just barely were the tips of water shimmering gold, gentle waves lapping against the harbour.
Chuuya didn’t know there was a view quite like this. And so close to their apartment too.
When attention was dragged away from the landscape to the boy who brought him here, he regretted any feeling of awe. In fact, the sudden urge to punch his stupid face erupted with such force it took a lot of willpower to remain grounded. A smug grin took Dazai’s features, clearly pleased with himself. “Well? Didn’t I do good?”
He didn’t even have enough care to hide the cat-esque purr surrounding the words. Bastard. But Chuuya was kind and fair. Don’t forget even-tempered, too. “... it is a nice view.”
“Hmm?~ I didn’t hear you, chibi~”
Chuuya regretted giving that scumbag even a hint of praise, but he was too far in to retreat now. The only way to wipe that stupid expression now was to… “It’s a stunning view, Dazai. Thanks for showing me it.”
He held back a smile at seeing Dazai’s smugness disappear in an instant. Served him right. Instead, the executive looked at the ground and intertwined his fingers together, rubbing his thumbs in circles around each other. “I-” Whatever bullshit ready to spew from his mouth was cut short by a cough. He reacted instantly, pressing a palm firmly against his mouth and bunching the fabric around his heart with the other. Chuuya wasn’t able to see what flashed in his eyes; the annoying bandage Dazai always wrapped around his right eye blocking it.
Chuuya waited for the coughing fit to stop, brain already supplying quips to one-up the other. But it just… didn’t. It kept going, shaking his entire body with such force he fell backwards. It was instinctual, as were most things regarding them, for Chuuya to catch him, uncaring to mask his concern.
Dazai used the hand that had been tightening his shirt to try and wave Chuuya off. A silent code for “I’m fine, you can go” . Chuuya did not amuse his partner’s antics for handling everything himself. Instead, he tenderly lifted his partner, and wordlessly carried him to a tree, gently sliding him to its roots. Asking why he practically weighed a feather would come later.
“Are you okay?” Dazai let out a few more weak coughs, unable to hide the pain twisting his face. With a shaky breath, he pulled a fisted hand away from his mouth and rested it next to him.
“I’m fine.” Despite the reassuring words, his wrecked voice gave away a different story. Light tear stains textured his cheek, unspilled ones burning his tear duct. “Really. Nothing to worry about. Yeah?”
“There’s blood on your lips.”
Dazai instantly swiped his tongue across them, cringing slightly at the bitter taste of iron. “I bit the side of my gums.”
“You must really think I’m an idiot to believe that.” Chuuya grounded his foot down, refusing to stand down. Dazai rarely gets sick anymore. He had been frail a few years back, gaining a fever from the slightest dip in temperature. Chuuya was always forced to take care of him, giving slight insight into the true Dazai. Apologies always slipped absentmindedly through bitten lips, for everything and nothing and anything. But after that incident… nothing. Not even a cold.
Well, other than the food poisoning. But that’s a different story entirely.
“Hmph.” He put on a pout. Chuuya noticed he didn’t cross his arms. “Chibi doesn’t believe me. What happened to the good dog I used to have?”
Dazai only used multiple insults if he was trying to divert. Use the older’s short fuse to his advantage. “Dazai, you slimy bastard. Show me your hand.”
A playful shock temporarily replaced the pain in his eyes. “My hand?! Does Chuuya have a hand fetish he never told us about?”
Keep calm.
“I can’t believe this! No wonder you wear gloves all the time. Do you even get turned on by your own hands?”
Keep calm.
“Maybe I should buy some gloves. I wouldn’t want you getting off on my hands. Not without payment, of cour-”
“Do you ever shut up, you ass?” Chuuya grabbed Dazai’s lapels, yanking him forward, close enough that their foreheads and noses touched. He didn’t miss the flinch from the other, clearly just remembering the injury from this morning.
“Oh no, I made the chibi mad!” Dazai wailed. “Whatever shall I do? What a grave, fatal mistake I’ve made!”
Chuuya waited for more words to spill from the younger. When nothing came out, something clicked. Would Dazai really pass up such a prime opprotunity to make a suicide joke? In fact, when was the last time the suicide-manic had made one? It’s been months; the last crack had been in later January or early February. Does that mean anything specific? Why did such a suffocating feeling surround him? Maybe Dazai i-
“Yikes, I smell something burning. Be careful none of your brain cells get caught in the fire. Oh, wait. You don’t have to worry about that, do you?” The insult was delivered in a sickly sweet tone, infuriating smile ever present.
This asshat . “God, why do I even bother with you?” Chuuya pulled back with an annoyed sigh, pushing Dazai roughly away. The latter hissed, a spew of complaints spilling from him absentmindedly.
“Mm, cause you love me?”
“Don’t make me puke.” Chuuya glared at him with pure disgust, giving his nose a purposefully exaggerated scrunch.
Dazai snorted, a precursor to a light laughter spilling from his bloodied lips. Every piece of music Chuuya had listened to previously paled in comparison to the noise coming from the brunette. It filled his senses, slipping into his mouth and settling down to his heart. Warmth filled his body as the music echoed in his lungs, rattling his bones. It was impossible to not join in.
An executive and a yet-executive, secluded on a hill in the middle of god-knows-where. Musical laughter twisting and twining together in a dance, notes lifting higher and higher in the air until the subtle breeze carried it away.