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Every time, it was the same.
A field of white lilies, like the one he awoke in, that stretched on forever. A pure blue, cloudless sky.
"So this is it."
He said the same thing each time. But it never was. Something always pulled him back, and no matter how far he went forward, nothing changed. There were no gates to the underworld, no tunnels of light. No saints or scales to weigh his sins. Just an endless field.
Occasionally, there was a patch of tiger lilies, splotchy in their placement, like blood on pavement. A few times there was a sakura tree whose petals danced down onto his head and into his open hands. Sometimes, he thought he saw Sayoko standing there, forlorn, staring off into the distance. No matter how far or fast he went, he could never reach her.
So he was surprised when he saw someone else. A taller boy about his own age, with hair pulled into a messy ponytail, dressed in a hospital gown.
"Ikkuu-senpai," he gasped. The latter waved him over, and surprisingly, Santa was able to reach him.
"Hey, Santa-" he was cut off when the other boy pulled him into a hug.
"I'm so sorry," Santa gasped, tears flowing unrestrained from his eyes.
"You did what you had to do," Ikkuu said. The blonde boy pulled the other in tighter and they stayed like that, a single unit of remorse, as the lilies blew in a silent wind around them.
"I never knew you felt the way you did." Santa pulled away and wiped his face on his forearm.
"You couldn't have. I never told you."
"No, I mean… I never thought about it, even though I found out online, and from Touta-niichan. About the accident."
Ikkuu smiled sadly. "It was pretty big news at the time."
"It was over for you then, right, Senpai? That's why you understood me."
"Yeah…" Ikkuu said. "I think it was."
---
"So I'm thinking, after we get the internet working again, of rewriting the net virus to give faster access to poorer parts of the world. I think with my artifact, I could make it happen."
"That's a great idea, Santa-kun."
The two of them sat in the shade of a sakura tree, where the lilies became sparse and the thin grass underneath the flowers showed through. Santa's long, dark hair had become dotted with soft pink petals. He ran a hand through the thick strands to try and pry them out, but the constant stream of flowers from above as the wind rustled through the trees just replaced them. Ikkuu's hair and jacket were also covered in them.
"So… where are we?" Ikkuu finally asked.
"I think this is some kind of purgatory. Whenever I'm about to die, I come here. I've never seen any of the other Numbers here, though."
"I see." Ikkuu picked a petal off of the cuff of his coat. "And the flowers?"
Santa paused, looking somewhere in the distance. "Sayoko liked them."
"Ah…"
They grew silent once more. Santa picked at the blades of grass next to him, not meeting Ikkuu's gaze.
"Will you be able to go back, Santa-kun?"
"I don't know. Every time before this, yeah, I have been able to leave, but…"
"Do you want to go back?"
"I don't know." Santa shook his head. "I know I should be out there helping everyone in the final battle, but… I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts."
Seeing tears forming in the corners of his eyes, Ikkuu's normally carefree expression fell. He grabbed Santa and hugged him close.
"She told you to stay in her place, didn't she? So, if that's not enough, I want you to stay there in my place too, okay? I want you to watch humankind advance as far as it can. And I don't want you to ever think it's over for you again. As long as technology keeps advancing, there's still going to be a place in the world for my favorite hacker. Alright?"
"Hah, your favorite?" Santa wiped tears from his eyes. "How many do you know?"
"Just you. But that's what makes you so cool."
Santa's grip on Ikkuu's jacket weakened and he took a deep breath. "Thanks, senpai. I needed that."
An echo in the distance, Touta's voice calling his name, made Santa stand. He was pulled towards the sky by a strange magnetism.
"I guess I'm going back now. Bye, Ikkuu-senpai"
"Goodbye, Santa-kun." Ikkuu's soul slowly shattered into flower petals, blowing away on the wind like so many tears.
Santa found himself reminded of the promises he'd made. Is this a bit like how Sayoko felt, carrying the wishes of the unfortunate dead on her shoulders? It was a heavy burden, but not an unwelcome one. He could feel their love and hope giving him the strength to move forward. Until they could all save the world and help it heal, that would have to be enough.