Chapter Text
“Do you think she had fun tonight?”
“Yeah, I think so.” He paused for a moment. “I mean, I hope so. She seemed pretty chill.”
“Right. That’s what I thought.”
He expected him to ask why he would care if she had fun or not but luckily he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t get the undertone and assumed it was just a friendly concern, or maybe he simply didn’t care. They were both sleepy after all. It was past midnight and they were mindlessly talking about everything and anything.
It was a quiet summer night. The three of them were supposed to have a sleepover at Mark’s place but at the last minute she decided she wanted to leave early because she had a ton of stuff she had to do, and she wanted to wake up in her bed tomorrow. Otherwise they’d sleep in till noon and she’d feel like shit afterwards. So it ended up being just him and Mark. And now they were lying on top of an air mattress Mark had thrown into the balcony and watching the stars through the clear sky as the soft breeze brushed their skin.
Donghyuck wished she stayed, it would’ve been more fun with her occasional witty comments on every deep conversation they had. And what time was better than 3 AM for deep conversations? But they weren’t having any that night. It became unusually quiet after she left. They had danced all night, sung some songs off-key, cooked a disastrous meal and watched a corny coming of age movie and now they had all their energy drained out of their bodies.
He turned his head towards Mark and saw that the older boy had closed his eyes already but he didn’t appear to be sleeping. Donghyuck wondered what kind of fake scenarios he was creating in his head at that moment.
“Are you tired?”
“Yeah. You?” His raspy voice indicated that he was about to fall asleep soon. He kept his eyes closed, not bothering to turn to face him.
“Mhmm. I don’t wanna sleep yet though.”
“You can stay up if you want. But imma go to sleep. Tired as hell.” He shifted around a bit to get into a more comfortable position and finally turned his back on Donghyuck. His soft breathing filled the air.
“Okay.” He turned his head back towards the sky. The stars were very pretty. He thought of her again. He saw her face in every beautiful thing he ever came across and he saw her in the stars too. Too bad she wasn’t actually there, not in the stars but beside him. She would’ve loved the view and he did too, no offense to the sky but he’d rather watch her as she excitedly gazed at the stars. The sight of her smile was much prettier than any star out there. My beautiful star, he thought to himself.
The soft breeze turned into a chilly one, the trees danced to it and sang along. He pulled his thin blanket to his chin and got closer to Mark. He almost hugged him thinking he was a giant cuddle pillow (he had one at home and couldn’t sleep without it) but stopped midway. He was about to put his leg on top of him but he didn’t want to wake the older boy so he just curled up into a ball and hugged himself. His feet and ears got cold and when his hand reached his face to brush the hair off of his eyes he saw that his nose was even colder. He buried his face on Mark’s back and pulled the blanket even higher to cover his entire head. It was easier to imagine his scenarios when it was just him and nothing else.
Then he ran out of oxygen and couldn’t breathe so he just pulled his head out of the blanket.
“Mark it’s so fucking cold out here can’t we just sleep in your damn room.”
“Dude it’s fucking summer…”
“Yeah, so? It’s cold. Let’s just get inside. Please.”
“Bro I got the whole air mattress out and you wanna get inside?” He turned around abruptly and looked at Donghyuck as if he just said the most batshit crazy thing ever. It was clear from the tone of his voice and the look of his face that he was more than annoyed.
“Don’t make such a fuss! I’ll help you carry it back inside. Jeez.” Donghyuck got up and started folding his blanket hastily. “No wonder she left early. You get so annoying sometimes.”
“You’re one to talk. I was just falling asleep and you just had to open your mouth and ruin it.” Mark sat up and looked around sleepily. He thought of sending Donghyuck to his room and going back to his slumber but he was standing right there, holding his blanket that he clumsily folded up in a ball, waiting for him to also get up.
“C’mon now hurry up. I’m cold.” God he was such a baby.
“Okay, okay. I get it.” He dreaded getting up but managed to stand on his feet anyway.
“You know we could just leave this here.” Donghyuck pointed at the air mattress with his foot.
“Nah it’d be covered with bird shit all over. We have to get it inside.” He took hold of one end of the mattress and pointed at the other with his eyebrows and Donghyuck rushed to the other side. They carried it safely to Mark’s bedroom and placed it right next to his bed. The room was a mess and the view was awful compared to the beautiful sky outside but neither of the boys minded that. Mark flopped onto the bed as soon as they settled and Donghyuck decided it was still too early to sleep so he turned on his phone and texted her.
+babes did you get home safe??
-ye I was just lying down
-yall having fun?
+no mark went to sleep hh
-at this hour? what is he, a toddler?
+hhh he left me alone
+wish you were here
-aww
-you’re so cutee:(( baby boy
His heart skipped a beat at that. They usually called each other pet names but every time she called him something cute his heart felt like it would burst out of joy. He loved being adored in general but he’d especially go crazy when it was her. He quickly texted back to avoid leaving her on read.
+we took the air mattress outside to stargaze
+you would’ve loved it
-mmm yeah wish i was there
-you guys always do the fun stuff when im not around
->:((
+it wasn’t so much fun without you
-i promise i won’t leave early next time
+you better keep that promise or else!!
-???
+or i’ll kiss you
+kill you* srry autocorrect haha
-unless i kiss you first
-kill you*** ;)
He fought back a smile. They had been lowkey flirting with each other for a while now and it still surprised him how bold she could get sometimes. They were both playful, that’s what made them best friends but she was on the next level. He thought that maybe she had feelings for him as well, but even if she did, she never took the first step. Maybe she was in denial, or maybe she was expecting him to shoot his shot.
He thought of what to say next, his heart racing. Just as he was about to type excitedly, three dots appeared on the screen. He let his thumb hover over the keyboard, eagerly waiting for what would come next.
-gotta go take a shower
-i’ll text you tomorrow
Shit. He cursed under his breath. There goes my chance for tonight. Again.
Mark shuffled in his sleep, probably because of the annoying blue light of the screen. He let out a breath and turned off his phone.
He waited for a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before he turned on his back and stared at the empty ceiling.
Would he ever find the courage to confess his feelings? How could he ruin what they had? This precious friendship that took years to build, how could he let it go to waste? She seemed to like him but what if it was just his imagination? But then, surely he couldn’t have imagined all the lovey-dovey moments they never spoke of. It was like an unspoken oath between the two. They never once mentioned it, but they somehow knew they had to keep it to themselves for some reason. Just like how he knew he wouldn’t show Mark these texts when he’d wake up tomorrow and ask if he had heard anything from her. He’d simply say no and move on. And she would do the same.
Thoughts kept him awake for what felt like hours. He thought of the past and the memories, the future, and then past again. All the moments they shared and would share in the future. He couldn’t get her out of his mind lately. Whenever he closed his eyes, she appeared out of nowhere and pulled him to the dreamland where they were together all the time and went through everything together. Much like the reality, but Mark was absent in his dreamland. He didn’t like to exclude him but he had to. They couldn’t be like a true couple with him around. But occasionally he’d add him as well, so he could imagine all the fun they’d have as the original trio.
Tonight he didn’t. It was just him and her. They were at the beach late at night, towels around their shoulders as they had just done skinny-dipping. It was a beautiful scene, the empty beach illuminated by the full moon, the sound of the waves music to their ears. It wasn’t chilly but it wasn’t too hot either, just the right weather to be hanging around naked with your lover. Everything was perfect. Her blooming smile had never once faded throughout the night. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
They joked around and laughed till their red cheeks got wet with tears. You see, the only time you cried in this dreamland was when you were laughing. So they laughed and cried. He felt the corners of his mouth turning into a real smile, there at Mark’s messy room. It’s crazy how the mind had the power to change reality. If only this could become the reality.
He closed his eyes and let himself smile at the beautiful moment.
She pointed at somewhere in the sky and at first, he didn’t know what he was supposed to be looking at but when he squinted hard enough he could see. It was a vaguely seen star. It wasn’t shining brightly but it was still there. A small dot on the smooth surface of a moonlit sky.
“Let’s name that one after us. How about Love Star?” she said.
He didn’t know if she was joking or not.
“That one? I can barely see it why not choose the brightest one on a starry night?”
“It means this one shines bright enough for us to see during the full moon. Representing us.” She smiled at him.
“How is that representing us?”
“Because even if the moonlight overpowers the sky and all the stars become invisible, we will continue to be there. Our love, I mean. We burn passionately. Right?”
“Yeah, right.” He looked at the small dot. Suddenly it seemed much more meaningful. “That was beautiful,” he said, “and way too poetic.”
She burst out laughing. “Oh boy, you make me cringe at myself.”
He grinned. “What do you mean?”
“It’s okay. You can go on and say fake deep. I know you want to.”
It was his turn to laugh. “What? No! It really was beautiful. I mean it.”
“Okay loverboy. I’ll pretend to believe you. Oh shit.”
“What?”
“We forgot Mark!”
And back he was in the room. He cursed himself, and his poor imagination for not cooperating with his fantasies.
He felt Mark’s gaze on him. He opened his eyes immediately and turned to his side, only to find the older boy’s eyes fixed on him. Mark started grinning when their eyes met.
“Hyung I thought you were sleeping, shit” he broke eye contact and looked around awkwardly. Suddenly he felt exposed. “You were spying on me instead?”
Mark’s smug grin grew wider. “You were smiling quite happily there. What were you dreaming about, hm?" He said teasingly.
“Nothing, God.” Blood rushed to his face and his head began to feel like it was about to explode from embarrassment. He shuffled around uncomfortably. “Why did you wake up you were sleeping just now.”
“I was just lying down with my eyes closed I wasn’t asleep. Your stupid phone’s light woke me up. So, you were dreaming about who, again?”
“You, shutting up for once.” He let out a breath and turned his back on Mark. “Happiest moment of my life. I was about to cry real tears of joy.”
“C’mon now, just tell meeee” Mark pulled his shirt from behind to get Donghyuck back to face him again.
“Hyung you’re so nosy, really. I wasn’t dreaming of someone.” Well, that was obviously a lie and he wasn’t a good liar unfortunately.
“Was it the girl from the bar?”
“Who the fuck is the girl from the bar?” He turned back around and gave Mark a puzzled look.
“The girl that was hitting on you. The short one.”
“What? No! I don’t even know her. What was her name again?”
“I don’t know. Kyung-something.”
“Well, I’m certainly not interested in Kyung-something.” He rolled his eyes.
“Too bad. She seemed so into you.”
“She just wanted sex.” He started fidgeting around with his fingers.
“Okay. So who’s it then? Who’s the lucky girl?”
“No one, hyung please just cut it off. It’s embarrassing enough.” Donghyuck wished he’d shut up already but there was no end to his teasing.
“What’s there to be embarrassed about? I’m just curious.”
“Please, I don’t wanna talk about it.” He covered his face with a pillow and groaned.
“Why?”
“Because it’s not what you think it is.” His voice was muffled from under the pillow.
“And what was I thinking?”
“Ah seriously,” he threw the pillow off the bed and faced him fully, “you think I was having wet dreams with some kind of girl but it wasn’t like that, I swear. I was thinking about a happy moment, that’s all. Now just cut it off and let’s go to sleep, seriously.” He pulled the blanket to his chin and closed his eyes. Hearing the shuffling of blankets and sheets next to him, he knew Mark also did the same.
“Okay, no need to get so defensive dude.” Mark said softly.
He didn’t bother to reply. He cursed in his head and tried to imagine the rest of the dream from where he left it off, but the moment was long gone. The spell was broken, and the small star was meaningless again.
His daydreams were getting more and more intense each day. He was embarrassed to admit it but he enjoyed his imagination and his fantasies a lot. It was even more embarrassing to be caught daydreaming about his best friend being naked and flirting with him. But what’s worse was he enjoyed being delusional too much. The beach, the jokes that caused laughter till they cried, the Love Star and the meaning behind it, he made them all up. They were so far from reality. She would never name a star Love. And she would never sit around naked in a public beach. He hated that he found comfort in what was not real. But his mind would never stop. His heart ached to the thought. He was pathetic. And an embarrassing one at that.
He had to refrain himself from physically cringing. His face showed too much. Embarrassing.
He puffed his cheeks and forced himself to sleep.