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Lily sat at the dining table with a steaming cup of tea in front of her. For the past 30 minutes, she sat there staring out the window, waiting on her fiance to come to tell her news of Sirius Black. She couldn’t stop the tears that spilled out of emerald green eyes. This was her fault. She should have acted faster, she could have talked her brother out of it. She could have stopped Julius from casting the curse.
Lily froze as realization set in: the curse was green. She let out a sob as she buried her face in her hand.
No longer would anyone call her Petal or a Christmas tree every time she wore green.
There would be no one to make fun of her, make remarks on Lily and James.
The best man at their wedding would no longer have to write out a whole speech about how oblivious the bride and groom were at Hogwarts.
No longer would she have someone understand what it felt like to have your dark family hate you.
Lily Gastor lost one of her best friends and she didn’t think the empty space in her heart could ever be filled.
________
She heard the floo and expectantly looked up to see a teary-eyed James Potter and Remus Lupin.
“How?” Lily asked to confirm one last time.
“Killing curse,” Remus whispered as he slowly sat down in front of the fireplace.
Lily closed her eyes took in deep breaths, only one name in her thoughts. She didn’t even realize when she said “Julius” out loud.
James looked at her confused, ‘What does your brother have anything to do with this?”
“N- nothing.” Lily stuttered. “Don’t worry about that right now.”
James’s eyes widened in realization and he let out a cold laugh, “Your brother killed my best friend.”
Remus walked over and placed a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, “James-”
James roughly pushed him aside, “You saw Julius, you saw him cast the curse, and you did nothing?”
“Did you expect me to kill my brother?” Lily cried. “I didn’t see Sirius get hit until later.”
“You got have shot a stunner, or any basic hex to knock him unconscious!” James roared.
“I didn’t know what to do. You don’t understand James, I froze. I hadn’t seen him in so long-”
“You think I don’t know how this feels? James exclaimed not bothered about the eyes of every Order member in the rooms gaze on them.
“No, you don’t know how this fucking feels!” Lily helplessly cried. “Your parents are safe, your friends are voluntarily fighting in a war they believe in right by your side. Every time you get called for a mission you don’t have to wonder which of your siblings you’re going to see next, either dead or expected to be killed by you!”
James stared at Lily wide-eyed, “Is that what you really think? That we are all bloody safe because we fight together - on the same side. Lily, the killing curse takes a second to hit someone. One mistake! One mistake and my brother is dead! Do you think Sirius feared for his brother’s life? No, because Regulus is a Death Eater.”
Lily’s breathing faltered, “ Sirius died fighting for a cause he believed in. He knew the risks Potter. Don’t you dare talk shit about Regulus.” She said in a dangerously low voice. “You forget I was there the night Sirius ran away. Regulus lost his anchor, his best friend, and his brother all in one day. He was forced to give up his innocence to live up to his parent’s expectations while ignoring the growing gaping hole in his chest.”
“Sirius begged Regulus to come with him! Regulus made a choice and now he has to live with it.”
“You wouldn’t understand unless you had to live with that pressure! When the one person you trusted most abandons you, it hurts to breathe.” She spoke hoarsely. “You fall under the eyes of the entire wizarding world as they wait for you to pick a side and no matter what decision you make, it feels like your world is shattering apart.”
“Then go join your family, on their side if you miss them so bloody much.” James spat and Lily froze.
“James,” Remus warned from near the fireplace where all their pictures from Hogwarts and the war were arranged.
“What!” James yelled, “Do you actually want to join your sadistic-?” He said looking back at Lily.
In an instant, James was pushed against the wall a wand pushing hard into his throat. “I am warning you one last time, James Potter. Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” Remus snarled.
James unflinchingly stared right back into his pained emerald eyes, “Do it then, cast a curse. Kill me, it’s not like you haven’t done it before.”
Remus flinched as if physically struck. “I did it to save Sirius’s life.” He whispered, defending himself.
“Look how well that turned out,” James growled. “Where were you when your friend was killed?”
Remus flinched and took two small steps back as if not believing his ears. “I need air, don’t follow me.” He ordered to no one in particular as he walked out of the room.
Lily’s humorless laugh echoed through their room. “Well done James Potter, you lost two friends and your fiance in one day.” She looked directly into his eyes as if provoking him, “Maybe now you’ll feel as helpless as Regulus Black once felt.”
“I would never.”
“I love you James Potter and maybe that’s why I’m bothering listening to your explanations. You’re in pain right now, grieving. Once you realize how grave a mistake you have committed, I pray you will find the strength to do the right thing.”
James Potter was left alone in the room, gasping out for breath as he fell to the floor and cried out for his dead brother.