Work Text:
It is when Nijimura works uneventful night shifts at the gas station and the fluorescent light has begun hurting his eyes his mind most often wanders across the ocean and settles on Akashi. He stares out the glass door and into the winter night, and tries to remember the feeling of Akashi’s lower lip against his thumb and the light vibration in his throat at his soft hum. Akashi was- had always been- the very opposite of Nijimura, all tact and thoughts with a seriousness belonging to someone far older, and he was so damn endearing, about as smooth around the edges as a brick but still so soft to the touch, skin cold and unmarred and so different from Nijimura’s own, roughened hands.
Nijimura scrapes at a stain on the counter and remembers how Akashi always looked the youngest in winter, with his shoulders hunched up to let the thick scarf cover as much of his face as possible and the tips of his ears a deep red from having the cold bite at them for too long. His eyes had looked clearer than usual in the fresh air. Nijimura has long since memorised the feeling of them following his every movement. Akashi, either unsure of how to respond or simply not bothering to, would answer his jokes with stares, and Nijimura had relished in it.
On a particularly boring night at work he picks up his phone and looks through his contacts. He deleted Akashi years ago, not seeing the point in keeping a contact he never used. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth now.
Spring brings an annoying amount of birds chirping and a larger portion of students leaving the schools during breaks to shop and, occasionally, shoplift. Nijimura catches them red handed and he uses the occasions to hate his job and his loans and the snotty brats that makes him prefer the boring days.
*
Akashi’s mood followed the weather. Nijimura was more likely to catch him smiling when the skies were clear, especially in spring when the sun started to give off warmth and the air was still winter-clear. He didn’t think he was aware of it himself, and the changes were… infinitesimal, so barely there that Nijimura doubted many realised it at all. He would relax more easily and tolerate more from his teammates, and to Nijimura, he looked like someone who had been drowning and finally broke the surface.
*
Himuro visits L.A. over his spring break and spends most of the time without Nijimura. They meet up a few times, when Nijimura isn’t working, and regardless of where they meet, they always circle back to a basketball court. Himuro talks about Murasakibara and mentions Akashi briefly in the process. Nijimura absorbs the information like a sponge and feels like an idiot doing it, but he hasn’t heard about him since he graduated middle school and he can’t fully stop himself from asking Himuro about him, ignoring the knowing smile and sucking in every word Himuro utters. He has trouble understanding his feelings about it all. He thinks he might be worried.
Summer at the gas station means an air conditioner that doesn’t work the way it is supposed to, and Nijimura spending every moment without customers halfway inside the freezer, sorting packages of ice cream as an excuse to cool off. Himuro calls him on July 14th, Akashi went missing for three days, they found him wandering about nearly a day’s walk away from his home yesterday, but he’s back to normal now I think, I’m telling you this because you asked so much about him back in April. Nijimura is furrowed brows and a tight jaw and doesn’t hear Himuro repeating his name on the other side of the Pacific Ocean.
He has the next day off and doesn’t leave his apartment once. There is an itching in the lower part of his spine and everything he eats stick to the back of his throat and he thinks about Akashi being hesitant to accept his captainship, winning championship after championship, going off to a prestigious school that reminds Nijimura of Teikou, he thinks of the one time Akashi absentmindedly mentioned his father, of him never expecting more of anyone than himself, and then of him losing. Nijimura had been angry with himself for failing to keep the surprise out of his voice, for being surprised at all, when he asked Himuro how he handled it. He shrugged and said he seemed to take it well enough, though he did quit the team shortly after.
Akashi went missing for three days on his own volition and it’s the first time he has acted out, and all Nijimura knows about it is that he is back to normal.
He spends an embarrassing amount of time going through his contacts; bitterly staring at the two names Akashi should have been between.
It is still warm when Nijimura asks Himuro to get Akashi’s contact information for him, but it’s cooler than the summer months and the trees are withering on his way to work. Students are going back to school and it’s a relief not to have them standing around outside the gas station as often anymore. It takes Himuro a few days to get back to him, and when Nijimura finally stands there holding the information in his hands, he hesitates. Akashi might be doing well, might not want to hear from him. The risk of bringing back bad memories isn’t worth taking.
It is October when he finally changes his mind. Halloween is creeping on the corner and he is already tired of the hype. The gas station has long since begun selling themed candy and houses he pass every day are overly decorated with cheap effects. His boss, it seems, prefers to give him night shifts in the darker half of the year, and the complete darkness outside of the store gives him nothing to stare at.
He picks up his phone and pushes the buttons before he can think, and is still in the process of coming up with a greeting, half-wishing that he’s busy with something else and won’t hear the phone when Akashi picks up the call with a wary greeting. He sounds older, Nijimura thinks, and tired. There is a weariness in his voice that makes him think of someone who hasn’t slept properly in a very long time, and Himuro’s “back to normal” from July is ringing in his ears.
Nijimura shakes it all out of his head and focuses on the pile of chocolate in pumpkin-themed wrapping, clears his throat, and speaks.