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“You might not like yourself but there are people who love you… There’s always someone who cares.”
“That’s impossible.” Nagito curtly stated and pierced Hajime’s eyes with his gaze. A relaxed smile remained on his lips.
He looked like he was simply relaying information. All Hajime, or anyone else who might have been in his place, could see on his face was: “I am sure of this one fact more than anything else in my life”.
It was almost enough to make Hajime himself completely convinced. An immersive, entrancing delusion of absolute truth.
“That someone could love you? Why are you so…” Hajime paused.
“certain?” he asked with a worried lilt.
What he didn’t expect was for his inquiry to be met with condescension. Nagito looked at his opponent like he was stupid.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I expected better from you Hinata.”
“Huh?!” he exclaimed in response.
Hajime was dumbfounded. He felt stupid due solely to how confident Nagito was. Like looking at a smart kid’s answers in math class and seeing that not only are they wildly different from yours, but you don’t recognise any of the equations. It was alien.
“I’ll help you understand, Hinata. If it will be of service to you, I will gladly do it!”
“O-okay…”
Nagito smiled earnestly and began his explanation. More than that: he began a tale.
“Human beings are born into this world with a role.”
“This role is unchangeable, definitive and absolute.”
“Thus, there are good people and there are awful people.”
Hajime didn’t agree with a single thing he said so far.
“If there was a hierarchy of awful people, I would be at the very bottom!’
“I am simply scum of the Earth, and anything I do is a plague on this world.”
His smile was nauseating.
“To put it simply,” Nagito continued after a pause,
“Few certain truths exist in our world:”
“One. Hope is the antithesis of despair.”
“Two. A person is either good or evil.”
“Three. I am worthless.”
“I hope that hel-”
“What the fuck…?” Hajime sighed and dragged a hand across his face in exasperation.
“Aha.” Nagito let out a slight chuckle and smiled politely. He has received this reaction many times before but it has never done anything to shake his resolve.
“This really isn’t such a negative thing Hinata! Coming to terms with this fact has brought me more hope than you could imagine! More hope than I could ever deserve!”
“It’s just a fact, really. So if you could stop with that dreadful expression-”
“What in his life could possibly have caused this…” Hajime muttered under his breath. He didn’t want to know the answer. It was sickening, scary, but most prominently, a very, very sad sight.
To his surprise, Nagito grasped his hands.
“I am simply wrong… it really isn’t anything to be sad about.” he looked at Hajime’s hands, now in his, before looking up at his eyes which were fixed firmly on the ground, brows furrowed, deep in thought.
“You’re a good person, I don’t like seeing you like this. You have so much hope to share with the world!” Nagito held Hajime’s hands gently in his, tightening his grasp softly now and again.
“Your happiness is vital to the greater good.”
“If someone told you…” Hajime began, quietly, muffled by his own turmoil.
“they loved you. To your face. What would you say? How would that make you feel?”
Nagito fell quiet and released his hands.
“What if something shattered your idea of the world? What then?”
Silence.
“Because I understand what you’re saying! I get every word!”
“I understand the language.”
“I just don’t agree!”
“Well, you’re not the first.”
A polite smile.
“You’re really going to dodge the question?” Hajime looked distraught.
“I really don’t wish to fight with you…” Nagito’s courteous smile intensified.
“Why not? What’s stopping you?”
“Am I just too much of a ‘good person’? Too important to the great cause or some bullshit?”
“You are.” spoken with total conviction.
“I’m not fucking special! I don’t even know what the fuck my talent is!”
‘If anyone’s worthless it’s me!” Hajime hadn’t planned to say that much to a guy he barely knows, but he was frustrated. This was the only way he could make his point.
“Thank you Hinata. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better about myself. You’re really wonderful-”
Hajime sighed.
“You’re so… self-centered…”
“Huh?” Nagito looked at him with genuine surprise.
“Why do you even believe in me anyway?”
“You are-” Nagito began.
“You have no proof for anything! I’m just some fucking guy!”
“Confront your biases… your own ‘absolute’ rules don’t mean shit.”
“You’re so interesting.” Nagito stood with his face lowered, smiling widely.
Hajime couldn’t help but laugh. Nagito laughed too, but for a totally different reason.
“I really… I understand what you mean! This is so amusing!”
What a fucked up situation.
“I cannot change what I believe.” Nagito explained.
“I’m just as stuck in my own worldview as you are in yours.”
“Where does that leave us, dear Hinata?”
“...”
“Do you admit I’m not perfect? That I could turn out to be ‘evil’ or ‘bad’ or just as much scum of the Earth as you?”
“...”
“I’d rather die than say that.”
Nagito needed this. He needed Hinata to be his hope in order to survive. He needed to breathe him on this suffocating island.
Is there a reason, then, that it was Hinata above everyone else? Nagito questioned in his head. Someone whose talent is unknown is a gamble. He could be severely disappointed. Was it that he trusted his luck? Or did Hajime’s ‘bias’ argument hold water?
“Komaeda…”
“Yes it seems you might be right! Splendid work Hinata, you exceed my expectations as always!”
“I’m sorry I doubted you.”
“Right about what exactly…?” It was taking all of Hajime’s brainpower to keep up with this guy’s logic.
“I like you, therefore I see you as good. As for your true nature, that remains to be seen.”
“I’m biased, my lovely Hinata! Hahaha!”
“Hold the fuck on.”
“Is something the matter?”
“You’re into me? That’s why I’m being practically worshipped?” Hajime’s face was flushed despite his best efforts to maintain a calm facade. Being confessed to is nerve-wracking, no matter who it is, he thought.
“Is that not what you meant by ‘bias’?
“Oh my, I’m a little disappointed. I thought someone like me would be easy for you to read.” Nagito pouted and shrugged.
“Man… What a weird fuckin’ day…” Hajime exhaled and scratched the back of his head.
He did not dislike the pathetic, deeply disturbed person in front of him.
In fact, he was curious. Ever since the first day on the island. In the midst of the chaos, Komaeda was… a pillar of hope, oddly enough. He did not understand him. He still doesn’t. And that’s precisely what’s intriguing. His mind and his honesty are traits Hajime liked, not that he’d ever admit to it. Not since Komaeda’s become public enemy #1 with his public displays of insanity.
“I hope I didn’t upset you!” Nagito politely offered.
“It’s just a chemical reaction in an utterly worthless brain, don’t let my feelings bother you too much.”
“Sure… thanks.” Hajime simply responded and Nagito smiled at his words. With today’s newfound clarity, he knew that refuting the self-depreciation of someone so completely convinced, will achieve nothing. Curiously, even after everything, he wanted to know more.
They walked along the beach.