Work Text:
Sometimes, Jiseok just says things. It’s a double-edged sword, the speed at which his mind conjures up words, but he’s made it work more often than not. This time, however, he’s not so sure.
“Jooyeon-ah, when you say you like me, what do you mean?”
They’ve been lazing around in Jiseok’s bedroom, taking turns to show each other funny dog videos on their phone. Jiseok hates that he’s disturbing the peace like this, that too for something so stupid.
Because to Jooyeon, it must have been just a passing remark. A light-hearted response to an equally light-hearted Seungmin, asking him if there’s anyone he likes.
“I like Jiseokie,” he’d said. Like it was nothing, like it was normal. For the past one week, Jiseok has tried his goddamned best to just let it be. They’re just a bunch of guys! They’re in college band together and it’s all chill and normal. Jooyeon is his best friend, of course he likes Jiseok. Jiseok likes him too, in a completely normal way, nothing noteworthy about it.
He repeats it to himself like a mantra—this is normal this is normal this is normal—as he waits for Jooyeon to answer. It's just scientific curiosity, this is all extremely normal.
As Jooyeon thinks over his answer, his mouth hangs open in the shape of a small ‘o’. Jiseok smiles to himself; Jooyeon always does this. The thought makes him relax a bit, some of the frantic energy dissipating out of his mind. When it looks like Jooyeon's done thinking, it all comes rushing back.
“It means I like you.”
If this were anyone else, Jiseok would have started yelling. But he knows Jooyeon’s being serious so he listens.
“I like being with you, I like being friends with you. I tell people I’m the happiest when I’m on stage but I don’t think it’d be as true if you weren’t with me.”
Jooyeon is saying all this while looking Jiseok straight in the eye, which means he can’t swallow the lump that’s beginning to form in his throat. He nods and looks away for a while, hoping his face doesn't give anything away.
Evidently, it does because Jooyeon decides to continue.
“It’s hard for me to think during a performance, yeah?” His eyes are round, bright, shining in a way that tells Jiseok he's being sincere. “I usually just get way too into it. But the number of times I've thought, Ah, I’m so happy Jiseokie’s here—" Jooyeon shakes his head as if to say any attempt at counting would be pointless.
Jiseok feels his own face crumpling on itself as Jooyeon holds his gaze, determined not to break eye contact.
“I don’t know if it’s supposed to mean anything else but this is what I mean when I say I like you.”
And there it is, Jiseok thinks. Everything laid out in front of him, just the way he likes it. He sighs, closes his eyes, and counts to ten in his head. Jooyeon takes the opportunity to hold his hand.
When Jiseok opens his eyes, he covers Jooyeon’s hand with his own. Jooyeon looks at him and into him, eyes shining all the while.
“I'm bad at this.” Jooyeon grins but nods at him to continue. “Talking about my feelings without treating them like a joke or a factual representation of reality.”
“Woah, big words.”
Jiseok lets out a small laugh, despite himself. “Shut up, you’re so annoying.” The glee on Jooyeon's face makes him laugh even more. They take a small break just to get all the laughter out of their system.
"Where was I? Right, bad with feelings." Jooyeon is still holding his hand and Jiseok thinks he'd like to keep it that way. "I guess saying that gives away the fact that there are feelings involved here."
"Good feelings?" The slight quirk to Jooyeon's smile tells Jiseok he already knows the answer. Bastard.
"Depends on how you feel about them."
"Wow, that's a lot of feelings."
"It is." A short silence stretches out between the two. Jooyeon seems unaffected by it so Jiseok just groans.
Jooyeon giggles. "What?" he asks, in a singsong voice.
"How are you so chill about this? Doesn't it seem like I'm about to confess to you? That doesn't freak you out at all?"
Jooyeon just smiles at him and this time, Jiseok almost does yell. "I don't think there's anything to freak out about. It's just us."
"Jooyeon-ah, it's only 'just us' because I haven't confessed yet."
"Is something gonna change once you confess?"
Jiseok can't believe what he's hearing. "Yes! Obviously!"
Jooyeon looks down at their interlocked hands and frowns. He looks back up. "Like what?"
"Like—" He thinks about it. "Like…" He really really thinks about it. "Well."
Jooyeon lets out a small huff and lets his head rest on Jiseok's shoulder. "You think too much."
Jiseok sighs. "Can it be called thinking too much if I don’t know anything?” Jooyeon nuzzles his neck in lieu of answering. “I don’t know, it’s just. Once I say it, there’s no taking it back.”
“That’s okay, you wouldn’t have to take it back anyway. I like you.”
The absurdity of the situation only hits Jiseok now. “You like me and you know I like you. I like you and I guess I know you like me too now. What the fuck is happening?”
Jooyeon giggles, nuzzling even harder. “What’s happening is that you’re an idiot.” He sits up straight and turns to face him. Jiseok immediately misses his warmth. “Here, let’s try something. Hold my hands and confess to me.”
Jiseok gulps. “We're already holding hands.”
Jooyeon rolls his eyes. “STEM students and their semantics. Just confess to me, dummy.”
Jiseok squeezes Jooyeon’s hands gently—once, twice, third time’s the charm. He looks Jooyeon straight in the eye and starts speaking.
“I like you. More than a friend, in a way I can’t take back. It scares me shitless and I want to scream. Please tell me you want to kiss me too.”
With each word he said, the smile on Jooyeon’s face had grown. Jiseok thinks this is the widest it’s ever been. Something about it makes him tear up.
“I want to kiss you too,” Jooyeon says. “We can scream together once we’re done.”
And with that Jooyeon leans in and Jiseok is floating, eyes closed and head in the clouds.
Jooyeon’s lips are soft and move almost hesitantly, more careful than Jiseok has ever known him to be. Jiseok kisses back feverishly, hoping to god Jooyeon gets the hint. When he feels Jooyeon smile into the kiss, he knows he has.
Things take a turn almost immediately, Jooyeon nipping at his mouth freely before sucking on his bottom lip. Jiseok groans. He can feel the way his entire body is flushing red but he feels too good to be mortified. Soon enough, he finds himself on Jooyeon’s lap, his fingers grabbing a firm hold of Jooyeon's hair.
He’d be lying if he said it’s everything he’s ever dreamed of because frankly, he never let himself dream about this. But there’s something about the way their bodies seem to slot into place. The line of his jaw fits snugly into the palm of Jooyeon’s hand and it's just about doing him in.
Even as he feels the last of his words get stolen by Jooyeon—his tongue, his teeth, his happy little sighs in between kisses—he visualises the space in between his arms and wonders if it’s always been in the shape of his best friend. Sitting as they are, chest to chest and heart to heart, it’s as close as they can physically be. And yet, it’s still not enough.
Jiseok breaks the kiss then and there, and sighs immediately in regret. He leans his forehead against Jooyeon’s, eyes closed in frustration. Jooyeon’s hands sit comfortably on his waist, his thumbs rubbing light circles into the skin. It helps ground him.
He opens his eyes when Jooyeon nuzzles his nose.
“You okay?”
Jiseok nods. “I’m great, actually. I just,” he adjusts himself so that he’s no longer straddling Jooyeon while still sitting on his lap, “I like you so much. I don’t want to rush into this headless.”
Jooyeon circles his arms around him and pulls him in closer to his chest. “We won’t, it’s okay. No screaming, just talking?” He rests his chin on the top of Jiseok’s head. “We can order in some chicken.”
Jiseok lets himself lean fully into Jooyeon’s touch. “You just want to eat chicken, don’t you?”
Jooyeon sways gently from side to side; Jiseok sighs in contentment. “Hey, maybe I wanna do both. Two birds, one stone.”
Jiseok leans up to kiss him on the neck. “Smooth little talker.”
“What can I say?” Jiseok's eyes flutter shut as Jooyeon leans in to kiss him, chaste and short and sweet. “I learned from the best.”