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Katsuki should never have become friends with Deku again. Not because he still has an issue with Deku, and definitely not because he wants to keep bullying her. Really, the only reason is that Deku is an absolute disaster in every way, and Katsuki is tired of having to hear about it every time she has a crisis. Like, really. Deku has a plethora of very good friends she could go to, but every time she decides Katsuki is the best person to solve her problems. As if Katsuki is in any place to give advice, considering how emotionally stunted he is and just how detestable of a person he is in general. Frankly, Katsuki’s not sure why Deku even wanted to be Katsuki’s friend again. But then again, Katsuki never has any idea what runs through that girl's mind. And honestly, he’s a little scared to find out. He hopes he never does.
Anyway, the cause of Katsuki’s pain today is revealed during breakfast that morning. It’s their second year in UA and Katsuki has given up on pretending he doesn’t like these people, especially considering he’s let his friends stick around for long enough that he can’t turn back and get rid of them now. Unfortunately, this means that Katsuki has gotten horribly soft, a development his friends absolutely love for some godforsaken reason. So Katsuki labors over the stove making breakfast for basically his entire class, since they all leech off of him, and his friends sit in various places in and around the kitchen to annoy the ever-living shit out of him.
“So,” Kaminari is saying, “then, naturally, I tried to see where else on my body I would be immune to the taser-”
“Please do not finish that sentence,” Jirou begs.
“I hate that I’m even a part of this conversation,” Katsuki mutters, flipping one of Kirishima’s stupid chocolate-chip smiley face pancakes. The only reason he makes pancakes with smiley faces on them for Kirishima is because he’s Katsuki’s best friend. Not that he would ever say something mushy like that out loud. Katsuki thinks the gooey smiles melting off the sizzling half-cooked batter are pretty self-explanatory.
“Thanks, bro!” Kirishima says when Katsuki tops his plate with the last pancake and hands it to him. Kirishima immediately drenches them in syrup, and both Katsuki and Sero mime throwing up at the disgustingly sugary concoction. Sighing to himself, Katsuki turns back to the stove and starts making Deku’s pancakes.
“Kacchan!”
And speak of the Devil. Katsuki turns around, spatula still in hand, to find Deku beaming at him from where she’s bounding into the kitchen. She’s not dressed in her full uniform yet; her skirt is on right but she’s wearing an old All Might T-shirt over it instead of her blazer, and her curly hair is unruly all the way down her back. Groaning, Katsuki makes a mental note to wash Deku’s blazer for her. It's gotta be stained or something, considering the mess Deku generally tends to be. “What, Deku?”
“Are those my pancakes?” Deku smiles, peering over Katsuki’s shoulder, “thanks for making them for me! Will you put the little syrup All Might logos?”
“Absolutely not,” Katsuki tells her, despite already being prepared to do exactly that. Like he said, he’s turned soft. He hates it with a burning passion. Deku loves it.
“So,” Katsuki asks, turning a few other pancakes on the griddle, “what’s today’s crisis?”
“Why do you always assume I’m having a crisis?” Deku whines, propping her chin on Katsuki's shoulder to annoy him, as she normally does.
“Are you having a crisis?”
“Well, yes,” Deku concedes, “but that’s besides the point, Kacchan.”
“It really isn’t,” Katsuki argues. Finishing the last of Deku’s pancakes, he turns off the stove and grabs the syrup out of Mina’s hand, earning a small protest from her. Katsuki just rolls his eyes and turns to Deku, who was unceremoniously shoved off Katsuki as he moved and is now leaning against the counter making ridiculous puppy eyes about it. As if Katsuki would fall for that.
"Jesus Christ," Katsuki mutters, he so does not get paid enough for this shit, “lay it on me, Deku.”
“It’s the same as always,” Deku sighs as Katsuki makes the All Might logos with the syrup. He finishes it off and hands the plate to Deku, who cheers happily and walks over to the common room. Katsuki’s done cooking, so he follows her. They sit down on one of the couches, Deku digging into her pancakes. “Uraraka.”
Uraraka, also known as the girl Deku has had a crush on for about a year. It’s extremely obvious that she likes her back, considering how often she blushes behind Deku’s back and stammers over her words when they talk despite being best fucking friends. Every interaction the two of them have is gay panic at its finest. It would be a lot more entertaining if Katsuki didn’t have to be stuck in the middle every single time. He has never seen two people worse at communicating. Wait, yes he has. Katsuki and Deku themselves have to take the top spot on that. Katsuki refuses to be anything but number one, anyway. But seriously. For two people who are basically attached at the hip, they've never had a conversation about their obvious feelings for each other once.
“Okay, and?” Katsuki raises an eyebrow, “what’s new?”
“She’s just so pretty,” Deku says through a mouthful of food, “I mean, what am I supposed to do? How do I ask a literal Goddess out? She probably doesn’t even like me back. She just thinks of me as a friend! I'm totally friendzone material, who would want to date me? Uraraka probably likes you or something.”
Katsuki frowns, absolutely affronted at that idea. As if. “Why the hell would she like me ?”
“Because you’re Kacchan,” Deku shrugs, “I mean, if I wasn’t a lesbian…”
“Deku, stop objectifying me," Kacchan says, rolling his eyes at Deku's subsequent pout. Katsuki just reaches a hand out to aggressively ruffle Deku's tangled hair.
"It’s literally fucking obvious she’s into you," Katsuki tells her, "she blushes whenever you’re in the goddamn vicinity.”
“She does not!” Deku protests, “her cheeks are just permanently pink!”
“Her entire face turns red around you, Deku. Tomato fucking red.”
“You’re seeing things, Kacchan.”
“I am not seeing things-” Katsuki breaks off, “you know what, Deku? I’ll prove it to you. There’s Pink Cheeks right now. Watch carefully, shitty Deku.”
“Ugh, Kacchan,” Deku whines pitifully as Uraraka descends the stairs in her uniform, skirt tucked into a shirt with a blazer like every freaking girl in the whole goddamn school. It's literally their fucking uniform. And yet Deku looks at her like she’s a miracle from heaven, a gift from the angels themselves. Katsuki personally doesn’t see the appeal. He likes Uraraka, she's cute enough, badass as fuck, but he doesn’t worship her the way Deku seems to. He’s never really gotten this whole being obsessed with the person you’re dating thing. It seems a little excessive.
“Hey,” Todoroki says, sliding into the seat next to Katsuki and leaning over to kiss his cheek. Katsuki tries very hard not to explode red, turning to his boyfriend. The perfect specimen, Katsuki thinks. The prettiest human being on the planet. Perfect chiseled muscles, sharp, cutting cheekbones-
Okay, maybe Deku has a point.
“‘Sup,” Katsuki says, “I’m proving something to shitty nerd Deku.”
“You’re gonna be wrong, Kacchan,” Deku says, pink from the neck up. Uraraka notices them and smiles wide, skipping over to them and dropping into the seat next to Deku. Katsuki can already see the telltale blooms of red on her cheeks as she looks over at Deku. Deku, in her crumpled All Might shirt and messy hair. Uraraka looks at her like she's a model or some shit.
“Hi, Deku!” Uraraka says, “Todoroki, Bakugou!”
“Yo, Angel Face,” Katsuki nods. Uraraka gives him a wave, and then turns back to Deku. Katsuki wants to snort, watching them just awkwardly stare at each other, both redder than Kirishima’s hair. Katsuki can see their cartoon-heart eyes. How have they managed to be functional friends for a whole year without accidentally confessing or passing out from the exhaustion of pining? This is tiring Katsuki just to watch. Someone put him out of his misery, please for the love of all that is holy.
“H-Hi, Uraraka!” Deku shouts unnecessarily loudly, “how are you this fine morning?”
“I’m good, how are you?” Uraraka squeaks. She’s blushing so much. Katsuki hopes Deku is seeing this. Her face is the color of a tomato, and Deku isn’t doing much better. She’s gripping her plate like a lifeline, and Katsuki’s afraid One for All is going to activate and fully shatter it. Katsuki reaches over and gently takes it from her.
“Good!” Deku answers, “oh, thanks Kacchan,” he says absently as Katsuki takes her plate. When she’s looking, Katsuki mouths blushing, quick enough that Uraraka won’t see. Deku shakes her head vehemently, still in denial. “Um, I have to get dressed for school soon, though. I was too lazy to put my blazer on.”
“That’s fair,” Uraraka nods, “um, I guess I’ll see you in class, then?”
“W-well I wasn’t gonna leave now ,” Deku says, halfway off the couch, “I was just going to wash the syrup off my hands! But, um, I guess since I’m up I should change too, you know? Just for convenience and all that. It would just make more sense, especially since we have to be at school in ten minutes, wow I did not realize the time, I was too busy eating! By the way, have you eaten breakfast yet? Kacchan did a really good job with the pancakes today. Speaking of Kacchan, can you come here please?”
Deku looks at Katsuki with urgent eyes. Katsuki, who was busy laughing at Deku’s flustered ranting, snorts and follows her into the kitchen.
“She was not blushing!” Deku hisses, “I just made a fool of myself out there!”
“Well, to be fair, you always make a fool of yourself,” Katsuki shrugs. Deku hits him in the shoulder, and Katsuki just pokes Deku in the arm in retaliation.
“Okay, Deku,” Katsuki grabs Deku by the shoulders and turns her around to where Uraraka is talking to Todoroki on the couch. “You are going to go over there and talk to her, and you are going to watch as her face turns red at an exponential rate. Got it?”
Deku just nods, and Katsuki turns her around and pushes her out of the kitchen. Deku walks over to Uraraka, and Katsuki crosses his arms and watches. Todoroki meets his eyes from across the room, and Katsuki communicates his exasperation with an eye roll. Todoroki nods in commiseration; he just gets him. Katsuki loves him.
“Um, Uraraka,” Deku starts, standing in front of her and fidgeting with her skirt, “I just wanted to say that, um, I’m gonna go change now. And I was wondering if you, ah, wanted me to get you some breakfast before I went? So you don’t have to get up?”
“Oh,” Uraraka’s voice comes out strangled, as most people’s do when Deku offers to do something nice for them. Katsuki will never understand the Deku-craze this school seems to have. Like, it’s literally just Deku. Why is everyone so obsessed with her, anyway? Katsuki is right here.
Uraraka’s face turns steadily red, just as Katsuki predicted. She nods shakily, beaming. “That’s so sweet, Deku, thank you so much!”
“O-of course!” Deku’s curls bounce as she turns on her heel and runs straight to the kitchen, grabbing Katsuki’s biceps (and totally feeling him up, damn Deku's annoying as hell aesthetic attraction to Katsuki), to steady herself as she jumps up and down. “Oh my God, Kacchan! She was blushing! I saw it this time! You were right!”
“Sorry?” Katsuki leans closer, “didn’t quite catch that.”
“You. Were. Right.” Deku glares, “Uraraka was blushing! At me! Plain old Deku! Can you believe that, Kacchan? An angel sent from heaven might like me back!”
“Might?”
“Well, I can’t be sure unless she says it…” Deku trails off at Katsuki’s disapproving look. He uses his height to his advantage and tries to look threatening, towering over Deku with his arms crossed. Deku hasn't actually been afraid of Katsuki in years, thankfully, but she's not immune to his intimidation tactics, either. Deku gets the message, and sighs.
“Fine. Uraraka probably likes me back. I’ll go give her some pancakes.”
“Good,” Katsuki says, and steps back so Deku can get to the counter. She grabs the plate meant for Uraraka and walks back to the common room, standing in front of the sofa and holding the plate out to Uraraka. She reaches out to take it, and almost in slow-motion Katsuki sees the exact moment their hands accidentally touch.
“Uh-” Deku, burning red, is quick to pull away.
“Oh, ah-” Uraraka blinks, pulling the plate to her chest, “thanks...dude.”
Katsuki winces. Deku looks confused for a moment, before nodding and running up the stairs to get changed. Katsuki facepalms and goes back to the couch.
“Oh, my God,” Uraraka says as Katsuki plops down next to her, not even trying to conceal his amusement, “I said dude.”
“Mm-hmm,” Katsuki nods, still snickering a little. Uraraka glares at him, but it's halfhearted. She's too busy wallowing in her Deku-pining.
“We touched hands, and I called Deku dude. I had the blessing of almost holding hands with the most beautiful woman to ever walk this Earth, and I said thanks, dude.”
“Mmm-hmmmm.”
“Bakugou, what am I going to do?” Uraraka shrieks, putting her head in her hands and groaning loudly into them. Katsuki really cannot figure out why people keep coming to him for advice. Todoroki just squeezes his hand in moral support, and Katsuki sighs.
“Confess, you dumb shit. It’s not that hard.”
“But what if she rejects me?” Uraraka looks scandalized at the very idea of telling Deku how she feels, which Katsuki doesn't get. The feeling is obviously mutual, why are they both morons?
“It’s Deku,” Katsuki says, “she won’t say no. She’s fucking obsessed with you.”
“No, she’s obsessed with you,” Uraraka counters, “Deku likes me a normal, healthy amount. Which is not enough! There’s no way she likes me back!”
“Deku has an Uravity shrine in her locker and she's expanded it into both mine and Todoroki's. She doesn't have near enough room for all her posters and figurines and plushies of you,” Katsuki rolls his eyes, “I’ve seen it. You’ve seen it. We’ve all seen it. Trust me, she’s a fucking sucker for you. She's been trying to find an Uravity body pillow. Don't ask how I know this.”
“A shrine means nothing,” Uraraka pouts.
"A shine that crosses three fucking lockers!" Katsuki yells, "and did you not hear the whole part about the fucking body pillow?"
"Still," Uraraka insists on continuing to be stupid, "none of that means she likes me back. She just likes supporting me, since we're best friends!"
Katsuki lets out a very audible and incredibly annoyed groan. He turns to Todoroki, who’s looking at him in sympathy.
Katsuki pleads with his boyfriend. “We weren’t this bad, right?”
“No,” Todoroki shakes his head, “definitely not. This is just insane.”
“See, Uraraka? Even the fucking Half and Half Bastard thinks it’s insane.”
"Must you keep using that nickname? We've been dating for almost a year."
"Shut it, Icyhot," Katsuki shoots back, but his hand is still in Todoroki's and he squeezes it for comfort. God, he's gotten so soft. This is terrible.
“Oh, God,” Uraraka buries her face in Katsuki’s bicep. Seriously, what is it with everyone and Katsuki's biceps? “Help.”
“Well, look, there’s shitty Deku now,” Katsuki points out, patting Uraraka’s head in comfort. She looks up and sees Deku descending the stairs, and immediately she’s letting go of Katsuki to stare. Deku’s tie is undone, her button-up is horribly wrinkled, and her blazer is indeed in need of a wash, there's a tea stain on one sleeve. Her hair is still unbrushed.
“Perfection,” Uraraka whispers, in awe.
“I’ll never understand girls,” Katsuki shakes his head, “fucking incapable of being straightforward. Yo, Deku! Get the fuck over here!”
Deku does, rushing over to the couch once Katsuki calls her. Deku stands in front of Uraraka, and Katsuki pushes Uraraka off the couch so she’s standing a few inches away from Deku, almost running into him. She rights herself quickly with her quirk, and then releases back to the ground. They realize their proximity at the same time and both blush, stammer, and jump away.
“We have one minute until we need to get to school,” Kacchan says, crossing his arms from where he’s sitting on the couch, watching them crossly. Today is the day he ends this pathetic pining shitshow once and for all. “I don’t care who tells who or how you do it or what the hell you say, I just want you two to fucking confess already!”
“Kacchan!” Deku protests, flooding red.
“Now, one of you,” Katsuki says pointedly. Uraraka, completely pink, can’t even muster up a glare at Katsuki. When she finally composes herself enough to look at him, it’s with a small smile. At least someone is thankful for Katsuki’s lackluster wingmanning attempts. Deku is just twirling her hair like an anime girl and turning completely red in the face.
“Um, okay,” Deku finally squeaks, and Katsuki can't even hide the fact that he's proud of her for taking the initiative. “Uraraka, I have something to tell you!”
“Go ahead, Deku,” Uraraka says, fidgeting with her hands. Katsuki's eyes flit between the two of them, mouth pressed in a flat line. Come on, shitty Deku, he thinks. You can fucking do this.
“I-” Deku squeezes her eyes shut, “I like you, Uraraka! You’re pretty and amazing and a literal goddess and I’ve liked you since first year! I really, really like you!”
Uraraka’s mouth falls open, despite the fact that she definitely expected that. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, no sound coming out. Finally she blinks, having finished processing, and huffs out a small laugh. She somehow beams even bigger than Katsuki has ever seen her smile before. He didn't think her cheeks could get any pinker.
Uraraka holds out a fist, grinning wide at Deku with a flushed face and wide, sparkling eyes. “Thanks, dude.”
Deku finally opens her eyes, and sags in relief when she sees Uraraka’s smile. She reaches her own hand out, clenching it into a fist, and bumps Uraraka’s fist.
“And by the way,” Uraraka adds, “I really, really like you too.”
"Oh," Deku's feet shuffle on the floor, one of them bumping into Katsuki's shoe. The impact prompts her to speak up again. "That's good. Very cool, uh, dude."
Katsuki facepalms. Well, at least they fucking did it. And somewhat better than Katsuki expected. At least they're both still standing. He'd kinda thought Deku would faint.
Deku and Uraraka stay as they are for a few minutes, both completely red-faced, fists still stuck together, neither of them really sure what happens next. Katsuki decides that for them, since his specialty does happen to be ruining things. Like romantic moments. Especially romantic moments, actually.
“Oh, thank you Jesus,” Katsuki slumps onto Todoroki’s shoulder, clapping his hands together in relief, “thank the fucking lord. Bless my exceptional fucking wingman skills.”
“Yes, thank you, Kacchan,” Deku agrees, now bouncing on the tips of her toes, grinning wide, “you are truly the best wingman! Kacchan sugoi!”
“Yeah, it’s thanks to Bakugou that I have a girlfriend now!” Uraraka agrees enthusiastically, and then chokes on air when she realizes what she said. “Uh, girlfriend, right, Deku?”
“R-right!” Deku pumps a fist into the air, “we're girlfriends now!”
Todoroki gives them some slow claps. Katsuki’s laughs turn into a genuine smile, despite trying to stay angry and irritable, he's fucking happy for the disaster sapphics he calls his best friends. Unfortunately, Deku and Uraraka both see Katsuki's smile and immediately grin all sappy-like at him, which has Katsuki growling and telling them to go make out or something. Both of them start blushing again, and Katsuki just smirks and high-fives Todoroki as they get off the couch and walk out of the dorms to go to school. Uraraka and Deku are still red statues behind them, and Katsuki just lets them be. They have each other now, Kaysuki is finally free of them. Well, probably not. Deku will always need Katsuki for something or other, and Uraraka takes after him in that sense. They're both always going to him for advice for no good reason. Katuski is gonna be stuck with those two for a long, long time.
Maybe that's not so bad, though.
Katsuki shoves his hands in his pockets and turns around, catching Deku’s eye and giving her a smug look. Told you so, Katsuki mouths. Deku sticks her tongue out at him, but she’s holding Uraraka’s hand in both of hers and looks way too happy for it to have any effect. Katsuki shoots Deku a wink, and then slips his own hand in Todoroki’s and walks away.
Katsuki may have gone soft, but he’s still always right.