Work Text:
They point their guns at each other, fingers on the triggers, ready to pull at a moment's notice. The complementing rings on either finger shine like a beacon in the pale yellow lights.
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Jiraiya, we could... fuck.. we could run away together, just you and I. Go somewhere warm and be together. That would be nice right?”
Orochimaru’s voice breaks halfway through. His words, his voice, his eyes begging Jiraiya to consider his offer, to consider staying with him. Begging to be with him forever and always.
Jiraiya wants to, God knows how much he wants to be with his oldest friend and lover forever, but he can’t. Not now. Not with all that he knows, all that he’s learned now.
Jiraiya lived in a blissful state of ignorance, a veil covering his eyes until it was ripped off abruptly showing him a world he most definitely wasn’t ready for. Showing him a world where his fiancé was covered in blood.
“I don’t want to do this. Please...I...I...” Orochimaru’s voice trails off, he’s asking for something but Jiraiya doesn’t know what. In a normal situation he would tease and laugh at the rare sight of Orochimaru losing his way with words. Unfortunately it’s not a typical situation. Instead of laughing Jiraiya does nothing but stare with his head tilted to the side in question.
The hand holding the gun trembles slightly, under the weight of holding it for so long, from nerves, or from the ache to comfort and hold his lover Jiraiya isn’t sure. He’s willing to bet on a mixture of the three though.
“I don’t want to hurt you Jiraiya. I love you. And … and you love me? My… extra curricular activities don’t have to change anything. I’m still me. Just with more blood on my hands than you thought. Please, let’s just put the guns down. I can explain everything. You just have to trust me.”
Jiraiya deep down in his steadily breaking heart knows that what Orochimaru says could be true. That he’s serious. Jiraiya wants to believe the other. He wants to be able to trust him. To take the other in his arms and just hold on until everything makes sense again. Jiraiya wants to be able to love him just as much as he did before.
But Jiraiya can’t.
There’s a river of blood between them now and Jiraiya isn’t sure how either of them can cross it.