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Sam smiles so brightly when he finally confirms it’s actually Dean. He hugs his brother so tight he never wants to let go. Seeing someone else use his face. It was awful.
He never thought Dean would give up control and say yes like that but he had. It was good in the beginning. He’d beaten Lucifer. The threat was finally gone but…
Then Michael landed in the drivers seat and he smirked ever so slightly barely noticeable but Sam noticed. He noticed because it was so sick, vile, and it sent shivers down Sam’s spine. He didn’t even sound like Dean when he spoke. Then he was gone and Sam stood still for a moment.
How could this have happened? Just as one archangel finally dies another, from an apocalypse world, gets his sword. There was no winning for them was there?
Jack was there. He was ready to die. He was ready to sacrifice his life for his family. When Dean came supping in to save them, Jack felt so safe.
He’d smiled with Sam when Lucifer was dead. Because it was finally over. Dean smiled with them for a moment. It was a genuine beautiful smile that almost never graced his face.
But when Jack saw Dean double over. He yelled out before stiffly standing up straight and his face was stone still… another cloud of darkness washed over them. Jack wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at Michael to leave his dad alone. Because Dean was one of his dads. Him, Cas, Sam, they were his dads. He needed them more than anyone else.
Then he was gone. Everything was different until he came back. When he did Jack was in shock. He stood at the stairs for a moment but when Sam and Dean saw him he moved for them.
He stopped asking if it was true. He looked to Sam hoping. Sam had nodded and Jack smiled faintly. Cas was next to him not long after but before they could continue Jack had to.
The hug was short but Jack smiled into Dean’s shoulder as the man gave him a pat on the back. It was different. Dean felt different than before. It was strange and Jack couldn’t explain it.
Cas hadn’t been there. He’d watched as Dean said yes to Michael. He tried to stop him. He wanted to grab Dean and cover his mouth, knock him out, do anything to stop him from saying yes. It wasn’t the answer almost a decade ago and it wasn’t the answer now.
Once Michael had taken Dean away Cas collapsed next to the map table. He didn’t know what would happen with Lucifer. He didn’t know. One thing he did know was that Michael would take Dean. No matter the deal they had.
He’d use his meat suit to his liking, he’d push Dean to the side with a flick of his wrist. Then he’d make Dean watch as he destroyed the world as he had the last.
Cas just put his head in his hands and waited. He waited for the news of it. Waited for Sam’s phone call.
He was right. Sam called, “Michael took him”. Even though he’d already knew it would happen the words still hit him hard in the chest.
When Dean came back Cas wanted to hug him tight and lock him in the dungeon never to be let out. He never wanted Dean to leave the bunker. He didn’t want another threat to come within a hundred mile radius of this man before him.
Except, he knew that wasn’t possible. Jack got a hug before him, he went to step forward but Dean just looked away. A small smile and he never looked either of them in the eye. Glanced at Cas for a second but that was nothing. He was different.
Cas could tell Sam saw it but chose to ignore it. He understood why. This was his brother back from a place they never thought he’d come back from. He didn’t want to believe anything was wrong. Everything was normal right? Everything was perfectly okay. Right?
—
Dean hated himself for saying yes. Yeah, he got to kill Lucifer but all those people who died. What about them? Michael tortured. He just smirked at Dean every time he’d pass a mirror. He was taunting him.
He hated having no control. Not being able to move his own hands. He couldn’t even look one way or the other. It made him want to tear out his own hair but he couldn’t. Because he had no control.
When he fell back into his own body it was foreign. He’d never felt more violated in his life. Someone else had been in his head. Someone else had moved his arms and legs. Someone had used his own hands to kill.
Seeing his family again was great. Sam was doing well. Jack and Cas seemed alright.
Without him. They survived fine without him. He was glad they could, that they did. It made him so happy that they’d been fine without him.
But at the same time, later that night, alone in his room. Alone, silent, cold, with only his thoughts. It hurt.
His chest ached and his head pounded out endless questions on why the hell he’d come back. Why did he come back here? Why did they want him back? Why was Michael gone? Why? Why ?! WHY ?!
Through the next days to come he watched from the sidelines. He watched Sam, he watched Jack, he watched Cas, he watched everyone. They were fine.
He felt so useless. He felt so powerless. He felt… weak .
So he went hunting. He went out and he hunted down and killed anything that needed it. Sam went with him. Jack went with him. Cas went with him. Bobby went with him. Charlie went with him.
He hated every minute of it.
They were always looking at him as if he would snap. As if Michael would all of a sudden stand his back up straight turn out and put a fist through their gut. Dean wondered it too.
He hated that he wondered. Not if. When. Because there’s no way he wouldn’t come back. He had to come back. Because he wouldn’t just leave. That’s not how it worked. Life wasn’t good for Dean. Not like that.
Even before all this Michael shit. Even before the apocalypse world. Even before Jack. Even before the first apocalypse. Even before Cas. Even before hell. Even before Sam and looking for dad.
He hated this feeling and it was worse than ever. The stupid feeling of when it would all come crashing down. Of when a knife would finally enter his back. Of when a bullet would finally pierce his skull. Of when he’d finally die.
It was a normal thought he had every day. He had a lot of bad thoughts every day. Bad questions.
When would this finally be over?
I can’t do this anymore.
Why am I still here?
I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.
Do they even care?
There was way more than just that. His thoughts all mushed together and would normally hit him when it was quiet. When he was alone.
When there was nothing to distract him from them. When the thoughts first came to his mind he ignored them. It was just him and dad back then.
They got louder as dad started giving him missions to do on his own. He’d drown himself in alcohol, women, loud music, killing the next monster hoping, praying, it would go away. It just got louder.
One day, they were so loud he let a werewolf call his torso open. He should’ve picked a day his dad wasn’t with him.
“I trained you better than this. Sloppy.”
That’s all he’d said even though Dean knew John had seen him open his arms ready to be clawed to death. John didn’t say anything when Dean woke up in a hospital bed. Not then.
Not when he’d driven a shitty car off the road while fighting a shifter either. He’d used the excuse of he’d thought the shifter would die. John hadn’t said anything. Just yelled him not to do it again scaring the nurse in his hospital room.
The day he got Sammy back in it was the quietest it had ever been. The thoughts were almost gone and he’d smiled genuinely for the first time in… he doesn’t even remember how long.
But then Jess died and he… it was his fault. He’d brought Sam back into his. The thoughts were full of guilt now too. It added to his pile of loud questions on why he was even still here.
He knew he couldn’t leave Sam. His brother needed him. So he only got sloppy to an extent. Just enough to get the monster to maim him not kill him.
It felt good. The pain. It was punishment. It was good. It would silence the thoughts for a moment.
Selling his soul. It was so easy. He’d played it out to Bobby and Sam like there was hesitation but god he didn’t. He didn’t hesitate because he knew he deserved it.
When he got ripped up by that he’ll hound it hurt like a bitch. But then he got dragged down and he knew it was over. No more hurting Sam. No more hurting Bobby. Finally a punishment for everything he’d done.
Then Cas happened. Castiel, the angel of the lord.
Dean felt so unworthy. He questioned why the hell would god pick him. He wasn’t what they all thought. He wasn’t this “ righteous man ” they spoke of.
Then Cas turned again heaven for him. For him. Dean never felt more wanted. He’d never felt more guilty.
He wanted to scream in the guys face that he was an idiot for doing this. The relief he felt when Cas beat the shit out of him. He wanted Cas to kill him. He wanted it. Punishment for everything he’d done. For doing this to Cas.
The next years to come just put more guilt on his shoulders. He made mistake after mistake. He’d made attempt after attempt. All failed. He continued to live. He didn’t want to anymore.
This whole Michael thing was the perfect opportunity. He felt it in his mind. The door was open just a crack. He could feel it. Michael could waltz right back in and take his sword.
Dean wouldn’t let that happen. He’d caused enough pain. He’d hurt his family enough.
He couldn’t do it himself though. Another weak thing about him. He was too weak to slit his own wrists or take some pills.
Coward.
The voice in his mind sounded more like his father than ever before. He was right.
So Dean set off on a hunt. Sam wouldn’t back down. Sam had to come along. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
Good thing Dean already knew everything he needed to know about this case from another hunter. Garth. He loved that guy not that he’d tell anyone.
He acted as if he didn’t know anything then when Sam was doing research he’d go check out the abandoned school on the edge of town. He killed all but one goul. This was it.
The goul had him tied to a desk. He was draining him of his blood. Cuts to his wrists and sides bled like a faucet.
“I’ll make you suffer.” The goul said cutting his face and chest then his legs and stomach. “You’ll die slow.”
Dean just smiled up at the dirty ceiling. Finally. It would all be okay now. He’d go to heaven and relive memories. Hopefully with his mom, with Sam, with Cas, with Jack, with everyone he loved, friend or family. That’s all he wanted.
“Why are you smiling?” The goul gripped his face tight and he just felt his eyelids get heavy. “You wanna die?” Dean nodded with what felt like his last breath.
He passed out as Sam kicked in the door. Calling Garth for information on the area was smart. It was strange how he’d been the one to give Dean all the information. He’d ask later once he got Dean to the nearest hospital.
—
Dean woke to pain and bright lights. Not heaven. Not safe. Not painless. Still a burden. Still useless. Still alive.
He was sore as he groaned eyes adjusting to the light. He felt a hand on his arm, soft touch, yet calloused from working. Sam.
“Hey, Dean? You awake?”
He opened his eyes finding Sam, Jack, Cas, and… Garth? No. No, no, no, no, no. He acted the shit out this hoping it would be fine and he’d get another chance later.
“Sammy? What is this? Family reunion? The hell you call them for?” Dean muttered sitting up in the hospital bed wincing as Cas gripped his shoulder to stop him. Sam had done the same on the other side of him.
“Cas can’t heal you here. I couldn’t wait for him, had to bring you to the hospital. They gave you a lot of blood. Still giving it to you actually.” Sam motioned to the almost empty blood bag next to Dean’s IV fluid.
“Don’t need it. I need a beer and to get the hell outta here.“ Dean went for his IV but—
His arms were bandaged like most of his body but they were also attached to the bed. He was restrained to the bed. What the fuck?
“The fuck is this?” Dean asked looking up at Sam confusion written into his facial features.
Sam took a deep breath opening and closing his mouth a few times. He finally, after looking over at Cas, then Garth, spoke.
“I called Garth thinking he was close maybe he knew a few things about this area.” Sam spoke slowly as if Dean would snap at any second. “He said he gave you this case. That you knew those gouls were in that school, Dean. I thought there’s no way because you would have told me, then I remembered you didn’t want me coming along, or anyone—“ Sam’s voice shook slightly Dean just scoffed.
“Sammy I—“ Dean didn’t get a chance before Sam interrupted.
“Did you try to kill yourself—“ Dean stopped him right there before he could say anymore.
“What?! Hell no! Why the hell would I do that?!” Dean yelled getting glances from people just outside his room.
“You tell us Dean.” Cas chimed in his deep voice soothing to Dean.
“I wouldn’t do that.” He whispered out but didn’t look anyone in the eye.
“Really?” Sam asked squeezing Dean’s shoulder. “Look at me and tell me that Dean.” Sam said to which Dean looked up at him.
He opened his mouth a few times and Sam’s face got more and more painful to look at by the second. So he looked away there was no way out. He wished he had a way out.
“Get out.” He didn’t look at anyone just muttered it loud enough
“Dean—“
“GET OUT!” He screamed making Jack and Garth flinch Sam’s eye twitched too.
Sam stood sighing and gathering the three of them out of the room. He closed the sliding door behind him and put his head in his hands.
Dean glanced at them but looked away quick. Disappointment. He was a disappointment. Now they had to deal with his pathetic weak feelings.
Burden.
Coward.
Failure.
The words didn’t stop. He just sat there listening to each terrible thing his mind said about himself.
—
“How did I not see this?” Sam, mostly asking himself, said into the open air hand finding its way to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“None of us saw it Sam.” Cas said glancing into the room as Dean stared out the window in the opposite direction.
“Why would he intentionally try to die? I understand if it was to save someone but you said that this time it wasn’t.” Jack asked Sam who tried to even his breath.
“Uh, Jack sometimes…” Sam hated that this was about his brother.
“It can be many different reasons Jack. We won’t know why Dean tried until he tells us.” Cas said giving a small smile to the boy who frowned.
“This is horrible.” Garth muttered. “I always thought he was the strongest of us.” Sam nodded in agreement at that.
“Okay, uh, we gotta figure out what to do. The hospital isn’t a good place.” Sam ran a hand through his hair.
“Get the other hunters out of the bunker for now maybe?” Cas asked but Sam shrugged.
“I guess we could get the chapter houses up and running for them if they don’t have another place to go.” Sam suggested and Cas nodded Garth also agreeing.
“We should call Jody.” Jack suggested making the three look up. “Being surrounded by family makes me happier. Maybe it’ll make Dean feel better?” Jack asked to which they all looked to Sam who shrugged looking lost.
“I don’t know—I don’t know! He’s never done this. I’ve never had to deal with this before. I don’t know what to do.” Sam sounded out of breath and distressed.
“It’s okay Sam. We’ll figure it out.”
—
Dean figured out that once they knew it was kind of freeing. He wouldn’t voice his terrible thoughts to them, hell no, but it just felt… lighter.
He didn’t have to worry about them finding out anymore. He knew they were already disappointed. Can’t disappoint them anymore than he already has.
So I’m the car as Sam drove them home, Cas and Jack in the back him in shotgun, he subtly twisted his body. He didn’t let Cas heal him. No matter how many sneak touches he tried to get.
“Dean, stop, you’re bleeding.” Cas growled out from the back.
“Leave me alone man.” Dean snapped but Sam just looked over and then pulled the car over. “Jesus, just keep driving!” Dean said motioning to the road.
Sam ignored his request instead took a look at his neck wound. Then his arms, then his sides, torso, chest, legs. The best he could with Dean having clothes on and all. Only his arm, neck, and side were bleeding. It was terrible which was good.
“Dean please let Cas heal—“
“Not gonna happen. Just fucking drive!” Dean yelled glaring at Sam who stared for a long moment. Then Sam glanced back at Cas.
“I’ll hold him down.” He said to which Dean went wide eyed.
Sam grabbed Dean who yell out many loud curses and protests. Sam held his arms Jack grabbed his shoulders and Cas got a touch for only a couple seconds which was just enough.
They let him go and he just lay limp sighing. He ripped off the bandages he could get at while Sam put the car in drive pulling back onto the road.
“Proud of yourselves?” Dean hissed pressing into the inside of his arm that had been all cut up.
The rest of the ride was silent. When they got home Dean muttered curses at the cars, definitely not unfamiliar, that were parked outside the bunker. Great.
Dean got out of the impala grabbing his bag and studying each of the cars. He needed to know who he would have to tell he was fine to inside.
Jody, potential Alex, Claire’s car Kaia and her were here. Donna’s car was also here. Mary’s car was here. Great. Lovely. Fucking perfect.
“Wow! Whole family reunion over nothing!” Dean said smiling sarcastically at Sam as he went for the door.
“That wasn’t nothing Dean!” Sam said bag in hand as he raced after Dean who was half way inside Cas and Jack not far behind.
“Yes! It was a fucking job nothing else! You complete asswipe!” Everyone inside heard and Dean’s glad they did because he didn’t need everyone coddling him.
He didn’t need attention. He didn’t need to be asked a hundred times if he was okay. He wasn’t, move the fuck on.
Dean made his way down the stairs the women all sitting at the table. Oh great, their faces made him want to curl in on himself. He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.
“Hey Dean—“
“I don’t know what the fuck Sam told you. But I’m perfectly okay. I’m fine. So I’m gonna go drink beer and pass out in a pile of pizza.” Dean then moved for his room as Sam called after him but failed at catching up to him.
He knocked on the door for a while but no answer. After about a minute Def Leppard started blasting and that’s when Sam gave up.
He slowly made his way back to the war room hoping for some advice on how to deal with this. When he got back most were drinking beer and sitting in silence.
“He’s not coming out?” Mary asked to which Sam shook his head grabbing a beer and chugging half of it.
“The hell do we do?” Sam asked desperately only for most to give each other looks.
“Did he actually say it?” Sam looked at Jody as if she’d grown two heads.
“It’s Dean take a guess.” She nodded in understanding to which he apologized for the sharpness in his tone. “Garth said he’d told Dean everything about the case. How many gouls, where to find them, everything. Dean didn’t want any of us going with him. I just—“ he cut himself off with a sigh hand covering his eyes. “I should have seen it.” He muttered taking another gulp of his beer.
“Saying we should have seen it isn’t going to help now.” Donna pointed out which made Sam nod sitting down in one of the chairs they’d pulled over from the library.
—
He knew they wouldn’t let him sit in his room alone. He understood it. Hated it but understood. So he let the door be open a crack.
Over the period of two days everyone came to his door. They knocked opening it up slightly and when he ignored them they left. Jody didn’t leave though.
She was different. She silently closed the door behind her and sat on the edge of the bed with him.
Mary had done the same except she had asked him what she had done wrong. He’d told her to get out. Manipulation wouldn’t make him talk.
Jody sat with him for a long time while he just lay on his side staring at the wall. Beer, pizza, and clothes littered his floor.
Eventually she just started cleaning. She put the empty bottles and paper plates in the trash. She stacked the dirty plates by the door. She picked up his clothes and folded them for him.
By the end he’d moved to sit up against the headboard and watch her move around the room silently. When she was done she sat back on the bed and they made eye contact.
“It’s okay, not to be okay.” She said to which silent tears fell while a rock in his throat made him want to cry out. “You can cry on anyone’s shoulder sweetheart.” She said giving him a pat on the knee before getting up and going for the door.
“Jody.” He sobbed and she turned with a small comforting smile.
She walked back over to the bed sitting up closer to him this time and he didn’t protest to it. She rubbed her hand on his knee that was bent up meeting his chest as he hugged them.
“I’m here. Always.” She said to which he let out a small exhale that she’d count as a sob.
He leaned into her soft sobs against her shoulder as she ran her hand through the short hairs at the back of his neck. They stayed like that for a long time.
Him just crying it all out as she rubbed his back soothing him with soft words. He’d never felt so safe in his life. She made him feel so safe.
“I’m sorry.” He finally spoke.
“Nothing to be sorry for.” But he just shook his head pulling away.
“I don’t want this. Attention. Being a burden. I’m not weak. I’m not weak. I can take care of myself.” He said but she just took his head in one hand the other pushing through his hair.
“You’re not weak. And you are not a burden Dean Winchester. We know you can take care of yourself.” She said making sure she had eye contact when saying the next part. “You just don’t have to. We’ve got you.” She reassured and he went back to silently sobbing into her shoulder.
It went on like that for a long time. Eventually it ended up with him curled in her lap while she ran her hand through his hair, down his back, over his shoulders, wiping his tears. He’d never felt so safe in his whole life.
He wanted to stay like this forever. He never wanted to leave this moment. She smiled down at him when he looked up at her.
“I—I—shit…” his breath was shaking and his head hurt from the crying.
He sat up and she steadied him with a hand on his back. He rubbed his temple then ran a hand through his hair.
“I uh, don’t want to talk about it.” Dean said looking back at her to which she nodded.
“I know. But you should.” Jody said and he knew that already. “Everyone just wants you to be safe and happy. We—“
“I’m not.” He interrupted. “I haven’t been since—since… fuck.” He hated the stupid hiccuping after crying. It made him sound like a child. “Since I don’t know, twenty something years ago?” Her face winced slightly she hadn’t known it was that long.
“You gotta talk to someone Dean.” She said to which he let out a wet laugh.
“Yeah, where’s the shrink that’ll take all this?” Dean motioned to himself and Jody nodded.
“I know, I know, but at least, when it gets bad. Talk to Sam, or Cas, or one of us.” She smiled searching for his eyes. “Doesn’t matter what time of day or night, or what kind of problem you have Dean. You can call me.” She said and he nodded.
“I love you.” He muttered and she smiled widely.
“I love you too Dean. Have for a long time. You’re family to me. Everyone here is.” Jody said and he smiled at her.
“Love ‘em too. All of them.”
“Good. I’m sure they’d love to hear it whenever you feel like telling them.”
—
Jody let him have some time after that. He had a shower and as much as it felt good, it didn’t make it better. Everyone says it does but it doesn’t.
When he got out of the shower he spotted his phone and an idea popped into his head. So he picked it up after pulling a shirt over his head.
He scrolled eventually finding what he was looking for at the bottom of his contact list. His finger hovered over the call button but he eventually pressed it.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hi uh, Mia?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
“Um, it’s Dean. Winchester. You know from—“
“Yes, I remember you Dean. It’s been a while. How are you?”
He pushed for a moment and considered hanging up. Stupid. It’s stupid. But god it’s also not.
“Not great. Terrible actually I uh, I um— shit.” Stuttering again. Stupid, stupid.
“It’s alright Dean. Take a deep breath for me.” He did as she asked taking in a shaky breath. “And let it out.”
She asked him to do it several times and each time it got less shaky. That was good. Breathing was cool. He thought breathing was okay.
“We aren’t that far from each other right? Would you like to visit?” She asked subtly and he knew what she meant.
“Yeah only a few hours.” He laughed and she did as well.
“Would you still like to come see me?” She asked again and he bit his lip hard.
He was once again considering hanging up but he didn’t. He wanted to say no but he didn’t.
“Please.” It came out much more desperate than he intended.
“Today or tomorrow?”
“Today.”
“Alright how about later this afternoon? 5?” That gave him a good amount of time to get there. That was good.
“Okay, okay, yeah, sounds great. Prepare for some big ass emotions and lots of stuff. Supernatural related and otherwise related alright?”
“Wanna tell me anything over the phone or would you like to surprise me?” He smiled at her half attempted at a small joke.
“My entire family is here. Blood related and not. My brother told them I tried to kill myself.” That was the first time he’s ever uttered those words out loud.
“Did you, Dean?” She asked softly. Her voice was soothing and it made him much calmer than he thought he would be during this kind of conversation.
It took him a minute to answer. She didn’t push which he liked. He took a deep breath staring at the half close door to his bedroom.
“Yes, yeah. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Let’s take another deep breath okay?”
And he did. And then she told him that they can continue this conversation now or when they see each other.
He’d see her soon so she said goodbye. He stood there phone to his ear long after she’d hung up the phone.
Dean packed his duffel bag after that and slowly walked down the hall while researching things to do on Wisconsin. There was an amusement park and a water park. Sounds fun.
He didn’t look up from his phone as he walked through the war room and to the stairs. The conversations went silent which he ignored.
“Dean! Where are you going?” He didn’t even get two steps up before Sam called out to him.
“I’m thinking an amusement park. Anyone wanna come?” Dean asked to which Jack jumped at the idea.
“Will there be a rollercoaster?” He asked with a smile and Dean nodded.
“Looks like it. Pack your stuff kid we’re going overnight.” Dean said and Jack went to run to his room but Cas stopped him.
“Dean where are you going?” Cas asked standing from his seat hand on Jack’s shoulder forcing him back into his chair.
“Bay Beach Amusement park.”
“Where is that?”
“Wisconsin.”
“ Wisconsin ?!”
“Why are you going to Wisconsin?” Cas asked to which Dean looked away fidgeting with his car keys.
“Uh, remember Mia Vallens?” Dean asked looking to Sam who frowned not seeming to remember.
“The shifter!” Jack said and Dean nodded then Sam’s frown melted away.
“Shifter shrink yeah.” Dean had his eyes trained on the floor.
Dean felt arms around him and he froze up. Sam had him in hug. This was hug was different.
Usually he made Sam go low so he felt safe in his arms. This time Sam put his arms around Dean’s shoulders. He wouldn’t break down though. Not when everyone else was smiling proudly at him.
“Uh, yeah, thanks for that.” Dean slowly pulled back as he saw Sam smiling. “Grab your shit kid! And whoever else is coming. I’m driving though.” He said to which Kaia bumped Claire’s shoulder excitedly.
The girl rolled her eyes but they both got up to go get their stuff. Dean’s eyes moved to Alex who stayed seated. He pointed to her and she shook her head.
“Nope, no, you’re grabbing your stuff. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster?” He asked her as she shook her head.
“I’m an adult—“
“So? You think I’m not going on them? Cause I will be.” Dean said to which she hesitated but got up to go get her stuff.
Dean smiled moving for the stairs. This was going to be fun. He was going to therapy then an amusement park. Yeah, he could do this.
“Dean.” He didn’t get three steps before Sam stopped him again. “I know you love the impala but it might be a bit cramped. There’s a suburban in the garage.” Sam said to which Dean thought for a moment.
Four kids could easily fit in the back of that suburban plus two more. It would mean more elbow room. Plus he could bring someone else. Someone like—
“Cas you wanna come?” Dean asked as he moved away from the stairs toward the hallway that would lead to the garage. The angel looked conflicted.
“This seems more like a bonding experience between you and them.” Cas said as Jack came up behind Dean with his bag and a wide smile.
“Come on man! I bet Jack wants you there. Right Jack?” Dean looked to Jack expectingly who just looked at Cas and nodded.
“I think you should go on the Ferris wheel.” Jack said and Sam snickered covering his mouth.
“See? Have you ever been on a Ferris wheel?” Dean asked to which Cas shook his head. “That means you’re coming! Let’s go!” Dean said moving and grabbing Cas’ hand, not his wrist, his hand. “Tell the girls we’re waiting on them in the garage!” He yelled as Sam smiled after them.
“They’re going on the Ferris wheel together.” Sam said stunned at it, to which Jody and Donna smirked while Mary seemed confused.
“Uh, what do you mean?” She asked as Sam took a sip of his beer.
“They’ve been suffocating us with their sexual tension.” Jody said to which Sam groaned.
“Years! Ten years!” Sam said gulping another portion of his beer back. “Ten years of eye fucking, and standing to close to each other, and this “profound bond”, and the innuendo, and the dates that were never dates but they were totally dates!” Sam groaned head going down into the table as Jody and Donna laughed at his pain. “The amount of times I’ve just wanted to duck tape their faces together!”
—
Mia helped Dean a lot. The first few times it was in person then they moved to Skype calls. He still went there in person every once and a while.
As much as he’ll call her a shrink and say it was bullshit. It was helping. He felt better talking about it.
And that day at the amusement park. It was one of the best days of Dean’s life. They went on rides and won stuffed animals. They ate cotton candy and carnival food.
At the end of the night as the sun was setting, Dean pointed at the Ferris wheel and dragged Cas away from their picnic table. The kids all smiled after them. And maybe at the top as, Cas looked in awe at the stars and the people below, Dean lay his hand on the angels cheek and connected their lips.
Things were getting better. Things got better. His mind wasn’t as cloudy and his thoughts didn’t suffocate him. He felt warmer, safer, loved.
—