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Pandora Lovegood is standing up on Sirius` door.
It was the only thought that James Potter has in his head while he is staring the blond lady on the front door. It was not something he would expect to happen cause Pandora was never such a good fan of de marauders. But there she is. Glaring at Sirius with her cold eyes that for so long James associated with Regulus.
Because Pandora is Regulus Black best friend.
And James Potter tries not to think about Regulus Black for the last few years.
“Pandora?” Sirius calls her.
When James finally notices a glimpse of recognizing in Pandora`s eyes and now he knows that he is not going to like knowing why she is here.
“How do you know where I live? “Sirius asked when sees that Pandora is not going to talk that easily.
“I… Regulus told me where to find you” She answered and for the first time for so long James hears her voice. It seems weird think she doesn’t look like the same girl he knew at school. She is beautiful of course; she was always beautiful with the golden hair and expressive eyes, but he couldn’t realize how can she be so different when there isn’t any significant change in her looks.
“Did Regulus send you here?” James asked afraid about which answer he would get.
“Kind of” She said and close her mouth for a while. When James was about to start speaking again about why Regulus would send her there, Pandora opens her mouth and starts speaking again. “Regulus was my best friend. Actually, He is my best friend”
James holds his own hands against each other anxiously.
Regulus is still a sore subject for him. But how could he not be? He was James` first love and for so long James thought he could never get over him. He did, of course. The brave Gryffindor was engaged to the beautiful Lily Evans and everyone that knows them says they are a couple made in heaven.
“I`m not in a mood to talk about my brother, Pandora, so if you are here because of some stupid thing he said. I`m sorry but I`m not interested.” Sirius says when the blond girl stooped talking for a second so she could breathe.
Pandora starred Sirius eyes and James thanked Merlin that he is not the one receiving that looking.
“I`m sorry Sirius but I don’t give a shit about if you are in a mood or not.”
Remus looked at James trying to ask without words if he has any clue why she would be here. He has no idea why. The only thing he could possibly guess is the Regulus has something to do with that.
“He is my best friend, you know? Always there for me as I was always there for him”. She continues talking and for now everyone stays quiet because the curiosity is almost killing all of them. “It was hard not loving Regulus Black. He was charming, handsome, good friend and a good person.”
Sirius made a weird sound as she said Regulus was a good person, but Pandora pretended not noticing that.
“I would do everything he need me to do but when he asked me to come here and talk with you, I said no. Why would he want that? You were never a good brother for him, Sirius. He can forgive you for that, but I cannot.”
Sirius starts laughing so hard that for a moment he looks like a mad man.
“Am I the one needing the forgiven? Not him? The one that received the mark. He is a death eater and you know how bad it is”.
James wanted to talk about that too, but he doesn’t feel like he could.
Regulus took the mark and that almost killed James at the time. How could someone that he loves so much choose the dark lord over him. How could Regulus do that to him?
Because James loved Regulus.
He loved him so much that did hurt a lot when they broke up. It felt like dying and it’s the only thing James remember well about those months. Not only because the Slytherin betrayed him but because he did that without believing in all that bullshit his family believe.
“How could he not be? How could he do any different in his life when he was searching so hard for love? When the only person that really loved him was me?” Pandora said.
“Don’t talk about something you don’t know Pandora.” James answered with a cold voice. “You know nothing.”
“No, James. You`re the one that know nothing.” She looked at him and started walking in his direction. “I told him, you know? How ridiculous he was for falling in love with you. That was so many people in that castle but of course, Regulus would fall in love with one that he could never have. So typical of him.”
James doesn’t know what kind of answer he could give to her.
It is not like he planned at the time to fall in love with his best friend`s little brother too.
“I was and still am the only one that really love Regulus even with all the fault he has. I didn’t agree to be here when he first asked me as I was telling you. I said no, we discussed but at the end of course I said yes. He was good at manipulation. I know he could make me do things I would never do by myself and still think it’s a good idea. Maybe because of that he was so loved in Slytherin.”
Remus noticing how close Sirius was to break and start yelling with her, decided to inquire:
“I`m not sure why you are here, Pandora, can you please focus?”
“I was the only one with Regulus till the end” she says, and James feels like the doesn’t want to know anymore. There is no answer that will make him feel better about all this anymore.
“Till the end?” Remus asks.
“I`m here to let Sirius know that his younger brother, Regulus Black, is not alive anymore.” Pandora`s voice broke in the end. “Regulus is dead.”
No.
It`s not possible, James thought.
Regulus is still 18 years old. He isn’t old enough to die.
That’s something wrong about that.
He can’t…
He is not…
“What?” Sirius shouted. “What do you mean Regulus is dead?”
Pandora took a deep breathe.
“I mean he is not longer in this world. I mean that I lost my best friend. I mean I can not fight with him about how idiot he is for loving James for so long. I can not try to make him forgive himself for all the bad things he had done. I mean I will not hear him saying I love you to me for one more time.”
James looks at his own hands and sees its shaking. For a moment he worries about not being able to stay standing up like this for much more.
“You`re wrong. Why would he be dead?” Sirius says.
James sees something in Pandora`s eyes but she doesn’t say a word.
“I`m here to give you the letters he wrote before dying’”
Sirius was the first one to get there and look to the letter. It was two. One with Sirius name and the other one was James`.
“It is yours.” Sirius says giving him his letter and that moment James realizes that Sirius is shaking too.
James looks at Sirius while his friends opens the letter and starts reading. He doesn’t know what to do because he doesn’t feel ready to know anything that Regulus decided to sent him. James was feeling nauseous and knew it is a bad idea for his heart to read that letter.
But he changed his mind when Sirius`s eyes started shining with tears.
“He knew he was going to die.”
What that means?
James’s mind was dark. He couldn’t think straight.
“What do you mean Sirius?” Remus asks.
“He knew Voldemort would kill him. He was not a Death Eater anymore.”
James waited hearing that sentence for so long. Deep down, he knows it is one of the things he desired for so long. But not like that.
Regulus was not supposed to be dead in the end.
No, he was supposed to be fine. To be with him. With James.
At this point Pandora gave them one more look before walking to the front door again. She did what her best friend asked her to do and now he could be in peace. She has done what she promised she would and now she could be in peace too. She loved Regulus with all her heart and that will not change anytime soon.
When the doors close after Pandora goes out, James feels like waking up from a bad dream.
But he`s still in a nightmare.
He opens the letter.
Potter
James
Dear James Potter,
I don’t know how to start this letter. I`ve been trying to write for you for so long that now I can`t find the right words to do it.
I know when you receive this letter I`ll be long gone and I apologize for that. For not having the courage to say all this words in person and to go without a proper goodbye. But, let`s be honest, I was never a Gryffindor, I`m not brave as you are.
That was something that I loved about you. You`re brave even when you`re scared. I wish I could have half the courage you have. Maybe, if I did have, we wouldn’t be here. Saying goodbye by a letter.
I know that right now you probably hate me.
I`m sorry about that too.
I`m sorry about making you hate me and even in my death making you hate me more because you can not hate me. I know you, I know how much I did hurt you and even after that you could never hate me.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for loving me, even when I didn’t deserve any kind of love.
Thank you for taking care of my brother.
Thank you for so many things that I can not say in this letter.
Just… Thank you.
You changed my world and made me see that life could be more than I’ve ever thought it could be.
I`ve been in love with you since the first kiss until my last breath.
Hope you have a good life.
I`m sure you`re the one that deserves that.
If it has any kind of heaven I hope I can see you there someday. But not so soon.
Always yours,
R.A.B
After reading James fell on the floor and finally starts crying.