Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Karkat was running through the rain, trying to quickly get home before he got sick. He curses as he runs, already soaked. He stops under an awning to breath. It was then he could here a faint wailing. Karkat looked around to find the source but found none. He hums and looked in the alleyway next to the building. There he spots it. A box with something wiggling in it. He bites his lip and goes to it.

He stares at the blanket covered, crying object. He exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding before pulling the cover back. Karkat could have shit himself at what was making the noise.

A baby. 

A fucking baby.

Who the fuck leaves a baby in the rain?! Karkat was furious. He looked around to see if anyone was the owner of the baby. Not seeing anyone, he picks up the child. The baby stops crying long enough to look at him. His blue eyes scan the trolls face. He giggles. Karkat blinks. 

"Not so sure what's funny....but I can't leave you out here.... Ugh... I really don't want this responsibility but... ahhhhhh what the hell." He holds the baby close to him and continues home.

Once inside his house, he grabs several towels to dry the infant off. Once he was dry, he toweled his own hair. 

"So. Your obviously a human male... so you need a Human male name right?" he hums as he pokes the baby in the stomach. He giggles. Karkat sighs.

"How about... Mike? No that's stupid as all hell.... hmm... human name.... Jordan...? Hell no." he scratches his head in thought. "Johnathan... John... John. John is now your name, human. You will live with it forever. Be grateful." Karkat nods. John giggles at him, as if to approve the name. Karkat picks him up. "I guess your not all that bad John. I mean you don't talk yet so thats good. But that also means I have to teach you, huh? I'm assuming your two. Do you know any words at all?" He asks. John stares at him. 

"kit..." John babbled. Karkat hums. 

"Can you say Karkat?" he asks. "Kar-Kat." He pronounces it for him.

"Cat..." John says. 

"Karkat." 

"Car...?" 

"Kat."

"Cat. Car, cat. Karkat." John says with a small nod.

"Yeah! Karkat," he points to himself. "John." he points at John.

"John...?" he asks.

"Your name is John." Karkat nods. John hums.

"John, Karkat!" He giggles. Karkat found himself smiling for the first time in what felt like months.

Chapter Text

Karkat had to admit. John was a lot more work then he thought. He had to be fed and cleaned and entertained and UGHHH. He didn't have any time for ANYTHING now. But, he wasn't that bad.

John was actually a hoot to be around. He giggled a lot, smiles at everything, and just plain enjoys life. When he started to teeth, he chewed on evERYTHING WHAT THE HELL JOHN.

He thankfully got a tip from Kanaya. She told him to have John chew on frozen waffles. As stupid as it sounded, it worked. He soon got over his teething and could eat cereal. He could handle a spoon pretty all right. But he flails a lot, so that usually made the bowl flip onto the ground. Which caused a giggly John and a exasperated Karkat. But Karkat learned a lot about John along the way.

1. Never give him a cup without a lid. Water everywhere. Ugh.
2. Lego's? Out of the question. They are everywhere and Karkat still steps on stray ones.
3. Play-doh? Hell. No. In his hair, in the carpet, on the ceiling...? How the hell? 
4. Potty Training? Fuck. He missed 80% of the time. Like how the hell do you get it on the walls John Seriously?
5. Pika Boo is his favorite game. How is it entertaining? Karkat would never know.
6. Shots. No.
7. Peanuts. NONONONONO ShiT

Karkat had to visit the hospital and get a babysitter once. He was only gone for a little while. He will never climb a tree for a ball again. EVER. Fuck that ball. He will buy a new one before getting in a tree again. 

Kanaya agreed to be John's babysitter while he got his ankle and arm fixed. Yeah. He hit a few branches on the way down before actually hitting the ground. Fun day. 

He found out that not only did John and Rose color that weekend, they colored on the walls. How fun. Yeah, giggle it up John, cause your cleaning it. 

Gamzee called Karkat one day. He asked Karkat if he was looking for a roommate. Karkat was surprised at the question. 

"Why?" 

"Well, my crabby friend, I'm moving with Tavbro, and Sollux shouldn't be alone with the human kid he has. He needs help. As I all up an understand, you gotta kid to right?" 

"I do... wait, SOLLUX? Sollux Captor? HE has a kid? That poor thing." 

"He ain't that bad with him. Dave is a pretty chill kid. So will ya move in?" 

".... Yeah. Sure." 

Little did Karkat know, that this was going to change his path of life.