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The world ends on a Tuesday.
Gina finds out about the asteroid while she’s getting ready for school, cramming her books into her backpack. She rushes around the kitchen, trying to gather the notes splayed on the table from the night before while also trying to find the last granola bar she knows is somewhere in their cupboards.
She stops mid-reach when she hears glass shatter in their living room, which isn’t so much a living room in their shitty New York apartment as it is a designated space between the kitchen and their bedroom.
She drops her bag on a chair and makes her way to E.J., who has a hand braced on the wall and eyes riveted on their television, the shattered mug of coffee pooling at the bottom of his feet.
“E.J!” Gina says loudly, concern etching her voice. She walks up to him, visibly looking him over, checking to see if he’s hurt himself, when she hears it on the screen.
“If you’re just joining us,” the newscaster says, his voice heavy and with a slight shake, “it has been confirmed that an asteroid, approximately 9 kilometres wide will make contact with earth. Live with us is the group of scientists who…”
He trails off, voice choked with emotion, Gina stops paying attention because E.J. grabs her hand, interlacing their fingers and Gina sinks into him, burying her head into his chest, breathing in the scent of him. “Is it real?” She murmurs.
“Yeah.” He says, his voice choking up. “It’s real.”
Gina doesn’t make it to class that day.
As it turns out, Gina never goes to class again.
“But like, I’ve heard that they’re going to try and blow it up. So many countries are part of making sure that it’s destroyed before it hits earth, you know? So, it’ll be fine. We’ll…we’ll be fine.” Nini is looking at them with a tight smile that contradicts her optimistic words. Kourtney is sitting next to her, arms crossed on the table, head resting atop them.
Ricky is standing off to the side, leaning against the wall, face pale. Carlos has his arm wrapped around Seb’s shoulder, drawing nonsensical circles, trying to soothe him as he engages Nini in her optimism, because out of everyone in the group, it would be those two who, when faced with the literal end of the world, thinks there’s still a way.
Big Red is standing next to Ricky, glancing worriedly at his best friend, while staring at Ash, who’s biting her lip and ignoring the tears that are running down her face.
And Gina? Gina is leaning against E.J., the way she’s been leaning against him since the news broke and they left their shitty New York apartment and Gina stopped going to classes and E.J. stopped going to work and booked a flight back home, meeting Carlos who flew in from London, where he was interning.
(Carlos gives a nervous laugh, as he gets into the back seat of E.J.’s car that Ash and his aunt dropped off for them earlier that morning. “Tell me how it is, Mr. Scientist.” He teases, his voice an octave higher, signifying that the truth is not what he wants to hear. “Is it true? Are we all going to die?”
E.J. doesn’t say anything, and Gina casts a worried look at him because he hasn’t been able to say much of anything for the past couple of days. He looks at Carlos through the rear-view mirror, eyes tired, cheeks sunken in, his entire being crumpled inwards with the thousand of thoughts running through his head. He says nothing, just reaches over the console and grabs Gina’s hand, interlacing their fingers and bringing it up in the space between, softly kissing her knuckles like it’s the last thing he ever wants to do.
Carlos stops laughing. He stops joking. Instead, he just leans back against his seat, mouth parted. “Oh, it is real then.” He leans his head against the window, eyes catching Gina’s through her passenger side mirror. “You know,” he says casually, “Seb was supposed to come to London next week to move there. We…we wanted to build a life together.” And then, in the back seat of E.J.’s car, Carlos breaks down and starts crying.
Gina reaches behind her, offering her other hand for Carlos to hold and he reaches out, grabbing her hand and squeezing tightly. “We had so many plans.” Carlos says brokenly.
Gina looks towards E.J. who is resolutely looking at the road. Yeah, she thinks, so did we.)
“Howie and I are getting married.” Kourtney says quietly, but it feels like she’s shouting it, with how everyone has fallen silent, trying to grapple that in six months, they won’t be here anymore, and it’s not like graduation, where they all went their separate ways, connecting through text messages and missed video calls and reunions that lasted well into the early hours of the morning.
Ricky smiles at her and though it’s an exhausted smile, Gina can see the sincerity in it. “That’s great, Kourt.”
She lets out a choked sound, slaps her hands on the table and then wipes at her eyes. “Yup. Okay, that’s enough. We’re going to die.” She puts a hand up when Nini goes to open her mouth. “Nini, I love you. I do, but you believe in people where almost everyone here knows that leaving it up to the politicians is literally the worst thing that can happen. So yes, we’re going to die but you know what? We’re going to have as much fucking fun before we do. So, come plan my wedding with me.”
“You know I’m in.” Ash says.
Everyone agrees and after a lapse, everyone starts talking over one another, throwing out suggestions and for one short moment, everything feels normal. Everything feels like it’s going to be okay.
Here’s the surprising thing about E.J., he originally went to University for writing because he wanted to write plays, he wanted to write books, he just wanted to write and then maybe in the future direct, but then he took an astronomy course because he accidentally thought it was astrology – and yes, Gina laughed until she cried when she found out – but then he actually really liked it and more than that, he was really good at it.
And so, after his first year of University, he switched majors and studied mathematics and astronomy, and though the equations made Gina’s head hurt, she helped him study from afar while she was finishing up high school and then in-person when she joined him at NYU and they got a shitty little apartment where they laughed, cried, studied, had sex and did it all over again, in no particular order.
Then he got into grad school and luckily, they didn’t have to move, though Gina would have moved countries and continents if it meant that E.J. would be doing the thing he loves to do. He always talked about his dreams of finding a planet, of finding a system, of finding something and then naming it after her and she would swat at air, saying that he was a romantic.
So, it was surprising, but it wasn’t.
It also isn’t surprising when she wakes up in the middle of the night with E.J.’s side of the bed empty and cold. She gets up and throws on his sweater (which everyone, including E.J. agree that is just hers at this point) and makes her way downstairs. They’re staying at E.J.’s parents house and they’re either fast asleep or over at Ash’s parents house, where all the parents have taken to meeting up even if they think the kids don’t know about it. Gina thinks it’s dumb that the parents don’t think they can cry in front of their kids, that they think they can’t show fear in front of their kids, because all Gina would love is for her mother to get on a fucking plane and come here, open her arms, hugging Gina tightly and tell her that she’s scared, that she’s so scared but that she loves her, she loves her so very fucking much. But her mother isn’t here. Instead, she’s in California with Jaime and though Gina pretends she’s fine with it, she’s not.
She makes her way to the bottom landing and makes her way to the kitchen, where she sees E.J. at the table, the lights on and papers, pens, pencils, highlighters, textbooks, all strewn across the table. She can hear someone on the tablet that E.J. has propped open in front of him and Gina recognizes one of his old professors. He sounds as dejected as everyone feels.
Gina makes her way to E.J. standing off to the side, bending down his shoulder level and waving at the professor. “Hey Doc.”
The man smiles brightly when he sees. “Gina! It’s nice to see you. How have you been?”
Gina shrugs her shoulder, sleep still in her voice. “Oh, you know.” The professor nods solemnly, his smile dimming ever-so-slightly. “Listen, if you don’t mind, it’s late – or early, depending on how you look at it – here and definitely where you are, so can I steal E.J. back from you?”
“Of course.” He says. “E.J…” he lets out a sigh and rubs a hand over his face. “It’s been a pleasure and you’ve been…you’ve been my favourite student.”
“Bet you say that to all of your almost graduates.”
The professor shares a laugh and then waves goodbye one last time before disconnecting.
Gina walks around to the empty chair next to E.J. and gently grabs one of the papers and then another and another, taking in the words and highlighted portions. “Same answer every time?”
“I keep thinking…what if they’ve missed something. What if we can just…” he looks at her, pain etching in every contour of his face. “What if there’s a way to have more time?” He looks down at the papers and shakes his head. “There isn’t.” He shifts in his seat until he’s facing her, both their knees touching. He grabs her hands, interlacing their fingers. “I want you to have more time.”
She lets go of his fingers and cups his face, thumbs brushing his cheekbones and catching some of the tears that he lets go. “I don’t want more time if it’s not with you.” She tells him quietly, kissing his lips and then his forehead, afterwards placing her against his. “Okay? I don’t want to do any of this, including dying, if it’s not with you.”
She doesn’t know how long they stay like this, foreheads touching, breathing in each other’s air, and memorizing the way the other looks, all she knows is that it’s a while.
The thing is, with helping to plan a wedding and spending time with the people you love, making sure that they know they are loved and that your life wouldn’t be the same without them, time flies.
And faster than they thought, because suddenly, Kourtney and Howie are getting and Kourtney looks fantastic, so heartbreakingly beautiful. Gina clutches Ash’s hands when Howie starts breaking down in the middle of his vows and everyone’s breath clutches and everyone starts crying because yes, this is such a happy day, but no one can deny the darkness that filters over everyone’s mind. It doesn’t matter if they’re East High or North High anymore, all that matters is that they’ve come together for this one day to celebrate their friends, leaving past disputes where they belong.
Gina catches E.J.’s eyes and she mouth the words I love you, because she doesn’t think he’s heard it enough and her only regret is that she doesn’t have longer to tell him how much she loves him.
Something that’s surprising, but shouldn’t have surprised anyone, and most certainly didn’t surprise Carlos, is when Miss Jenn left mid-term to California. It was supposed to be just over a long weekend, but the long weekend turned into a week-long vacation and the week-long vacation turned into a job offer and the job offer turned into Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara getting married on the beach.
Back then, when they didn’t worry about dying prematurely, back when they didn’t have to worry about what the future would hold because they all thought they had all the time in the world, Gina gushed about how romantic it was to E.J. over FaceTime, only for E.J. to awkwardly rub the back of his neck and confess that he knew everything because he had a standing weekly call with Mr. M.
Gina was shocked for a moment before her smile nearly split her face open because E.J. doesn’t keep secrets from her and she doesn’t keep secrets from him, but she knows how much Mr. Mazzara means to him. “Wait.” Gina stops mid-sentence, a thought occurring to her. “Are you going to be a groomsman?”
E.J. laughed and nodded. “Best Man, actually.”
Gina squeals and claps.
(The day of the wedding is bright and hot but the soft breeze off the water is nice. Gina is wearing a dark green dress as she fixes E.J.’s tie, giving him a peck on the lips. She cocks her head to the side when he lifts left arm to scratch his head. “Where did you get that?” She asks.
On his left wrist is a dark green rope bracelet with a tiny charm and when she looked closer, she realized it was a letter. G, to be exact. She feels her breath hitch. She feels her breath catch. She feels like she stops breathing. “Green wasn’t exactly in the colour scheme Miss Jenn had in mind.” E.J. tells her quietly, “but I wanted to match with you, so I thought…”
“I love it.” Gina tells him. “I love you.” She grabs his lapels and kisses him longer and deeper than the previous peck.
During the ceremony, when Miss Jenn tearfully says her vows, a brilliant smile on her face, Gina locks eyes with E.J. and mouths the words I love you, thrilled that she’ll be able to tell him that every day for the rest of their lives.)
Gina sees Miss Jenn in the bathroom of the Kourtney and Howie’s reception. She’s mesmerized by the little girl in Miss Jenn’s arms, and she remembers the video from Carlos, squealing and crying that Miss Jenn, his mother, had her baby and that she’s perfect.
Gina loves Miss Jenn. She does. She’s not as close to her as Carlos or Nini or even Kourtney and Ash are, but they’re still pretty close, and while Gina considers Ash’s mom to be a second mother to her, Miss Jenn will forever be the older sister. The one who sat and listened to her patiently, the one who advocated for her, the one who knew exactly where she needed to be and why.
“Hey Miss Jenn.” Gina says, cooing at Gemma Mazzara who has her father’s hair and her mother’s eyes. She’s a beautiful baby and Gina’s heart clenches painfully looking at her. “Hey there, Gemma. Hi, love. How are you?”
Gemma coos back and jumps excitedly.
Gina laughs and looks at Miss Jenn who is looking at her daughter with so much love, with so much adoration and with so much pain. Gina puts a hand on Miss Jenn’s shoulder. “Miss Jenn?”
Miss Jenn gives Gina a bright smile, the one that she always wears when something is going wrong, but she wants everyone to believe that it will be okay in the end. It’s a smile that got Gina through a lot and now all Gina wants to do is hug Miss Jenn tightly and thank her for everything. “Gina, honey. You look beautiful. How are you? How are…oh…oh…” Miss Jenn cuts off, sob caught in her throat, holding Gemma tighter to her, burying her head into her daughters head. “I’m sorry. It’s just…it just hits me sometimes, you know?”
Gina sucks in a deep shaky breath, hand moving to rub Gemma’s back and then holding on to Miss Jenn’s hand. “I know.” Gina says. “I know and I’m…I wish you had longer.”
Because it’s cruel. It’s fucking cruel that Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara finally get together, finally have a family, finally find love, that Mr. Mazzara finally finds someone who understands him and who doesn’t judge him, that Miss Jenn finally finds someone who loves her for who she is and tells her that she is enough, just the way she is. It’s fucking cruel that they have the cutest baby Gina has ever seen and they won’t be able to see her grow up.
And it hurts. It hurts Gina that Miss Jenn who has loved them all so much, who loves her daughter so much, is with them and is willing to be vulnerable when Gina’s own mother barely answers the phone. “I don’t know if anyone tells you this enough, Miss Jenn,” Gina starts, “but you’re a really good mother. Not just to Gemma, but to all of us. You…you saved us. And I wanted you to know that.”
Miss Jenn lets out a cry, and nods, blubbering out some words. There is a knock on the bathroom door and Gina opens to see Mr. Mazzara, worried eyes going to his wife, his child and then to Gina. Gina understands immediately. “There’s no one in here other than us. I’ll keep everyone away for a little bit if you want to come in and be with your family.”
Mr. Mazzara breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Gina.” He enters the bathroom, still looking around as if someone will jump out from one of the stalls and then takes Miss Jenn and his daughter into his arms, lips pressed against the crown of Miss Jenn’s head, whispering things Gina doesn’t hear.
It’s an incredibly intimate moment that doesn’t belong to her, so Gina shuts the door quietly and leans against it, keeping her promise to keep people away.
E.J. finds her anyways. “Hey, what’s going on?”
Gina shrugs a shoulder, looking at the bathroom and then back to E.J. “Miss Jenn started crying and Mr. Mazzara is there with Gemma consoling her.” There’s a pause and she shakes her head. “I hate this.” She says, her voice hollow and hoarse, her eyes burning. “I hate that all of the little happy moments we have left are always shadowed by the fact that we’re going to die. And I hate…I hate that watching Miss Jenn with Gemma makes me so fucking angry at my own mother.”
E.J. doesn’t say anything, he just pulls her to his chest and holds her tightly. Gina places her ear against his heart, breathing in sync with his heart beats.
Later that night, well after midnight, Gina calls her mother. It rings and rings and rings and then goes to voicemail.
“I’m fucking angry at you.” Gina tells her mother’s voicemail. “I hate that you chose your job over me. I hate that you’ve chosen Jaime over me. I hate that it’s the end of the fucking world and I talk more to your voicemail that I do to you. I’m not going out to California to die with you. I’m staying here with my friends, with E.J. who, if this stupid fucking asteroid wasn’t coming at us, I would marry and have a family with him. But that’s not how life works because it’s fucking cruel. I’m not going to die with you. So, if this is goodbye, then goodbye mom. I love you.”
She tries not to think about how her phone doesn’t ring after that.
It’s strange how quiet everything is when the world comes to an end.
They’re at the school, at the auditorium where everything began, so it’s only fitting that they’re there when everything ends. Gina is looking around at Ash and Big Red who are huddled together with their families. She looks at Nini who is clutching both of her moms’ hands, she looks at Kourtney and Howie who are holding onto each other. She’s looking at Ash’s parents and E.J.’s parents, she’s looking at Ricky who is talking to his dad and holding his mom’s hands. His mom, who flew from Chicago without her boyfriend because she wasn’t going to die without her son. She wasn’t going to be without her son.
She looks at Seb and Carlos, who are comforting each other and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears.
She looks at Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara, who are holding Gemma and each other close.
And then she looks at E.J. who has become who has become her entire world. She thinks back to everything she mapped out with him and some things she mapped out without his knowledge. She thinks of the kids they could have had; she thinks of the trips they could have taken; of the adventures they could have had. She thinks, this man is my entire world, and we could have been great.
She’s been strong. She’s had to be strong because everyone else was collapsing around them and Gina knows that death is inevitable, she knows it, and maybe that was why she didn’t cry, maybe that’s why she didn’t become overwhelmed, but staring at E.J. as the ground shakes beneath them, as the school crumbles around them, as the screams of the people they love and who love them echo around them, she starts to cry and she grabs hold of him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “There’s so much I wanted to do with you. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have kids, I wanted to buy a house and go on trips, and I wanted…I wanted…” she breaks off crying.
“I know.” He says, tears streaming down his face, his body shaking. “I know.” He cups her face, placing his forehead against hers, his sleeves sliding up his arm, the dark green rope bracelet with the small letter G glinting in the flickering lights. “I wanted to make sure that you knew you were loved that you were always loved and that you would always be loved.”
Gina’s lips tremble, as her hands reach up and clasp his hands still framing her face. “I want you know…I need you to know…in this life and in every life, it’s you. It will always be you. I love you, okay? I love you.”
“I love –”
It’s strange how quiet everything is when the world comes to an end. There is an eerie silence, almost like this has been a six-month cosmic ruse, before everything explodes, and death is inevitable.
The world ends on a Tuesday.