Work Text:
You’re already addicted to me
Jongin woke with a start, head pounding and his whole body hurting. He could feel the comfort of the mattress underneath him, the warmth that was provided by his blanket, the softness of his cushion beneath his cheek. Someone had closed the blinds and the semi-darkness was really soothing for his sore eyes. The pounding of his head felt like there was a marching band walking through his head.
With a small sigh, Jongin closed his eyes again but it didn’t last long as he started to hear the voices of the others filter through the closed door.
“... trained too hard.” That sounded like Junmyeon.
“He’s always training hard. But he never fainted before. Maybe we should call a doctor to have a look at him?” Minseok.
“He’s overworked, Minseok. We don’t need a doctor. He tried to get this routine perfected for days now and it’s normal that he would get exhausted at some point. I am sure a good night’s sleep, some food and a day or two without too heavy dancing and exercises and Jongin will be as good as new,” Yixing answered.
Jongin heard some affirmative sounds. Maybe they were right. Maybe he had overworked himself the last few days, but he wanted this performance to be perfect, he wanted it to be spot on and flawless.
The clicking sound of the door opening made Jongin open his eyes. A soft light came through the crack and Minseok stuck his head in, eyes falling immediately on Jongin. A soft smile appeared on his hyung’s face when he saw that Jongin was awake.
“May I come in,” he asked and Jongin gave a short nod, regretting it the second he did as the marching band took off once again.
Minseok closed the door behind himself and walked over to the bed where Jongin was still cuddled up underneath the blanket. He sat down at the edge of the mattress and pulled the blanket back a bit, so he could see Jongin’s face.
“How are you feeling,” Minseok asked, fingers carding through Jongin’s hair.
“Tired,” he admitted. “Everything hurts.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
Jongin closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember.
He had gone to the studio with Sehun and Yixing in the morning, like every day. They went through their choreos like always, trying to get the little mistakes and uncertainties out of them, making them danceable for the others too. They had spent hour after hour in the practice room, taking small breaks to drink something or talk about the things they had noticed during another go.
It was already late afternoon when Sehun and Yixing had said their goodbye’s to Jongin. He had decided to stay for a bit longer, maybe an hour or two to get his ‘Intro’ performance down. Yixing had said that it was already good, but good wasn’t what Jongin wanted. He wanted perfection. He started with it slowed down, going through every step in slow motion, watching himself in the mirrors to see how the angles looked, if it was any good. Jongin sped up with every round, steps getting securer and more defined with every routine he did. He got lost in it, the flowing movements, the music, the power his ‘Intro’ performance held, thriving on how he was allowed to show his diversity.
Jongin’s heart faltered when he looked up after a while and was met with a pair of dark, kohl-rimmed eyes. Surprised and a tiny bit scared, Jongin turned around, only to be met with … nothing. There, in the dark corner where the eyes had glimmered just a second ago was nothing.
Maybe it had been a trick his tired mind had played on him?
Jongin had been here longer than he thought. The sun had already gone down and it was dark outside, he probably was the only one left at the building. Jongin sighed. He should get his things together and go home as well.
Tomorrow was another day, another chance to do what he loved most and get better at it.
Jongin turned around and let out a strangled scream. In front of him stood a boy, nearly the same height as him, pale-faced and dark deer-like eyes that were heavily rimmed. He had a serious expression on his face, red-brownish curls falling into his eyes.
“I want you,” he spoke with a surprisingly dark voice. “I chose you, so you will be mine.”
Jongin remembered the pain that had taken over his body, starting right behind his eyes and his vision going dark. But he couldn’t tell Minseok that, could he? Seeing someone else with him in the room that wasn’t supposed to be there wasn’t normal. It probably wasn’t good at all. So Jongin shook his head no. It was better to keep this to himself for the time being.
Minseok gave him a reassuring smile as he carded his fingers through Jongin’s hair.
“Maybe you just didn’t drink enough. Kyungsoo is cooking. I think you should take another nap until he’s finished, yeah?”
“Okay,” Jongin agreed with a whisper and Minseok smiled at him before he got up from his place.
“Sleep, Nini. I will leave the door ajar, so we are just a yell away when you need something.”
“Thank you, Minseokkie-hyung,” Jongin mumbled and closed his eyes again.
“Don’t mention it. Sleep Jongin. We will wake you when dinner is ready.”
Jongin closed his eyes again and drifted off soon after.
When he opened his eyes again, Jongin was standing at the edge of a forest. The air was clear and fresh but not too cold. It felt weird to him like he didn’t belong here and yet it was like something in there was calling to him.
Jongin took a step forward, making the fallen leaves under his boots crunch. But it wasn’t autumn yet? Season’s just had started to turn from spring to summer, so autumn was still very far away. Yet the forest looked like it was on the brink to turn from the golden, colourful season into Winter. The trees looked naked, bare of any leaves, those on the ground already brown and crisp. Any life had left.
Aside from that, it was like Jongin’s footsteps were the only sound that could be heard around. No rustling, no wind that made the branches creak or move, no animal sounds. A shiver ran down Jongin’s spine and he hugged himself, hands sliding over the smooth fabric of the white shirt he was wearing.
This wasn’t normal, there should have been at least something he should be hearing.
Jongin didn’t know where he needed to go, so he just kept walking. At least the moon lightened his way through this strange forest and kept him from stumbling and tumbling and inevitably falling down and hurting himself. The others would scold him for sure if he would come home with scratches or even worse, a broken bone.
Goosebumps kept rising on Jongin’s body at the cold but eery scenery around him. He had never experienced something like this. The quietness, the coldness, the darkness that wasn’t really dark. There was a certain glow to it and Jongin wasn’t sure if it came from the moon above or from the trees around him.
His walk stopped when Jongin walked out into a moonlight bathed clearing. It was filled with white flowers, blooming and shining in the darkness. Jongin was about to walk further forward when a lithe deer walked out from the opposite of Jongin’s place, moving forward to the middle of the clearing where it started to graze, nibbling at the pretty flowers.
Jongin stood as still as he could, watching the graceful animal graze with fascination. He had never seen a wild animal this up close before, not even in the zoo. It was really beautiful with its reddish-brown fur and the white dots on it, the little snout that wiggled in a funny way with every bite. When the deer lifted its head, Jongin saw the big dark eyes that felt somewhat familiar.
Jongin started walking towards the deer without intention and only stopped a few feet away, slowly realising what he had done when the animal looked straight at him and their eyes met.
Was … was the deer smiling at him?
“I am glad you could make it, my most valued.”
Jongin watched in horror as the deer turned into a laughing boy.
A boy that was utterly familiar to him.
He woke with a scream, all sweaty and his breath coming in short hard bursts. Jongin was caught in the folds of his blanket, struggling against it, trying to get free from them. It didn’t take long until the door to his room was pushed open and Chanyeol rushed in.
“Nini,” he asked, voice filled with concern. “What happened? Are you okay?”
Chanyeol helped him to remove the blankets when he realised that Jongin wanted to get rid of them and pulled him into a tight embrace.
“There was a man, Chanyeol,” he whispered against the older man’s shoulder.
“It’s okay, Jongin. It was just a bad dream. There’s just us, no one else.”
Jongin clung to Chanyeol’s shirt, burying his face against the older man’s shoulder. He still could hear the laughter of the boy from his dreams. Could feel the dark eyes on him. Jongin had the feeling that they had been able to look into the deepest parts of his soul, that they had found their way directly into his heart.
“Are you sure there’s no one else here,” Jongin asked Chanyeol again, voice quiet and timid.
“Yes, Nini. I am sure. It’s just the others out there in the living room, or in their rooms. It’s just us tonight.”
Jongin nodded. He still felt shaken. It had been a very long time since his last nightmare.
“Can we stay here for a bit longer?”
“Sure, Jongin. Whatever you need.”
Jongin followed Chanyeol hesitantly sometime later into the living room, where a few of the others were sitting, watching a movie. Jongin could hear the clanking of pots and pans in the kitchen, that’s where Kyungsoo and Minseok most likely were.
They all must have heard what had happened, how he had screamed and he got some raised eyebrows when he shuffled into the room behind Chanyeol, fingers wrapped around one of Chanyeol’s wrists. The older asked Jongin quietly if he wanted to come with him to the kitchen or if he wanted to stay in the living room with the others, watching the movie. Jongin didn’t want to watch the movie exactly as they were already halfway through it from the looks of it. Nonetheless, he let go of Chanyeol’s wrist and walked over to the couch, getting himself settled between Jongdae and Baekhyun. They didn’t ask any questions, just let him snuggle up and that was what Jongin needed the most right now. The closeness of his other members, knowing that they were real.
That this was real.
After dinner, they sat together in the living room and talked for a bit. It made Jongin feel better and gave him back a sense of security. Chanyeol had been right, it just had been a bad dream. Their dorm was a safe place. They had a security system and a porter downstairs who would inform them when someone unknown wanted to see them.
He was safe, he was sane, he was just tired and overworked.
His mind had played him a trick in the studio today, due to his exhaustion. And bad dreams happened to anyone. Jongin shouldn’t be that surprised with all those horror movies he watched all the time. Of course his subconsciousness would play tricks on him. It was only natural.
“I feel you, Jongin. You can’t escape me.”
Jongin snapped out of his dance practice, nearly crashing to the floor when he lost his balance.
He was alone in the practice room again, caught in his own thoughts and the training he was going through. A few days had passed since his nightmare and that he had fainted and Jongin had forgotten about it, had pushed it so far back into his mind that it all came crashing down on him now that he had heard the voice.
Slowly he turned his head to make sure that he was alone in the room and that the voice had been a figment of his imagination, just like the nightmare had been. Jongin sighed when he realised he was alone and somehow he was glad about it.
Now that his dance routine had been interrupted, Jongin realised how thirsty he was and he walked over to his bag. He crouched down and rummaged through it, taking out his water bottle and his phone. While he sipped at his drink, he scrolled through his notifications and answered some texts from the others about when he would be back in the dorm, and Minseok wanted to know if he should come to pick him up as he still was at the company as well.
Jongin considered his offer for a second and was about to reply when he saw something moving in a darker corner of the room. A shudder ran through his body and he slowly raised his head, eyes glued to the mirror. Jongin was way too afraid to turn his head and face the moving shadows. But he didn’t need to move much, the sight he was met with was chilling enough when the boy from last time emerged from the corner. He was pretty, Jongin could admit that, with his puppet face and the big eyes. He was wearing all white, which was an odd contrast to the darkness he was surrounded with. He seemed to glow, like the flowers on the meadow had done in his dream.
Chills went up and down Jongin’s spine, making his skin crawl the longer he looked at the boy. The smile on his face didn’t make things easier for Jongin and he placed down his water bottle before he finally turned around.
Just to see nothing again.
He whipped his head around to the mirror, but the boy was gone.
Jongin shuddered once again. What was happening with him? Was he so overworked that his mind started to play tricks on him 24/7? Was the break he took a few days ago not enough to help him recharge? Didn’t he sleep enough? Eat well enough?
But he had done everything Junmyeon had suggested to him. He kept to his sleeping schedule, he hadn’t watched a horror movie in weeks, he didn’t read anything scary. He ate the meals provided for them and he made some relaxing exercises every evening before he went to bed.
And yet he had seen this - whatever this was - again.
“Hey Nini, you ready to go home?” Jongin flinched when he heard a voice behind him.
But it was just Minseok, who looked surprised by Jongin’s reaction. Jongin took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a short moment to centre himself.
“I didn’t want to scare you,” Minseok said apologetically, but Jongin shook his head.
“It’s okay, I was deep in thought and didn’t hear you come.” He put the bottle back into his backpack and got up from the ground. “Let’s go home.”
He was standing at the entrance of a labyrinth. Jongin didn’t know why he knew that, he just did.
Jongin raised his head, looking up the walls that were pretty high, at least four times his size. When he glimpsed around there was nothing but darkness surrounding him and the sounds he could hear coming from it didn’t make him feel secure at all.
The Labyrinth didn’t look very inviting as well, but at least it was illuminated by a subdued white light. It was chilling, with no sounds coming from it. When there was another howl resounding from the darkness behind him, Jongin entered the maze without hesitation. He had never liked them. They had scared him as a kid, just the thought of getting lost in one had made him feel sick and anxious.
But now he didn’t have a chance, really. It was either following the twisted path or probably getting hurt by something far worse that had been lurking in the darkness out there.
Jongin walked for a long time until he came to the first point where he didn’t know where to go. The way separated into five different paths and Jongin didn’t know which one he should follow. He already had the feeling that he was walking in circles, that every turn would lead him back to the entrance and back to the darkness. He tried to listen to his heart but it was beating fast and erratic, the sound of it only drowned out by his laboured breathing.
Jongin wanted to walk into the outer left path when a movement to his right caught his eye. He turned around, seeing someone vanish behind another corner.
“Hey,” Jongin yelled. “Hey, wait!”
He started to run, following the stranger deeper into the maze, listening intently to the sound of footsteps. It seemed like Jongin wasn’t able to catch up to them, but the sound never disappeared completely. Every time he thought he had lost the person he heard something else. His name, a giggle, a low whistle, rustling fabric.
The whole situation made the hair on the back of his neck rise. Jongin wanted to get out of here, wanted to be back in the dorm, in his room, maybe crawl into Kyungsoo‘s bed and cuddle for a bit.
He was sure this was another nightmare and he tried to will his body, his brain to wake up, but to no avail.
He was stuck here.
Jongin walked around another turn and stopped in his tracks. He had reached another end, but instead of splitting up again, the path really ran out and opened up to give way to a clearing. He hesitated to step out, hand resting on the cool stone wall, eyes roaming over the place. It felt oddly familiar and Jongin wasn’t sure, but it was possible that this was the meadow from his other nightmare.
Sure, the forest was gone and it was surrounded by stonewalls who gave way every little bit to another path, Jongin counted six in total, instead of pine trees and bushes, but at least the flowers seemed to be the same. Baby’s breath, bachelor button, white poppy, larkspur and daisy’s. From where he was standing, Jongin was also able to see the moon again. It was full and the silvery light cast an icy glance over the meadow.
It would have been a pretty sight if there wouldn’t have been someone sitting in the middle.
Jongin’s finger tensed at the wall when he heard a chuckle. It was as loud as if the boy would have been standing right next to him and Jongin really wished that he could escape him, that he would be able to run and hide from the deer-eyed boy.
Another little chuckle and the boy rose from the ground, strolling over the meadow without destroying the flowers until he was only a few feet away from Jongin. There was a smile on his face that probably should have been sweet and alluring but to Jongin it was only creepy and made him even more reluctant.
“You can’t escape me, Jongin. You are like a light in the dark and even when you disappeared I would find you again and again.”
“Why me,” Jongin whispered.
“Why you,” the boy asked, eyes shimmering dangerously in the tender light. “Because you revived my cold heart. You were like thunder and lightning. You make my existence fun again.”
“Please stop,” Jongin pleaded.
“No, my most valued. I want you and I will chase you for as long as I must.” The boy made a step forward. “I will chase and hunt you until you are mine alone.”
Jongin made a step back, fingers trailing over the freezing stonewall.
“No matter how much you will run, no matter how far or for how long, you will never be able to escape me.”
Jongin turned and started to run, trying to get away from this creature.
“I will be waiting for you, Jongin. I will be waiting for you every night in your dreams.”
Jongin yelped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and his eyes snapped open, just to come face to face with Chanyeol.
“Another nightmare,” he asked and all Jongin could do was nod. “I was going to make some tea, do you want some?”
Jongin nodded again as he threw the blanket back. He was bone-tired even when he had slept for nearly four hours. It felt like the coldness from his nightmare had settled deep within his body, a reminder that he wouldn’t be able to escape.
“He looks so tired all the time,” Yixing sighed
“I think he’s losing weight too. I haven’t seen him eat anything the past few days,” Junmyeon agreed. “I am worried.”
“It has never been this bad before. He wakes up from nightmares nearly every night,” Chanyeol told the others.
Jongin stood at the entrance of their shared living space. He had hit the shower first after they had returned home from another day full of practice. It was already late and he was dead tired and yet he knew that wouldn’t be able to sleep properly, that he would be haunted by the deer-eyed boy like he had been every other night over the last few weeks.
But he could be brave, he could keep himself together for the sake of the others.
“Maybe we should tell the manager,” Kyungsoo suggested.
That wouldn’t do.
Jongin stepped into the room and the others became silent the second they realised he was there.
“Did … did you hear what we said,” Sehun asked, worry written all over his face.
“I did,” Jongin confessed and sat down on the chair between Yixing and Kyungsoo. “And I am moved by your concern, but it really isn’t necessary. I am fine. This comeback is just very tiring and I am exhausted. But that’s all, no need to worry.”
“But the nightmares,” Jongdae objected.
“They aren’t anything more than nightmares,” Jongin smiled bravely.
“Liar,” a voice whispered in the back of his head. “You can’t escape me, Jongin. You’re already addicted to me.”
“I am sure they will be gone soon.”
The others didn’t seem convinced by Jongin’s words. But that was all he could give them at the moment.
A promise and the hope that this nightmare would be over soon.
‘마찬가진걸 내가 사는 이유
난 너란 달콤함에 중독’
EXO - Overdose