Archive of Our Own ^beta

In Jimin’s family, and due to some incidents in his life, nothing was more shameful than being gay. Which was why, when his assigned dorm roommate showed up gayer than sin, he panicked. He even tried to get a room change, which created a lot of tension between them when it wasn’t approved and Jimin had to accept living with the constant temptation that was the most gorgeous gay guy he had ever seen sleeping with sexy soft snores only feet away and thinking of Jimin as a homophobic prick.

In their second semester of tense cohabitating, Jimin overheard his roommate, Taehyung, on a phone-call talking about a party he was desperate to go to but didn’t know how to get an invite for. As luck would have it, Jimin was going to the same party as he was friends with the host—Kim Seokjin, who was the son of a very wealthy family in the Seoul area and thus had a whole house near campus that was his very own and used it for many epic parties.

Jimin had met Seokjin the previous semester during a school musical theater production. Jin was a repeat ‘super senior’ in the drama department who was cast as the second male lead for the show, and Jimin was in the dance ensemble. They had clicked over drinks at a cast party where Jin had declared himself Jimin’s hyung and forced the boy to stay the night and become his minion during the rest of the production. They became quick friends—Jimin getting a true kick out of the older’s cringe humor and Jin needing Jimin’s good-natured positivity and ability to deal with his women and family dramas. They remained friends after the show ended and would always show up to cheer the other on at their performances—no matter how minor a dancing part Jimin had, nor how painfully ‘edgy’ Jin’s one-act play turned out.

So, after a semester of battling with his hidden gay panic and deciding to attempt to make nice with his roommate, Jimin invited his excitable gay roommate to the party that weekend. They had rarely gone anywhere together. They had begun sharing meals occasionally this second semester and Taehyung had been civil enough to get to know the surface level of his roommate, expressing shock at learning Jimin was pursuing contemporary dance in tandem with his mathematics major. But apparently, Taehyung was easily won over because he became so excited for the party and so grateful to Jimin that he was suddenly talking up a storm and raiding both of their wardrobes for suitable outfits to fit the theme of “90’s in the U.S.” that Jin had literally picked out of a bag. Jimin was thrilled. He was finally able to let go of the tension between them and be lively, giggly, and excitable himself now that Taehyung didn’t seem to hate him. Taehyung vocalized his pleasant surprise at Jimin’s friendliness and bluntly commented on how he hadn’t realized how cute and adorable Jimin was, and then squealed at how Jimin’s blushing made him even cuter.

And that was it, really. Jimin let Taehyung talk him into an all-denim outfit for the party, à la Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. At least Jimin got to be Justin. Taehyung legit made a full length dress out of second-hand jeans and Jimin just about died laughing when he modeled it for him. On the plus side, the costumes introduced Jimin to men’s healed boots which made him fashionably taller, so the whole situation had it’s perks.

At the party, most guys showed up in overly baggy shirts and low hanging baggy jeans, many with funny patterned boxers tufting out the top. There were spice girls and valley girls and many references to American 90’s movies. While the music was mostly nostalgic boy bands and happy bops, Jin let someone take over the sound system to play some old-school hip-hop as a clearly skilled street dancer took over the floor. Halfway through the second song, another guy jumped in on the DJ’s mic and spat out a spontaneous rap about how foolish everyone looked in their 90’s get-ups and how the dancer’s moves was the only cool thing about the night. Between the rapping and the dancing, it was pretty much 90’s gold and blew everyone’s mind. Jin snagged the rapper and dancer as Jimin and Taehyung followed close behind and helped Jin pour Yoongi, the rapper, and Hoseok, the dancer, congratulatory drinks of his top shelf stuff. Turned out the rapper and dancer didn’t even know each other either and had been dragged to the party by girls Jin knew.

It could have just been a one-off night, if it weren’t for Jin and Taehyung, who made sure they got everyone’s number and started a group chat titled, “The Boy Band,” which Yoongi hated but didn’t leave.

So, they all started texting. Taehyung was suddenly inviting Jimin everywhere and calling him his soulmate and maybe that did something special to Jimin’s stomach and they began doing everything together. They would invite The Boy Band to go eat or drink whenever they could. Everyone showed up to Jin’s parties and they would end up all staying the night and having grumpy breakfasts together as they groggily watched the cleaners Jin hired after every party clean away the mess as they nursed hangovers before spending most of the day playing video games and eating delivery.

After a few months, Yoongi invited them all to see him compete in an underground rap battle as Agust D. They all promised to go as Yoongi had never invited any of them anywhere yet, so they all jumped at the chance to support him. Strangely, Tae’s all-Gucci ensemble worked for the underground scene, and they all cheered Yoongi on as he battled some guy cheesily named Rap Monster, who nobly conceded his loss to Agust D. The group quickly found Yoongi and were practically dog-piling him as he yelled in protest when the other rapper came by to congratulate him. Rap Monster was pulled into the huddle by Hoseok, who started a round of complements from the whole group about how well RM did, teasing Yoongi that he was lucky the other rapper conceded cause he was giving him a run for his money. They ended up dragging Namjoon along with them for drinks and he fit in so well that after a couple more weeks of inviting him to things and laughing at his expense when he clumsily broke so many things in Jin’s house, they added him to the group chat as well before the school year ended.

Jin invited Yoongi to be his housemate when they both graduated, so nothing much changed for the group when Jimin came back for sophomore year. He and Tae were rooming together again on campus because it was convenient for Jimin to get to rehearsals for dance and for Tae to work on fashion design projects. Namjoon and Hoseok found an apartment with a couple other seniors not far from Jin’s house, so they always beat Jimin and Tae there.

Jimin was constantly amazed at the non-judgement of his group of friends. There was minimal worry about how they appeared or were seen by others. Jin had all the reputation a guy in Seoul could want with his family money and intermittent acting and modeling gigs, but he acted like he didn’t even care to associate with people who would be in his socio-economic class. Yoongi had an axe to grind against proving his parents wrong with his career choice in music production and was working part time jobs just to pay bills and a small rent that Jin constantly found ways to reject or refund due to being the hyung. Hobi and Joon were extremely hard workers and had so much ambition and drive, but they somehow always took the time to look out for all their friends like they were family. They all accepted and wing-manned Tae’s gay thirst at parties, even if Jimin had to cover his jealousy with encouraging support. Yoongi was bi, and was always involved with someone or two.

It was actually Yoongi who found the youngest and final member of the group, Jungkook, at a gay bar at the beginning of that school year. Yoongi told them how the innocent freshman looked traumatized after several self-professed “daddies” had propositioned the poor thing during his brave night out. He had apparently not been openly gay before college and had graduated early to try stepping out into his true self since he felt ready. So, Yoongi took him under his wing and brought the shy kid into the group. Taehyung eagerly declared Jungkook his Proud Gay Padawan and promised to introduce him to the ways of Seoul’s Dark Side. Jimin felt some stomach flutters that confused him when he immediately fell for this new maknae at first sight, and then less wonderful stomach flip when he saw the familiar look of attraction in Tae’s eyes and felt the stab of jealousy. Maybe Tae picked up on Jimin’s growing struggles and insecurity because he started vocalizing that they were soulmates more and more, and gave Jimin more unsolicited assurances of his affection which Jimin appreciated. Jungkook ended up frequenting Tae and Jimin’s dorm since it was near his own, and the three youngest became somewhat of a package deal in the group.

Jin, Hobi, Joon, and Jimin were the straight guys of the group. It had taken a couple of them a few minutes to truly let go of “but I don’t want to lead him on” attitudes towards being playfully flirty with the non-straights, but Yoongi and Taehyung nipped that in the bud real quick and they all became ridiculously comfortable with each other. Hobi even let Yoongi suck him off when they were both smashed and horny after a party, but he insisted it was just nice of his bro to help him out and they all joked about it and placed bets on when it would happen again. Yoongi loved shaming him for it to the group too, taking pride in his conquest and taking pleasure in making Hobi blush or when he succeeded in giving him boners. Hobi laughed at all of it, saying he stood by earlier statements about having no judgements about how anyone lived their sexual lives as long as there was mutual consent. Jimin never liked conversation around sexuality given what he was hiding and found himself changing the topic when someone started telling appalling stories that were bringing shit up for him.

In any case, The Boy Band was now known not only on campus but among many young adults in Seoul. Their golden maknae constantly surprised them with his skills in practically everything—he was a vocal performance major with minors in dance and art, but competed in intramural sports with Jimin on campus where he often defeated students who were on scholarship for sports.

So, yeah—Jimin loved his friends and trusted them… but he was still hiding that he was gay from them.

Why?

Maybe it was habit. It was definitely fear. His parents would literally destroy him if it got out. He had established a reputation as one of the straights in his very popular group and was terrified that if he came out, word would spread through some of the students from his hometown and get back to his parents. They already knew he was friends with Kim Seokjin, whom his parents approved of with his social status and everything. But when it came to his other friends, his parents didn’t know much and Jimin reported very little to his parents. They were paying for his education and Jimin was very aware of the conditions in place for that to continue. So Jimin spoke kindly about his parents to his friends—especially Tae, Kookie, and Yoongi, whom he didn’t want to offend by learning that his parents would despise them for their very existence. He had already shared some frustrations with Jin during his freshman year when he was lonely and they were initially bonding over issues with their families but the oldest hyung never brought it up around others and Jimin appreciated that.

All of this made it very complicated when Jimin began dodging questions about if he had invited his parents to his Winter Showcase.

“Jimin, do your parents not understand what an honor it is to get a solo as a sophomore?! Even if it is pretty short, they’d probably still want to come see it,” Jungkook exclaimed as he stared from the dirty dorm floor up at Jimin with wide, doe eyes.

“Well, of course, but…” Jimin struggled to explain. The truth was his parents used to love supporting Jimin’s dancing when he was younger but things changed and they now discouraged his continuing it in college. They weren’t paying for him to dance anymore, they had said. They were paying for him to become a mathematics teacher. It had taken Jimin practically promising them a grandchild within a few years of becoming a teacher after graduation for his parents to allow him to register for the dance minor. “They’re really busy, Kookie. They already have a business trip scheduled for that weekend and they can’t get out of it.”

The maknae gave Jimin a sad smile, but sighed in defeat as he reached out to squeeze his hand. “Okay. Well, we’ll be there for you, cheering you on, hyung!”

“Thanks, Kookie,” Jimin mumbled as he placed his other hand tenderly over Jungkook’s and his own intertwining.

“Aww… sweeties!” Tae exclaimed, jumping from his own bed to Jimin’s and grabbing the cluster of clasped hands. “I want in on this! And Kookie’s right, Minnie! We’ll be so loud and annoying you won’t be able to even think about your parents not being there!”

Jimin accepted the comfort for other than it was intended. They didn’t know how much he tried to never think about his parents anyways. But he did need comfort about family matters. As the three of them cuddled together on his bed for a movie, Jimin wondered again about the possibilities.

Jimin knew he was gay and he knew the two gay men on either side of him would accept him as gay, but the bigger problem had become that he knew he had not only lied to them for so long, but he knew that he was in love with both of them. It was a recipe for disaster. Even in the best case scenario where his parents disappeared and Jimin was able to be out and proud… how could he ever choose between his soulmate and the guy he fell for so quickly and adored to no end? He couldn’t. He would never be able to. He’d rather die. So maybe this was the best route anyways. He didn’t have to risk losing everything if his parents found out and he didn’t have to choose between his two loves if they stayed as they were.

However, staying platonic with these two was a torture of its own. Jimin was hiding more and more boners lately and had actually started fingering his ass when he got himself off in the shower to the thoughts of his two best friends doing wonderful things to him themselves. It would never happen, he knew it, but it somehow seemed safer to imagine the impossible than to hold out for anything actually happening.

And they weren’t making it any easier on him. Kookie was all soft and coy but surged into protective possessiveness over Jimin in a snap. Tae was all jokes and cuddles but turned seriously seductive and pushed Jimin’s limits as far as he could. He even offered to take care of him like Yoongi did Hobi, which had Jimin’s whole body flushing as Jungkook smacked Tae away so they luckily were too distracted squabbling to notice the tent in Jimin’s pants.

“Would you ever actually consider it?” Hobi asked during drinks at Jin’s after Tae was getting beaten again for following up a round of teasing Hobi and Yoongi about their secret affairs by publicly propositioning Jimin for a similarly platonic blowy.

“No!” Jimin quickly and adamantly defended, holding his hands up defensively over the kitchen table. “I’m straight, Hobi!”

“Well, me too, kid! But it still feels great,” He said and then clinked glasses with a smug Yoongi, who sat next to him across from Jimin.

“I don’t think…” Jimin began to challenge before sighing at the pair’s looks of utter satisfaction as Hobi put an arm around Yoongi. “You two are so weird. I feel sexually confused just looking at you two.”

“Cause we’re so hot?” Yoongi smirked. “I know it’s hard to resist, but if you’ve been holding back on our account, Jimin-ah-”

“What’s Jimin holding back?” Jungkook interrupted, dropping into the seat next to Jimin.

“A potential desire to be a third to mine and Hobi’s sexually undefined explorations,” Yoongi said with an evil grin to the maknae whose eyes were growing wider with each word after third.

“What the fuck! Don’t give the maknae such ideas, you perverted old man! There’s no such thing as ‘a third’ and I’m sick just even thinking about it with you two,” Jimin finished by throwing a wadded up napkin at Yoongi.

“Whoa,” Yoongi said, his eyes narrowing as he dodged. “Do you really not know what a third is, Jimin?”

Jimin rolled his eyes again in annoyance as he scoffed.

“No, Jimin, really,” Yoongi said, leaning forward, “This may officially make you the most innocent in the group!”

Jimin was suddenly feeling embarrassed. It was true that he didn’t have a lot of experience and he didn’t look much up online. Who needed to when you had an imagination?

But he was being challenged and it sounded like thirds were maybe a real thing so he was left to defend the accusation of being naïve, so he spat out, “Nu-uh, Joon’s smart but he’s stupid in other ways. Joon!”

Namjoon turned around from grabbing a beer, nearly knocking over a glass that Jin barely rescued. “Huh?” Namjoon responded after stumbling out an apology.

“Do you know what a third is?” Jimin said, folding his arms in front of him with his eyebrows raised as he tried to ignore how red he was turning with the realization that Tae was standing and staring from him to Kookie, and he and Kookie were exchanging some sort of meaningful look before returning to stare at Jimin in shock.

“Do I get any context clues? I wasn’t listening,” He responded, sitting down clumsily next to Yoongi.

“Gays,” Jimin said to responding scoffs and eyerolls.

“Oh, a threesome.” Joon responded. “But I guess more specifically, a third is someone invited into a threesome with an established couple. I’ve seen some couples on Tinder looking for thirds.”

Jimin was staring at Namjoon dumbstruck. “Are they no longer happy or something? Sounds like they’re looking for a reason to split!”

Jin chuckled, ruffling Jimin’s hair as he walked behind him to sit on the end of the table as Tae took his seat on the other side of Jimin. “Maybe some, but some find it helps their sex life gain excitement so they feel more stability in their relationship overall.”

Jimin frowned, “But isn’t that like cheating on each other?”

“Is it cheating if you both agree and all parties consent with full transparency?” Hobi challenged.

“I dunno, but that’s… that’s weird,” Jimin was growing defensive again being put on the spot in front of everyone. “Besides, why are you talking about this in front of Kookie!? He’s still so young and innocent!”

Jimin moved to cover Kookie’s ears, but the maknae dodged and looked at him a little confused as he said, “I already knew, Jimin. Just because I haven’t dated publicly yet doesn’t mean I haven’t messed around and searched up stuff.”

Jimin retreated his hands to his lap and bashfully said, “Oh, yeah, of course,” as he desperately tried to keep his brain from imagining a sexually confident Jungkook teaching him a few things. He shook his head before looking up to see a table full of silent exchanges and stares.

“What?!” Jimin pouted defensively. “Don’t judge me!”

“Oh baby, we’re not judging you!” Tae cooed as he put an arm around him. It helped a little.

“We kinda don’t know how to talk to you about sex stuff to be honest, Jiminie,” Hobi said with a kind but cautious smile. “You get a little… cagey about it sometimes and we don’t want to pry or push-”

“But we also don’t want you to be so naïve that you get taken advantage of or be unprepared,” Yoongi finished.

“He knows not to knock anyone up, Yoongs,” Jin joked.

“Thanks, Jin,” Jimin mumbled, “Yes, I know about condoms.”

There was some more silence and then Namjoon asked, “Are you okay if we ask you a couple questions, Jimin? Just so we know what our limits are with you? We joke and talk about sex a lot and we don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Jimin squirmed in his seat. It was a difficult topic for him. He was… guarded, to say the least. But he shrugged anyways.

“You can tell us to stop at any time, Jimin. You don’t have to answer our questions, okay?” Namjoon confirmed.

Slowly, Jimin nodded.

“Can we ask about your experience with sex?” Yoongi asked.

Jimin shifted uncomfortably again and Tae squeezed him tight and he felt Jungkook’s hand rubbing on his nape, so he took a deep breath in and said, “I’m not a virgin if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Ok, yeah, that’s part of it,” Yoongi said encouragingly. “Can I ask if your experiences with sex were positive or negative?”

Jimin froze. Why was Yoongi so damn perceptive?

After a few moments of silence, Yoongi continued, “It just… It would help us to know if you get uncomfortable because you’re asexual or because it brings up sexual trauma you’ve maybe experienced-”

“What’s asexual?” Jimin asked quickly to cut him off.

Namjoon explained. “Asexuality is a part of the sexuality spectrum for people who don’t experience sexual attraction to any gender. There’s a whole gray spectrum between asexuality and sexuality, too, to represent those who may have some sexual attraction but little desire for sex itself. Does that sound like something you might want to learn more about to see if that might be what you feel?”

Many things were going through Jimin’s head. He knew he wasn’t asexual. He got off in the shower far too often lately and he knew he had a high sexual attraction to males and always had… especially the two males currently touching him and making it even harder to think. But he couldn’t admit any of that so he started nodding before he realized that if it got out to his parents that he was any sexuality but what was normal, it would threaten their ideas for him to marry and have kids in a normal family. So after the couple nods he quickly shook his head several times.

“Uh, could you clarify, Jimin?” Jin asked, “It looked like you said yes and no.”

Jimin had to think fast while he struggled not to process that Tae’s hold on him was getting looser and his koala hold shifting to something more… respectful? But Jimin spoke up and said, “I just meant… yeah, I could learn more about it, but no I’m definitely heterosexual and going to get married to a woman and have kids and all that.”

“And all that,” Yoongi repeated with a slightly suspicious stare.

“Yeah,” Jimin said firmly with a nod, feeling his heart harden a little with the now timid touches he was getting from his best friends and fantasy lovers.

“Well, that kind of brings us back to wondering if you’ve had some bad experiences with sex, then,” Hobi surmised.

Jimin shrugged. He could maybe tell them just enough to get them off his case and not talking about it to him a lot. “Yeah, I had a… not great first time with my high school girlfriend, okay. I don’t… Look. I’m fine with the jokes and supporting each other’s sexuality and listening to you guys, but sometimes I’m just not feeling it and I might want to talk about something else. Is that okay?”

“Of course, Jiminie,” Hobi responded, “We can respect more than that if you let us know. We want you to feel comfortable telling us when you’re uncomfortable. I imagine you would want that from all of us, too, right?”

Jimin sighed, “Yeah. Of course.”

“You do a great job at looking out for others, Jimin. Especially looking out for our maknae squad,” Jin said with a smile, “I hope you can let us hyungs look out for you a little more. It sometimes feels a little hard. Like we might offend you or something.”

Jimin frowned, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be like that.”

“Is there anything we can do to help you feel more comfortable talking to us about your negative experiences or speaking up about things you don’t like?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t think so. I honestly already feel safer around all of you than…” Jimin had to stop himself from insinuating his parents. “Well, than I expected from stupid college boys,” he finished with a smirk.

Everyone chuckled or playfully shouted defensively, and the group let Jimin change the topic and summon another round of drinks. The next morning, Jimin was pretty sure he remembered hearing, through his drunken haze the night before, the voice of Tae yelling at Yoongi that he had never even considered asexuality, and something about not believing it before Yoongi’s voice shouted back, “Well, have you seen him date or hook up with anyone since you’ve both been here?”

Things changed after that night. With the friend group at large, it was really much the same with added consideration around Jimin. But with Tae and Kookie… it was different. And Jimin hated it. They were just… less with him—less touchy, less cuddly, less grabby, less flirty—all the things that made his heart skip and forget that he had a façade to keep up. They were being taken away by the ones he wanted to never stop touching him. And Jimin decided not to correct them, thinking it was best to protect himself from growing dependent on craving their physical affection if he could never have it. He could see the sadness reflected in their forced smiles as they held back or clenched hands that moved to reach out to him as they continued to try keeping everything else the same and Jimin forced his smiles and pretended he was happy in the difference. They still spent all their time together and planned to live together in an apartment they leased out for next school year, they were goofy and moody together, and vented about classes and people to each other. And Jimin still fell for them and each of their unique quirks—Tae’s occasional and adorable cluelessness and whiney sensitivity and the way he secretly needed and wanted to be protected, and Kookie’s manipulating them with his bunny nose and smile or played up his babied maknae role when he was the one to step up quietly in dark horse dominance and manhandle them around. Jimin had always been aware of the many reasons he loved them both, but now it was without the relief of hours blissfully forgetting about how he had to force himself to hold back and maintain his straight lifestyle that would be his life.

However, there was also now more occasional nights when neither Tae nor Kook were available to chill or hang out and Jimin was left to stew in his loneliness.

Was this how it would always be? Surviving off the ghost and memory of affection from them and pining after them when they were both present and absent?

The other guys noticed the shift—it was visibly obvious when the three were formerly some variation of a mushed up mass on the couch and they now sat like distinguished gentlemen side by side by side and respectfully not engaging with Jimin physically like they had before. Jin had been the first to ask what was up and Jimin took control by laughing and deflecting as he changed the topic. So, the hyungs tried different approaches until Jimin noticed the three of them were being intentionally separated to talk one on one and asked directly.

“What’s going on, kid,” Jin asked as he closed the door to his room after dragging Jimin in.

“Nothing, hyung. You’re all literally worrying about nothing,” Jimin said in exasperation as he flopped on his back on Jin’s bed and stared up at the nothing ceiling with his nothing eyes.

“Nothing doesn’t look like you putting on a show to cover up why the three of you look constipated trying not to touch each other,” Jin stated, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. “The other two told Yoongi and Hobi that they’re trying to respect whatever your sex-resistance is and felt bad for ignoring that you might have felt uncomfortable with all the touching before. But I feel like that’s wrong. You always seemed so happy cuddling and be affectionate with them and… just, tell me this isn’t what you really want, Jimin. I’ll help you figure it out.”

Jimin closed his eyes. No one could help him figure it out. They couldn’t know. And the heartbreak really was killing his sex drive so he wasn’t even jerking himself off in the showers anymore cause it just made him cry. But he couldn’t give Jin reasons to keep pressing the matter.

“There’s nothing to figure out, hyung. I was just giving the gays what they want, bro! I understand them wanting to touch all this,” Jimin gave a sweeping motion to his whole body as he spoke cockily.

Jin was silent for a moment and Jimin looked up to see his face look more serious than normal before the older said, “And is that the explanation you want me to go give ‘the gays’ out there, Jimin? That you were just sacrificing your body to their horny hands that they couldn’t keep to themselves?”

Jimin sat up. “Fuck, hyung, no. You know I don’t mean it like that.”

“But you know they would take it like that,” Jin said.

“Which is why I would never say it to them,” Jimin responded with a serious face.

“Jimin, come on. You’re always so cagey. I’ve known you for practically your entire college life, watching you dodge girls and become fused together with Tae and then Kookie, too. And I’m clearly the only one that knows your relationship with your parents isn’t all sunshine and daisies. I know your hiding shit, but I can’t help if you don’t let me!”

“It’s really not that deep, hyung. I wasn’t bothered before and I’m not bothered now. It’s whatever. They can treat me however they want and I’ll adjust, okay,” Jimin explained, tucking his feet under his thighs and fiddling with the bedspread as he avoided eye contact.

“But what do you want, Jimin?” Jin asked, placing a hand on Jimin’s knee.

Jimin’s hand twitched, wanting the skinship but resisting out of practice now. “I just want to make sure we stay friends no matter what, Jin. I don’t want to lose them. Or any of you.”

Jin’s hand squeezed his knee. “Why would you lose any of us, Jiminie?”

Jimin shrugged, “Any number of reasons, I guess.”

“Could you give me one?” Jin asked.

Jimin sniffed and said, “You all find out how pathetic I am and how right my parents are to hate me.”

“Jiminie!” Jin whined as he wrapped his arms around Jimin, who tried to not shake too much with his tears. It had been so long since someone held him and he felt himself stiffen before he surrendered to his crying and clung to Jin’s shirt in return as he let out some sobs.

Jimin had been lost in the moment and startled when he heard a creak and looked up to see a pair of doe-eyes staring at him from a crack in the doorway. Jimin quickly pulled away, frantically wiping his eyes as he hid his face from the maknae.

“Hey, Kookie, could you give us some more time alone please,” Jin called out.

“Are you okay, Jimin-hyung?” Jungkook said with a frown.

“Fine!” Jimin squeaked out, waving a hand instead of showing his face.

“I’ll come grab you when we’re done, okay, Kookie,” Jin responded. Following a beat of silence with, “I promise.”

Jungkook silently shut the door and they listened for the sound of his retreating footsteps.

“So embarrassing,” Jimin said, hiding his face in his hands.

“No it’s not. You’ve seen most of us cry at stupid shit and here you have an actual reason,” Jin smiled, pulling the younger’s hands away. “I don’t think anyone has any clue about you being afraid of losing us because your parent’s are crap at loving you.”

Jimin snorted, “They really are.”

Jin gave him a smile in return. “Give us a chance to show you we care in a better way than your parents.”

Jimin sighed, “What if I’m not worth it, Jin. I… like you said, I’ve been hiding things and you’re all going to hate me if you find out.”

“Unless you secretly murdered Tae’s grandmother, I don’t think there’s anything any of us would hate you for, Jiminie,” Jin said, grabbing Jimin’s hands and squeezing them.

Jimin stared at their hands and shook his head. “You say that now. But I know at least three of you would be so hurt and offended that you’ll probably want to beat me up, too.”

“Three of us… wait… beat you up, too?” Jin said quickly, “Who the fuck beat you up, Minnie?!”

Jimin stilled. He hadn’t meant to let that slip.

“I’ll kill ‘em, Min. Tell me who did it and I’ll hunt them down. When did this happen?” Jin asked, pulling at Jimin’s hands.

Jimin pulled his hands away. “Chill, hyung, it happened years ago, okay. Forget about it.”

Jin was quiet for a moment and then said softly, “It was your dad, wasn’t it.”

Jimin’s eyes went wide as they snapped to Jin’s in panic before he remembered to deny it and shook his head.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. My parents are dicks but they’re too paranoid about someone finding out to actually lay hands on me. You don’t deserve that.”

Jimin’s blood started flowing normally again and he mumbled, “Some people would say I did.”

“And you really think any of us would be those kind of people?”

Jimin’s eyes teared up again and he shook his head as he looked down and cried, “No. I know you’re not. But some of you might hate me for things I did to keep my parents happy. Things I don’t agree with, but… I have to, Jin.”

“What did you have to do, Jimin?” Jin asked gently.

Jimin shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

“I can keep it from the others. I never told them about your family problems in the first place, right?”

Jimin continued shaking his head. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Jin. I just… I can’t.”

Jin sighed, pulling Jimin in for another embrace and saying, “Okay. Maybe another time. I’m always here, okay. Thank you so much for opening up to me. I love you, man.”

Jimin chuckled at the disclaimer and said into Jin’s chest, “Love you too, bro.”

They separated after a moment and Jin asked, “So, what should I tell the others? They expect an explanation about the maknae line division and the whole sex-resistance thing.”

“Ugh, I wish we never had that conversation,” Jimin complained. “Can it not be a sexuality thing? I’ve never talked about sex more in my life than I have with all of you. Just because I don’t want to talk about it sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t want it, okay!”

Jin smirked, “So you do want it. It being sex. Just so we’re clear.”

Jimin gave him a dead look. “Yes, Jin, I have sexual desires, okay. I just don’t like talking about it, especially when I’ve been single for so long and have to help myself instead of have actual human intercourse, okay.”

Jin laughed, “Okay! Message received, lonely boy. My next question is… can we help you find a girlfriend?”

“NO! Absolutely not!” Jimin exclaimed getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom mirror. “I’m waiting till I graduate.”

“What?!” Jin exclaimed, staring through the bathroom doorway with shock as he watched Jimin make sure his face didn’t show evidence of crying. “Why on earth are you waiting when you could be having fun?!”

Jimin sighed. “Maybe that’s it, hyung. Sex isn’t about fun for me. Maybe I’m just more conservative and want to wait to find the girl I’m going to marry.”

“Oh,” Jin said, face clearing, “Well, that makes sense. Why didn’t you just say so.”

Jimin let out an exasperated breath. “Really!? After all the shit you’ve all given me!?”

“Simple solutions are often the best, kid,” Jin said as he pulled Jimin out of the bathroom. “Let’s go tell them.”

“Kill me now,” Jimin moaned as he allowed himself to be dragged out to the waiting group of boys in the living room.

“Okay! Jimin is officially NOT asexual, he’s just waiting to meet his future wife and is more reserved about talking about sexuality and wishes we never had that conversation about it before.” Jin announced to the group, plopping Jimin down on the couch beside Tae, who was staring at him with a frown.

“So why are you acting different with Tae and Kook?” Yoongi asked.

Jimin pouted, “They’re the ones acting different around me. I just adapted.”

“What?!” Tae exclaimed as Jungkook stared with an open mouth. “We were just trying to be respectful and not make you uncomfortable!”

“Who said I was uncomfortable?” Jimin shrugged without looking at him.

“What the fuck!? Seriously!” Tae exclaimed, tackling Jimin, who couldn’t hold back his smile in response to being held by his best friend again. “You mean we’ve been holding back and torturing ourselves all this time being all respectful for no reason?”

“Well I didn’t know for sure what your reasonings were. Maybe we were just growing up!” Jimin offered lamely.

“Fuck growing up, you’re my best friend,” Tae said, “I need cuddles from you… If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable that is.”

Jimin rolled his eyes and pulled Tae back in, “No, it doesn’t, okay. I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Tae whined into his neck. Jimin had to resist shivering.

“Why were you crying?” Jungkook said suddenly.

Jimin froze, looking up to see his big eyes staring at him more guarded than ever.

Jimin blinked a couple times as he pulled away from Tae and said slowly, “I just… felt really stupid about it all, I guess.” He glanced over to Jin in a silent request to keep his secrets and the older man nodded with a smile. Jimin looked back at the maknae who had been tracking the small exchange himself with a frown. Jimin gave the boy what he thought was a penitent smile and pleading eyes as he asked, “Forgive me, Kookie?”

The maknae’s stern face melted and he rushed forward to tackle Jimin himself as he said, “As if I could ever be mad at you.”

Jimin’s mind of course doubted it, still determining to never reveal all that he had hidden from them and risk their disgust and hurt.

The rest of the year went pretty well. Tae and Kook had resumed most of their cuddles, hugs, and skinships with him but Jimin still sensed things were slightly different and he still had some nights without them. It seemed a good balance, though. Jimin felt his nights alone were more effective to bring himself to reality and focus on school work instead of getting lost in the clouds cuddling with his secret crushes. He made top marks in his courses and was already guaranteed a lead role in his Junior year’s big dance production. His parents had arranged a summer job for him at home for his off-term, Tae would be working on the farm back at home, Kook was going to travel with his family, Hobi and Joon were graduating and searching for jobs, and Jin and Yoongi were still doing their same thing with pursing their careers. They all partied hard and congratulated the graduates before dramatic good-byes and overly-detailed promises about when they were meeting up for the first time when the maknae line returned to Seoul from their off-term breaks at home.

This summer was harder than the last for Jimin. He missed Tae and Kookie so much. Maybe it was because their communication wasn’t as constant and light-hearted as it used to be. They were texting him less and asking how he was doing more. He always avoided that question cause he couldn’t answer it honestly.

He was surviving. He let his parents present him to neighbors as an enviable husband and set him up on blind dates with local girls, which he of course attended and was considerate and polite, if not overly formal. Apparently that worked for a couple of them as their parents reported that he had a couple eligible girls to date again next summer.

All he could think about on dates was Tae and Kookie and how much more comfortable he would be with them.

Jin kept checking on him, asking if his dad ever placed hands on him anymore and Jimin was able to honestly answer no. Jimin knew now what to do to not upset his father to that point.

But he also began wondering what he gained by pleasing his parents. Something about the way Jin talked about keeping his parents out of his business had Jimin wondering if he could challenge his own conviction about living his life to please them. He didn’t have the warm, fuzzy family life Tae and Kookie had. Their families knew they were gay and were trying to understand and love them even if the support was imperfect at times. Did he want to live his whole life walking on egg shells and forcing himself to reproduce just to bring home a child for his parents to be satisfied for a moment and start the cycle all over again?

Did he want to be in a marriage with someone he didn’t want to have sex with? It took forever for him to get over letting that girl in high school somehow get a boner out of him and ride him long enough for his parents to catch them so they could prove to them that Jimin wasn’t gay. But then she overperformed and demanded to his parents that Jimin take responsibility. Which he did by dating her for a whole year with his parents approval and new restrictions about being along together until her own parents learned that they had had sex already and moved her away and cut off contact. Jimin had hated that he had gone along with it. He had to picture his old crush sucking him off to keep his erection going long enough and the resentment he had towards her made their weird relationship that year even less comfortable.

Jimin liked girls as friends. He knew he could come to love and care for a kind, sweet woman, but he wouldn’t be IN love with them like he was with Tae and Kook. He wouldn’t fantasize about all the ways to be intimate together like he still did with Tae and Kook. On one of his blind dates, his date broke the ice by stating that she was sorry but she was already in love with someone else and Jimin couldn’t help but smile and say, “Me too.” They ended up talking for hours about how they were struggling with unrequited loves and exchanged numbers to keep in touch. They actually started going out together on weekends in their free time to commiserate.

“It’s different, you know,” Eunjin said to him from across the restaurant table, “I was rejected by my love and you never even confessed.”

“Isn’t the point of confessing an attempt to pursue a relationship, though?” Jimin asked. “Cause I’ve already told you my parents would never allow it.”

“I know, I know, but maybe it would just give you the opportunity to be honest with yourself and either move on from receiving a clear rejection or actually allow yourself to love someone before you hand your life to your parents on a silver platter,” Eunjin said and then took a long drink.

“Speaking from experience?” Jimin smirked.

Eunjin slammed down her drink and wiped her mouth off. “Yes. I know my parents own me already, okay. It’s not great. Zero stars. Would not recommend.”

Jimin laughed and took a drink of his own, giving the matter some thought. What if he did confess? Maybe he could hide that he was gay and just say that they were so great and sexy that they were confusing him and he could get some sexual exploration make-outs out of it? No, that was too shallow. Or maybe he could tell them that since he would never be able to choose between them anyways, it would never work to pursue just one of them so he didn’t want to start anything but just wanted to get it off his chest? Ugh, that sounded messy. He took another drink.

“I’m screwed either way,” Jimin concluded.

“That’s the spirit,” Eunjin said, pulling him around the table for another selfie. She was fond of posting on social media and he had learned quickly to comply. “A little more despondency and you’ll stop trying to please your parents all together! Smile!”

Jimin reposted the photo, writing out, “Thanks for being my summer friend, Eunjin,” to which she responded, “Screw summer. We’re bonded for life now.” Jimin liked it with a smile on his face before going to bed.

Eunjin had practically convinced Jimin to confess to his mystery love and was still texting him cheering messages to “Take the risk!” “Do it this week!” and “Do it for yourself!” as he rode the train back to Seoul. He was going to be the first to arrive at their shared apartment and was excited to begin setting up. As he did, his mind jumped to images of what their life would look like together this year. The three of them cuddling on the couch, cooking meals together, running through the halls shouting at each other—he couldn’t stop smiling, anxious to see them as he made the pre-furnished living areas a little more homey with a plant, a framed photo of the three of them goofing off next to a photo of The Boy Band at a party, a yellow throw blanket, a rug, and a few kitchen items he picked up while shopping for food. He had been looking forward to this year all summer and he couldn’t wait to see them again, feeling almost nervous at the way he was wanting more and more to take the risk and confess to them this year when the time felt right. Tae got there first and squealed with Jimin over everything until Jungkook showed up and Jimin and Tae dragged him around and he just grinned and laughed at their antics.

Just like Jimin imagined, they made dinner together and goofed off in the kitchen dancing to the music Jungkook put on. They ate together, sharing about their summer. Both seemed excited to hear more about Eunjin and had plenty of stories of their own to share. They ended up cuddling on the couch, Jimin taking his usual spot between them and soaking in the affection from both sides as he fell asleep.

The next day was mostly unpacking. Tae and Kook apparently had arrangements that night and Jimin pouted and whined for one of them to take him no matter how boring their separate appointments were. Eventually, he resigned himself to his night alone and finished perfecting his room.

He woke up to the smell of a fresh, warm breakfast, and stumbled out of bed and down the hallway, rubbing his eyes with a big smile about how wonderful his life was here in his new apartment with Tae and Kook. It felt like a glimpse into a life he had never even imagined could exist and only did exist in some far distant dreamland. Jimin back-hugged Kookie at the stove and was back-hugged himself by Tae.

“Good Morning!” Tae exclaimed with a squeeze around both of them.

“g’morning,” Jimin croaked out, head resting against Kookie’s back, “food smells ‘mazing. Cn I help?”

Tae and Kookie chuckled, making eye contact over the top of Jimin’s head as Tae pulled him away to deposit him at the table, stating it was nearly ready.

Jimin was finishing his delicious breakfast when Tae spoke up. “Jimin, we actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Of course, roomies! What’s up,” Jimin asked with a cheesy grin.

Tae grinned tentatively back and looked over at Kookie, who was already looking at him and nodding.

“We wanted you to be the first person we tell because we love you so much and we already feel like shit for lying to you about last night and don’t want to hide anything from you anymore,” Tae said as Jimin felt like his blood was beginning to drain from his body. He watched as Tae held his hand out to Jungkook, who took it. They were holding hands as if presenting it as a declaration. “We talked about it over the summer and went out last night to make sure and… well, we’re sure. We’re dating, Minnie! We’re boyfriends!”

For some reason, Jimin immediately thought about Eunjin and how heartbroken she would be for him. Because that’s what he knew he was even if at the moment he felt numb. He was heartbroken. It took only a moment for Jimin to realize that the hope he had allowed to light up his world of darkness was gone and his life was again over, best left determined by his parents. Jimin couldn’t stop staring at their hands.

“Jimin?”

Jimin looked up, seeing saddened and confused looks on the faces he loved. He realized he had not controlled his own face and slowly took in a breath as he smiled for them.

“Wow! Congratulations! I… I had no clue!” Jimin started frowning again but reminded himself to quickly compose himself and smiled again. “So, last night was a date.”

Tae nodded, staring at Jimin as if examining him.

“We’re so sorry we lied. We thought you might be upset about it,” Jungkook said quickly.

Jimin shook his head and shrugged. “I get it. You needed your own time to figure things out. Couples need their own time.”

And it hit him. Jimin was living with a couple. A couple he loved. Whom he would have to watch be happy without him. Whom he would need to intentionally leave alone to not intrude on their couple time or intimacy.

“Only occasionally,” Tae insisted. “We’ll have date nights and stuff, but we don’t want things to change with the three of us. We’re still all best friends and a package deal, okay?”

No. Everything would be different now. He didn’t belong anymore.

But he nodded anyways to save face and said softly, “Okay.”

They sat there for an awkward moment until Jimin finally snapped out of it and shouted, “Sorry! That was a lot to take! I think I was in shock or something. We need to celebrate! Let’s do something!”

Tae and Kook looked a little taken back, frowns slowly clearing from their faces.

Jungkook slowly stated, “That’s kind of what this breakfast was.”

“And we’re doing dinner at Jin’s with the group,” Tae said.

“Well let’s turn that into a celebration, too!” Jimin said enthusiastically. “How do you want to tell them?”

“We’ll just show up, I guess,” Jungkook said, raising their held hands.

“Great! We should get a cake!” Jimin exclaimed, getting up and beginning to clear the table. “I can run out and get one after I get ready. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Jimin continued clearing up until a hand on his shoulder stopped him and he turned around to see Jungkook looking at him with a serious face, Tae looking worried behind him.

“Jimin, are you okay with this?” Jungkook asked.

Jimin gave him a solid smile and stated, “Of course, I am Kookie. You two make a great couple. Come here,” he finished fondly, pulling them both in for a group hug.

“We love you, Minnie,” Tae said softly into his hair.

Jimin hummed and squeezed them both tightly and said, “Back atcha, besties.”

It was all Jimin could do to force himself through cleaning up with cheer. He nearly fell apart in the shower, but realized he couldn’t afford to do that here. They might hear him sobbing or something. No, he had to keep it together.

It’s not like he had really expected anything to happen with them in the long run, anyways. It was selfish of him to be sad when that could dampen their happiness together. So he pulled himself together, finished getting ready and went out to ask them what kind of cake they wanted.

They were cuddling on the couch together when he walked in and it hit him again. He didn’t belong in the cuddles anymore. He was intruding.

“Ah, sorry to interrupt,” Jimin said in what he hoped was a playfully teasing voice. “Just wanted to ask what kind of cake you want real quick.”

“You’re not interrupting. We weren’t doing anything,” Jungkook said as Tae held out a grabby hand to summon Jimin and requested, “Come join us for a bit.”

Jimin didn’t move. Just smiled and shook his head, saying, “You’re just trying to slow me down, Tae. I’m not falling for it. What kind of cake.”

“No, just real quick, come on!” Tae insisted.

“If you don’t tell me, I’m choosing,” Jimin threatened. “What am I talking about, I know what you both like, I CAN choose. Text me if you have any requests!”

And with the last shout, Jimin was sliding quickly into his shoes and rushing out the door.

Jimin wandered aimlessly for a while, completely spacing out and paying no attention to time or location.

How long had he been blind to what was happening between Tae and Kook? He had seen the way Tae looked at Kookie when they first met and he had always seen how they flirted just as much as Jimin and they both did together. But he had always felt so warm about it. He had never felt this… exclusion from it. This… jealousy. He had been so focused on struggling with his feelings for them in general that he was blindsided by what was happening for them apart from him. He felt like a fool. All the times he had wondered if they could possibly return his feelings for himself, why hadn’t he considered their obvious affection for each other to be as serious as it clearly was. Serious as committed boyfriends. Why had he never imagined a scenario without him in the picture. It was so obvious. To everyone else, he was straight. He would never have been factored into this equation.

His phone dinged and Jimin pulled up the notification for the group chat between the three of them and Jimin realized it had already been two hours.

TaeTae

When are you coming back, Minnie?

Minnie

Sorry! Lost track of time, couldn’t find what I was looking for and got side tracked on my way to another bakery.

Oh! Also, I have some more ideas for making the celebration fun tonight! Might be a while longer.

Have fun while I’m gone! 😉

Kookie

We wanted to spend time with you, tho

TaeTae

We’ve missed you too much for you to be gone on our first day back.

Missed me so much that you barely talked to me over the summer? That you couldn’t have given me a fuckin heads up that you two were going to couple off and cut me out? Jimin shook his head. Bitterness wasn’t going to get him anywhere good.

Minnie

But it’s also your first day as a couple! Enjoy your time together!

Jimin busied himself with shopping for the cake, matching t-shirts as a gift for the new couple, some heart balloons, and party streamers and things. He knew he was going over the top and everything was stabbing in him in the heart to pick out things to celebrate the end of his hopes and dreams, but he needed a reason to not show up before the party.

Minnie

Extra surprises for you both! Meet you at Jin’s!

Jin was thoroughly confused by Jimin’s shadiness as he showed up early and began decorating for a celebration. Jimin wasn’t telling him what they were celebrating yet and seemed to go from looking distraught to overly-enthusiastic very quickly.

Jimin had texted everyone else to arrive before Tae and Kook and kept running around keeping himself too busy to stop and talk to anyone, which seemed to be creating nervous energy for a bothered Yoongi. Without explanation, Jimin instructed everyone to pull their party poppers and shout, “Congratulations!” when Tae and Kook entered. Which they did, holding their joined hands up with thin smiles as they waited for everyone’s reactions.

There was silence for a beat and Jimin realized and said the the couple, “Oh, I didn’t tell them yet! I just decorated and made sure they all showed up early enough to shout Congratulations! Go ahead and tell them!”

“Oh,” Kook said as Tae gave a cursory look to Jimin. “Uh, we’re dating. Yeah. Boyfriends,” Kook finished simply as he held up their clasped hands again.

Jimin watched the hyungs’ eyes widen and then glance noticeably over at Jimin in confusion for a moment before Hobi and Jin led the congratulatory surge forward to hug and celebrate the new couple.

Looks like I wasn’t the only one surprised then, Jimin thought. It’s a small comfort. Not the only idiot. Still, I was the one with them all the time and should have noticed.

“So. Tae and Kook,” Yoongi stated to Jimin after dinner had finished and Jimin had passed around pieces of cake.

“Isn’t it great?!” Jimin exclaimed exuberantly. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“Of course. The three of you always were,” Yoongi responded, eyebrows twitching.

Jimin laughed. “Yeah, but it’s better we don’t all three remain single friends forever. Now I don’t have to worry about those brats, right?”

Yoongi hummed noncommittally and watched Jimin walk away, busying himself again with more nonsense.

Jimin immediately began dodging the happy couple. Tae and Kook tried confronting him about it and Jimin denied, denied, denied, stating that the new semester just turned out to be way more than he had anticipated. Which had some truth to it. He was slotted for a lead solo at the Winter showcase and needed to spend extra time dancing on top of his more advanced mathematics coursework. But it also gave him excuses to avoid going home.

Home meant intruding on the couple’s space. The first time he accidentally walked in on them kissing, Jimin had freaked out. When they asked, he said he just wasn’t used to seeing his best friends kissing yet, but they seemed dissatisfied with how awkward and disturbed he seemed by it. So they asked if it was because he was straight and Jimin just said maybe. It had been a little tense for a while after that, reminding Jimin of when Tae thought of him as a homophobic prick. That was the day that he finally fell apart and left to cry for a couple hours in the dance studio.

Then, Jimin heard them one night. Moaning. And a repeated thumping noise. It was then that he realized he could never sleep in that apartment again.

Jimin began packing bags that would last him a few days and spent nights in the dance studio or a friend’s place. Tae and Kook kept texting him to come home and figure things out, but he just kept avoiding them and telling them he was too busy.

It went on for a long month filled with tears and heartbreak for Jimin until, eventually, he found himself dragged into an intervention at Jin’s with the whole group that he couldn’t escape.

“You’ve been avoiding us ever since we started dating,” Kook stated, an arm around Tae as he rubbed his boyfriend’s back.

“You’re obviously not happy about seeing us together and it really hurts, Minnie,” Tae whined, “You’re supposed to be my best friend!”

“Nobody knows where you’re sleeping,” Jin stated.

“You’ve clearly not been taking care of yourself,” Namjoon commented on Jimin’s worn-out appearance and constantly wrinkled clothes from being stuffed in duffle bags.

“You’ve started avoiding everyone’s calls and texts,” Hobi pointed out.

“And you’re losing weight,” Yoongi said.

Jimin had admittedly lost his appetite. He also just didn’t exactly have a home base to stop and prepare food anymore, so he didn’t eat much. Not that he needed to tell them all that.

“I’m just dancing more than normal and burning more calories, hyung. This showcase is a big chance for me to get scouted early as a Junior. It’s my priority right now,” Jimin tried to explain to all of them.

“That doesn’t explain you avoiding us,” Jungkook insisted.

Jimin sighed. “I know. I just… I’m so busy that it feels like every time I see you I have to apologize for not being around the apartment and I hate that all our interactions are negative now.”

“We don’t mean to guilt you,” Tae offered. “It’s just pretty obvious that you don’t want to see us anymore. Because we’re dating and that makes you uncomfortable for some reason.”

“No,” Jimin denied again to exasperated looks and raised eyebrows. “I mean… a little. I just… feel like I’m intruding, you know. If I were dating someone new, and especially living with them, I think it would be preferable to not be interrupted or… overheard whenever it was time to… be intimate.”

Jimin was blushing deeply and scratching the back of his neck.

“Have you interrupted or overheard them having sex, Jimin?” Namjoon asked.

“I… heard them one night,” Jimin said quietly, avoiding eye contact with the two wide-eyed blushing boys in question.

“And that made you uncomfortable,” Jin concluded.

“Because you’re uncomfortable even talking about sex and this is… well… literally being right next to gay sex happening.” Yoongi connected more dots for everyone.

Jimin nodded sheepishly.

“Fuck, Jimin,” Kook released a big breath. “I’m so sorry. We didn’t even imagine you could hear us.”

“And we should have known you’d feel uncomfortable with the idea of us having sex around you. Will you forgive us, Minnie?” Tae pled.

Jimin nodded with a smile. “Of course! It’s not either of your faults that I’m a freaking prude, okay?”

“So how do the three of you work through this?” Yoongi asked. “It’s not like a dating couple can be asked not to have sex in their own home.”

Tae and Kookie looked at each other as if considering it.

“No,” Jimin cut them off from vocalizing anything. “I’m not so selfish that I would force my best friends to live in discomfort just so I could be more comfortable, okay. I think it just makes sense for me to move out.”

“What?!” “No!” Tae and Kookie protested.

“It only makes sense, guys,” Jimin said with sad eyes.

“But Kookie hasn’t even gotten to enjoy any time living with you yet! You’ve been avoiding us since literally our first day living together!” Tae complained.

“Well, there’s nothing I can do about that, TaeTae,” Jimin pouted in return.

“Could we just… give it another try?” Jungkook offered. “We could schedule our sex nights so we don’t make you uncomfortable!”

“Oh, that’s romantic,” Jimin joked.

“We’re past that phase anyways,” Tae commented with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Please, Jimin? At least try it?”

“Jimin, you can always spend the night over here whenever they schedule their super sexy sex nights!” Jin offered.

“Our place, too,” Hobi offered as Namjoon nodded. “You’re welcome anytime.”

“We’d all feel a lot better knowing where you were staying, anyways. Where have you been spending the night so much these past weeks?” Yoongi asked.

Jimin shrugged, “Just friends’ places.”

“We thought we were your friends,” Yoongi countered.

“You are! I just… wanted to avoid all of this, ya know?” Jimin confessed.

“It just feels like you’ve been pushing all of us away, Jimin,” Namjoon said gently.

“I’m sorry, guys. I’ll… I’ll try to be better.” Jimin said with a smile to his group of friends.

And Jimin did do better. He spent almost every other night at his apartment and more nights with Jin and Yoongi or Joon and Hobi. He texted the group chat so there were clear understandings of where he would be and they all started forcing him to eat and rest more. Which actually improved his dancing and his mood. He was crying less and remembering that while he was heartbroken, he had never wanted to lose his best friends and had to take accountability for threatening that.

It was hard to return to checking his feelings for his best friends again. They would pull him in between them and force cuddles on him no matter how much he complained that he felt awkward getting in between the boyfriends. He even tried arguing that he didn’t want to cause any problems between them by doing something wrong and jokingly commented about making one or the other jealous.

“Please make us jealous,” Tae responded to an exasperated Jimin. “We would really enjoy that, actually.”

Amidst everything, Jimin found himself noticing how much the pair had been maturing so nicely. Jungkook no longer looked like an innocent little freshman bunny and was getting way too muscular for Jimin to resist feeling up his muscles occasionally. And Tae’s shoulders seemed broader and his face more masculine and he got caught staring sometimes to the other’s great pleasure. But why couldn’t he just be blind rather than be tortured with the gorgeous visions whose love would never include him?

Somehow, Jimin made it through another couple months of torture and releasing his frustrations through his dancing.

Everyone was looking forward to his showcase, knowing how hard he had worked and how much time Jimin had spent preparing for it. It helped to know the boys and friends he loved were in the audience as he performed and gave his very best. He ran out to see them all waiting for him in the lobby afterwards and they showered him with flowers and began taking pictures. The hyungs wandered off at some point to greet some old friends they saw and Jimin was hugged tightly between his roommates when he heard a voice that made his stomach drop.

“Jimin-ah.”

Jimin turned to look into the stoic, firm faces of his parents.

“A-Abeoji! Eomeoni!” Jimin quickly stepped away from the hold of Tae and Kookie, rushing forward to bow to his parents. “I didn’t know you would be here!”

“So we see,” His father said coldly, eying the boys behind him.

“Oh, hello!” Sweet, unassuming Tae said cheerfully, pulling Kookie forward with him and bowing together in greeting. “You must be Jimin’s parents! It’s so wonderful to meet you! We’re his roommates!”

Jimin’s father eyed their clasped hands and asked, “Are you brothers?”

“Oh! No,” Tae laughed as Kookie side-eyed a terrified Jimin in dawning comprehension while Tae proudly declared, “We’re dating!”

Jimin felt his blood freeze as he saw his father’s face grow livid. The man turned on Jimin and spat out, “You’re living with GAY’S!?”

Tae gasped in shock of his own as Kookie’s face grew combative.

“Y-yes,” Jimin whispered, feeling his body shake in fear.

“And are you gay with them, Park Ji Min?!” His father growled, stepping closer to tower over him and glare down.

“N-No, Abeoji,” Jimin stuttered. “I p-promise.”

“How dare you tarnish our name by living with such people. Tell them you can no longer be their friends,” He demanded.

But Jimin didn’t move.

“Now!” His father’s bark made Jimin jump.

“No,” Jimin said quietly.

Jimin felt the sting and heard his friend’s exclamations before he realized what had happened. His father had backhanded him hard across his cheek and Jimin stumbled to the side, nearly falling over if not for Tae and Kookie catching him. But he was quickly yanked out of their hold as his father snarled, “Get your filthy hands off my son.”

“Maybe you should get your hands off him,” Kookie challenged, stepping forward with his shoulders back and head held high.

“Kookie, no,” Jimin cried, “Please. Don’t get involved, okay.”

Jimin’s pleas had Tae pulling Jungkook back as Jimin’s father dragged him away, his mother’s head held high in their wake.

“What,” Tae struggled to formulate a sentence. “Those were his parents?!”

“Apparently,” Kookie said, turning to his boyfriend and asking, “Are you okay?”

Tae nodded. “Just shocked. A little offended by his tool of a dad. You?”

Kookie nodded. “Fine. Pissed. Worried.”

“Me too,” Tae agreed. “Should we have followed them?”

“I dunno,” Kookie frowned.

When the hyungs returned, Tae rushed to tell them what happened and they all became incenses as soon as he told him how hard Jimin’s father hit him.

“Where did they go, Tae?” Jin asked, his face more serious than ever.

“Jimin told us not to get involved,” Kookie answered” but pointed in the direction they left, “They took him that way.”

“Fuck,” the oldest said, rushing off in the pointed direction. “Come on, let’s go!”

“Hyung! Hyung, what do you know?” Kookie called out after Jin as they ran to the door and piled out, looking around the emptying parking lot and seeing no sign of Jimin or his parents.

“Just… Jimin accidentally told me that his father used to beat him up. I checked on him all summer when he was home and he swore it wasn’t happening anymore,” Jin said, pulling his hair in frustration.

“What!?” Tae and Yoongi exclaimed.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell us, Jin!” Kookie shouted at his hyung.

“He made me promise not to tell!” Jin shouted back. “Fuck! Everything’s always so secretive with this kid. He was terrified we would all find out some shit about him that would make us all hate him. Thought he deserved the way his parents treated him.”

“No!” Tae sniffed.

“We deserved to know, Jin,” Kookie growled. “You know how much we love him.”

“I know! Fuck! I’m sorry!” Jin continued to shout until Namjoon grabbed him and brought him in for a tight hug.

“He’s not answering his phone,” Hobi said, the faint sound of Jimin’s voicemail recording coming through the speaker.

“He didn’t have his bag, though,” Tae realized. “He came out before completely changing and he didn’t have his bag with him.”

“They may have gone back for it!” Yoongi shouted as he turned around and started running back inside.

They weren’t all allowed back in the changing rooms, so Tae went through as he knew exactly what bag he was looking for. He came back in tears, saying another dancer saw him briefly take his things and leave.

They all went back to the three maknae’s apartment, calling and texting Jimin while some of them began calling hospitals just out of fear. They woke up Sunday morning to no response and no sign of Jimin. They went to the police, trying to file a missing persons report but were told it didn’t sound like he was missing if he was with his parents, and parental beatings weren’t illegal in Korea so there was nothing they could do. Lost and anxious, they all went home, the group chat occasionally dinging with someone asking if anyone had heard anything yet, just to get a string of No’s in response. On Monday, Jin said he was looking into hiring a private investigator. On Tuesday, Tae and Kook came home to find Jimin’s room emptied and a notice on the counter stating that his portion of the rent had been paid off for the remainder of the semester and terminated thereafter. But still no word from Jimin.

On Thursday, Jin said that his private investigator discovered that Jimin had been officially withdrawn from school completely, and his parents had paid the final bill. Jin had instructed the investigator to track down Jimin’s home address and go stake it out for signs of Jimin. The next day, they all started getting undeliverable responses to their texts to Jimin and calls to him said that the number was no longer in service. Two days later, they learned that Jimin’s parents were home, but there was no sign of Jimin. The investigator had called the police for a wellness check on Park Jimin at his home residence and watched as police entered the home, only to exit and report back that there were no signs of anyone except the parents there.

The next day, Jin called Jimin’s father directly. He had some clout with his family name and Jimin had mentioned they were pleased with the connection.

After greetings and introductions, Jin got straight to the point. “Mr. Park, I’m friends with your son, Jimin, and heard that he was last seen leaving his dance showcase with you and Mrs. Park. I urgently need to find him. Do you know how I might reach him?”

There was silence on the other line for moment before Mr. Park’s voice responded gruffly, “I’m sorry Seokjin-ssi, but Park Jimin is no longer my son,” and hung up.

Tae was terrified that meant that he had killed Jimin, but most of them disagreed. Further investigation revealed that Park Jimin had indeed been removed from the Busan Park’s family register. His bank accounts had been closed and his phone plan had been cut off. Tae also pleaded and Jin agreed for the investigator to confirm that no bodies had turned up matching Jimin’s photo and description. They filed another missing person’s report and Jin continued to pay for the investigator to do regular searches online and in Seoul and Busan for any sign of their friend, but it seemed the trail had gone cold.

Jimin didn’t know what had come over him. After telling his father no for the first time of his life in open defiance, he had been humiliated in front of the boys he loved. They probably thought him so pathetic. He had followed his parents’ instructions to grab his things and followed them to their car in fear. They took him to the hotel and Jimin got the 2^nd worst beating of his life. At least his father called in a concierge doctor to tend to Jimin, telling the doctor that his son was beaten by bullies at school. Two days later, Jimin’s father showed him receipts for his lease termination and tuition statements confirming his complete withdrawal from school and housing. His clothes were brought up to the hotel room in suitcases. His mother told him that she had spoken to his roommates when they packed up his room and explained that Jimin would be completing his studies abroad and that he was no longer allowed to have contact with them as Jimin no longer wanted their sort in his life. She said they were upset and didn’t want to hear from him, but Jimin struggled to believe her. His parents continued laying out their plan to send him abroad, and it suddenly hit Jimin that his life would never be his.

He would never be happy if he followed his parent’s commands.

He thought of Eunjin again with fondness as he stood up and told his parents that he was no longer interested in playing the role they intended for him and was going to live the life he chose, independent from them. They threatened to take away everything, his dad hit him again, and they swore they would remove him from the family registry if he walked out the door.

“Please do,” Jimin said, grabbing his two suitcases, his bag, and left.

As soon as he stepped out of the hotel, he realized he was about to be penniless and rushed to the nearest bank. Somehow, he had gotten there before his father had called to freeze the account and was able to withdraw everything and close the account on his own. He knew it was rightfully his parents, but Jimin honestly didn’t care at this point.

He found an old PC Bang and went in to use the computer. He had a life to figure out.

Tae and Kookie sat on their couch, looking around at the remnants of Jimin not taken by whoever packed up his room a few months ago. They had kept watering his plant, the framed photos of them continually reminded them that he didn’t deserve to just be erased from their lives, and both Tae and Kookie had caught each other sobbing into the yellow blanket that was slowly losing its scent of Jimin.

The whole friend group was struggling, but the two remaining maknaes struggled most. They confessed as much to the hyungs, telling them that when they said they loved him most, they meant that they had literally been in love with him.

“I knew it!” Yoongi exclaimed, “I was shocked when you announced only you two were dating. It just felt right for the three of you to be together.”

“Yeah, well, he was straight, so it would have been a tough sell,” Kookie said sadly.

“We still should have told him we were in love with him,” Tae sniffed. “I was too afraid of making him feel weird and now I just regret that he didn’t know how completely loved he was. Especially with how he thought he deserved what his father…”

“Hey, none of that,” Jin said, wrapping an arm around the younger. “We all have regrets. Me more than some.”

Kookie shook his head, “You were a good hyung to him. He opened up to you more than he did anyone else and that says a lot.”

“Thanks, Kook,” Jin responded with a nod.

“I’m still not convinced he was completely straight,” Yoongi reflected as he leaned back in his chair.

“Wishful thinking, hyung,” Kookie sighed, “that’s all it is.”

“The kid was too guarded to know anything for sure,” Namjoon acknowledged. “Clearly with his parents he had reason to be, but there was a lot to Jimin that we may never know.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Tae cried, standing up in confrontation. “You’re all giving up and I won’t allow it! We’re gonna find him someday! And stop referring to him in past tense. He’s still out there somewhere.”

Tae collected his things and stormed out, Namjoon’s mouth gaping open like a fish.

Jungkook stood up, sighing and patting Namjoon’s arm as he said, “He gets like that sometimes now. He’ll cool off, hyung. Don’t sweat it. But also… please keep looking and keep some hope. If only for us.”

The hyungs all mumbled “of course”s as Jungkook bowed and left, pursuing the one person that remained of his heart that held two.

Jimin landed his leap gracefully and turned to his final pose before hands clapped and he looked at his form in the mirror. For the first time, he actually liked how he looked. The blonde hair somehow made him feel like he was finally himself and accentuated the way his face had thinned out. He wasn’t getting paid much as a corp dancer for the company, but he was lucky they were paying him at all for not having finished his degree. It had all been the timing of his call, really. He had spent the night at that PC Bang researching job options for himself when he rummaged through his bag for a snack and came across the card he vaguely remembered being handed after his showcase and told the scout was trying to contact him. Taking a break to start the new day, Jimin asked to use the phone at the front desk and called the number on the card. Jimin stated where she had seen him dance and asked if there was any chance they were having auditions any time soon. Surprisingly, the woman immediately remembered Jimin’s solo and asked Jimin to hold for a moment while she checked something. When she came back on the line, she told Jimin that four of their corp dancers had been stolen by a competitor and while they had some back-ups, they might not be solid enough and if he could come today and learn the choreography better than one of the alternates, he could very well have called at the perfect time. Jimin showed up to the studio on the completely opposite end of Seoul an hour and a half later, suitcases in hand. The woman took a look at his bags and his bruises and told him they don’t accept trouble. Jimin responded that luckily enough, he had just cut out trouble from his life for good by letting his parents finally disown him. She stared at him for a hard, straight minute before telling him to put his bags in her office and follow her to the studio. He danced like his life depended on it and scored a spot in the corp and somehow in this woman’s heart.

“Someone from this dance company keeps tagging me and sending me messages about their show tomorrow night,” Kookie commented as he scrolled through his phone a few months later. 

“Do you think they want to recruit you?” Namjoon asked.

“No, it’s not really my style,” Kookie said.

“What’s not your style?” Tae asked, coming back to the table with Jin and some food dishes.

“Oh, this dance company that’s been messaging me all week,” Kookie said, putting down his phone to greet his boyfriend with a smile.

Tae quirked his head and pulled out his own phone. “Wait, me too. This one?” He asked, turning his screen to show Kookie.

“Yeah, that’s it!” Kookie responded in shock. “I figured I was getting ‘em cause I’m a dance student, but you’re not taking any dance classes.”

“Maybe it’s all fine art students?” Tae wondered.

“Maybe it’s all fine art former students as well?” Jin asked showing his own phone to reveal messages about the show as well.

“Let’s check,” Hobi said, checking his own. “Yup, me too.”

“And me,” Yoongi said.

There was a pause and they all looked at Namjoon, who groaned and pulled out his phone. “Yup, me too. Why are we caring? Did you all want to go? Reward their spamming student accounts before finals?”

“They’re individual messages, though,” Jin said looking at his phone again after everyone started eating. “And there’s multiple. That’s a lot of targeted effort to put in. Would they be targeting The Boy Band for a reason?”

“I dunno, feels like our reputation kinda dwindled after you stopped hosting parties and we all kept to ourselves so much this year,” Hobi remarked after taking a drink.

“Doesn’t really seem to be any of our thing anymore, anyways,” Tae mourned, “Jimin would’ve like it.”

Kookie paused his chewing to stare at Tae before picking his phone back up frantically and looking very determined.

“What?” Tae asked, perplexed.

Kookie grunted through his mouthful of food he was forgetting to chew, holding up a finger to indicate his boyfriend wait a moment as he returned to scrolling and searching.

Tae had just assembled the perfect bite to bring to his lips, when he was vigorously grabbed by his boyfriend and it fell in his lap. He turned to shout at him, but saw the boy spitting out the contents of his food on the table as the hyungs all started responding to the disgusting sight.

“Why would you spit out such amazing food on my beautiful table, child?!” Jin shouted over all of them.

“I found him!” Kookie shouted after finally clearing his mouth. “I found Jimin!”

“WHAT?!” They all jumped from their seats and crowded around the maknae’s phone.

Jungkook was on the dance company’s social media page, explaining, “You said it was Jimin’s thing, Tae, and I just thought it was worth looking. There are three images on the post—the announcement, a company photo, and a list of all the dancers. Look! His name is on the list! Now, I know Park Jimin is a common name and it could even be a girl, so I searched the photo of the company dancers and at first gave up until I took a second look.”

Jungkook zoomed in on a small, blonde, male dancer on the edge of the photo.

“Oh my God!” Tae gasped, hand covering his mouth in pure shock. “It’s him! Kookie, you found him! You found our Minnie!”

The others were all pulling out their own phones to get closer looks as the boyfriends began kissing in excitement.

“He’s blonde,” Jin commented.

“He’s so cute,” Hobi squealed.

“He’s hot,” Yoongi corrected, receiving death glares from the boyfriends in response.

“So, we’re going, right?” Namjoon checked.

“Of course!” Tae exclaimed.

“I think Jimin might be the one who sent us all the messages. He’s telling us to come,” Kookie insisted, to agreeing nods all around.

“Let’s go see our boy dance again,” Jin smiled down at the small photo on his phone.

Jimin was nervous for his first show as a listed corp dancer. With the last show, he had stepped in for one of the dancers that had been stolen, but the programs had already been printed and notices posted all over social media, so the four newbies didn’t really get their recognition. Not that he was really expecting anyone. All of his friends were in the company with him. He had met some people through them, but no one he had wanted to invite individually. Except The Boy Band of course. He had told his new best girlfriend, Hayoon, all about The Boy Band of friends he missed and wanted to reconnect with but was too afraid. He told her all about hiding his gay identity from them and falling in love with Tae and Kookie, both of whom she ended up hearing loads about often. She talked him through a lot actually—she and a handful of the dancers Jimin had learned to open up to. Then, a week ago, she talked him into sending them invites to the show through the company’s social media account that was always logged in at the front desk. It started with tentatively sharing the post with just Tae and Kookie. Then, nearly every time Jimin walked by the front desk, he was stopping to send them all another invite or message. He finally felt ready and wanted to see them again, but was still hesitant. If they didn’t figure it out and come, he would take it as a lesson to be more direct and courageous. That just sounded so intimidating, though. So, no, he didn’t really expect to see them there. But he did hope. He hoped so much that his heart pounded faster than after an hour’s routine drilling. Would they even recognize him with the blonde hair, earrings, and thinner face?

It was all Jimin could do during the performance to stop himself from imagining that certain voices from the audience sounded like Tae, or Jin, or… was that Yoongi? No. Just keep going. If they really are here… dance for them.

Tae and Kookie sat transfixed, hands squeezing the other’s as they watched their angel love soar across the stage. The blonde look on him was truly unfair, shaken as their hearts already were at being in the same room with him again. He looked magnificent. The light radiated from him like he was an ethereal being sent back from heaven to preach hope to their hearts again. And boy, did they hope. Their fingers itched to touch him again, their arms to hold him, their lips to kiss his refined cute face. Their emotions were going haywire and they clung to each other so tightly to just get through the show in hopes it wasn’t all a dream. Jin was actually crying, which was a first for all of them to see, even though they all had to hide a few tears if they were honest. They were all shouting out cheers when allowed, but they couldn’t wait to actually see him up close again.

They waited out in the lobby, and even though it was a different venue, it felt like they had come full circle to the last time they had seen their precious dancer. And when they finally caught sight of him, they saw him smiling and laughing with a female dancer before she walked off another direction and he turned and saw them.

Jimin froze.

They’re here.

They’re here!

He reminded himself to breathe, his heart beating like crazy as he walked one step at a time closer to them, the six other boys walking slowly towards him in return, led by an eager Tae and Kookie.

“You came,” Jimin said in amazement, stopping a few steps in front of them and looking around at all the faces he missed so much, taking in the slight changes to haircuts and appearances over the past months.

“Of course we came,” Tae responded, clearly aching to reach out and grab his soulmate, but holding back.

Jimin looked back and forth from Tae to Kookie, lights bouncing off his eyes as he said, “I would have understood if you didn’t.”

“Nothing could have kept us away,” Kookie said, earning an eye squeezing smile from Jimin.

“Except maybe not figuring it out until it was almost too late!” Jin exclaimed, “Which was last night, Jiminie. It took us that long. Just so you know.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Jimin laughed. “I don’t know if I could have been brave enough to take a more direct approach.”

“Kookie figured it out, Minnie!” Tae burst out, “It was so clever!”

“Really?” Jimin said, taking a step forward.

“Well, Tae really was the one who connected the dots for me, so it took both of us really,” Kookie said, taking a step forward with his boyfriend until the three of them made a small sort of merging triangle.

“That makes sense,” Jimin grinned.

“Can we please hug you now, Minnie,” Tae whined.

Jimin opened his arms and nodded vigorously. Tae and Kookie quickly held him between them and they were soon engulfed by the hyungs as well for a bit before everyone started whining for individual hugs. It took a while to get them all in, and Jimin wasn’t even acting bothered that he was crying throughout it, which was new to see on their always guarded Jimin.

“So, how did you start dancing here?” Hobi asked excitedly.

“Did you lie about graduating?” Yoongi smirked.

“No, hyung, I didn’t lie. It’s a whole story. I, well, I have a lot to tell all of you. Including everything I kept hidden before,” Jimin said, staring pointedly at Tae and Kookie as he stated, “I’m finally ready if you want to hear it.”

“Of course we do,” Kookie said.

“Do you have plans for tomorrow?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin shook his head. “Actually, I have the next few days off since we just finished the show.”

“How many of them can we claim?” Tae asked hopefully.

“They’re all yours,” Jimin smiled.

Jimin arrived at Jin’s the next morning with a bag of clothes in tow. His stomach had been in knots the whole ride across Seoul and now he stood with his hand shaking as he reached out to knock on the door he knew so well.

Tae and Kookie had been pacing. Checking each other over occasionally and making sure they looked good.

“Why am I more nervous than last night?” Tae asked. “I’ve seen him a million times before, right?”

“Yeah, but this is different,” Kookie agreed. “Plus, he looks amazing with the blonde hair. It’s a bit intimidating actually.”

“I KNOW!” Tae groaned, “It’s going to be so hard to focus when he looks so good like that! It’s not fair!”

The sound of a small knock on the door had them both halting in their steps and turning towards the door, frozen in suspense.

“I’ll get it,” Jin said, grinning as he swept between the statued boys, “It’s my house anyways.”

After another round of hugs, and Tae and Kookie reminding each other to compose themselves with how hot Jimin looked today in his stylish ensemble and silver dangly earrings, they all settled into Jin’s living room couches to talk.

Jimin decided he wanted to sit on his own in front of all of them—presentation style. He wanted to do this without the distractions of wanting to touch Tae or Kookie next to him. He started by explaining about how he got the position in the dance company, and they were all noticing how subtle but powerful Jimin’s mannerisms were in talking about himself now. He spoke freely and seemed less guarded, letting himself use more hand gestures in a way that reminded them all of Tae. Jimin finished his first story with stating that he was just lucky he had been handed that card when his parents were taking him away, which led to Jin asking if they could know what happened after they all last saw each other. Jimin gave a small, painful smile and nodded.

“Did your father beat you again, Jimin?” Jin asked softly.

Jimin nodded, looking down as Tae let out a small whine as he grasped Kookie’s hand while Jimin explained, “It was… pretty bad.”

Jimin walked them through everything that happened and the choice he made to be cut off from his parents to live his own life.

Jin confirmed what they had discovered themselves, reporting their own efforts through the police and private investigator and phone calls.

“You… You did all that? For me?” Jimin asked, flummoxed by how elaborate their efforts were.

“Of course!” Hobi declared, “We love you, Minnie.”

“Everyone was desperate to find you,” Namjoon stated.

“Especially Tae and Kookie,” Yoongi nodded to the pair in the middle, watching Jimin with rapt eyes.

“We never should have let him take you away, Jimin,” Jungkook said mournfully. “I’ve been beating myself up about it ever since.”

“Oh Kookie, no,” Jimin pleaded, “I told you to not get involved. I didn’t want to risk either of you getting hurt.”

“But he hurt YOU, Minnie,” Tae said, “that’s not okay, either.”

“And I could have defended you! I could have fought him off and won!” Jungkook proclaimed.

Jimin smiled, “You probably could have. But ultimately, I had to be the one to rescue myself. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet and stop cowering in fear. I was so humiliated in that moment that you two saw me like that, but also… you got to see the first time I ever said no to my father.”

“You mean… when he told you to get rid of us as friends?” Tae asked.

Jimin nodded.

“You said no for the first time for us?” Kookie clarified.

Jimin nodded again with a smile. “And then I said no for the last time for myself.”

Jimin realized that now was the time. It seemed almost silly to think about how terrified he used to be about telling anyone his sexuality when he thought his life was ruled by his parent’s will. But it was a real and valid fear and he knew he could explain it now.

“I said no for myself because my parents never accepted who I truly was and they used abuse and manipulation to terrify me into believing that my life would literally be over if I didn’t listen to them and deny a really big part of who I am.”

Jimin looked up to see some eager and confused looks on most faces, with a knowing grin on Yoongi’s. Jimin wanted to smirk and tell him he was right all along, but this confession deserved attention to the men he loved.

So, Jimin looked at Tae and Kookie and said, “I knew I was gay since I was thirteen.” Jimin didn’t stop to process the faces of Tae and Kookie dropping and paling as he continued, “I even started dating a boy at school when I was fourteen. But I knew my parents wouldn’t approve, so we kept it secret. My parents thought we were just friends until they caught me with his dick in my mouth,” Jimin grinned painfully for a second and then let his face grow serious. “That’s when the beatings started. Worst beating of my life was that first one. He broke two of my ribs with a particularly nasty kick. Couldn’t go to school or dance for a while. I wasn’t allowed to talk to that boy again and any time they grew suspicious of any male friendships, I was… given reminders. He would have taken me out of dance if he hadn’t shown up to see me doing partner work with a girl and started encouraging that. Dance really was the only thing that got me through, but I didn’t know how long I could take it. When I was sixteen, a neighbor girl told me that she had heard my dad shouting once about me being gay and I swore to her it wasn’t true and that he was just paranoid. But she saw that I was scared of her saying anything and she started using it to her advantage. She wanted to be popular by having a boyfriend, but I kept saying I couldn’t date. But she pointed out that I probably would if my parents believed I was straight. I asked her how I could possibly do that, and before I knew it, she was naked on top of me and pulling my pants down. She grabbed me and started pumping me off as he explained that all it would take was for my parents to walk in on my having sex with a girl for them to stop thinking I was gay. I mean, she already had me half naked and was working to stimulate me and I wondered if it could really work. If my dad would really stop hurting me so much if he just saw that I could get it up for girl. So I let her keep going. I couldn’t actually get it up for her and had to imagine that boy I had liked sucking me off, but once I was good and hard, she was suddenly on top of me and sinking down on my dick. She had barely started riding me when my father walked in, froze, the girl screeched and fell to the side, and my newly dubbed “straight” hard on was revealed to my father.

“Crazy thing was… the whole scheme worked. Except the girl demanded to my father that I take responsibility and I was stuck with a girlfriend for year, but my father started acting like he had succeeded in beating the gay out of me. Started planning for my future with a wife and kids. He was mad paranoid still, though, and I had to toe the line perfectly. I was… constantly… terrified. It… trained my brain to believe that for my own survival I should keep everything inside, be so careful about what I said, and be constantly worried about how I appeared to people in the community who might say something to my parents. Somehow, I learned how to please my parents and how to present them with enough information that they knew I was obeying them, but somehow left me a little bit of sanity and freedom for myself. What I was looking forward to most was college. Father wanted me to study abroad, but I got accepted here for dance and I think he didn’t think I would get in and for once I exceeded his expectations.

“But my parents quickly took control here, too. They taught me how being an adult meant being responsible for the family name and that there would be other students from our community that would report back to their parents about me and I needed to be careful. He threatened to destroy me if I did anything shameful. He made sure I understood that my life was dependent on his name first, then his money and support. He and mother took control of making all arrangements for school, so I felt clueless and powerless over all of it. They scheduled my classes, spoke with administration, and started paying tuition right away so I was already in their control yet again. I was still their yes-man, going where they tell me to go and doing what they told me to do. All leading up to college, he made so many threats in order to train me to fear that he would rip my life apart if it ever got back to them that I was anything other than a traditional Korean and straight model student. And they said I wasn’t allowed to date unless they arranged it for me over summers in Busan.

“Anyways, so I began college with the same expectations I had at home. Mother said she didn’t get to choose my roommate but knew that he was from a good conservative country town. Imagine my panic when I walked into my dorm to learn that my new roommate was the embodiment of everything my parents feared—gay and confident as fuck about it. I was terrified. I was in danger of losing everything at the very beginning of my new life. I begged for a transfer, but they didn’t have anything and I didn’t have a good enough reason. So I let you know about my dissatisfaction with you being gay, TaeTae, because you were a threat to my survival. Especially because you look like you do and I had to constantly go to bed chanting to myself that I was straight and avoided looking at you too much because it was messing with me.

“Seokjin was the first person I met who came from a world of pressure and yet acted like… it couldn’t touch him. You were so free and resilient and funny. I wanted to protect that because it gave me hope. And we became friends and with every interaction and way you challenged you parents out loud, it gave me courage to live my own life. I started taking chances to do just little things throughout my day that they wouldn’t approve of and learned they never found out. As long as I reported what they wanted to hear and kept my grades perfect, I realized I could live the life I wanted.

“Second semester, I was so relieved to walk in the dorm again after the break being home. I realized just the sight of Tae started symbolizing something… I dunno… freeing, I guess. But you hated me and I needed to fix that, so I began paying more attention to you to figure out a way and when I heard you talking about wanting to go Jin’s party, I took my chance. And even though you thought I was a homophobic prick… you instantly treated me with kindness, Tae. And it just melted me. You took control when I was lost about costuming and it just felt so safe to be with you and I was having more fun than I had had in my whole life. That part of my personality that Jin had started to help bring out in me suddenly felt free to let loose and have fun! And then we met Hobi and Yoongi, who embodied hope and grit and I just continued to be amazed with the possibilities of… life. And I went with it. Every morning, the first thing I wanted to see was you, Tae. And I wanted to do anything with you and you came to represent my new and true… home. My soulmate.”

Jimin gazed at Tae as he spoke. Tae stared back, eyes streaming with tears and lip wobbling. Jimin smiled and looked around again.

“Namjoon, you represented the validation I needed to continue with this group of friends. You were so wise and worldly and I respected you so much that I decided that if a man with your great judgement could resist traditional values enough to love and accept his non-straight friends, then I was right in doing so, too.

“Just the memory of my friends and freedom at school gave me strength to get through that first summer. Coming back to see all of you made me happier and more hopeful than ever. And then Yoongi brought in Jungkook and it felt like my life had changed again.”

Jimin took in a courageous breath. Now was the time. He looked at Jungkook and said, “I fell in love with you at first sight, Kookie. And yeah, it terrified me. Because of my parents and my hidden sexuality, but also because…” Jimin looked over at the man sitting next to him. “I was already in love with my soulmate. And I didn’t know you could be in love with two people at once. It didn’t make sense to me. But I knew I could never have either of you anyways,” Jimin said as he lowered his gaze to the hands in his lap, “and it somehow felt… exciting to have these two secret crushes who wanted to be around me. To touch me. To hold me. The two of you began consuming my every waking thought and began hoping and dreaming around just somehow keeping you both in my life forever. Even if I couldn’t have either of you the way I wanted. Because I still believed it could all be taken away at any moment by my father and I knew that I had agreed to marry a woman he chose and give him a grandchild in exchange for his putting me through school and letting me continue dance. And I still struggled to trust anyone. I couldn’t really believe that people wouldn’t end up treating me the same way as my parents if they were… disappointed in me enough. And I knew I was disappointing all of you.

“I was lying to you about my sexuality. And as our group spoke about sexuality and things more, I couldn’t handle it. I had to get up and leave. I was convinced that if you found out I lied, you would feel betrayed and hate me. And if you found out that I had sex with a girl just to expose myself to my father… well, it just seemed so twisted and perverted and a violation of gay pride that I was terrified that any of you would find out about any of it. And I was ashamed. You all saw me as this… maybe almost strong guy and if you ever saw me with my parents you would know how weak I truly was.

“So, I continued in fear and avoided conversation about sex or sexuality that I couldn’t handle. And I definitely couldn’t handle the confrontation about it because I was convinced it was too dangerous to tell even my closest friends my deepest secret that had quite literally threatened my life growing up. So I kept lying and for a time figured that maybe it was best if Tae and Kookie thought I was asexual and stopped flirting with me as much. Maybe it would make it easier moving forward and knowing I would never get to love either of you the way I wanted to anyways. So I coped and put on a front that I appreciate it.

“Thank goodness the hyungs interfered, because it was fucking torture and I just wanted my boys back. Which I was so happy to have, even if it seemed a little different for some reason.”

Jimin paused for a moment, summoning his strength again to say, “I was so blinded by my own feelings that I guess the difference I wasn’t seeing was that the two of you were falling for each other in front of my eyes. I was so lost in my own stuff that I was out of tune with where you two really were. I even spent the summer kind of opening up about my love for you to a friend. She even talked me into confessing to you both. I knew it would be complicated because I would have to explain that I had to marry a woman and have children so I could never be with either of you. But I dunno, I ended the summer thinking I was going to find a way this year to tell you both that I loved you. It felt like a dream to unpack and begin a life actually living together in happiness with the two men I loved.”

Tae and Kookie were sobbing at this point, everyone else wide-eyed and overwhelmed. Jimin swallowed the lump in his throat telling him to break down crying again so that he could continue, “And then you told me that you were dating and everything… I’m so sorry, I’m not telling you to make you feel bad. I’m just… telling you everything I experienced. I was devastated. This world of hope and love, the escape from my past and future miseries, felt like it was ripped out from under me when I realized that what had happened was so obvious. I was the straight one. I was never going to have you two. I just felt so stupid for never even imagining that you two would end up together. That I didn’t belong between you.

“It was too hard. I couldn’t be around it. So I avoided it. I avoided seeing you both love each other. Seeing you kiss for the first time as if I had caught you and shouldn’t have been there just destroyed me. But not as much as hearing you have each other at night. It was the hardest torture to endure and made me realize that I just could not be around you two having sex without going literally insane. My mind was going to all these places about how horrible it was that I wanted to be in there with you. It seemed so wrong. So I kept my distance and tried to dance through my heartache and push myself to get over it. But I missed you both so much. You had taken over my heart and my life and I didn’t know how to live without you. Even though I resisted, I was also so relieved to be forced back into living with my best friends.

“And that’s what it really all comes down to—I still don’t want to lose my best friends. I wanted to tell you everything to apologize to all of you for lying and to tell all of you who I truly am. I completely understand if any of you feel you can’t be friends with me for being so deceitful and feel you can’t trust me. Your feelings are valid. And if it’s possible for the two of you,” Jimin nodded to Tae and Kook, “to forgive me for my selfish reaction to when you started dating, I’d like to be friends again. Please know that I am so happy you’re together because I see how happy you make each other and it really does fill my heart with joy to see it now, so I don’t want you to worry about hurting my feelings after I just confessed and everything. I did not confess in order to change anything for you, I just thought you deserved to know why I was so messed up in my reactions to things and how sorry I am to you for it. I can see how sad you are, and I’m so sorry I-”

“Pabo,” Tae sobbed, cutting Jimin off. “Of course we’re sad! We fucking loved you this whole time, too!”

“I… what?” Jimin was frozen speechless now. After all that talking and explaining everything he understood, his mind went blank.

“I fell for you when I first met you, too,” Jungkook said, “I thought for a moment that it was mutual until you said you were straight.”

Tae was nodding and said, “I started falling for you as we became soulmates and best friends our freshman year. Even though I knew you were straight, I started hoping. I knew I loved you already when we met Kookie, but I was obviously attracted to him as well and he was actually gay, so I started falling for him, too.”

“Same,” Kookie responded. “And then we became this trio and it just felt…”

“Perfect,” Tae said with a smile.

“Yeah,” Kookie returned with a squeeze of his boyfriend’s hand.

“Until that stupid conversation about Jimin being uncomfortable around sexuality and Kookie and I realized how much we touched and flirted with him in ways that might make him uncomfortable being that he was straight but clearly not opening up to us about anything or telling us if things made him uncomfortable, which made us feel even worse,” Tae explained. “We had to take some night away from you just to survive the tension of wanting you and not being able to touch you. That was when we told each other that we were both in love with you, too. We understood each other’s pain and it made us closer, too. We were determined to keep you as our best friend no matter what, thought, so when the hyungs offered to help, we took it.”

“Seeing you crying in Jin’s arms…” Kookie said, “It broke my heart. You had never opened up to us like that and we weren’t even able to hold you like that at the time. So, it, just…”

“It drove him crazy,” Tae said with a smile, stroking Kookie’s arm. “It hurt for me to hear it, too. You were supposed to be my best friend and soulmate but I realized you didn’t even feel comfortable enough to open up to me about things and we realized that maybe there really was a gay-straight divide between us for you. So while we reconciled and started cuddling again, you’re right that things were different. We were trying to learn to be friends with you without hoping for more.”

“And we were falling deeper in love with each other,” Kookie confessed as he looked at Tae. “Over the summer we talked over the phone a bunch and realized that we wanted to be together.”

“It was hard to consider, because I was still holding hope that you might actually love us in return and I had this fantasy of all three of us being together in a relationship. But something about seeing you in posts with that girl made me realize that I was fooling myself. You were straight and you always said you were going to get married and have a traditional family. So after a heartbreaking night crying to Kookie about how that girl seemed to imply in her comments that she would be in your life long-term, I gave up. And then I started considering Kookie more seriously.”

“And he finally said yes when I asked him,” Kookie said, “but we were nervous about telling you because it was so weird for us to tell someone we loved that we were dating without him. We also felt like we were excluding you, but we were convinced you would feel differently because it wasn’t romantic feelings you felt.”

Tae sniffed and told Jimin, “When we saw your reaction, we were terrified. We froze up, so confused if you were hurt because we hadn’t told you anything before, hurt because we lied to you, hurt because you felt excluded now, or just too awkward to be around a real gay couple as a straight guy, or that small part of us that held hope that you wanted us too.”

Jimin nodded, his eyes still wide as he slowly processed what they were saying, as he mindlessly said, “I did.”

Tae couldn’t stand it anymore. He surged forward to where Jimin sat and engulfed him in his arms. “I’m so sorry, Minnie! I’m so sorry!”

Jimin gasped in surprise, moving his hands around his best friend in return, letting himself be pulled up to stand and put in the arms of his other best friend as Kookie held him tight with his strong, firm arms.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Jimin finally said as his brain caught up, “I’m the one apologizing here. All of you were forced into situations because I was insisting that I was straight, and you were respecting that. It was all my fault.”

“Actually, I think we can all safely put the fault on your parents, Jiminie,” Jin said, coming forward to take a turn hugging. “I’m so sorry for everything you went through Jimin. You deserved none of that and I don’t hold anything against you. I just really want to be able to help you from now on, okay?”

Jimin nodded with a teary smile, leaning forward to give Jin another hug.

All the hyungs took their turns hugging and comforting Jimin and saying their pieces about understanding, thanking him for telling them everything, being happy to see him back, and Yoongi of course always knowing that he was really gay.

“Well, I think that we should leave the three of you to your own for a bit,” Jin said, “Why don’t you take my room, huh? We’ll stay and start cooking.”

Jimin nodded and walked silently in anticipation with his two best friends to Jin’s room. Kookie held the door open for Tae and Jimin and when he closed it behind them, Jimin turned around to apologize again when Tae was suddenly in his face and seizing his lips with his own.

Tae was kissing him. Jimin was kissing his soulmate, his love. He got lost in it for a moment before he pulled back and panicked, “Wait, Kookie!”

And then Kookie’s hands were on the sides of his head and they were kissing now, too. Kookie was kissing him! The one he had fallen for at first site and grown deeper and deeper into affection for ever since.

Jimin barely had time to open his eyes after kissing Kookie before Tae kissed his cheek and said, “I love you, Minnie. I’ve been in love with you the whole time, my soulmate.”

And then Kookie kissed him briefly again and said, “Love you since the moment I saw you, Jimin. Love you so much it hurts.”

Jimin stared back and forth at both of them, stuttering, “R-really?”

They smiled back at him, leading him over to the bed to sit down.

“Really, baby,” Kookie said, making Jimin’s heart flip with the term of endearment.

“I’m so sorry I lied to you both the whole time,” Jimin cried. “I’m so sorry I put us all through that.”

“Shh, baby, we know,” Kookie said, pulling in close as he and Tae surrounding Jimin on both sides. “We’re sorry, too.”

Jimin cried for a minute between them, both of them kissing his head and cheeks as he cried and chuckled and worked through it. When he wiped his tears away and took in a deep breath, they leaned back, giving him room to address them.

“So what happens now?” Jimin asked, suddenly looking at them timidly.

Tae giggled and grabbed one of Jimin’s hands as he said, “Well, I love you, and Kookie loves you, so…” he looked at Kookie with a smile.

“Will you be our boyfriend, Jimin?” Kookie asked, grabbing Jimin’s other hand.

Jimin gasped then breathed out, “Really?”

Kookie nodded with his biggest bunny smile and heart eyes for the boy before him. “Really, baby.”

“Yes,” Jimin said, pulling at both of their hands to bring them in closer again and kissing them both back and forth quickly between phrases, “Yes! Please! I love you both so much, I hoped so much that this could happen!”

Tae and Kookie were giggling at the pure joy of it all as Jimin continued, “I’m so sorry I never even knew three people could make a relationship work! I never even considered it until a friend in my dance company told me about polyamory.”

“It’s not your fault, baby,” Kookie said, running a hand down the back of Jimin’s head.

“We could have at least mentioned it ourselves cause it was what we fantasized about, but we were afraid of making you uncomfortable,” Tae said.

“Fuck,” Jimin sighed, “Please don’t worry about making me uncomfortable anymore. I give you both permission to make me uncomfortable as much as you want!”

“Oh really…” Kookie said with the raise of an eyebrow at Tae who grinned excitedly before Jungkook pushed Jimin back on the bed.

Jimin yelped as his back hit the mattress and he looked up with wide eyes to see the vision he had fantasized about—Kookie and Tae crawling over him and leaning in to show him just how much they loved him.