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he doesn’t understand how it’s even possible. apart of him thinks it’s because of the stupid fucking curse that brought him back in the first place. fuck mo xuanyu for his stupid body! was this supposed to be sex magic? that poor boy didn't die for wuxian's world to crumble apart so soon after everything that had taken place with jin guangyao
even as the founder of demonic cultivation, he had never heard of such things happening in the cultivation world and he knows, that even if he barely said attention is their classes all those years ago, it's not something the old man would talk about. gods forbid they actually warn them of such possibilities. although, he supposes that no one suspected that he or wangji would "cut their sleeves". he has no regrets, none in this life. he’s happily married and has been for nearly 3 years so why now? it’s not like they’ve been celibate all this time because they definitely can’t keep their hands off each other but still, this doesn’t feel real.he wants to cry and he hasn’t done so in many, many years unless he counts the times he’s been intimate with his husband but that’s so different and he knows it takes two but he can’t help but feel like he’s ruined everything.
would wangji even want a baby? they’ve never discussed it and for good reason.. they had sizhui and well, they didn’t think this would even be possible but he knows his own body and it’s different and he’s embarrassed to admit that he went into town while wangji had classes with the juniors and found someone to help him.
it’s been an hour since he’s returned to the jingshi and he wishes the ground could swallow him up whole so he wouldn’t have to face his husband.
he can’t lie to him.
2 months and the lady that helped him was certain about that.
🌱🌱🌱🌱
it’s later in the evening when wangji arrives. he’s quiet, as always but he’s a little surprised to find wuxian laying on their bed and not at the door to greet him like he always does.
he knows wuxian has been busy all day. he heard from some of the older disciples that he went down to caiyi.
“wei ying?”
wuxian sits up immediately and tries his best to smile up at his husband as he crosses the room and kisses him softly.
“you’re home” wuxian beams, he’s always happy to see wangji and if he pretends like everything is okay for a little while longer, he can hold onto this moment for as long as he’s allowed.
he takes a deep breath and follows wangji to the table where their food is waiting. wangji seems to have brought him wine and he knows he can’t hide it any longer.
“something is bothering wei ying” wangji says and he frowns slightly when wuxian doesn’t sit in his lap but choose to sit opposite him.
“… yes” wuxian sighs, “but you have to promise me that you won’t be upset”
“i promise”
wuxian doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry. wangji had the patience of a saint and he rarely, if ever, got upset with him. even before they officially got married, there was a different type of understanding between them and they had learned to communicate with each other.
“i went into town” he begins, he’s stalling but he’s too scared to say it outright. he doesn’t even know how to begin.
wangji nods, encouraging him to continue.
“as you know, i haven’t been feeling very well lately and everything feels weird” he says, looking down at the bowl of rice in front of him, “my body feels … different”
wangji frowns at that. they’ve had this discussion enough times now but he knows that wuxian still feels uncomfortable in this body.
“wei ying”
“not like that” wuxian says quickly, “i thought it was just a slight cold but … “
he takes a deep breath again and looks up at wangji.
“i found out that i’m pregnant”
he doesn’t know how long the silence between them stretches and he isn’t sure exactly what he was expecting but it’s definitely not to see wangji tear up.
“so it’s true?” wangji asks, his voice wavers only a little but wuxian hears it
“wha- lan zhan!” wuxian widens his eyes, “you’re not angry? i mean this shouldn’t even be possible.. i’m not- i shouldn’t-"
“but wei ying is” wangji says and he’s smiling so wide that wuxian feels himself tearing up
“how did you know?”
“i had a feeling” wangji says, walking over to sit beside wuxian, “i read a few books and asked my brother and he said it’s not common but it’s also not unheard of”
“you’re really not angry?” he asks, he has to be sure he hasn’t ruined it for them. he doesn’t think he could live without wangji, not after everything they’ve been through
“wei ying makes me the happiest” wangji cups his face gently, “not angry”
wuxian let’s himself cry this time, letting wangji pull him into his lap. he only cries harder when he feels wangji’s much larger hand against his stomach.
“lan zhan, i love you” he whispers, not trusting his own voice just yet.
“mn, love wei ying” wangji kisses the side of his head and gently rocks him