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January 18th would forever be a somber day in Japan. Even when gentle winter breeze blew in. It would too cold, chilling feeling to your very core. A sky being dull gray in color. Delicate snowflakes falling, nature seeming to weep alongside a mother. January 18th always came far too soon, never lasting long enough. Memory was a cruel thing in truth. Remnants of time long past, forever fading, never changing.
On January 18th, a young man woke up and one does not. Once upon a time, he was the middle brother. However that time had long since past. Over a decade now, being 19 years old now. Natsuo raised his head from the pillow. His steel eyes slowly growing again familiar with his surroundings. A childhood bedroom greeting him. The male slowly sat up, feeling his body ache slightly as he took a deep, meaningful breath. Already a memory tightened grip on his mind, unable to ever truly let go. He closed his eyes as he felt the pricking tension grow in his eyes. It was too early in the day for this. ‘Later on’ he told himself. A deep breath in. A heavy sigh outward.
Slowly, the boy’s head tilted backward as his face turned upward to the sky. Only in memory would today be a joyful occasion. A memory so distant, crumbling away as time moved on. He reopened his eyes as he leveled his head. A hand moving lazily through snow colored hair. Another deep breath. A dread finding place in his chest. One more shaky breath escaped him as his hand covered his eyes and part of his forehead. He would much rather be anywhere in the country than this house. Spending such a day in the place where all their memories were born. The emotions tied into these walls haunted him. Natsuo knew he would much rather be far, far away from this place. Loosing track of the date, spending time instead with his lover. Although he knew he couldn’t leave her here alone to face today. His big sister Fuyumi. A woman who did her very best to try and keep order in their lives. To try and create a true family out of what they had left. He envied her in many ways, her ability to forgive their father. Although he often wonders how much she actually holds back. Natsuo understood her wish for a family again. Even if it’s nothing but a mere illusion. However he knew this family would never be whole again. Not that it ever really was. It would never be the same without /him/ here. Everyone knew that.
He turned his head to the side, looking out the frosty window. Seeing the light snow made the corners of his mouth upturn slightly. It was so delightful outside. It made him want to reminisce. Such a dangerous thing to do. In his memory, years and years ago on this day. The three would have been outside in that snow. Their laughter causing stomachs and cheeks to hurt. Natsuo falling face first into the snow or Fuyumi freezing their kickball accidentally if it came too quickly toward her. Natsuo smiled weakly, his throat feeling tight. He would love to live in those moments forever. Moments that would never happen again.
Natsuo tried his best with Shoto, he promised he did. But he knew he could never completely connect with him as he did with his other siblings. Even with jt growing much easier now that their father was much less controlling over the youngest’s activities. Still Natsuo had the hardest time interacting with Shoto. In instances, Natsuo would swear he wasn’t talking to his little brother, that instead it was
/him/. Then in a split second he would remember he didn’t live in the impossible. The rare chance when Shoto would smile. That is when Natsuo’s chest ached. The times he would have to look away for a single moment to collect himself.
He held no malice toward the brother he had never really been able to meet. Especially in their younger years. He really was thankful that nowadays they’s occasionally share dinners. Yet Natsuo knew deep down he could never fully open himself to Shoto. Part of him couldn’t. Even though he knew Shoto himself had nothing to do with it. That it was Enji’s doing… he could never forget his eldest brother’s pained screams and pleads. Begging to know why he existed if he was simply to be replaced.
—-
For most everyone else in those household, today was a difficult day. One only spoken in a hushed tone. No a real smiles to be had. Although for Shoto, the day held no profound meaning.
Of course the teenager understood grief in concept, he often the emotion on his two siblings. Fuyumi’s seemingly never ending desperation to have a functioning family. Natsuo’s attempts and failures to follow Fuyumi’s ideas. His older brother was still far too angry with Endeavor, their father. For not just what Shoto has gone through, but for the brother he had only known through story. Even Enji grew more cold on this day, not in a harsh or aggressive manner. He was simply… defeated. Shoto however never felt these emotions for himself, even though he wanted to. He knew he /should/ feel something. However, how do you morn someone who never knew? Someone who you know of only legend and tales. Even only from stories, it was rare his siblings to ever speak of him in anything other than a name. It frustrates Shoto. Though he doesn’t press further. Knowing that it is not his place to speak on the matter. Today was simply January 18th. A day alike all others for himself
-
Every day within the Todoroki Househodl followed a particular pattern. Fuyumi would awaken bright and early in the morning. Preparing breakfast for herself and her father. Occasionally Shoto and Natsuo if they were visiting from their respective schools. She would then continue and begin folding laundry, sweeping the floors and dusting. Generally maintaining the home’s integrity before she happily went off to work at the local elementary school. Today however was different, because today was January 18th. The woman instead remained in bed. Staying there as long as she possibly could. Laid in an uncomfortable sleep, she was constantly plagued by her own dreams. Having tossed and turned throughout the night. A dark colored blanket decorated with stars was wrapped tightly around her body, her kind hands gripping onto it tightly, holding it close to her chest. Her eyes remained closed, although had stained the cover of her pillow throughout the midnight hours.
She truly tried to get through this day as quickly as she could. It was a painful day to remember someone she so dearly cared for. Someone she would only ever see again in another life. Every day she would visit his shrine inside of their home. Talk to him about things happening in her life, gentle things like what her students did in a day. Or how Natsuo had been doing, how he had gotten himself a girlfriend. It made her happy that he was finding his place in the world. Although she knew much like her eldest brother, she would remain trapped within what happened within these walls forever.
—
Only one other was awake. An older man with a heavy heart. One that ached every single day. Pained by the mistakes of the past, ones that he would never be able to change and correct. Forever staining his conscience.
In a room on his knees, his head bowed as he prayed at a shrine. A place he would come to every night to honor the one that had lost his way. The one he would forever blame himself for. His brows knit together as a warm sensation came to his eyes, tears threatened them. His face now wrinkled with age, scared by battle. The passage of time showing upon his body. Although when he lifted his gaze, the picture staring back at him would forever remain 13 years of age. Shame filled his chest once more as he looked at gleaming blue eyes that so perfectly matched his own. White hair that had been once crimson in color. What he would give to have one more moment in his presence. To be able to hug him close and apologize for all of his wrongdoings. To hold him and never let him go again. Plead his son to forgive of a man blinded by his own greed and lust for something greater. For power and fame. He missed seeing the look in his son’s eyes of hope. The pure determination within him. No amount of apologies toward a picture frame would ever undo what Enji had caused. He would never be able to bring his son back. No matter how many lives he saved. No matter how great his efforts to better himself for his remaining children. Non of that could undo death itself. The father inhaled deeply, slowly pushing himself off of the floor. He looked down at his hands, calloused and scarred. Remembering the first time he had held his son in his hands. How soft his hair felt, how vivid a blue his eyes were when they looked into his own. How gently his son gripped into his finger with his tiny hand. How proud he was when he looked down at the baby boy in his arms. How much he adored this child. Enji stood there now as a fat tear rolled down his face. His mouth slightly falling open as he let out a shaky breath. Soon his other eye released a tear as well. Making no sound as it rolled down his face, dropping onto the flooring.
He remembered his first word, how proud he had felt. How his chest swelled when it was his name. When he first crawled across the floor of the training room, Enji made a remark about how that his son was to follow in his foot steps. Taking him outside to lay in the spring and summer months. Enji would lay down on his back, his son on his chest as the two of them would gaze up at the stars so far away. Enji told him stories about greatness, what the two of them would accomplish together. That he would surpass him and the great All Might himself.
Now all that remain are feeble memories and broken promises. Enji brought his hand to his face, wiping tears from his eyes and cheeks as inhaled. Unintentionally sniffling. He looked back down at the picture.
Because today was January 18th.
—-
Natsuo slowly came to his feet, finding the inner strength to continue through the home. When people tell you that ‘it gets easier’, they were wrong, because every single year it feels as though it’s getting harder. There are so many things at Natsuo feels. Anger, hatred, betrayal. His brother had left him, he had been right there one morning then by dinner he was gone, never to return. It was so quick, so sudden without warning.That was a lie however. There was so much warning behind what happened to the eldest Todoroki child. So many times he could have been swayed from his path, if only the right words from the right mouth. Although sadly the boy was born with his father’s determination. Something he would never rid from himself, the ultimate undoing.
One of Natsuo’s earliest memories was having a sleep over in his brother’s room. It was one of the first times that they really hung out together. The start of their close friendship. The two giggled and played heroes and villains together. Of course Natsuo always seemed to be the bad guy, not that he truly cared either way. He wasn’t especially bothered about the game, but it made his brother happy. So that’s all that mattered to Natsuo. The duo stayed up for hours that night, enjoying playing games and making up funny stories. Natsuo remembered hearing him talk about all of the things that he would do with dad. The training and lessons. The stories about what an amazing hero he would become. Nights together that would eventually digress into madness and existential crisis.
The adolescent rubbed his nose as he walked down the hallway of the home. Glancing at various pictures on the wall, all of them excluding /him/. Natsuo let out a gentle sigh, he knew that his brother deserved to be alongside them. Although it was too painful.
He remembers what was maybe only two weeks after the incident, in the room now holding his shrine.
A young Natsuo lay on the floor, a pillow under his head. Clutching a starry blanket close to himself as his older brother’s toys laid scattered in front of him. A 12 year old sister had come searching for her little brother. She opened the sliding door cautiously, not desiring to fully enter that room. She held her hands behind her back as she peaked her head into the room, only to find her little brother curled up on the ground. Reluctantly slowly entered the room, holding her hands behind her back. Her small, frail voice calling out to him, asking why he was in this room. The child tearfully replied. ‘I’m having a sleepover with Ni.’ Accompanied with a few sniffles. Letting out a soft whimper as her heart shattered even further, the young girl had run over to him, embracing him tightly. Natsuo’s eyes looking up at the picture of his brother over here shoulder. He remembered clinging onto his big sister tightly that night, sobbing into her shoulder as he helplessly begged her to make him come back. Saying it wasn’t funny anymore. Saying that he could come back now.
The male glanced at the empty kitchen, he had assumed as much. Fuyumi was still sleeping. It was what she had done for a few years now. However his gaze what met by duel colored eyes that walked into the room. He looked over in full, turning toward the youngest. He forced a subtle smile as a greeting.
-
Shoto had the day off of school as requested by his father. He didn’t fully understand why he had to be home today. Although he wondered if it had been Fuyumi’s input on that decision. Part of Shoto has always felt a divide between himself and his two siblings. He wondered if that gap could ever be bridged, or if time had simply made it impossible. Maybe this was something to make him feel more apart of their lives in a way. To include in in a day of grieving he didn’t need. Either way, he didn’t argue with any of it as long as Enji left him to his own devises.
Shoto had begun to walk the house as well, making his way toward the kitchen and eating area, wondering if Fuyumi had cooked as she always did when he was home. Although he only found that she had not. Instead he walked in the room to see his older brother.
He understood very little about the relationship Natsuo had with Enji. Only that Natsuo seemed to hold as much malice toward Enji and he did. Fuyumi’s approach however seemed to be forgiveness. His siblings surely confused the teenager. It was a complicated situation to say the least. He did at least under that Natsuo cared about him and his well-being. That made him happy at the very least.
The two brothers proceeded to exchange pleasantries, saying good morning to eachother. Eventually the two of them agreeing to attempt to make breakfast together. It being Natsuo’s idea to surprise Fuyumi’s with it as a form of thank you. She was always taking good care of them after all.
-
Midday quickly arrived, that much was only clear by glancing at the clock on the wall. In a pristine room, a mother stared out of a window, looking at the very same snowfall as her children, even though they are so far away. Yet it was nicer now they were beginning to visit her more frequently. However a mother’s heart however could never be healed after the loss of her child. When he left the world, a piece of her went along as well. Time and time again she wished that she had done more to prevent the eventual fate of her eldest. Now, the white haired woman simply sat in that chair. A shawl over her shoulders, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Her once kind eyes watching snowflakes gently fall to the floor with gravity. Inevitably falling into the accumulated piles on the ground. A beautiful blanket on the chilly day. Rei was locked away from the loved ones she once hurt. Away from the pain she caused and felt constantly. She wondered if redemption was a real thing in life. If she could ever truly repay harming Shoto in such a fashion. Even more so letting /him/ leave all those days. Enabling him to chase after an unobtainable dream. She allowed her mind to wander as the snow drifted gracefully. ‘I miss you sweetheart’ she thought woefully
-
Now the day was reaching it’s conclusion. Three of once four siblings walk through a cemetery, each carried different items. They were completely silent as they walked, only the seldom sound of their footsteps crunch in the snow coving the ground. When they all arrived at the marker, they all stood there a moment. Fuyumi took a shaky breath as she read the Kanji. It never got any easier to see her brother’s name there.
Carefully Natsuo bent down, setting down brilliant blue flowers upon the grave, nearby he placed some food they had prepared together earlier in the day. His expression slightly pained. This was always the hardest part of today, it was every year.
Shoto soon inches closer, carefully lighting a candle with his quirk and offering incense before placing down another portion of the meal. His eyes remained low. He felt tense as well as the air itself feeling thick. Grief looking over them.
Gently, Fuyumi set down the pail of water she had been carrying. Slowly looking to her siblings. She then carefully poured water over their hands to purify them, the siblings joining their hands in prayer.
They all remained there for a while, taking these moments to honor their family. Once the prayer concluded, Fuyumi poured some of the remaining water over the grave. Bowing her head as she did so. She missed her brother dearly, she truly did her best to remain strong for her family. To not shed a tear in front of her brothers today. Yet it was growing harder and harder to keep all of her emotions inside. There was so many things she wishes she could tell him. So many times she needed him. Though he was gone. With nothing she could do about it, she forced herself to get over it. To stay strong for her family, to be the one everyone could rely on now.
Natsuo looked over to her. He understood her feelings, her pain and strife. The things that they both wish they could say. How they force themselves to be okay with an irreversible outcome that no one asked for.
The siblings began to slowly talk to one another as well as /him/. Although they did not stay too much longer. The candle burning brightly as the brother’s flames once had before. The three began the walk back home, the sun was setting and closing off the day as it closed off the eldest’s memory. All until next year when it will repeat again.
Once the three return home, they simply walk into a house filled with the ghosts of memories and time long since past. Thoughts of what might have been, dreams and aspirations echo through the hallways where laughter and joy had once temporarily been.
The four Todoroki children morning a childhood that they never lived.
-
The moon now rests high in the sky as black boots crunch on snow underneath them. A single shoved into pockets, although not because fingertips were being nipped by the frost. This individual walked briskly through a cemetery, a lit cigarette hanging from between his scarred lips. This steady gate eventually comes to a halt in front of one particular marker. Dull blue eyes looking at the stone, his face only illuminated by a dying candle light. He walks over slowly, wiping snow off of the top of the gravestone. Said snow melting when it comes in contact with his palm. He took a deep breath, his lungs crackling slightly from years of extensive damage. He looked down at the flowers, then plates of food. His tense shoulders relax and drop, his head tilting to the side slightly as he crouched down. The most subtle a smile tugs at his lips as he slowly picked up a container of food. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth, snuffing it with a sizzle in the snow. He opened the lid a crack, inhaling it deeply as his stomach gave a rumble. The male soon sat down in front of the memorial, slowly opening the containers, having his fill right there and then. As he ate, he looked up at the stars for a while. A saddened, yet fond smile on his face. Reminiscing of old days.
A long while and a satisfied stomach later, the male stood up; facing the shrine. He brushed the droplets of water from his skin that had once been snowflakes. The man stretched for a moment before turning his head to the side, black hair shifting in the wind.
Although when he glanced back at the stone, those same eyes were caught on the flowers so delicately placed there. His hand reached out to feel the engraving on the stone, his fingertips rubbing along the etching. Stood there in a worn black trench coat, his purpled scarred arm outstretched as it touched the grave. His lips slightly parted.
“Happy Birthday… Touya.” He spoke softly, a dribble of blood rubbing down his face from under his eye
Today was January 18th.
The birthday of Touya Todoroki.